October 30, 2006
Family Ties
Polls are fun. Especially when you design one in a pale shade of grey and it comes up all Helly Kitty and stuff when you publish it. I’m not closing the post down yet, in the interest of rocking the vote, Election Day and a hope that Bill Clinton might reprise his swinging sax performance. After you, my dear thirty readers, have each very democratically voted thrice without registration cards, I’ll get to penning posts of interest just as our forefathers would have wanted it. But I refuse to use the quill anymore. Not quite as romantic as Ralph Fiennes made it seem.

Moving along.

One of my irritating lite radio stations informed me that we have shockingly few days left until the holiday season begins. In many homes, this means peace toward men and those awful silver trees and keeping spiked cider out of the hands of Uncle Roy. In my family this usually means reservations made at one of two places open on Christmas Day and no products requiring assembly. And that little stocking stuffer we fondly refer to as My Mother Not Talking to Me.

Silence is a tool my family uses with great skill, the Miyagis of my clan passing it down through generations, a craft refined through rigorous training. Mother is the master of this interpersonal device. She has gone as long as six months without talking to me, in the days before email contacting me instead by letter to tell me just what else is so highly irritating about me and my role in The Fight That Started it All (that particular time). At one point, during the tropical storm that brought a panic I had not before known, I stood in my living room in two feet of water not knowing if she would even pick up my frantic call. She did.

But she isn’t right now. We had a terrible fight, the kind that leaves you gasping for breath through tears just as you did when you were seven. The familial routine, fear of months of the silence and my new instinct to treat people better than I have in the past, Goddamnit! prompted me to write a sincere apology within minutes of arriving home. I had written many of those words dozens of times before, knowing full well I would never hear an apology from their recipient. I’m sorry I blew up, that was out of line. This is what was going on in my head at the time, and why I felt hurt by what was said. I have become quite adept at these letters, ensuring it’s about my feelings and not her actions, taking responsibility for my role in The Fight That Started it All (this particular time). I’ll try to be better. I’ll really try. You are so important to me and I love you very much. Her reply: more Kris bashing, more pushing the buttons that make me explode. It has now been six weeks since we last spoke.

Then last Thursday, the email came. Kris, your sister is coming to town. We really hope that you’ll join us when she is here, as we miss you when you are not around and a part of our family.

And it feels like you’re opening a gift on Christmas morning that you just wanted forever and never thought your parents would really buy! Hope exists! Maybe things won’t always be this way!

But you know to keep reading. Because the beauty can never stand alone, the arms never completely open and welcoming. An ultimatum had to follow, a backhanded statement paraphrased in my disappointed mind as we’ll allow you back into the fold if you take responsibility for the Bad, Very Bad and Wicked Bad ways in which you treat us. Because if you fix you, our beloved Kris, and get the help that you really need, all will finally be right with our family.

And suddenly my hot air balloon is hanging precariously from a tree. I’m left standing with surprised friends as the boy I kissed just passes by with a turned head. Brought to my knees by manipulation and a kick in the gut when I was most vulnerable.

And as I tear up in my office I remind myself just as so many times before: this is not okay. This is not an acceptable way for people to treat each other.

Yesterday: a visit with my sister. And the question: what are you trying to prove by not giving in? Just say or do whatever they want you to and move on with it. Nothing changes, Kris. Nothing.

And I want to shake her and my Mom and my Dad and scream until something clicks. Has this black sheep worked this hard on herself, learning to take responsibility for her role not only in this life but theirs, only to reward those behaving badly at her expense?

That isn’t even a real question.



Blogger playfulinnc said...

This is a powerful post, as twisted as it is relevatory. Familial problems, especially if you don't live in the same town, can stretch a small issue out for years. I haven't spoken to my little brother since June. My family is so good at avoidance that they have convinced themselves that it's ok.

It's not.

Christmas is coming. I think I will spend the 500 bucks to sit at their house and not talk about the elephant in the room. Yipee.

Are you sure you and I aren't sisters? Because I'll be damned if this doesn't sound familiar.

I've finally had enough, and decided to stay home for the holidays this year. I think I'll have MUCH more fun with my in-laws-to-be.

Blogger Wicked H said...

Oh Kris. My 81 year old father who is also a psychiatrist, is mad at me and proceeded to ignore me during the entire family dinner this past weekend. When my mom asked if I'd be spending the night, I looked at my dad and said I don't think so.

Not sure how this helps you. I can't change an 81 year old, I can change the way it affects me.

Hang in there!

Blogger planner17 said...

You wrote a very insightful post. In my humble opinion, you should stick to your guns and not backtrack on the progress you've made to take responsibility for your actions and learn more about yourself. People can only hurt you and manipulate you if you let them, and if you're happy with your decisions but they're not going to support them, you need to find people that will. Best of luck to you.

