July 31, 2005
Sweet Blogger High
Despite the massive, uncharted size of the information superhighway, blogging is starting to feel more and more to me like attending high school in a small town.

Technorati tells us who our most popular bloggers are, but that is mere confirmation of what we already know. We run across the names of and links to these cooler cats on nearly every Blogger nav bar. Go Fug Yourself. Defective Yeti. We even have a prom queen, and she resides at Dooce.com.

Blogger relationships are also similar. When a new kid makes his way onto the scene, you either embrace him by linking and tell your girlfriends about him, or he is at once relegated to the lunchroom table status of fewer than 25 hits a day. When a regular visitor doesn't comment on your site, but leaves a comment on a blog you regularly visit, it is at times a pang akin to running into your best friends at the mall when they both said they'd rather stay home.

Blog relationships don't always survive, either. A solid friendship established in your freshman year of blogging can change almost overnight:
She's funny and all, but she makes fun of fat people when she's out with her other friends.
Please don't push your religion on me. Not even remotely cool.
I got the sense that he wanted to push things too far, so I'm going to back off of that one. Quickly.
By sophomore year, the friendship landscape often looks pretty different than it once did.

The Jake Ryans of the Net generally write about sports and women/cases of beer consumed the night before. There's a good bit of iambic pentameter and haiku in the writings of the AP kids. And the artsy students have beautiful, intricate and incredibly frustrating anime pages.

True to my memory, my stat counter reveals that most foreign exchange students come to class regularly, but rarely speak up.

The loner kids on the verge of a blossoming conduct disorder are also represented in our blogging community: they're called trolls. When they aren't in the basement talking about the latest in pipe bomb technology, they're online sending nasty-grams to a blogger near you.

And finally, there's the One who is unattainable. The blogger you'll crush on because he or she always has a better pop culture reference, more comments or a much sweeter site template. The one who always had the well-placed locker, a date for homecoming and Oxy-clean skin FOR ALL FOUR YEARS. Damn her.

Oh well. I'm late for 2nd period. Maybe later you can sign my yearbook.

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72 Comments:

I think this is true. I'm probably that kid that just talks and nobody listens to. haha. Either that or the badass fat kid that all the girls secretly want, but are too intimidated, so they just ALL pretend to not like him. Oh, that doesn't exist here either? Damn.

Anonymous Tamara said...

I'm not sure who I am....probably the kid sitting alone at the lunch table that everyone wants to be friends with but doesn't want to admit to it....

yeah....thats me. Please come join me for lunch.

Blogger Kris said...

Clearly it's just the three of us sitting together. Although we're about four hours early for lunch.

What are we doing up at this hour, anyway? :)

Blogger Tao said...

I really liked this post! I don't know who I would be though. Maybe the kid that never said a word until someone encouraged them to talk and now said kid can't shut up!

Blogger oregano said...

What were you doing up so early? Packing? Unpacking? Nervous about the move?

I am almost embarassed reading this post. I just wrote about beer last night.

Blogger Mel said...

Hey, can your twin be your BFF also?

I'm so glad we are blog buddies!

Anonymous meme said...

I'm the one smoking dope behind the auditorium secretly making out with the boys from chess club.

Wait...was this supposed to be fictional?

Blogger Pinky said...

Excellent.

But I never read Sweet Valley High, does that make me automatically uncool? Damn.

Blogger nutty said...

Fantastic. I'm usually just a lurker, but this is worth coming out of the closet.

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Well, considering you just got a yearbook signature from me, you're considered in the cool crowd. ;)

Blogger Brookelina said...

Brilliant!!! Perfect! Love it!

Blogger oregano said...

You forgot to mention the Prom King, Glenn Reynolds. Everybody wants to be friends with daddy hit count.

Blogger Slade said...

this is great! I know what you're talking about though...don't we all want to be the popular blog???

Blogger evercurious said...

So true. Quite funny. I wonder who I would be? I can't think of a category. I guess that is how it was for me. No click, no posse. Just random friends for random reasons.

Blogger Ruben said...

Yeah! I agree that blogging has a high school feel to it. There are certainly cliquish behavior going on.

the One who is unattainble: why didn't you just SAY it was me?

Blogger Marel Lecone said...

You are too funny--this is so happening. Thanks for getting it so right. I may link this article if its ok with you. Good to meet ya. Meet me for lunch, OK? :)

Blogger Kris said...

Good, good stuff. Where were you all when I was in high school? :)

Blogger Kristen said...

did I have to read this after I had Biore'd my nose? LOL. God, you couldn't pay me a million to go back to high school. Not a cool kid then, only slightly cooler now. LOL

Love your blog, babe.

Blogger deanne said...

Ahhh Sweet Valley High. I so wanted to be Jessica.

You can find me in drama club, or cutting class and smoking the scoobies at a friends house.

Blogger mrsmogul said...

Excellent accessment! I give you an A+ on this paper. Blogging is like high school, unfortunatley you got the clicks and the assholes.

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

I say we do the same thing I did in school, skip school and go do something meaningless, like sit in the taco-bell parking lot and smoke cigarettes. Its so much cooler! I love your blog. Your are definetly my Prom Queen! Smooches, Babe!

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

Oooh, I almost forgot to sign your year book!

2 good
2 be
--------
4 gotten

KIT! Lylas and all that stupid shit! XXOO

Damn, I guess that makes me one of the A/V guys. :(

Stupid lunchroom "Nerd" table, now I'll have to hear Greg tell his damn "Best game of D&D EVER" story again.

Blogger TenaciousTab said...

I guess I am considered the new kid.... hope you don't send me to eat lunch alone! Never the cool kid in school so it's to be expected! (And, I don't make fun of fat people!)

