January 19, 2006
And on the third day, God created the airhead.
HR notified me today that in my first act as Newly-Employed Thirtysomething, I designated myself as my own life insurance beneficiary.

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50 Comments:

Blogger t2ed said...

Correct Answer: I meant to do that. I want to take it with me when I go. I don't want to burden any of my family members with wealth when I go.

Oh, and I'd also be trying to swear HR to secrecy to keep that whole "I know what I'm doing" rumor going.

Blogger Mel said...

Wow. Nice one, Kris. How many glasses of wine did you have before you filled out that paperwork??

Blogger Erika said...

ROFL...whoops.

Blogger Heather B. said...

"See, what I failed to mention when doing that is that my family are a bunch of self centered money grubbing a-holes who would totally kill me for that $3,000 policy. So you see, I was just trying to keep myself safe and sound"

I designated my mom and told her to try not to kill me. She said that my life insurance policy would probably cover 1/10th of my college education, but she might kill me in about 15 years.

Lucky me.

Blogger Thérèse said...

I don't see what's wrong with this. You fake your own death, and claim the policy.

(matter-of-factly) It's actually quite brilliant.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

"Can't take it with me? Like hell I can't!"

Blogger afromabq said...

You never know if you need that nestegg in the afterlife?? :) I'm sure that's what you were thinking.

Blogger JJ said...

That's wicked self absorbed.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Way to go Mama.
Although I thought you were going to leave me a lock of your hair for our ebay experiment?

Anonymous whoorl said...

Hey, you were just trying to save time. It's much easier to fill in your own information than to track down your sibling/friend/spouse's social security number and address.

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

I can give you my info and you can put me as your beneficiary. Just to make things easier.

You gotta look out for #1 baby.

Blogger Wicked H said...

Leave it to the cats. That way if you do fake your death, you still get the $$$

Blogger Amber said...

You could have maybe gone into excruciating detail about the financial and legal problems that your family has gone through, and also mention that you don't have any friends you trust enough not to kill you for the money.

Bet they would have been sorry that they brought it up.

Blogger Diet Coke of Evil said...

Nothing freaks me out more in the employment paperwork region than clarifying exactly who should get your policy (and what percentage of it, too) should you meet an untimely death. My brother and sister each get 50%, so here's hoping they don't kill me hoping they can buy an XBox 360.

Blogger Kiki said...

OH Kris. :)

Blogger Sizzle said...

but, just think, when you are dead, you will be RICH!

;) sizz

Blogger Kim said...

Sooo...you can't do that?

I'll be right back, I have to make a phone call.

Blogger erin said...

sounds like your new job is pretty fabulous!! i am the same way...a graduate student who plans out what i'm going to wear everyday for the first week of classes--you have to make a good impression to your teachers--and when i say plan out i mean i have gathered a mental wardrobe of the first week's potential outfits and decide what to wear on what day depending on the class the professor, and who i expect to see in the class--kind of sick isn't it...most of this is response to my updated reading from monday...
--but your job sounds pretty great and soon i will have to ask for advice concerning the office politics scenarios that i'll come across...the real world is calling and am going to have to start looking for a job...

Blogger nabbalicious said...

HA! I have to admit, when I fill those things out, I feel a little jealous that someone's going to get all that money off of me, and I wonder, "Why can't I have it? Oh, yeah..."

Blogger Cheryl said...

WEll why not. If you die, you should get something out of it...maybe not.

Blogger babyjewels said...

Thus proving you CAN take it with you.

Blogger Carolyn said...

Wow, you'll be rich in heaven!

Blogger Okie said...

If you still can't come up with anyone the HR people will accept, I will volunteer to be your beneficiary.

Blogger LBseahag said...

Good...at least its out of money grubbing gold digger hands...

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

uhhhh OKkkkkkkkk.....

Blogger Washington Cube said...

Tomorrow they will be buzzing you to tell you that you listed yourself twice as a dependant to yourself on your tax forms.

Blogger megw2 said...

Oh goodness! You are too cute. I was going to comment but these fine folks have covered all the bases. :o)

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

If you're going the fake your own death route, I suggest naming someone else. My uncle did this, it almost worked.

Blogger tmaris said...

lol! Well, at least you didn't try and leave it to your cat. And besides, if you leave it to yourself, you know you'll get buried in style. Ok, I'm being a bit morbid...

Blogger Bill said...

I hate HR paperwork. I never understand it. But I think, in this case, it would be fun to leave it to a blog. Wonder what HR would do with that?

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

who else knows how to spend the money in the most correct fashion but you? i wouldn't trust anyone else anyway...

Blogger missbhavens said...

It's brilliant! If you off yourself you'll get all your...wait...oh. Not so much.

Blogger Amanda said...

pretty funny. i am shocked that someone actually noticed. i always find human resources to be neither human nor resourceful.

Blogger angelatee said...

That is hysterical and so something I'd do.

congrats on the new job!

Blogger rebecca_knox said...
Blogger Danielle said...

If I had been drinking milk, it would have shot out my nose.

Blogger Megarita said...

So I've clicked on this for the past three days to see whether you've updated, and this little confession still makes me snicker out loud. Nicely done, Little Miss Immortal!

Blogger Kristen said...

that's a step up from putting down the cat's name. That would have been ugly.

Blogger Jeremy said...

That is wonderful. :)

Blogger Jackie said...

Heh--those papers are confusing. Seriously.

Besides when you designate OTHER people and they learn how much your death is worth they MAY start trying to kill you.

And we can't have that. No, no.

Blogger NARDAC said...

you're a blond after all!

Blogger Candace said...

I did something a lot blonder with my online bill payment. Sigh. Are you being investigated for fraud now, or do they let blondes go on this sort of thing? :oP

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Lol! That's too funny.

Blogger Neil said...

I think I saw a movie like that. Some glamourous femme fatale designated themselves as the beneficiary of her life insurance, and then fixed her own brakes, making sure the car went off a cliff, killing herself. Later, after an investigation, it comes out that she did all that as a way to collect the insurance money, so she is arrested.

Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

I say, contact a psychic, find out who you'll be in your next life, and leave it to yourself.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Approximately how much does it cost to have a nosejob? I know that price will vary but I had my nose broken and need bridge work. Any ideas? Guestimate? Range?

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