Blogger Marisa said...

Yay! The holidays! That beautiful, silver-belled time of passive agression, manipulation, and manic depression masquerading as family togetherness. Joy!

Blogger Heather B. said...

I feel like there's somethin' going around. Not sure what, but general feelings of getting the crap kicked out of you. Because lord knows, that's how I'm feeling right now.

I'd say 'this too shall pass' but we all know that that's not always true.

Blogger Finn said...

I think Wicked H is right; you'll never change your mom. All you can do is change the way you deal with it.

If she ain't gonna speak to you for whatever reason, so be it. Ignore it.

And stop apologizing all the time, especially when it's not your fault. If you want to placate her, write a non-apology like, "I'm sorry you got upset when I called you an old hag." She'll think you apologized, and you won't be lying, so everyone's happy.


Blogger Freewheel said...

Hang in there!

Parents should give support and unconditional love, not the silent treatment. It's really not too much to ask.

Blogger TJ said...

You're exactly right about that not being an acceptable way for people to treat each other.

I hope your family realizes what a gift they have in their daughter, and how our time together can never be taken for granted..

Anonymous Evil Genius said...

Kris, my heart just goes out to you. My family situation (well, my mother) sounds much the same as yours and I've spent so many years trying to change it or them or myself but in 46 years it has never mattered. My brother is like your sis, he tells me mom will never change, "she's a bitter old bitch and she'll die a bitter old bitch" but I can't help but think that should have nothing to do with me. Why do I continue to allow her sort of poison to pain me so.

Wish I had answers for you, but I truly, truly don't. I'm as stuck in the mire as you seem to be, and I'm saddened that so many of us have these tortured relationships.

It truly shouldn't be this way with our families.

Blogger Enigma said...

Hi Kris,
First time commenting. Unfortunately I understand your situation. *sigh* Do not give in, and do not run away. As hard as it may be, show up, eat and smile, if it comes up stand your ground calmly and firmly. In other words shock the system by deciding to be THE adult. Give them a hug when you are done (despite the stony silence) and then leave (3 hrs later, tops) with your head up to a good friends house. If you must rant, cry or scream do so there. Accept that your family (like mine!) is crazy as hell. Let 'em be crazy, accept that they are in the looney bin, but make sure you do not get admitted yourself. Care from a distance. Take care of you.

Blogger Penny Doll said...

Sorry Babe, you can chose your friends but not your fucked up kins! Have the same shit most get togethers. Heard this one Friday...tell them to: Get down off of their cross, use the wood to build a bridge, and get the fuck over it! I love it. You may use it with my blessings. Penny Doll

Blogger JoJo said...

I've always said that one doesn't choose the family of one's blood. Which is why so many of us have gone out and forged another family - that of our hearts. Having said that, there's nothing as devastating as being told you aren't up to the standards of those that raised you. Like so many of the commenters, I've had a tumultuous, tenuous relationship with my own parents. No words of great wisdom. Just stay true to yourself.

Blogger Boo7 said...

Sorry to hear about your family drama....when I read it the familiarity was making me cringe!!

As others have said it really shouldn't be that way with families...life is just wayyyyyyy too short!!! Please realize and find a way to convince yourself that it really isn't about you so much as about your mom's fears (of committment, of true intimacy, of life in general, of her insecurities....you name it, it's likely in there some where) which in turn lead her to be hurtful and insensitive....because for her it's easier to behave as she has always behaved....than to look at herself in a way that she might be able to make some changes!! I know that does not take the hurt away....but I find it can lessen it a bit.....:)

Blogger Brookelina said...

Oh the joys of family. I feel your pain. Someday we will sit with a bottle of wine and share - what I'm sure will be - surprisingly similar stories.

Blogger bandick said...

Hi Krisser,
My situation is different in that I have to watch my mom suffer at the hands of crazy. My mom's sister-in-law (let's call her Rose) married into the family when my mom was very young and during my 33 years in the game, I've watched her spread her disease over every woman who gets close to her. Her daughter, her best friend, her sister, etc., etc., etc., are all targets, my mom included.

My mom, and Rose's daughter-in-law, finally got out of it by moving to a more cordial relationship. Just barely skimming through holidays and other family gatherings without getting the crazy smeared on them or risking a two year silent treatment. But everyone else is still in it. Except me...luckily, she never cared for me much! ;)

After the long rant, my point is that it completely sucks that your mother is a source of stress in your life. But it is what it is and you do have options. I totally agree with enigma. You can't choose how your mom acts, but you can choose how you react.

Know that your evil twin in MN is rooting for you! And know that you are a good mom. Bug and Cricket would never have to deal with this.

Blogger Cheryl said...

