February 2, 2006
Crap I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for today
“Oooooh. Our Diet Coke machine appears to be broken.”

The mega-spit globule outside my car door this morning.

“Welcome back to Weight Watchers!”

“We’re getting married!"

We have secretly replaced your normal Tivo activity with the STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.

“Miss Likey? This is the clinic.”

“What’s a blog?”

Any song by Christopher Cross, Billy Joel (sorry, my love), Lionel Richie, Phil Collins, Celine Dion, Bryan Adams, the Carpenters, Marc Cohn, Harry Connick, Journey, Air Supply, Barbra Streisand, Sergio Mendes, Aaron Neville, Chicago, Dick Marx, or Mr. Manilow. I truthfully don’t give a crap if you made it through the rain.

Punxsutawney Phil: 6 more weeks UNTIL YOU STOP CRYING. (stupid marmot)


Blogger afromabq said...

You're getting married??? Did you just throw that out there to get our attention or is this for real?? Yeah, hate any mega spit anywhere!!!

Blogger Diet Coke of Evil said...

I hate days like that.

I'm sorry that things are so rough for you right now. I wanted to respond to your last post (not like you know who I am) but I didn't even know what to say. I put myself in a similar situation, and I realized that nothing anyone could say would make me feel better.

I am hoping for the best, and that there is not 6 weeks of crying on your agenda.

Blogger Lefty said...

Is it wrong of me to wish that Phil would bite the hell out of his handlers? And if he did, would that signify 6 weeks until the end of the world or just a light drizzle?

Blogger Keith said...

mmmm.... marmot. They're good eatin'

Blogger Kris said...

Afromabq - not me, silly. Every other damn person on the planet. And Punxsutawney Phil.

DCOE - thanks! and of course i know who you are. i remember EVERYTHING that involves diet coke. ;)

Lefty - I believe that would signify the return of Suddenly Susan to NBC's primetime lineup.

Keith - you scare me.

I'm so sorry. I hope things start getting better for you.

Blogger Lefty said...

"Lefty - I believe that would signify the return of Suddenly Susan to NBC's primetime lineup."

I always knew Brooke Shields was one of the Four Horsemen. It all makes sense now. Thanks!

Blogger Penny said...

Yeah. 6 more weeks of 60 degree days. I'm not sure we can handle it. It went straight from Fall to Spring.

But hey! Look on the bright side! At least you still have alcohol. That makes everything better. :-)

Hope things look up soon.

Anonymous Jorge said...

All that sucks.
But as long as you know Dave, then it all works out for the better in the long run.

Blogger Cheryl said...

No Diet Coke? That's when I'd go home. Sounds like you're having one of those weeks too. I wish we were closer to each other, I'd say let's go get drunk.

Blogger Washington Cube said...

I didn't know what to respond to the last post either, because there isn't a lot you can say, except that it's painful, and sorry, and hope you are better soon. As for what you are going through today? You know the old adage, "If your day starts that way, it stays that way THE WHOLE DAY." Surrender, Dorothy.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

when depressed don't listen to the music in elevators and in the grocery store. nothing good can come from it.

Blogger afromabq said...

See, I told you have to re-read your blogs to understand :). I get it now.

Blogger Slade said...

ewww the spit is always too gross!! especially when you see someone doing it...they hock really loud and then *thwoo*

that's what it sounds like I swear

Blogger liberalbanana said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger liberalbanana said...

How about "We're gonna have a baby!"
Everyone in the goddamn world, from coworkers, to neighbors, to Brangelina is having a baby right now. Come on, people! The world is full. No space for more poop-machines. Please keep your pants on.

slade: You know what else is super gross? When people burp and then blow it out. *gag*

Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Sounds like to me that it's time to splurge on that nice bottle of Pinot you've been eyeing. That and some smoked salmon and raspberries. Maybe some GOOD music in the background. It will get better.

Blogger JJ said...

You must email immediately and tell me what I can do to cheer you up. You're scaring me, Kris. Scaring me.

Blogger Finn said...

Ugh. Spit makes me want to vomit. As does vomit. The moral here is to stay away from spit. And vomit. And vomitious music.

Probably better just to go back to bed and start over again tomorrow. ;) xo

Blogger kimmay said...

did you know that marmots know how to use walking sticks!

Blogger Pizzle said...

Well...I didn't understand much of that, but I DO get having shitty days. Sometimes you just wake up to "wrong". Go figure.

Hope it gets better for you!

Blogger Megarita said...

February fucking blows. We need to go out and get wasted.

Blogger t2ed said...

I saw on the news that the injured coalminer came out of his coma and saw his shadow. That means we'll have six more weeks of media coverage.

Blogger Sizzle said...

i don't like how this sounds. hmmm. though really weight watchers works. (ugh, i know!)

hang in there. :)

Blogger playfulinnc said...

Did you see my Kris photo?

Hmm. Once when I contemplated the meaning of life, I got really fat. When I got mad, I got thin.

I'm over the mad, but not to the point of fat.

Blogger Washington Cube said...


Try and leave a little poetry on your blog today as part of Reya's DC writers poetry project. The results have been fascinating:


Anonymous erika said...

I heart Aaron Neville!

Blogger Heather B. said...

Does this mean you don't want me singing from Neville's Christmas album? Because I can. And I'm actually quite good.

Anonymous mrsatroxi said...

I'm sorry for your crappy day.

Washington Cube's first comment made me think of something, though.

I once knew a man whose name was...Surrender Grover.

Yes, really.

I thought it might make you smile...a little?