Blogger Jodi said...

I love your Jake Ryan reference.
Now I want to go back to every blog I visited and leave a comment. Show some love to the new kids sitting alone in the lunchroom.

Kris-

Don't ever change. And always remember 5th period.

-Jodi

Blogger Kiki said...

OMG I loved this! It's so true!

I'll sign your yearbook!

Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

I'm actually just here to see the fedora and boa picture... :o)

Blogger A Unique Alias said...

"Just random friends for random reasons." That's the best way to do it. Popularity is fo' suckaz.

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

Kris, you always have way more comments on a single post than I get in a week. So, to me you are the popular girl. But, a nice popular girl who is my friend. :)

Blogger Jason said...

Well, I have to dole these comments out sparingly. I don't want to seem too available.

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

Oh, and my husband read your blog and saw your picture and agreed with me. He said he'd make out with you too! It aint no fun if the homies can't have none! ;-)

Blogger Jamy said...

What about the sweet girl who is friends with everyone but who isn't really popular? (Not me.)

I think I'm the one with a foot in every camp. One popular friend, one geeky friend, one stoner friend. Or something like that.

Blogger lizzyjane said...

I am SO a blogger DORK.
I get excited if I get more than 3 hits a day. It helps me to feel insanely poplular.

Blogger Nicole Criona said...

Wow!! What an excellent post! I'll sign your yearbook:

Even though we never really met, have a great summer and don't hesitate to K.I.T.
Nicole

Blogger Vince said...

Oh God. After reading that I want to hide my blog under some zit cream and skip gym class.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

I got dragged to Canada in grade 10, so to put it mildly I hated every second of high school.

Anonymous Bad Maria said...

I left this comment earlier but somehow it didn't stay - blame mercury retrograde I guess....I said I now have a crush on you (kidding, married, straight) because you nailed this absolutely...

Blogger kitkat said...

I didn't care much for high school, and I think the fact that I try to post on new blogs or lonely blogs is some indication of my own feelings of alienation. I actually shy away from posts that have lots of comments already! This one is an exception.

Blogger Kris said...

Thanks to all who have commented! I didn't realize this would strike such a chord with people!

I can't imagine what would happen if we got started on middle school . . . Oy.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Dear Kris,

You don't really know me too well, and I am not sure why you left your yearbook unattended with pen on it. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to leave a message for one of the cool kids.

What to write...

I hope you have a good year, and that you succeed in everything you do. Although I can't see you being unsuccessful at anything you put your mind to.

Cool.

Jorge
Class of '05

PS: U R HOT

Blogger Queenie said...

Great post, I too am usually a lurker but think it's about time I comment to let you know I'm a fan. This is so true, sometimes I feel bad because I don't get as many comments as my blog buddies and nobody really has me as a link even though I comment on their blogs all the time. I tend to think I'm at a lunch table all by myself. :(

Anonymous Jorge said...

Queenie, I went to your blog and read your latest entry, and went to leave a comment - only to find that it is Bloggers only!

You might be more popular if you opened the door to your blog. I really liked your latest entry!

J

Blogger Kris said...

Hi all, this site and *wonderful* commenter Jessica made the Washington Post Express today! WOOHOO! Super fun!

Thanks Unique Alias for the find!

Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

Oh God, so true...

Anonymous Neil said...

I'm sure there are people out there now who check out a blog's Technorati stats before they post a comment, just to make sure they aren't being seen with a loser --

Wait -- before I click this, let me just double check...

Blogger Ariel1980 said...

Will you couple-skate with me?

Blogger Sara said...

This is (as everyone has posted before me) a great post! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it :-)

Blogger Kris said...

Is it wrong that I kinda want a Blogger letterman's jacket now? Come on, that would be hot.

Blogger tmaris said...

Wow, you're right. Though I don't even have foreign exchange students even lurking on my blog. Mostly just the small group of people I already know...huh, kind of like high school.

Anonymous theresa said...

I never really thought about it like that... but I suppose I do now.

In case you're wondering I found you visa Dave who I found via Jorge who's linked him so many times in his last blog entry that I couldn't help but click at least one of them. Then... well your blog title was the coolest of his lot. I've got total blog-title-envy now.

Oh the angst.

Blogger Jason said...

Kris, I looked for the PDF online but couldn't find this issue searching for "blog." Was that word even used?

Blogger Kris said...

Thanks for looking it up! I'll try to post a link to it on the sidebar!
K

Blogger mg said...

Well, if trend repeats itself... I'm the hot chick that all the cheerleaders hate, and all the football players secretly flirt with.

Rock -n- Roll!!!

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Maybe cafe press could make a blogger letter jacket. . .

The other day I saw a blog who actually compared her crowd of bloggers to "the popular kids in high school" in an apparently non-ironic way (though who can tell when you're just reading).

I then, of course, went out to the train tracks behind the school and groused about it to all my blog friends while we smoked cloves.

Anonymous poyc said...

...and then there are those bloggers who use their blogs to write lists of things they have to remember. voyuerism at its most annoying.

//poyc

Blogger Miladysa said...

That just about says it all!!

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Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Here I come, late to the party. This post got me too. So what about all these crappy spam comments? Would these be like the loser that shows up handing out pamphlets to the bake sale is support of the chess club or something?

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Blogger Buffy said...

Jake Ryan.

*Sigh*

Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

I'm with buffy. jake ryan makes me swoon.

i'd like to think of myself as the mysterious, new girl who's destined to be really really popular. well that's who i always wanted to be in high school. since my parents never let me transfer schools, i'll just have to settle for the blogging equivalent.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Stay sweet!" "Have a great Summer!"

Oh the fun of trying to come up with something to say in someone's yearbook that you don't really know.

Love this entry!

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