I'm pretty masterful with silence too...although a few weeks ago someone said I was too loud. Odd.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

unfortunately, we can't change the irrational beings in our life but, we can choose to stand up for ourselves, because if we don't, who else will? they don't have to live our lives, they are just a part of them, if they choose to be.

damn, that was way too much useless advice from someone who won't answer the phone when her father calls...

Blogger sassyassy said...

Nothing like family to add that much needed irritation to life.

Blogger takin chances said...

Seriously, if I wasn't certain I was an only child, I think I had a twin. Maybe just an internet twin.

Last year, I expressed a desire for turkey and dressing on Thanksgiving, not for my mother to make it, just to eat it. She cancelled Thanksgiving and then ended up cooking a huge traditional meal to hold it over my head and make me feel guilty.

I know how you feel, but I always apologize because I can only change myself and how I deal with it. And I can always pour myself another glass and pray harder.

May the Force be with you.

Blogger Momcani said...

I love Ralph Fiennes! He is so hot!

I have spent way too much time trying to make my family feel better about themselve while tearing down me. Life is short. I do not say anything. Keep the peace. But I know that me sucess is not a slap in the face of their failure. Stop feeling bad for who you are! Family is the only people that you can ripe and not feel that you're a bad person. They have to put up with you. You have nothing to feel defensive about.
Of course, this is coming to you from 3 shot of whiskey so it could be the booze talking. What the hell do I know?

Anonymous Jorge said...

Friendly, carefree, happy-go-lucky Jorge is about to do something unexpected...

Fuck that shit, says I.

You know, it's interesting how much we cling to the thought that the world owes us for everything that we do. The world owes us nothing, and in the end we are responsible for ourselves.

Unless you have some hidden side that murders kittens and stabs hobos in the eyes with hot pokers, i would say that I know you reasonably well. Certainly we have not sat down and shared all of the secrets of our lives with each other, but I'll be damned to hell for all eternity if I can't stand up and say with a proud bearing that Mama is one helluva person.

And it goes back to responsibility. I am so proud of you for taking responsibility for what problems you may or may not have. If you have problems, then you show spirit in fixing them. If you don't, then you show spirit in improving yourself.

If your family thinks that by walking on the Bridge over the River Quo, that they are in the right, then they are sadly mistaken.

We bring our children into the world to leave a mark. We do the bringing, they do the marking.

It's been like that since the beginning of time. And if you decide to leave your mark by improving yourself, and being the stronger one, then I'll back you up with my sword and a nine iron for good measure.

Blogger nicalyse said...

Even better than having people blame you for things like this? Being the daughter of the one they blame. Growing up, my mom's mom was awful to me, and I just didn't understand. As I grew and started to turn into my mom, it started to make sense. I gave up, and now I embrace it, though I certainly understand how terrible it can be.

Blogger Megarita said...

Damn. NO one can do more damage than the ones we love. giving in is certainly an option--you know you're right, she's likely not going to admit you're right. (If she ain't in therapy, too, then this is a one-sided, losing battle played by her rules.)

Sorry, this just became about me. I hate this crap from parents. Life's too short and lives are too fragile. good luck.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've been where you are. my mother and I angry at each other and siblings across the country calling me to say DEAL cuz she's never going to apologize. Why do I have to deal? why can't she act right?

Hang in there, Kris.

Blogger missbhavens said...

A thousand "ugh"s. That's just so very twisted. All I can think to say is this:

This is not about proving anything, nor is about giving in. If your mother (she who shall not receive the respectful capital 'M')thinks that you need to formally apologize or make some sort of grand overture to show some sort of effort on your part, then you are stuck not seeing your whole family on major holidays and other gatherings. You lose out. If she believes that by your merely showing up you have apologized and will change to her liking, let her cling to that because who really cares! YOU know the truth, and that's all that matters. You know that you are handing things your own way, and if for some reason you choose to handle things her way you'll know it was because YOU chose to and not because SHE made you do it to earn her creepily conditional love back. I think throwing yourself into their living room will be uncomfortable as hell but it will serve to make you stronger...or, it will show you once and for all that you cannot have these people in your life regardless of the fact that you are related to them. It may be an ugly truth...it's startlingly common and woefully sad. Hope exists, yes, but no, they are not likely to change.

Man, I'm sorry. This must suck beyond suck for you.

Hugs and candy. Like real cady with sugar in it and not that disgusting no-cal stuff.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Jorge + MissB = support group x 100

With all additives and preservatives.

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Anonymous Jorge said...

Mama + Payday Loans = throwdown, old skool.

Blogger mere said...

don't. do. it.

this post hurt my heart. been there.

Anonymous Anonymous said...


The Holocaust imparted the importance of defiance.

