November 7, 2006
Oh Canada! Or, Prepare for the sap, party people.
I’ve had a hard time writing this post over the past day. Mostly because I was hungover and stuck on and off a plane at JFK for five hours, not to mention my INTERNETS AND CABLE being down, but also because I couldn’t decide which slant to take with the content: A number 1) the Omigod this weekend totally RAWKED! We froze one another’s panties and drank our faces off! and B number 2) I really can’t believe how spectacular the weekend was, from the perspective of a woman who cries at Hang In There kitty posters and may or may not have her period a full 30 days of each of the –er months.

But as my faithful readers know, mediocrity and/or indecisiveness generally win(s) out, and I decided to do both.

Blog approach A number 1) the weekend did, indeed, totally rock rawk. I consumed three glasses of wine prior to hitting Canadian soil, thanks to two separate bars at my motherland’s major airport and a closed circuit television system that apparently didn’t catch me tripping over the non-existent hem of my jeans on the people mover. Jorge and I arrived at Mrs. J’s work with me smelling of the beautifully pungent combination of Marlboro Lights and Beringer Chardonnay (Amen to those airport dives serving more than White Zin. Represent!) And me honking the car horn. Repeatedly.

That night we reminisced about Junior Prom (not really) and my recent n*ked exploits (no such thing) and Jorge’s brief but fulfilling teenage sexual relationship with Dave (I kid, party people). (Wait, I think I may have confused those a bit. But I can say that we definitely ate pizza.)

Anyhooooooo – we talked and laughed and naturally I cried. And was asleep by 10.

Saturday was a whirlwind of downtown Toronto french fries, attempts at me stuffing the hosts’ cats in my carry on and the Ontario/Seattle Needle sassily refusing me entrance via a loooooooong line. D’accord, I said, laughing in the Tower’s face. The earlier I shall drink, my tall stone one.

Friends and confidantes and young lovers arrived at my host home at 5, and the festivities began. We drank. And we (forcibly) watched wedding and/or Algonquin camping videos and/or soft-core p*rn until drunk off of communal laughter and wine and (gulp) Jagermeister. And I may have smoked les cigarettes, but per that stealth Accept All Faults and Neuroticisms Agreement you checked upon entering this blog, you shall leave such judgments at the door. [At the door with my adorable shoes (see wish list above), that would apparently taint my hosts’ carpet prior to their home sale date. Even Jesus was allowed to wear shoes in the house, Jorge and Mrs. J. Even the Canadian Jesus. I KID.]

Saturday night was amazing. Dinner and drinks with remarkable bunch of people. Mirth and awful butterscotch shots and pints and half pints of beer ensued. And then more laughter and stories about where each person met the other, followed by one-on-one serious and more lighthearted chats (e.g., “I LOVE YOU, MAN!”; “NOOOO. I LOVE YOU!”). And sweating. Near the bar fireplace, which burned to a minimum of 750 degrees Kelvin, there could not have been more perspiration. Unless you’re Kris on a first date.

And on the way home that night I found myself in a cab with Jorge and Dave and Sarah and a lovely taxi Mountie who I’m pretty sure I irritated, giggling myself drunk silly to well-intentioned road signage reading, “Tap it and go!” and “We love your junk!” And I laughed and passed out late night with a cat I pretty much saw two of and a smile I hadn’t had in months.

Enter blog post approach B Number 2). And I cried at the YYZ airport as Jorge and Mrs. J drove away, because this has been one shit of a year. One shit of a year that has made me feel, in a word, disposable. Disposable to friends and lovers and family who don't seem all that phased that I'm not in their lives anymore.

And during this weekend away from it all, I wasn’t.

I was Me. And it felt so mothergrubbing good to fit like a glove with an exceptional group of ridiculously wonderful people I’d never met before. And to know I am still Myself. Excessive drinking, French fry eating, Blog loving, F-bomb dropping, American accent having, neurotic, good ol’ me.

Weekends like this one remind me it hasn’t been such a crappy year after all.



Blogger TJ said...

Sounds like a fantastic weekend--thanks for recapping it and starting my Tuesday morning off with a smile.

Well, until you had to go and mention the 'Hang In There' kitty poster--now I have to find a Kleenex before I head off to court...

thanks a bunch.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Hooray! I'm very happy to hear it. You are certainly not disposable, Kris my dear. I'm glad that this weekend reminded you of that.

Blogger Finn said...

Of course it hasn't been such a bad year - you found me! ;)

Isn't it wonderful to just slide into a group of people like you always knew them? To find a home among strangers? And doesn't it suck the big one not to live next door to them all?

Sounds like a killer weekend. You deserved it.

Anonymous Jorge said...

You'd best believe it wasn't a crappy weekend.

Laila and Luther are missing mama, even though she wore her leopard shoes all over the damned place.


I said it.

And you sassed your way through Saturday night with the grace and style that is all you.



Yeah. All you. Everyone loves mama. Everyone. It's uncanny.

We loved having you up, and cursed the fact that weekends are only 2 days long.

Looking forward to our next visiting of each other, whether on your doorstep or ours.

The next time you stay, you'll have a fireplace all to yourself.


Blogger Reid said...

I also had an incredible weekend that punctuated a crap year. You and I need to spend New Years Eve together to show this shit year the door.

Blogger Kelly said...

Kris, you are neither disposable or a noticeable sweater (perspire-er). Please keep that in mind.

In order to facilitate this request, we will forward oodles and oodles of post-its. Please post amongst yourself.

And dude: we love YOU!

Meeting you was ceratinly the icing on the buttershot cake... And, as Jorge so eloquently stated: we curse the fact that weekends are only two days long.


Blogger Cheryl said...

I'm glad you had a good weekend. It sounds much-needed. I think you take another one.

