September 27, 2006
It's All About You
This isn't really for me. Well, yes it is.

But seriously. I was reading DC legend Kathryn's archives the other day, and she described in detail
breakup lines she'd been fed over the years. AWFUL. And then her readers responded in kind, sharing the most damaging and personal situations, as well as the most vivid displays of insensitivity you can imagine.

I must know more. I just find it hard to wrap my head around this happening to people. And the fact that it is so common - that most every person has experienced this sheer lack of humanity MORE THAN ONCE, that people are capable of this! - boggles the mind.

I have never done this before, but I really want this post to be about you. Will you share you worst breakups, your most shocking separations, your most disappointing letdowns with us? At the prom, before the altar, 20 years down the line?

Please feel free to post anonymously. I won't make any effort to link your identity to your comment; I would consider it an honor that you'd even share such information.

I'll share mine as soon as I can. It's just a little too close right now.

Thanks everybody.



Blogger TJ said...

Errr--yeah, I think I can come up with one...

come what may

verse two


Blogger JoJo said...

I had moved across the country for love of the WASP. We moved in together after a year. He came home with me to meet my very conservative parents and promised my father that he would marry me. We got engaged and when it came time to set the wedding date, he broke down and told me that he didn't think he had the "passion" that he needed to spend the rest of his life with me. I still don't know what that meant.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

which time of heartbreak do you want to hear about? do you want to know about the time my neighbor i had been dating for awhile broke up with me in a bar in front of the bartender?

or the guy that i dated forever in college whom i lost my virginity to dumping me not soon after the loss on new years eve?

or better yet, my ex-fiance'informing me out of the blue two month before our wedding that he was not in love with me and left town. (the whole conversation lasted 10 minutes but the debt and the lease lasted forever.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We met in Canada at a comedy festival but it turned out we were neighbors in NYC. I walked away with a job in TV, he walked away with my number and lots of stand-up gigs. We dated for two years...even brought him home to grandma for the holidays. I spent a lot of time travelling with him around the country so never once did I think he was cheating. Turns out I was dating someone who had a girlfriend and a baby in another city!

The worst part is having to see his face on television or walking through Times Square and seeing his name on a marquee. It's like salt on an old wound. I start yelling, "You Suck!" at random. I look like a crazy person but it's cheaper than therapy...

Blogger Dylan said...

Hey Kris... I've been reading you for a while, but I don't think I've ever commented.

I'm not sure I've fallen prey to any really bad break-up lines, but I've certainly gone down with the right hand sucker punches of the post-break-up free-for-all that happens when the other person decides to unleash everything they've ever wanted to say to you the whole time you were together, but now it's simply to see how much blood they can draw before they walk out the door. It's always reminded me of a person in a bar picking up about twenty darts in one hand and then just hurling them at the board: Some of them are going to just bounce off, some of them are going to stick in someone else's ass across the room, but one or two of them are going to hit the mark, and those are the one's that really hurt.

My ex-girlfriend decided that she was going to leave me with a complex, and she has such cool-head in firey situations that she can make you seriously question your sanity and make you wonder if, after all is said and done, you really were the bad person (even though she's the one with the drinking problem who says unbelievable mean things when she's sauced and all but cheated on you in those scenarios).

Anyway, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm going through it to. Hang in there. I'm told it's supposed to get better.


Blogger Evil Genius said...

Hmmm...well, I'd have to say it was when, after 12 years of marriage to a police officer, I came home from work one day to find him sitting on the front porch waiting for me with a look of doom on his face.

With some minor trepidation, he blurted out to me that he'd just been fired for having an affair. With our 18 year old babysitter. For whom he was leaving me.


Blogger Jay said...

I've never really been broken up with, but some time ago a similar theme cropped up on my blog and it's kind of sad to think of all the bad blood circulating out there.

Blogger Woman with kids said...

My most awful breakup? It was short and sweet.

"This just isn't the life I want."

1.5 years later? Still hurts.

Blogger Lushy said...

"You're amazing. You're beautiful, smart, easy-going and fun. You are one of my favorite people to spend time with. You would be perfect...if you would lose weight."

Lather, rinse and repeat. Over and over again. It's been happening since I was 18 years old.

Of course, it was never said just like that, but it's the same pattern. They are mean to me, I call them on it and try to talk to them about it, they spew some very extended variation of the above and I storm out, breaking up with them.

Then, because I AM so cool, I actually maintain a friendship with them and make it easy for them to not feel bad about the fact that they don't feel like I deserve to be with them because I'm overweight.

The real pisser is that it has happened when I was at all sizes, ranging from size 10 to size 24.

I have a very long post in the works about this very topic and why the most logical answer (lose weight) is not always so logical.

Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Maybe I'll blog about this someday, but I dated someone named Larry in college. It was on and off, and he was mostly awful to me. Not abusive, just very insensitive and let me down time after time.

During the summer of 1996, I lived two hours away, but we talked on the phone a lot and I visited him in San Jose a few times. Then I moved back to San Jose at the end of the summer, called him to ask if he wanted to see my new place and he said, "Um, I have a girlfriend now and I live with her."

