Welcome, party people. I'm Kris. Pull up a chair, and let me take that bottle of wine off your hands.
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Labels: Stuff that's wrong with everbody else, Stuff that's wrong with me
Correct Answer: I meant to do that. I want to take it with me when I go. I don't want to burden any of my family members with wealth when I go.Oh, and I'd also be trying to swear HR to secrecy to keep that whole "I know what I'm doing" rumor going.
Wow. Nice one, Kris. How many glasses of wine did you have before you filled out that paperwork??
"See, what I failed to mention when doing that is that my family are a bunch of self centered money grubbing a-holes who would totally kill me for that $3,000 policy. So you see, I was just trying to keep myself safe and sound"I designated my mom and told her to try not to kill me. She said that my life insurance policy would probably cover 1/10th of my college education, but she might kill me in about 15 years. Lucky me.
I don't see what's wrong with this. You fake your own death, and claim the policy. (matter-of-factly) It's actually quite brilliant.
"Can't take it with me? Like hell I can't!"
You never know if you need that nestegg in the afterlife?? :) I'm sure that's what you were thinking.
That's wicked self absorbed.
Way to go Mama.Although I thought you were going to leave me a lock of your hair for our ebay experiment?
Hey, you were just trying to save time. It's much easier to fill in your own information than to track down your sibling/friend/spouse's social security number and address.
I can give you my info and you can put me as your beneficiary. Just to make things easier.
You gotta look out for #1 baby.
Leave it to the cats. That way if you do fake your death, you still get the $$$
You could have maybe gone into excruciating detail about the financial and legal problems that your family has gone through, and also mention that you don't have any friends you trust enough not to kill you for the money.Bet they would have been sorry that they brought it up.
Nothing freaks me out more in the employment paperwork region than clarifying exactly who should get your policy (and what percentage of it, too) should you meet an untimely death. My brother and sister each get 50%, so here's hoping they don't kill me hoping they can buy an XBox 360.
OH Kris. :)
but, just think, when you are dead, you will be RICH!;) sizz
Sooo...you can't do that?I'll be right back, I have to make a phone call.
sounds like your new job is pretty fabulous!! i am the same way...a graduate student who plans out what i'm going to wear everyday for the first week of classes--you have to make a good impression to your teachers--and when i say plan out i mean i have gathered a mental wardrobe of the first week's potential outfits and decide what to wear on what day depending on the class the professor, and who i expect to see in the class--kind of sick isn't it...most of this is response to my updated reading from monday...--but your job sounds pretty great and soon i will have to ask for advice concerning the office politics scenarios that i'll come across...the real world is calling and am going to have to start looking for a job...
HA! I have to admit, when I fill those things out, I feel a little jealous that someone's going to get all that money off of me, and I wonder, "Why can't I have it? Oh, yeah..."
WEll why not. If you die, you should get something out of it...maybe not.
Thus proving you CAN take it with you.
Wow, you'll be rich in heaven!
If you still can't come up with anyone the HR people will accept, I will volunteer to be your beneficiary.
Good...at least its out of money grubbing gold digger hands...
Tomorrow they will be buzzing you to tell you that you listed yourself twice as a dependant to yourself on your tax forms.
Oh goodness! You are too cute. I was going to comment but these fine folks have covered all the bases. :o)
If you're going the fake your own death route, I suggest naming someone else. My uncle did this, it almost worked.
lol! Well, at least you didn't try and leave it to your cat. And besides, if you leave it to yourself, you know you'll get buried in style. Ok, I'm being a bit morbid...
I hate HR paperwork. I never understand it. But I think, in this case, it would be fun to leave it to a blog. Wonder what HR would do with that?
who else knows how to spend the money in the most correct fashion but you? i wouldn't trust anyone else anyway...
It's brilliant! If you off yourself you'll get all your...wait...oh. Not so much.
pretty funny. i am shocked that someone actually noticed. i always find human resources to be neither human nor resourceful.
That is hysterical and so something I'd do. congrats on the new job!
If I had been drinking milk, it would have shot out my nose.
So I've clicked on this for the past three days to see whether you've updated, and this little confession still makes me snicker out loud. Nicely done, Little Miss Immortal!
that's a step up from putting down the cat's name. That would have been ugly.
That is wonderful. :)
Heh--those papers are confusing. Seriously. Besides when you designate OTHER people and they learn how much your death is worth they MAY start trying to kill you.And we can't have that. No, no.
you're a blond after all!
I did something a lot blonder with my online bill payment. Sigh. Are you being investigated for fraud now, or do they let blondes go on this sort of thing? :oP
Lol! That's too funny.
I think I saw a movie like that. Some glamourous femme fatale designated themselves as the beneficiary of her life insurance, and then fixed her own brakes, making sure the car went off a cliff, killing herself. Later, after an investigation, it comes out that she did all that as a way to collect the insurance money, so she is arrested.
I say, contact a psychic, find out who you'll be in your next life, and leave it to yourself.
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