October 11, 2006
E-Discord
I have to admit that it has been one of the best online relationships I’ve ever had. We have spent an awful lot of time together – it's embarrassing, really – late nights until I almost couldn't keep my eyes open, early mornings, moments I’d steal away while at work just to see what he had to say, just to check up on the most current comings and goings of our favorite friends.

But our partnership has grown tiresome. I don’t like who I become when he is around. It pains me to say it, but I turn into that woman, needy and obsessive and fixated and fanatical. Not the woman I want to and am trying to be. So as with all things that just might not be meant to be, it has to end. That’s why it's over with me and StatCounter.

I remember when I first discovered this amazing, newfangled functionality (likely two to four years after most of you did). I was simultaneously a) overjoyed at the thought of being able to see where all three of my readers lived and/or surfed for p*rn, and b) mortified that those sites I had already stalked knew that I did so, refreshing their pages every few seconds and scouring their archives while I ate Froot Loops and brushed my teeth. Ugh.

In our early days together, StatCounter opened up a whole new world for me. Someone in South Africa is reading my post about Celine Dion! Someone in South Jersey – who interestingly enough was looking for Google’s answer to: Is your wife a wino or a winner? – made his way to my corner of the Information Superhighway! (I won’t even touch the searches placed by those interested in purchasing diva maxi pads, the person I wanted to crack who claimed he was going to kill this God damn cricket slowly, or all the winos, the dozens and dozens of beautiful winos, who found my site while looking for a good, sturdy girdle.) For a long time, it was a beautiful thing; I got to see what corner of the world readers were coming from. And what you were reading. We were on the same page.

But then began our disagreements. As with all of my relationship failures, then entered neediness. No longer could Stat watch Monday Night Football in peace. There I was on the couch next to him, wanting to talk at length about WHY DID MY STATS FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR ON SATURDAYS? or WHY IS IT THAT I GET SO FEW HITS COMPARED TO [insert your name here], DAMMIT? Don’t get me started on grabbing the remote out of his hand when he refused to discuss at length whether my e-friendship with [insert your name here unless male, and then you’d insert the name of your favorite female blogger, other than me, of course . . .] was over given that she really doesn’t visit much anymore?

Are you getting the gist yet?

But the most awful act, the point at which I knew I had to come back from the e-brink, occurred during my breakup, when registered hits from a known offender translated in my mind to meaning I was loved, cared about, THAT MY WRITING ABOUT MY CALF CRAMPS AT SWIMMING AND N*KED LOCKER ROOMING AND MY SINGLEHOOD WITH FELINES WAS DAMN FUNNY. Before I knew it I was burning incense and listening to Tori Amos in the dark and rocking myself to sleep in the fetal position.

Not really.

But I don’t like being chained to it. Don’t. want. to have to check it. I’m hoping that when people visit, they’ll leave a little imprint by way of a comment (check my profile occupation, I’m admittedly still in 12 step for that obsession). No more reliance.

So goodbye, StatCounter. It was a good trip and I’ll surely miss the early days. Now if you don't mind, could you give SiteMeter a ride on your way home?

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48 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg! I went to the stat counter thing because I was interested in what you were talking about (well I just wanted to see what it was)! It is actually kind of creepy, so much for the "privacy" of the internet.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Eeeeexcellent. Now I can refresh your page 20 times a day and you'll NEVER KNOW. mwahahahaha

Blogger Finn said...

I only have a casual relationship with StatCounter; I like to see what keywords bring people to me. I can quit any time I want to. No really, I can.

Call me?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

But now you can't give me shit for reading an entry and not commenting on it. Can you at least promise me you won't scratch my name of your People I Hate whiteboard?

Blogger Egan said...

Good riddance to the site counting nonsense. It's like micromanaging your site. I used them for a brief time and then realized I just don't give a shit. I'm happy to see you've seen the light.

I do want to hear more about your swimming cramps though. That's the kind of stuff that gets me really worked up.

Blogger Miss Penny Lane said...

As Miss Penny Lane famously said to William Miller: "Call me if you need a rescue, we live in the same city." LOL!