I was thoroughly shocked and crushed, because I had seen him and we had done things his new girl wouldn't have been too happy to know about a few weeks before, and he never gave me a hint about another person.


Blogger Heather B. said...

good. lord.

I'm amazed. I've also never had a terrible break up or anything remotely close. Nor have I ever had a broken heart.

Just wow, though. Wow.

Blogger stefanie said...

Wow. Shitty and uneventful as my love life has been over the years, I guess I feel lucky I don't have stories as bad as some of the ones above.

The worst I can come up with is the guy who ended a three-month relationship simply by never calling again. No words, just avoidance.

Then there was the guy who said, "I really like you, and it's great when you come over, but... it's OK if you don't, too." Um, what? He was not saying, by the way, that I stopped by too often. I saw the guy basically once a week. He was just saying "out of sight, out of mind," I guess. Shockingly, I wanted a little more than that.

Blogger Laurie said...

The scene: In my car in the parking lot of a church after a baptism.

The event: The baptism of my best friend's baby. I'm the godmother.

The cast: Me, and my boyfriend of four years.

The script:
Boyfriend [cold, angry, wants to leave and NOT go to the reception that is taking place in five minutes]: "This is your thing, not mine."
Me [confused]: "No, it's their thing. We're only here because I'm the godmother."
Boyfriend [frustrated, icy]: "No this![Extend hand to point to married couples with kids walking by our car, trying to ignore the couple fighting in the 4Runner] Marriage! Kids! A life together! I don't want any of it!"
Me: [Stunned.]
Boyfriend [still cold and horrible]: I don't ever want to get married. And I don't want this anymore.
Me [Stunned and crying]: But you said you did...
Boyfriend [cold]: I lied.
Boyfriend half-heartedly apologizes, gets out of car, and leaves Me there in the parking lot crying in my driver's seat.

The ending: I went to the baptism itself with boyfriend in tow. I went to the reception afterward single. Everyone asked "Where's your boyfriend?" How do you tell them that your boyfriend of four years just dumped you in the parking lot in the ten minutes it took everybody else to get to the reception? How do you explain, with even a modicum of pride, that he didn't even have the decency to be nice about it OR to do it in private?

Talk about heartbreak.

Blogger Jamie said...

We'd been together for about 1.5 years. I was about to leave town for the summer for work, when he never showed up at my place to say goodbye. He was supposed to sleep at my place that night, and he never returned my phone calls inquiring as to where he'd gone. I spent the entire night alternately packing and crying, and was mystified at his strange behavior.

The next morning, I drove to his place on my way out of town, ready to forgive him for his rudeness, and to say goodbye. When I opened the apartment door, there was a mutual female friend of ours in his bed (stark naked), he was in the shower, and there were various pieces of alcohol and drug-related paraphenalia (not to mention used condoms) lying about the place. I stood there in shock until he got out of the shower.

He was whistling.

He said, "I'm so sorry - this isn't what it looks like."

I said, "Yes, you are. And yes - it is." And I left.

Two months ago, he called me out of the blue and wanted to have a long chat, claiming we were "old friends," and he "wanted to catch up." I was furious, let him have it, and completely lost my shit on the phone. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to - but the residuals can be a bit painful sometimes.

Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

Wow. WORLD legend Kris reads my archives? Flipping sweet.

And yes, I'm glad my pain could help others. I will say one or two of the lines I shared were things I said myself. Like the "Fine, go" line everyone found so pitiful.

I should really be a telenovela writer, I think.

Anonymous Jorge said...

One of the most shattering breakups was when I was in high school. I was a bit of an outcast (not an outkast, like I am now - Hey ya!), so when I ended up being part of this particular group, and dating one of it's "members", I felt kinda good.

Eventually she dumped me for reasons I never understood (as she didn't really share them with me).

The kicker was that everyone else in the group flocked around her as she cried, leaving me alone again.

At that point, my friend Peter stood up on the table in the cafeteria and went into a loud diatribe on the perils of women. :)

Blogger EclecticBlue said...

Wow. WOW! What is UP with people?

I dated a friggin' jerk for a little more than a year. It was bad, I knew he was a jerk, everyone else said he was a jerk (even his friends), but for whatever reason, I stuck around.

Well ... our fights got progressively nastier and more insulting.

The last straw for me ... we went to a going-away party for one of his friends. For whatever reason, FJ (friggin' jerk) also took it on like it was HIS party too, though I'm not sure why. He proceeded to ignore me most of the night, and I tried to have a few conversations with total strangers. I got trapped at a table with some freaky cokehead, and it was getting late, and the party was breaking up, so I went up to FJ and asked: "Can we go now?"

FJ started a HUGE fight over it, saying that I had not approached him in a "loving way" and he didn't like the tone of my voice. Uhh, what? Dude, you ignored me all night!! He made a huge deal over it.

So, there was much fighting in between, but it culminated in me storming out of his apartment as he said I was "just like his ex-wife" and kept calling me his ex's name, until i turned around on the steps and yelled, "(FJ), shut the f*** up!!" Sure the neighbors looooved that!!

Hands-down, my worst. relationship. ever.