And you aren't disposable. Not to us bloggers!

Anonymous Jen said...

So many times when I read your blog, I feel like I AM the one writing it. Our lives are so similiar. This past year has also been one of the hardest years of my life and now I'm set to turn 30. Like you said, friends, family and lovers making you feel disposable. Thank God for Zoloft and kitties and chard:-)

and cigarettes, lots and lots of them

Keep your head up! I think you are sweet as pie. And no, I'm not hitting on you. I love me some men.

Anonymous guinness girl said...

Oh my god, can we please travel together sometime? Seriously. I think you might be my soul sister.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

one must be reminded constantly that one is not disposable in such a disposable world. thank goodness for your great weekend to remind you of this!

by the way, i would definitely be rumaging through everyone's purses for a rosary or chanting a hell mary if i was being held up (in response to the 9 sidebar.)

Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

How could the year be bad? You met me. Er. Yeah! You met me!

I'm so, SO glad you had such a good time. I have been kidding Jorge about not being invited, which I was only milking, but I'm so going with you next time.

And, love, disposable? H to the N, my friend. I, for one, couldn't live without ya.

Anonymous mrs. j said...

I cried in the car as we drove away. I'm still sad. DC feels so far away!

I just hope that you remember how wonderful you are and that we love you just the way you are. I swear that we've known each other for lifetimes.... I hate that there have been people in your life that make you doubt yourself, your values, and your goodness. Self-doubt sucks ass. K?

Hugs, sunshine!

Blogger Rebecca said...

Sigh. It's such a nice feeling being with good friends. I miss that feeling. And I completely understand the disposable part. I'm sure you aren't. But I understand it.

And I can't believe you didn't use the "We always get our man" phrase with the Mountie. SO many good opportunities to work that in.

Anonymous Jorge said...


Remember that part where we took the sled dogs to the maple syrup factory? And then Dave's snowshoes fell off when we took the ski-lift upstairs?

Fuggin' awesome.

Anonymous KB said...

awww! I'm so glad it was such a good trip!! :) And I'm so glad that you got to be you. I miss that feeling!!!

Blogger jenn said...

Isn't it amazing how we can gain so much perspective on ourselves by getting the hell out of town?

Glad you had a great time up here in the Great White North ;)

Blogger Beth said...

Glad to hear you enjoyed your trip to Canuckland. I soooo wish I was there with you guys -- it sounded like a wicked good time.

I LOVE that you described the CN Tower as the Ontario/Seattle Needle.

Next time you come to Canada, you should come and visit me in Vancouver (that's near Seattle). We have a mini fake CN Tower here.

Anonymous Sarah said...


It was such an honoUr and a priviledge to hang out with you this past weekend. I cannot imagine that there exists a group people who would not welcome you with open arms -- you are amazing and a joy to have around.

And I swear to god -- watch out. Anyone will tell you that I am good on my word when I say that I will plan travel. Dave and I will be descending...oh yes. And, like the good little Italian-Canadian girl I am, I will bring gifts. Gifts of sweet, sweet booze.

We can't wait to see you again soon; know that you are always welcome here in Ottawa. Or anywhere else that we happen to be.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It’s unfathomable to me that any person in your life could do anything but totally love you. You are the absolute coolest, and I hate to undercut that first bit with that second bit but it's true.

You should make a career of going town to town and doing people the honour of letting them hang out with you. I know we’d pay a premium for it, and I’m sure we wouldn’t be the only ones.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Except for the Jaggermeister (shudder) this all sounds like very, very good stuff.

Blogger Megarita said...

Fabulous! I found myself grinning at the end of this! O Canada . . . the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Blogger Sizzle said...

awesome. i am glad you could have that feeling.

Anonymous Jorge said...

How about that time we built the snowman in the middle of the street and those Inuit nearly crashed their toboggan into our Frosty?

Shmegs, man. So good.

Blogger themikestand said...

A lovely entry following a fabulous weekend, obviously.

Nice to see you've got so much support around, too.

You seem pretty great to me. Never disposable.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Canadian Jesus loves you.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Canadian Jesus died for all of our sins and Maple Syrup.

Blogger Kris said...

There are crickets all over up in here. wuh?

Thanks for the sweet words. Most of you. WINK!

Anonymous becky said...

i thought the end of july was pretty damn good, too, sister. ;)

Blogger Kris said...

I agree with you sweets. Wholeheartedly.

Anonymous Evil Genius said...

What a fabulous time!! So glad you enjoyed it, and you've got me smiling just reading about it!

Blogger Kim said...

Sounds like a horrible time. I'm so glad I didn't go. Boo Canada!

And, no, you're not disposable. I can't for the life of me get rid of you. God knows I've tried.

Is it Friday yet?

Blogger Egan said...

Are you back yet?

Blogger Egan said...

Oh, did you get a chance to go up the Space Needle yet?

Blogger Kris said...

Silly Egan. I've been back for days! No needle for me. Unless you count my wine IV.

Blogger Egan said...

Really? I've always thought my reading comprehension skills could use some work. This confirms it. Well, welcome back to the mainland. Have a glass of wine when you get a chance.

Blogger JJ said...

It's good to have you back. And to be back to witness your... back. Or something. Pass the Jager.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Psst. Everyone, it's Kris's birthday in 44 minutes. Pass it on.

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday to one spectacularly hot Mama (as in Mama Likey, not Mama as in who's the baby daddy)!

And because I speak from experience, 33 kicks arse.

Blogger Egan said...

What Paige said! Congrats on reaching another year. I'm 33 too and it does rule.

Blogger Beth said...

Happy Birthday, Kris! Or, as we say up here in Canada, Happy Biurthday! (we just like to randomly put "u"'s into words.

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