January 8, 2007
I’m sick of having feelings for inanimate objects.
[insert joke about my exes here.]

On the way to work today I teared up as a wide-mouthed DC garbage truck devoured defenseless Christmas trees that still had plenty of twilight left in them (my live wreath stays on the door until Easter or a neighbor politely requests its removal due to odor and/or embarrassment, whichever comes first).

I vaguely recall already posting about my neurosis surrounding those IKEA commercials of old, the ones in which a stoic owner ousts an old desk lamp due to the arrival of a new model. It sits alone, in the street, in the dark, in what my mother would call an iffy section of town, as I often fear I will when I’m older and my 80 cats die.

True confession to follow that will likely make me lose your friendship, if ever ‘twas mine – I have a difficult time tossing animal-themed cat toys, despite their mangled, lifeless states and the frequent absence of their entrails. A one-eyed pig sits atop my nightstand as we speak, while I explore appropriate medical sponsorship/adoption options for the poor soul. I mean, obviously.

[Go rock the vote for your fave sites for the 2007 Bloggies. Because I’m pretty sure you know I’ll be crying for the losing templates.]


25 Comments:

Blogger Carrie M said...

my dog LOVES her lifeless toys. she pulls the batting out of everything and so her toy 'box' looks like her mom can't afford to get her real toys. she would HATE it if i threw them out. so just remember, you're doing this for the cat!

Blogger Rebecca said...

At least your mangled toys have been played with! My cat is VERY picky and therefore prefers paper or plastic bags to anything I could buy. So my apartment is full of said bags and all these toys which she ignores and I trip over. But I can't throw them out... That'd just be sad. Like the toys in Toy Story 2 who never got played with...

Anonymous Jorge said...

I have a problem with throwing out cat-toys too.

They actually still play with them, the little scamps.

I also never delete my SMS messages.
Well, the good ones, anyway.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's called hormones, love. crying for trees... crying at a song on the radio... crying when Trader Joe's runs out of butternut squash ravioli.

it's what makes us women -- and why more of us aren't yet ruling the world.

Blogger bandick said...

I have the same disorder. Which is why I held on to so much stuff after my grimace died. Not so much because they held memories or were dear to her, but because I couldn't bear the thought of the junk sitting outside in the rain and muckity-muck.

Odd ducks, the two of us...

Blogger Jasclo said...

HAHA. Oh Kris. That reminds me of:

a. how i'd never throw my stuff animals when mad as a kid because it could hurt their feelings. or stuffing. or something.

b. the cat i had from the 5th grade (she just died a few years ago actually). egged on my disney movies, i once whispered to her that if she could talk, it was ok to talk to me because i would never tell anyone. she just stared at me, probably thinking, "god you're a big idiot."

Anonymous Evil Genius said...

I'm that way about anything involving animals. I can't watch a movie where a person on a horse gets shot or anything that causes the horse to fall or be killed. I can't watch dogs or foxes or wolves or bears or whatever the fuck animal it is in the movie get trapped and/or killed. Now people, they can be blasted and their parts scattered across two city blocks and it won't phase me. I think some of us must have a special "animal connection hormone"!!! :-)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't watch that Ikea commercial. I had to change the channel.

I think I still have some of my cat's toys. He died two years ago. The little mice he played with!

And of course, I was convinced that my stuffed animals had feelings.

So, I'm officially a loon!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tip: thou shall not have to figure out what to do with old cat toys if thou dost not clean under the sofa. Useless toys will thus remain away from sight.

Blogger Lena said...

OMG. I remember that post! That was one of the first I ever read of yours! And I felt bonded because who else could be so freaking sentimental that they would get emotional over a lamp by a dumpster?? Kris, that's who.

Heart you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cry when I have to throw out my IKEA stuff. :(

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'd like someone to come trash my folder of emails from my ex. i can't seem to do it. clearly, you're not the one to ask.

;) sizz

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

I can't even begin to comment on this because I'm afraid I'll just sound cray cray. One of my favorite sights is a car with a Christmas tree tied on top.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My colleague collects all our old Xmas trees and burns them at a chiminea party in mid-January. Very pagan. Tres viking. Love it!

Blogger JordanBaker said...

I've cried in IKEA a couple of times, because it makes me stressed out and claustrophobic. It's also a good way to test-drive sofas.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Letting go of things [seasons, trees, lamps] is hard.

And, to make things way better - you're commentors are freakin' hilarious. And they've all come together to make you/us laugh! Woot!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think you've lost any friends over the post, but you might be buried in a flurry of animal themed cat toys now.

Anonymous Evil Genius said...

I voted for you on bloggies!!!

Hey, come check out my new kitty - I just posted a pic of him. Soon I'll have a pile of those used up toys that I won't be able to toss!!! :-)

Anonymous kb said...

SCREW YOU, FLORIDA!

(OSU: talk about OVERRATED. Damn!)

Blogger Egan said...

I rocked the vote just for you Kris. Heck I even linked to your blog on my most recent post.

(made you look)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shop at the grocery store that has neither the best olives or prices because I feel sad for it not having either advantage.

Anonymous Amy said...

I too have a love for inanimate objects.

Like I was in my 30s before Mom and best friend forcibly separate me from the boxes and boxes of them I'd been moving from apt to apt for years.

"But they have NAMES!" I said. ;)

Or like, I feel bad when on cell in car talking about trading my car in. Like I'm going to hurt her (yes HER) feelings or something.

Is there a support group for people like us?

Anonymous Amy said...

er those boxes in my last comment? filled with every stuffed animal I'd ever had.

I bargained with them. Kept my favs. Including my Pound Puppy Remington.

OMG I am crazy, aren't I?

Anonymous Spazzberry Beret said...

While I have no problem disposing of toys that are way past their prime, that doesn't mean I have a heart of stone...stray dogs make me sad to the point that I sometimes think about them for days, and wonder if someone helped them. I can't take any more in, but it just kills me to see a dog walking around, looking sad.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was really small, Christmas trees on the curb awaiting the trash truck after the holidays really bummed me out. Noticing this, my parents told me that they all went on vacation together to chill out after their big day. Apparently I bought this. I wish I still did.

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