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

I love you but I'm not IN love with you. WTF does that mean? Bitch!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, my boyfriend of six years (who I'd been living with for four) broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day. We'd been looking at engagement rings together the week before. He dumped me over the phone and just didn't come home. I didn't see him for two months after that. Totally devestated me.

Oh, and I've been sleeping with a boy all summer (to help me get over the last boyfriend's devestating wake) and he just broke up with me via a myspace message. Hott. With two Ts.

Anonymous mrs. jorge said...

My story isn’t dramatic or shocking. But it was MY worst breakup so I’ll share with you even though I'm long winded. In hindsight, we were never meant to be. But the roller coaster ride seem to have more highs than lows for me so I was committed. Fully committed. We had dated off and on for years but for me the turning point was discussing marriage. We talked about how many kids we wanted and if I would stay home with them, etc. But all of a sudden, Mr. Scaredy Cat couldn’t handle one more year of “long distance” (Toronto to London, ON is only an hour and a half drive away and it was only for a school year). In my mind, we could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. One more year! We met for lunch to talk it out…in a nice public space. Gotta love that. And all of a sudden, Mr. Greedy wanted to see if we could meet up after his year in London to see if we could make it work out.

Have my cake and eat it too….my ass!!!! Not a chance.

He broke my heart. So much so that when I met Jorge, I was in a “boys allowed” phase of my life. Except that there was something about Jorge made me take notice that maybe he was worth breaking the “no boys” rule. So I grabbed him before somebody else did. I guess that hindsight is very useful and that in the end, everything happens for a reason. It just takes time to figure it all out. Or at least numb the pain.

Blogger Chantel said...

One went on vacation and didn't come back. Actually we planned for me to pick him up at the airport but he and his friends planned something different. A month later I got a letter and my stuff in the mail telling me what a great person I was but that everyone get's jilted.

Then there was H'Ass who had to move to London for work. After a year, three trips to London and our a month after our last vacation in Mexico he disappears. No calls, no emails. I email his brother who tells me he is living with someone in London and has been for a while.

Or, the best ever.
"It's too hard to love you the way that you deserve."

Blogger Diana said...

My ex-husband told me that he didn't want to have kids because he'd hurt them....sexually. I took him to a hospital, got him referred to a program for sexual issues, and he refused to go. A couple months later, he cleaned out my bank accounts while I was out of town packing up my dead grandparents' house.

He later told mutual friends that he'd told me he was a child molester, but it was to get me off his back about having kids. (I had once mentioned that I *might* like to have one.) Oh, and these friends had an infant....who had spent a lot of time in our home. Classy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Third time together, her first trip here to the States. Second attempt at recreating the initial month-long amazing relationship.

One solid month of travelling from NYC down the East Coast, sightseeing in DC, meeting the parents, mooching off friends and family all the way down to Key West, then finally over to New Orleans, during which time we screamed, fought, screwed, threatened to go our separate ways, passively-aggressively manipulated each other, and generally made each other miserable until finally it was time for her to go back to Denmark.

We said and did things to each other during that month I still can't believe.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

After months of marriage talk, baby talk, building a house talk, etc., I got an email one morning that simply said, "I'm just not interested anymore." Ouch! It's been two years and it still stings.

Blogger dasi said...

When I found out he was cheating on me after I met "the other woman" at a party, she and I had a looong talk. Turns out he started dating us both at the same time. We decided to have a little fun and find out just how far he would take it... eventually, after he told us both "I Love You" on the same day, we confronted him - together. His response? "Look at Jesus - He loved EVERYBODY." Ummmm - yeah, but Jesus didn't SLEEP with everybody, did he?? What a loser. (The guy, not Jesus!!)

Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

The Idiot Who Made Me Cry dumped me on my voicemail by saying, "Do me a favor, don't call me anymore." This came three days after he confessed just how much he wanted to be with me. I'll be over it any day now.

Blogger Genevieve said...

not really a bad breakup, but about a year after we had broken up, I got an email from him, basically listing all the really great things I had done for him... helped him learn more about himself, and taught him how to say what he thinks/feels. (all v. beneficial to his new wife, I might add, and none of it benefitted me.) which is all fine and good, right? everyone likes to hear they've done good things.

but then the email went on to basically ask me "what did you learn from me? what did I do for you?" and all I could think of was "you lowered my self-esteem."

in retrospect, better that it ended when it did...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dated him my senior year in high school. One day I skipped school, went to his house, and would have lost my virginity to him if he had been able to keep it up. That afternonn, after our sexual failure, and my literal baring all of my body and soul to him, he told me that the relationship wasn't working for him and he dumped me.

I pined for him for months, then found out he was dating my best friend. I told them both to go to hell, and severed ties with them both.

Two years later our paths crossed again, we started dating again, and I eventually married him.

Less than two years later I divorced him, after realizing that I didn't really love him, and had no desire to be around him anymore.

Blogger Margaret said...

I bought my truck because it has a great warrenty. I like low maintainence, and you are constant work.

