January 4, 2006
Rhetorical
Is it wrong that when I see housewives win big money on Wheel of Fortune - a guilty pleasure I refer to as my cognitive show as I'm convinced the before and after puzzles alone will stave off the onset of Alzheimer's - and the husbands run up to hug their newly-rich wives, I always suspect he's thinking, "Well geez, I can't leave her, because we've got enough money for that big bass fishin' boat I always wanted," and I think his mistress, the permed girl at DQ who has mastered dunking your cone in warm chocolate without it losing its swirly head, is watching in horror, thinking, "Ain't that the crap? He's so not gonna take me to Daytona now."?

Yeah. It probably is.


30 Comments:

Blogger MKD said...

My mom was on The Wheel, as we like to call it, and my dad left shortly there after. Thanks for bringing that up.

Anonymous Jorge said...

This sounds like you know a lot about it.
I'll have to test your ice-cream-dipping skills when next we meet, you crazy nut.

:D

Blogger MemeStream said...

...and to think, I used to *live* there.

Blogger Dave said...

You know, there's such a thing as overthinking Wheel of Fortune...

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

i sit and dream they only get 50% of the winnings after uncle sam takes his undeserving part, then they go and blow all their cash on a trip to vegas, gamble to see if they can win more money only to lose it all. they then have to go home and get another shit job due to the fact they lost it all in sin city. these are the things that make me feel better.

by the way my cognitive show is jeopardy.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Is it horrible that my cognitive shows are "I, Detective" and "The Daily Show?"

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

"Well geez, I can't leave her, because we've got enough money for that big bass fishin' boat I always wanted,"

Or huntin' land. That's what I want.

Blogger NARDAC said...

Was yesterday "reveal your guilty pleasure" day? I too cracked under the enormous peer pressure and submitted a post on that, though I think yours is... shit, why am I writing this when I haven't woken up yet... god... you are my guilty pleasure!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I think Vanna blows all the male contestants.

Blogger Mel said...

Nah. Definitely not wrong.

My cognitive show - The Bold and the Beautiful. Seriously. If you can figure out the love traingles/quadrilaterals/pentagons, then you are way smarter than I.

Blogger mamalujo1 said...

No more wrong than it is to think, "Oh, how sweet. Now their love will only become deeper and more meaningful now that she won all that money." You should worry only when your mind stops being so playful and imaginative, both attributes of which should not be judged by what everybody else might think. Being observant, perceptive, imaginative and creative surely doesn't mean having to always be PC.

Blogger Finn said...

Have I told you lately that I love you?

-The Permed Girl at the DQ

Blogger Carolyn said...

Thank you for ruining the show for me. All I used to think was "Wow, that woman needs a makeover." Now I'll be thinking about Shelly at the DQ, and her dreams of hitting the big time down at the races!

Blogger Slade said...

HA!!! I missed you girl! Hope your holidays were Wheel of Fortune filled!

Blogger afromabq said...

I think that's the longest sentence I've ever read, and you did it so well!

Blogger Kate said...

OK, that was hilarious. :-)

Blogger Egan said...

Does anyone win that much money on that show? I swear if you solve a puzzle, you get like $7 and if you win outright.. maybe 17K. Yippee. Sajak and Vanna go together like ebony and ivory. She needs to pose nude again to raise her stock.

Blogger Kim said...

How do they dunk the ice cream without it falling off? It's always puzzled me.

Blogger Cheryl said...

But who really cares?

Blogger Lulu said...

That was almost like a Deep Thought, By Jack Handey.

It made me think of Parker Posey's character in "Waiting For Guffman."

Blogger Kris said...

You guys are hilar. Just wait to hear what I have to say about the Showcase Showdown. I really need to get out more . . .

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

I love Wheel of Fortun-eh! My favorite is the really dumb contestants who solve the puzzle wrong. :)

Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Ha ha! Hilarious observation!

Blogger Okie said...

Funny. You've got to be from Texas.

Blogger Kate said...

Dang it! Too funny!!!

Blogger Egan said...

Kris, are you going to tell us both of them overbid or what?

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Hate the show. The cute guys from NCIS and CSI aren't on it.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Hate the show. The cute guys from NCIS and CSI aren't on it.

Blogger Brookelina said...

You know, I'm not so embarassed about admitting my sexual attraction to Jon Gruden now that you have admitted to watching the worst show on television. You didn't have to do that for me!

Blogger Washington Cube said...

Not to forget Vanna's lesbian period and also that "thing" with Michael Bolton.

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