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

February does make everything bad. If I had no access to Diet Coke, I might go postal. But Aaron Neville should at least make you laugh-- it's like Michael Bolton in its unintentional comedy.

Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I hope your day got better and tomorrow is wonderful.
I love Lionel Richie!

Blogger Kris said...

RH - Many thanks! I love when you stop by.

Lefty - no points for me for having to Google four horseman . . .

Penny - Good thinking. I'm going to have a little wine right now.

Jorge - As long as I know BOTH OF YOU.

Cheryl - Let's e-drink. The final blogging frontier.

Cube - It's so true. Why fight it? The day did look up, but I stopped kicking so hard earrrrrrrly on.

Gbuns - we must include musak in the Subway on this list. My sandwich artists love them some sappy love songs.

Afromabq - See? My posts are like funnel cake. Both sweet and dense.

Slade - I almost just threw up in my mouth. But I didn't want to waste my wine.

Commentdeleted - I hardly knew ye . . .

Mamalujo - and Nutella. Please let there be Nutella. And a fake fire log. Love 'em.

jj - no worries, sweet one! I will buck up. I'm getting my active on and will come out of this right as rain. Or something else that Mary Poppins might say.

megan - good plan. cross your fingers! PLEASE!

kimmay - yes. and as you and I both know, it was another of MY EXES THAT BROUGHT THAT AMAZING PIECE OF DISCOVERY CHANNEL KNOWLEDGE OUR WAY.

pizzle - thank you, new blog friend!

megarita - Ugh for both of us. Do you drink Chardonnay?

t2ed - God I love you.

sizz - I know - this is my 88th time re-re-re-re-re-re-re-joining the dub dub. Wish me luck!

PIDC - I love your photo! The flipping off one is hilar. That should be my new slogan - don't get mad, get drunk. I mean, thin.

Cube - Fun! Let me check it out.

Erika - No. You just love the touch, the feel of Cotton. You are a whore for the fabric of our lives.

Bmore - PLEASE sing the 'n sync Xmas album. I might make out with you then.

MrsA - this did make me smile. more than once!

Mystery Girl - one of my fave punny creations of all time is "I'm Bolton like Michael." Seriously, I'm funny sometimes.


Chase - thanks, love. I love that video where he makes the sculpture of the woman . . . penny lover? no, that can't be it. it's definitely not dancing on the ceiling . . .

Blogger NARDAC said...

what is this about a marmot crying? there's weird shit going on in your end of the world. all I can say is at least you didn't have any boogers hanging off your nose. love ya and chin up! remember when you thought you were unemployable?

Blogger Calzone said...

You and me have to kick it sometime

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

You be careful, the radio is dangerous. Also, don't listen to that Exile link I posted on my blog, I wouldn't want to push you over the edge.

Blogger Danielle said...

I totally feel your pain... It's been a tough week all around, but it's almost done! I am committed to getting my butt back to weight watchers soon again too. Yay for you! **Claps**

Blogger Egan said...

Why does the President feel he can interrupt my right to watch Scrubs? It's very frustrating. I am addicted to the "bop bop" TiVo noise.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I'm addicted to the boop boop TiVo noise and I don't even have TiVo.

Blogger Bill said...

Why doesn't someone explain to those silly rodents (or whoever their managers are) global warming (or whatever) has completely fucked the concept of spring. I'm in freakin' Alberta and we still haven't had winter. Come July, I fully expect blizzards and great skiing.

Of course, I just have to deal with odd temperatures and the whimsicality of snowflakes. How'd ya like to be in New Orleans? Who's cornflakes did they pee in anyway? God doesn't like jazz? What's up there?

Blogger LBseahag said...

I hate those uppity bitches, "we're getting married"

tell her to piss off...

Blogger Kris said...

Nardac - no worry there. I know I am SO DATEABLE. DATABLE? DATEABBBBLE?

Maybe not.

Calzone - I'd love to. Have your people call my people.

MP - This is very similar to the don't-think-about-a-pink-elephant thing. Being. pulled. into. your. audio. file. CAN'T. STOP. SELF.

Danielle - Are you a Dub Dub grad too? Sweet. How much do you love Dottie's Weight Loss Zone? (Well, except for the video file of her eating a Skinny Cow . . .)

Egan - I KNOW! And then they return mid-Scrubs. As if anyone COULD have seen the beginning of it? In what part of the country was THAT an option? (Maybe at the White House . . .)

MP - I feel you. I just did it out loud right now.

Bill - I know. Rumor has it the marmot was wearing a tankini when they pulled him from his hole. Stupid aerosol cans.

LBS - There's a new one every day. When I was looking, there weren't enough men to produce this many marriages. Stupid Miracle Grow.

Blogger Complacent Chase said...

It's "Hello".

Blogger Kris said...

Is it me you're lookin' for . . .

Blogger babyjewels said...

Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone humping you?

(hey you let calzone come here. don't get all holer than thou on me)

Blogger Brian said...

Journey? What about 'Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin?" ;-) That song makes me hot!

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

You crack me up.

Blogger Jessica said...

Oh Mama! I feel for ya hon, i'm in the same place right now. Its so hard when you're walking on eggshells,and you can tell that a lot of it is stupid insignificant crap, but the eggshells keep cracking.

Blogger TJ said...

I could relate to the letdown from the out-of-order diet coke machine and the Tivo disruption from the State of the Union (just when I had been looking forward to back-to-back episdodes of "Scrubs"on Tuesday night...)

And I know what you mean about the emotional impact of the singers that you listed--especially Phil Collins. The waterworks begin for me anytime they play "Sussudio"...

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

total justification for turning around, going home, and jumping under the covers.

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