I hope he and his truck are very happy!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

After dating for two and a half years and talking about moving to DC together, he stopped calling. There was no goodbye. No fight. No nothing. He just stopped speaking to me. Months later, after I had moved to DC on my own, he called my cell phone and asked if I would meet him at a coffee shop to talk. I said, "Sure" and set up a time to meet with him. Little did he know that I was over 1200 miles away and living in DC. I had the last laugh as I imagined him sitting in a coffee shop in Michigan wondering, for once, just where the heck I was.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't had many (break-ups..or relationships for that matter), but so far, the worst was when I was dating someone I really liked. He was witty (something rare in my contemporaries). He GOT it.

But he sat me down one day and said, "I don't think this'll work, because my mom doesn't want me dating a white girl."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, so you all probably aren't going to believe me because this sounds so much like a soap opera, but here it is:

After about a year of on-again, off-again dating (pretty much because he'd be back and forth wonderful and then absolutely horrible by not calling me or speaking to me) i end up pregnant with his baby. awful enough yes? no. it gets worse. 3 weeks after i find out i'm pregnant and am finally starting to get over hearing him say that he doesn't love me, won't marry me, and doesn't want a kid (exact words: "Have fun being a single mother") i get a phone call from a girl 3 hours away who is ALSO PREGNANT with his baby and then get an email from another one of his girlfriends across the country who claims that they were picking out wedding rings. Neither of us ended up having his child, but we're still amazed that he can look at himself in the mirror every morning. Can anyone be so horrible?

Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh. Sweet. Jebus.

I...I...I don't know what to say. I was going to tell my sad break-up tale (or two, or three) but once I started reading these I just...couldn't.

I'm always amazed at the capacity we have, as humans, to hurt other people so badly. It mystifies me. Traditionally I've been on the recieving end of a break-up, but I've dealt out one or two as well and although they were miserable communicative experiences (you know, like they say "but why" and you sit there like an idiot because you don't know what to say) I can't imagine that they inflicted the kind of devastation that some of these people above me felt.

God, I hope not. But I can;t help but wonder. These stories made me cry...even worse, they've made me scared. I'm engaged. What if he freaks out and dumps me in a parking lot or gets me pregnant and disappears or suddenly tells me "I don't want this life" or "You're too fat". He's a good man...he seems like it now, anyway...I don't think he'd do these things...but I'm sure none of these folks ever thought that the people they gave their hearts to were capable of such cruelty, either.

You know what? I've been on this naiive "engaged" kick--like my dating woes were over and I'd never feel the pain of a bad break-up again...that's just not true, is it?

What if I end up hurt again?

Blogger JordanBaker said...

I think my favorite is still "You act like you're never going to want to marry me, and we can't just date forever. We're not twenty-six."

Particularly because:
1) He was right. I was never going to want to marry him.


2) We were both twenty-seven.

Blogger Pagan Marbury said...

My college "love-of-my-life" told me that I made him so happy he couldn't sing the blues, and that his music was more important. We didn't break up over that, but can you imagine????

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

Was only broken up with once, by GI. He went on a canoe trip with two buddies. Came back, and dumped me.

I was in such shock, I don't remember what he said, except that he was very vehement. Didn't know then that I was his first girlfriend (this guy was gorgeous, looked like Colin Firth/David Hedeson). I was deeply in love with him at the time but had not realized it until he broke up with me.

He wanted to become a doctor (is one now), live with someone before getting married (I wanted to get married, not live with someone), skydive (I was dead set against that)...don't remember the rest, just realized how upset he was. It was quite the dumping.

I didn't say much that I can remember. The next day I got up before 6:00, went for a long walk. Actually climbed a tree that was next to a brook and just sat there for a while (was 18)--maybe an hour.

We wrote letters back and forth for a while.

It hurt for years, and affected most of my dating relationships after that, I'm sorry to say. We just met again after 35 years. Are very good friends now.

Life is strange.

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

Am soooo sorry....((((((((hugs)))))))))

Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

Oh, you'll hear mine tomorrow. Over several, bottles of wine. And vodka for me.

Anonymous sandra said...

I'd say my worst had to have been when my boyfriend, who I was living with, split up with me because he realized he was gay. Wrote about it here:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was pregnant. He said that his friends were telling him that this would be a drag and he wouldn't be fun anymore so he had to break up with me. What could I do? I had the baby, tried to be adult, told him she was here, and he came to the hospital...with his new girlfriend, his cousin.

It was devastating at the time, but in the end, I came out of the relationship alright. I have a wonderful daughter, don't know what happened to him.

Blogger Egan said...

Reading some of the stories is tough. I'm glad you posted this topic as it gives people a chance to share experiences. Thankfully nothing memorable comes to mind which is good thing. Have a good weekend Kris.

Blogger Mel said...

You remember the details... I just can't bring myself to tell the story one more time. In ten days, I'll have been separated for a year and will officially file for divorce.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."

Congrats on the nod from DC Blogs. You, my dear Kris, are a Superstar! :)

Anonymous chris said...

Wow, I only read through a handful of these, but I am shocked by how mean people can be to each other.

Mine was someone I was engaged to saying to me one morning, "When I think of waking up every morning and seeing your face for the REST OF MY LIFE, I feel sick." This was 3 months before our wedding, which had been planned and paid for.