Be strong, Girl... I know you can make it. Enjoy all the time you have freed up to obsess over brand new things!

xoxo,
MPL

Blogger themikestand said...

I'm still shamefully addicted to your site (and sitemeter, but don't tell it) -- so even though you won't be checking up on su, know that we're still checking up on you.

Blogger Irish Red said...

HILL-A-RI-OUS!!!!

We should start a statcounter support group! And chant in unison: its-ok-that-my-hits-go-down-on-saturdays

But it's oh so good for seeing who's stalking you. and who in the name of god is checking my blog from Portugal 10 times a day!?!?

Blogger goldennib said...

Numbers, numbers, numbers...I gots to have my numbers.

Blogger Lynn-e said...

Well, I may as well de-lurk and let you know that I visit, read, laugh, and never comment.

MY BAD.

And I can thoroughly relate to your addiction. The best part of leaving one addiction is finding the next one...

Blogger JoJo said...

Kris, you're so strong!

Blogger Cheryl said...

A visit and a comment from me.

Blogger Brookelina said...

My statcounter and I are just seeing each other casually now. He's not as interesting as he once was.

PS - I'm from South Jersey.

Anonymous Maliavale said...

Good for you. I had to shake that evil mistress (mister?), too, and I'm a better person for it. I say that in all seriousness. As much as seriousness can be tied to the Internets, anyway.

Blogger Evil Genius said...

You're my hero!! Great post, but it hit a little too close to home, if you smell what I'm cooking! :-) Guess I've got some StatCounter issus of my own to deal with.

Blogger delooz said...

I stopped looking long ago... I realized I need to do this for me, not everyone else.

Blogger Freewheel said...

The fun of stat counter for me is seeing all the wacky google searches.

Your blog has plenty of regular readers who come here purposefully, read your entire post, and leave thoughtful comments. I think you'll do fine without stat counter.

Blogger Kim said...

You'll never make it. I give you one week tops.

Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Here's your comment. From a long time reader. I have sitemeter, I check it, but I'm so stupid I don't really know what it means. Bliss. I enjoy your blog immensely. Honestly.

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

What mamalujo1 said. I used to know how to use that thing but forgot all about how now.

Oh well, it looks good. lol.

We love ya, Kris!!!

Blogger Marissa said...

i hear you ALL TOO WELL! just last week, after a certain blog-bashing debacle, i contemplated getting rid of my sitemeter. and i had the same thought after i broke up with a certain boyfriend and obsessively checked my stats to see if he'd read my blog that day. and today when i refreshed mr. site about 100 times checking to see if a certain crush had viewed the blog. alas, my e-relationship has grown toxic, too. i jsut don't have the willpower to end it! :)

Blogger Amber said...

Don't worry, Kris -- I visit at least once a day, whether I comment or not.

I also used to be obsessed with SiteMeter. I may or may not have given out my blog address to certain people so I could see when they were online but not contacting me. "Ha!" I would think. "They still want to know what I'm doing, even if they're not calling." Yeah. Pyscho, party of one?

Anyway. I've gotten past it and I'm proud that you have too! Hooray!!

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

i'm slowly getting past the toxic drug but honestly, i'm too much of an addictive personality to truly let go. methadone treatments are needed to get over the hump.

Blogger Bill said...

I'm not as addicted as once I was. And my interest in the stats have changed somewhat. The ongoing depression over how few people came for me was too much. But I still can't get over the people who visit me looking for "ass" (because of my ill-advised site name). My blog is very big with the Pacific Rim search devices.

Ah, but the bloom is off the rose ...

ha! See, I now know I am morally superior to you, because I actually can go for long stretches without even remembering to check SiteMeter!

(puffed with pride)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

StatCounter is my crack. I have it up on every computer I work on. I refresh it at least every five minutes. I stalk my readers like the plague. I know where they work, where they go to school, where they live. I know which posts are my most read and how random weirdos get to my site.

I am obsessed, and there's no cure.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

But now how will you keep track of the crazies?

Anonymous Jorge said...

It's funny.
Statcounter is the one thing on my site that I don't check very often at all.