But the truly sick part, I spent the next year of my life trying to convince him that he really did want to marry me. Why? I'd like to go back and slap myself.

Eventually I moved out when I found condoms in his car.

Blogger Megarita said...

Holy HELL people are cruel! I got dumped for another woman--someone he had being seeing on the side for months--who claimed to have cancer but ended up not having cancer. He thought he was doing a good deed. In my case, he was. Yipes.

Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

Ugh. My heartbreak stories are many. There was my college boyfriend, who wanted to see other people because I was on my way to law school (at the same school, mind you, in the same town) and he just couldn't see himself marrying a lawyer. A year later, he got engaged to a classmate of mine. Nice.

I think my worst was this guy I met at a party out of town. He called me almost every night and we'd have these long wonderful chats on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. He kept saying he HAD to come visit to see me before I left for my summer abroad school program, and we planned the weekend, la la la. Then, the week of his trip? No calls. I left a message or two. No response. The guy just *poof* disappeared. He called my apartment a week after I had left town. Yeah, whatever, jackass.

Blogger Reid said...

Being dumped is going to feel like and injustice no matter what the person does or says, really. I've had some women be very respectful and honest and some be really horrible, indirect and weak, and it always feel completely wrong and stupid and WTF, at least for a while.

But I've always appreciated the best break-up I ever had. She just said, "I don't think we should see each other anymore." I just said, "Okay", she said, "Don't you want to talk about it?" and I said, "No" and we said goodbye and I didn't see her again for a year. No excuses, reasons, angry arguments, nothing. There's no point in being someone who doesn't want to be with you, so it was great that she got to the point, gave me the option to find out more and it just ended. I was really disappointed and upset about it at the time, but in retrospect, I really appreciate her directness. I wish they all ended that way.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish more men would share their stories.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a good point. This almost makes it look as if this only happens to women and as if men are always the culprits. It would be good to hear from more of them too.

Blogger Miss Pickle said...

I got it 4 days after we'd returned from a 2 week vacation with his parents. We got back, didn't see each other until the day he decided to tell me it was over. "I just don't feel the same, it feels forced, I don't see us spending our lives together, I love you but I'm not in love with you".

Thanks ever so much for bringing me on this vacation knowing that this was what you were going to do (he said he felt bad cuz he knew how excited I was to go away)...and thanks ever so much for not even giving me a chance to work things out.

It's been 5 weeks now, and it still hurts like hell. On Wednesday, he wrote saying he missed me. Boo f*cking hoo!

Blogger Sizzle said...

i've repressed them. that can't be good, can it?

Blogger Melissa said...

I have two defunct relationships that fit the Dreadful Breakup bill nicely.
We'll call the first one Asshat. Asshat and I had been dating for a year. He'd mentioned marriage, life is happy, things are great lalala. He just. Quit. Calling. And got together with my friend, who called me and said "Asshat and I are going out. Hope you're not upset." He dumped her the same way, except there were wedding plans underway when he did it. I had to smile.
We'll call the second one Pukestain. Pukestain decided (after 3 years) that being with me in a commited, monogamous relationship wasn't the way to go, and chose to end things by making out with a missing-toof bar skank in front of me while I was at work (I was a bartender at the time)Ow. I had words with both of them, they were tossed from the premises and his calls went unanswered. Ironically enough, he was married within the year.

Blogger Sandra said...

I was once told by a man I had just dumped, that I would die alone and be eaten by my cats.

Becoming a fancy feast sounded pretty damn good compared to spending one more day with him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Yes, I have been on both sides and can actually identify with some of the cold and sudden break ups. When it is over, isn't it better just to split cleanly?

I was 19, he was a few years older. My first real boyfriend. He was ready to get married, and I wanted to think that I was. Isn't that what all women want? We even looked at rings.

As I started to contemplate what our future would be like I couldn't shake the image. There I am, behind the wheel of a beat up, brown, Country Squire station wagon. My hair is a mess, bags under the eyes, not a smile in sight. There they are, three wild-brown-haired-monkey-boys, just like their father. The three are unbuckled and all over the place. They are screaming, hitting, throwing things, and spitting. There are projectiles everywhere.

While one was fun, I realized I could not handle more of a good thing. I did not, and DO not want to be that poor woman.

Wouldn't it be awful to verbalize that? I just told him it was over, and that I did not want a relationship any longer.

Him: married with one daughter, still in our college town

Me: Single, with a new promotion to Washington D.C.

There are fewer projectiles in the work place.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My longest relationship ever ended a week before HIS birthday.
There I was skipping along in Happy Relationship Land when WHAM! he hit me out of the blue...

Him: "I asked God what to do, and I think this is just the wrong time for us to be in a relationship. Maybe in a few months? I really think that's what God is telling me to do."

Me: "Really? I talk to God frequently, too, and not ONCE did He mention His conversations with YOU. Speaking of conversations, this one is over."

And I hung up. It felt good to actually say those things to him, though - you know, the thing you usually think of saying AFTER you've hung-up the phone? It was oddly satisfying. Haven't talked to him since.
I hope he and God are very happy togher, though something tells me he's allready dumped God for this other girl at his school...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We had been dating for more than 18 months. Marriage talk abounded. But we were temporarily living in different cities.

He said, "What do you want from me?" We'd been having trouble communicating.

I answered, "Three phone calls a week, a couple of emails. Then we'll talk about it again in a couple of months." I thought I was being understanding about his need for a little space.

His response, "I don't think I have the energy for that."

The energy? Seriously? After almost two years of togetherness and marriage planning, a few phone calls is too draining?

I replied, "Then I guess there is nothing more to say." I hung up and have barely spoken to him since.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've had my fair share of horrid breakups, but I think my husband had the worst. Someone wanted more horrible women-breaking-up stories, hear you go.

He was dating a girl and she got pregnant. He decided to be honorable, so they got engaged and he decided to enlist in the militarty so he'd have a steady job and could support them. Off to basic training he went. About a month into basic, on their one year anniversary, she sent him a letter that started off saying how much she loved him and how excited she was to have his child and marry him. By the end of the letter, she was telling him that she had been cheating on him since the week he left for basic.

The creepy part? Mutual friends had seen her with the new guy and he looked so much like my husband, they thought it WAS HIM. They broke up and she ended up losing the baby.

Oh, yeah, she also cleaned out his checking account and maxed out all his credit cards before his family could get her taken off of everything. It's fine though, we got married a little over two years ago, and he's the best guy I've ever been with. Now we're expecting our first child (a little boy), due in December. Looks like I got the good end of the deal!

Blogger Monkey said...

I just had to wrestle the keyboard away from Monkey for this one.

Years ago I was living with an English boy here in the States. After a year we went to London to see his family etc. He dumped me while we were there and when I cried he said, "Oh! You're SO American!!"

Anonymous Anonymous said...

had been dating my ex for about a year and a half. he was a bit older, divorced with a kid, etc. he moved to the state where his ex wife and kid lived ostensibly to spend more time with his son. i spent a long time travelling back and forth till one day i got an interesting phone call from another woman. turns out he had been seeing her for 2 and a half years and had even taken several hundred thousand dollars from her. my phone call went something like this "*** who is ***? interesting. if you ever contact me again i will file a restraining order so fast your head spins. f**k off."

Blogger Capt. Jack Sparrow said...

Wow, these break-up stories are so harsh. My most recent break-up still hurts (it's been almost three years), and I don't know why. I think because my ego is involved? I'm looking forward to not being pissed at my ex.

After dating "steady" for two years, seeing each other daily, baby talk, and us planning for me to move in with her right after her kitchen renovation... she suddenly one day said that she couldn't "hang out." (As if that's all we did--just hang out!)

She ignored me for the most part for two weeks. So I called her one Saturday afternoon and she proceeded to dump me over the phone (she refused to meet so we could talk like adults--she was 36, BTW) saying that she could not explain why. That "it is what it is."

Well, what is it?!!


Last year an old friend told me that my ex was living with the woman she dated before she dated me. So now I just want to know if she was really sleeping with her ex the whole time we were going out. Maybe they didn't really break up? Why did she get me going on the whole baby thing? Why ask me to move in? Why was I trying to find a new career that would work better with being a stay-at-home mom?


And why does it matter? And when will I not want to run into her and tell her off?

Blogger avocadoinparadise said...

All of these stories about people breaking up after dating for years, and after being engaged, really suck. I always thought being engaged would automatically lead to marriage. But now he isn't ready, and might not be ready for a few years. I feel ready now, or at least thought i did with him. I feel like he should feel the same. This is starting to really suck and might turn into my worst breakup ever.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about, a few days after your two year anniversary (of dating-- not married), "I still love you, and I'm physically and emotionally attracted to you, but it just doesn't feel right"?

I guess it could be worse. But that's what happened Thursday night.

Blogger Law-Rah said...

He told me that he wanted that "fairy tale fireworks butterflies in the stomach you-just-know" kind of love and he didn't have that with me. I told him it didn't exist outside of romantic movies. Eight years later, I found it. (I hope he did too.)

Blogger SAS said...

Okay, the actual line that I won't ever forget (try as I might) was:

"You just don't inspire me to engage in sparkling conversation."

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

oh forgot how my ex hubby dumped me. Guess it doesn't matter now anyway.

Blogger abbersnail said...

My high school boyfriend: "I love you, it's just not the love that dreams are made of." I actually laughed, even though I was crying buckets.

The guy to whom I lost my virginity, two weeks after it happened: "I don't think you're independent enough for me. And I can't forgive you for bleeding on my sheets." (Awesome)

I chose to end the relationship with my most recent boyfriend. The final throes of our relationship, however, involved him promising me that he would stop talking to the woman with whom he cheated on me. Then I caught him talking to her and lying about it. Then I found out he was calling her every three weeks or so. Then he stopped paying rent in order to buy insane quantities of pot, forcing me to get four part-time jobs despite the fact that I was a full-time student and he was working (which was the entire premise under which I agreed to move in together). Then, when he took me out for my birthday, he went to pick up the car and never came back. I could go on, but I really feel like the full list makes ME look like the jackass, because I tolerated it!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never broken up with anyone or had anyone broke up with me. I wonder what's worse, having one of these stories or having no stories at all.