Technorati? Yes.
Wordpress Searches Functionality? Yes (I mean, who doesn't want to know how people got there).
But statcounter is just there for me to watch a number grow, even though I don't really care about that number growing.

Besides, my google ranking is 5.

Who needs to know anything after that?

J

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you don't mind, but I wrote a post about this and linked to your post. If you do - let me know and I will take it down.

Anonymous janet said...

I used to look at my stats a lot, but when I moved over to my own domain name and the stats kept by sitemeter were fairly different than the stats kept by Wordpress, I decided it was all a bunch of hooey and I just quit looking at it. Every once in awhile I will look at the search terms because they are often hilarious.

Anonymous alyndabear said...

I can't help it; I am you, in the early days. Stalking my Typepad "visitors" section because omg! Someone found me looking for bondage!

I hope there is a 10 step programme for this.

Pssst. Thanks for checking out my blog; Sounds like your special car is falling apart just like my damn shoes.

Blogger Portnoy said...

now that you're not going out with your stat meter can I ask it out?

Anonymous wordgirl said...

With 32/33 comments on a post, I wouldn't worry about stats. You seem to be just fine. And...you make me laugh.

Blogger Kiki said...

Ok, per your request and so that you don't have to rely on StatCounter... one Mozilla user in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada was here for about 12 minutes.

Here's something StatCounter can't tell you. I like your blog.

Cheers!

K

Blogger Catarina said...

Just found my way here and I will come back, laughing like this is great for the abs ;-)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How else would I know where I rank on searches for "House of the Dead scarlett johansson" from Google UK.

If I don't know this kind of important data, I wouldn't know what to write about. It is my density. Yes, that's intentional.

I know how you love e-stalking commenters too.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi kris-
I'm kinda new to blogging and i was wondering if you would be so kind as to tell me where you found different templates for your site.

Anonymous StatCounter said...

Baby baby pleeeeease! Don't be like that, girl. You and I were made for each other. Don't make me stand outside your bedroom window at 2 in the morning with my boombox blasting "In Your Eyes".
You know you'll just come running back to me anyways, right? I'm only a few mouseclicks away. Besides, how else will you find out that Egan surfed to your blog from xxxdirtygrannies.com?

Blogger Kris said...

Hi there, rebels with a cause. I know this is totally off topic, but can someone tell me what the Hades happened at the end of CSI last night? You know, with the Thriller-freak looking killers? Many thanks.

Blogger Tanya said...

I'm still clinging to my stat counter - trying to find a way to wean myself off it. Though I am sick of having the only visitors to my site looking for something to do with giraffes and penises. I can't imagine the kind of people who are visiting my blog (well, I can imagine...unfortunately).

Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

Oooooh, that's what my illness is. Thank you for clarifying why I click on that blasted thing several times a day when I should be studying.

Anonymous Neil said...

Those breakups never last.

Blogger Kim said...

No one watches CSI.

But I did see Death of a Cheerleader with Kellie Martin, of Life Goes On fame, on Lifetime the other day and for some reason thought of you. Freakin' Lifetime movies suck me in.

It's Saturday night, I'm home sick, hopped up on drugs and bored so I thought I would take up space in your comments.

Is it Monday night yet?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

and good riddance!

& Hellooooooo, mental health!

Anonymous sandra said...

Good work! I went through a similar thing a few months back and vowed not to check ANY stats at all, for two months. It was hard at first, but I actually love it now -- I'm writing for me again, instead of for numbers -- and that makes me happy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi kris
thank's for stopping by and thanks for the recomendations.

Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

I uqite like sitemeter as it amuses me, but today I'm getting a bit freaked out about the number of people who are stumbling to my place due to a bizarre soccer post. Weird.

Nice blog btw.

Anonymous ChicagoJen said...

I have never been to the Stat for this very reason. I can't even do e-vite anymore because it freaks me out that you can see how often your party guests are checking the list.

I have been to this blog before, btw. You're fantastic. I have no idea why I haven't been reading you everyday. You are a roll with everything this month! And I, too, am obsessed with homicide!

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