Anonymous raspberrysugar said...

One boyfriend who was threatened by my independence decided, "it's almost summer, and I am always single in the summer."
Oh well, he was really tiny.

Blogger Red said...

I met a guy some years ago and really felt a connection with him. I met his entire family including his estranged mother and her husband. Then one day he disappeared. No word no nothing. It's been 4 years and I still miss him... or at least what I thought we had.

To break up with my ex husband I emailed him while he was on temporary duty in Spain and the separation agreement was attached. I moved out before he got home. He was a very mean person and sometimes we do what we have to do.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The song says--breaking up is hard to do. And it really is.

I had one woman I was dating--it was a rebound thing for me and I was too much in a bad place to not realize it right away. And when I did, I tried to get her to dump me so I'd not feel bad about it. And yet she never would--no matter how much of a jackass I was. I finally had to break it off with her and then found out--oops, she'd take a conversation about baby names (a friend was expecting and I wondered what kind of names she liked) to mean we had a long term future together including the dress, cake and the freinds gathering. I was horrified and felt even worse...because she'd told her friends and family that we were gonna get married.

I'd never suggested it, never brought it up, never talked about it beyond the what would be cool names for kids. Note to self: do NOT do that one again. was a horrible break-up becuase..well, honestly I was an ass.

I still feel bad about it to this day.

Blogger MKD said...

We went to the beach and had a great, amazing, romantic time (not to mention lots of sex). She dropped me back off at my apartment at the end of the weekend. She then drove back home (2 hours away). Later that day she e-mailed me, "I wanted you to have something to remember us by. I'm breaking up with you. I hope you had fun this weekend and it meant something to you."

I then de-registered her from school. Accidently.

Blogger Irish Red said...

My first love broke up with me because his mother thought i was "too perky".

Blogger Marissa said...

Here's the one that hurt the most:

It's that I don't want a relationship, Marissa. I do! I just don't want one with YOU.


Blogger d. said...

i was once broken up with over email when boyfriend failed to show up at my were too nice, we can't see each other anymore but we can still talk, just give me time.

found out from best friend on a thursday that my boyfriend was marrying another woman on saturday, she was pregnant. when i confronted him and asked him when he was going to tell me...he said he wasn't.

I think I have dated every low down slime in a Ralph Lauren suit that there is in DC. After many breakups, and one heartbreak I just stopped caring. It was at the point when I had offcially sworn off men that I met Husband. We have been happy ever since. I know it is cliche, but it is out there for everyone.

Blogger Kelly said...

Ugh,ugh,ugh to break up stories.

My heart still aches, even after at least three years. Even though I did the breaking up bit.

As My Man says, I "begged for cheese." I don't really know what that means, but he said it in response to my tale of how things ended.

Me: "I'll wait for you. I love you."
Him: "I might not come back."

And he didn't. And I cried for a very very very long time. [And still do - last week during HIMYM when Lily asked Marshall if they could get back together and he said no? I bawled for reasons that should have been resolved a very long time ago.]

Blogger Rakesh Kumar said...

Its one of the most painful experience of anyone life and the person who goes through it can only understand the pain he/she suffers. The best way to deal with it is keep ur self busy to maximum extent possible. Staying late in office keep ur self busy with project work. Invlove urself with external activitis like playing games outing etc., Try to learn soemthing new, keep ur mind busy. dont seat alone otherwise past feeling will make ur life hell. Spending time with group of friends will also help and finally dont come across or face with the person u broke. Neither meet or chat discontinue all type of commuication may be for few month unless ur emotion and pain burns out. Also dont think that after break friendship is possible atleast for next few months. Human emotions dont have any boundries. Those whose says that they are best friends after break up are either telling lies or still having that flame burning in their heart. You also dont expect to be in friendship either. Its really not easy to forget some one whom u catered most in life over all those years. Only time heals that pain but this phase can be handled in posiitve way.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have stories of bad breakups where I was the dumpee, but I feel enormously guilty about the time I was the dumper.

I broke up with my boyfriend of six years over email.

He had emailed me to ask about playing hooky from work to go outside and enjoying the gorgeous spring day, and something just snapped. I couldn't do it - I just couldn't - and I wrote him back and said so.

He called me five minutes later and we finished breaking up over the phone. While we were both still at work.

I'm still sorry.

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Blogger VP of Dior said...

I just now say this post, and wow it breaks my heart to see that people can be so cruel. But it also helps because I am going through a break-up right now.

A month ago my boyfriend started acting very strange and not returning phone calls. We had been dating for a year and he was the first real, adult relationship i had been in. Over the phone he told me he was "struggling" with the relationship because he knew his parents would not approve of my race. So instead of standing up for me he bailed, and I haven't really heard from him since.

Blogger theotherbear said...

I had a guy dump me once because his mother told him too. I cried at the time, but now I think what a stupid jerk! Well he lost out.

One of the worst was when I was taken out for dinner with a guy I'd been seeing for a couple of years. He dumped me after we ordered. I sat there half crying, unable to eat my meal. The waitress thought there was something wrong with the food. I was so embarrassed. I remember thinking "If only he'd told me before we ordered. I wouldn't have ordered a starter and a main..."

I saw him years later and thought I'd made a lucky escape and now am very happily married to someone else!

Blogger anno said...

oh good god, what a question. the worst time was when I got a letter from someone I adored, and he ended it with "for the nonce," and I knew what he really meant was, "until hell freezes over, bitch."

Then a few weeks later, I drove 200 miles to visit my best friend who plied me with way too much sweet Israeli wine and other substances and when I was far too incapacitated to be dangerous informed me that she and the man I admired/adored/loved had been bonking each other during my two-hour biblical ethics block on Thursday afternoons.

30 years later, and it still burns.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The worse one that still haunts me to this day: Sophomore in College
M and I had this immediate Lust at first sight. 6 months in after we go see a movie, we are suppose to drive the 30 minutes to where I live and go to a bar to visit my friends that are in town for the weekend. He gets a bit testy, saying he wants to stay in current town and hang out with his friends....which we do everyweekend. Having not seen said friends in almost a year, I tried to put my foot down. By the time we got through "discussing" it was almost time for the bars to close. We ended up staying and meeting up with his 2 friends.

Joy of joys when his sorta ex that he only dated for about 2 weeks before me showed up, party at her house...yay so much fun! I dutifully didn't drink so the boys could all drink and I would drive them home....5 AM!! misery...she even pulled me aside and told me how much she liked me, blah blah blah. the next morning, i'm lying naked in his bed. We start randomly talking about the night before....
Huge long discussion...then
M:"Maybe we just shouldn't see each other any more?"
Me:"So you are breaking up with me...on VALENTINE's DAY?"
M:"I didn't plan for this blah blah blah "
Me: "tears tears tears" (this M:"all your friends are going to think i'm an asshole"
Me:"uh You think! You are!"

would have been my first Valentine's with someone, I just had never been dating anyone on this day)

I ended up giving him his gift a few days later...he never got me anything...didn't plan it my ass!!

I went crazy after that, having 1 night stands, didn't care about who I was and what I was worth. I still think about how his actions affected the rest of my life...which is sad but true.

now 3 years later I finally have a valentines... :)

Anonymous Rachizzle said...

hi kris! (i'm a recent-lurker, and not fond of the shift key, unless it's a wicked serious phrase, so please bare with my lack of capitals. I just don't like them.) i found the link to your blog, and was so entertained by one entry that i chose to read it from start to finish, yet never felt the urge to comment til now (yes, despite your allegations of vicarious, anonymous readers.)

figured i'd start with this post, though my break-up story is not one of my "worst" or "most painful," it's kinda funny.

7th grade Rachizzle (< that's me!) dating a boy who went by the name of "Mickey" (yeah, who gives their children nicknames pertaining to doofy disney characters? hmm, shoulda known at the age of 12 he would have some issues!)

we had been dating for 2 months, which in 'tween years equals like 1000000 bamillion years.
i went away for a week long trip for school, during which time he was at home but wrote a couple letters to me (one even sent the day i left so i'd receive it my first day there,) called my house to tell my mom that he'd called to say hi, all that cute stuff.

came home and it was his birthday. he had decided previously *cringe* that our song was "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey (BARFBARFBARF!). anyways, it was his birthday, and i had the super-cool idea to buy him the cd (WTF?) and also a video game. he accepted it, gave me a chaste peck on the lips - which was what we'd progressed to, at age 12 (oh those were the days!), and we went on our respective busses home.

i got a breakup phonecall later that afternoon with his excuse:
"You never kissed me with your tongue."


i enjoyed it more than healthily that as we got older (okay, i'm thisclose to 24, but still) - that I was progressively getting hotter and he was progressively getting notter.


That being said, I am going to post comments more often. Me. Rachizzle.

Learn it, Live it, Love it ;)

Blogger Christine said...

"I slept with Lisa." (my best friend's big sister, who he went to high school with, after being together 3 years out of High School)

Blogger hellagood said...

Just realized I've been seeing someone who wants no type of relationship with me. Not the best feeling. Here's his email that he just sent me today. I've yet to respond. Any, ideas? I'd love some advice.

hi mizz leesh,

so i have been thinking about the last 4 times we have spent together after u have a few u bring up stuff that makes me think u are waiting and expecting me to change. u even say mean things which i totally understand but it can not be good for you. i am not going to change and i do not think our situation will. i do not want to hurt u or anyone so i put forth no effort so i do not have to be attached. i enjoy ur company and i am a better person for knowing you but i do not want to to hate me later on. i have no idea what u tell ur friends and family about me but i am sure it is not the same as me. this stresses me out and i try to not think about it because i have never been in this spot in my life over this last year. i have met some amazing people that treat me amazing including yourself and it still does not change my attitude towards life outside of jaxsen. my life is much easier if i do not come emotionally involved and right now t like to email stuff like this but it comes out more clear then hemming and hawing over the phone. i hope this did not ruin ur day :(


Wow, he called me before I read this to try and explain himself. I was speechless obviously.

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