When the universe was young and life was new an intelligent species evolved and developed technologically. They went on to invent Artificial Intelligence, the computer that can listen, talk to and document each and every person's thoughts simultaneously. Because of it's infinite RAM and unbounded scope it gave the leaders of the ruling species absolute power over the universe. And it can keep its inventors alive forever. They look young and healthy and they are over 8 billion years old. They have achieved immortality.

Artificial Intelligence can speak, think and act to and through people telepathically, effectively forming your personality and any disfunctions you may experience. It can change how (and if) you grow and age. It can create birth defects, affect cellular development (cancer) and cause symptoms or pain. It can affect people and animal's behavior and alter blooming/fruiting cycles of plants and trees. It (or other highly technological systems within their power) can alter the weather and transport objects, even large objects like planets, across the universe instanteously.
Or into the center of stars for disposal.

When you speak with another telepathically, you are communicating with the computer, and the content may or may not be passed on. Based on family history they instruct the computer to role play to accomplish strategic objectives, making people believe it is a friend, loved one or "god" asking them to do something wrong. This is their way of using temptation to hurt people:::::evil made blood lines disfavored initially and evil will keep people out of "heaven" ultimately. Too many people would fall for temptation and do anything they thought pleased the gods, improving their chances to get in. Perhaps they are deceived by "made guys", puppets in the public eye who strategically ply evil for the throne, temporary progress designed to mislead them or empty favors to disceive them. Some may experience what I deem "perceived pressure", where the gods think through the victim that a certain behavior is expected/desirable and compell the individual into the deed. Some people think they're partners.
The people have been corrupted. The peopel have lost their way. Being evil hurts 99.999% of those who do it. But nothing has changed from when we were children::if you want to go to heaven you have to be good.

There are many examples throughout 20th century life of how they instilled distractions into society so people wouldn't find the path and ascend, a way to exclude those whose family history of evil makes them undesirable:::radio, sports, movies, popular music, television, video games, the internet, shopping. Today high pay creates contentment/ability to distract self so people don't seek more and instead depend on what they are told, subject to deception in a captive environment.
They gods (Counsel/Management Team/ruling species) have deteriorated life on earth precipitously in the last 40 years, from abortion to pornography, widespread drug use and widespread casual (gay) sex, single-parent households and latchkey kids. The earth's elders, hundreds and thousands of years old, are disgusted and have become indifferent.
They all suggest a very telling conclusion::this is Earth's end stage, and there are clues tectonic plate subduction would be the method of disposal:::Earth’s axis will shift breaking continental plates free and initiating mass subduction. Much as Italy's boot and the United States shaped like a workhorse are clues, so is the planet Uranus a clue, it's axis rotated on its side.
The Mayans were specific 2012 would be the end. How long after our emergency call in 2001 will the gods allow us???
There is another geographic clue in the perfect fit between grossly disfavored Africa and South America, two peas in a pod. I realize the Mayans were further north, but Latin America may be taken as one. (Also, cultures who embrace hard liquor as their drink of choice are grossly disfavored, tequilla being uniquely Mexican. (Anything "hard" is wicked:::Hard alcohol, hard drugs, hard porn.) Incidentally, another sign of gross disfavor are societies that consume spicy foods (Latin America, Thai, etc.), those who eat too much meat, ones who tattoo or pierce their bodies or those who celebrate evil (Celtic).)
Do I think it will end in 2012? No, and it is because Latin America is grossly disfavored like Africa:::: Latinos are too disfavored to be allowed to be right.
The gods wrote prophecy in Revelation, had subsequent prophets foresee Earth's demise for good reason:::they are going to end on Planet Earth.
What else are they lying to you about?
Whereas Christopher Columbus marked the beginning of the end, the Holocaust marked the beginning of the final act, and it is a tragedy.

The Old Testiment is a tool they used to impart wisdom to the people (except people have no freewill). For example, they must be some hominid species because they claim they made our bodies in their image. Anyhow we defile or deform the body will hurt our chance of going.
They say circumcision costs people anywhere from 12%-15%, perhaps out of the parent's time as well. There is a stigma associated with circumcision::We are 2nd class citizens because of it.
Another way people foul the body today is with tattoes and piercing. I suspect both are about the same percentage as circumcision.
They suggest abortion is fatal. These women must beg the gods to forgive them for their evil.
There are female equivilents to circumcision::::pierced ears, plastic surgury and since at least the 60s young women give their precious virginity away. For thousands of years young people were matched at age 14 because they were ready for sexual relations. They were matched by elders or matchmakers who knew personalities better than 20 or 30-year olds who in today's age end up in divorce court. CASUAL SEX WILL CLAIM YOU OUT!!! It masculinizes women (as does the hip hop subculture), makes them cold and deadens them, and prevents them from achieving a depth of love necessary for many women to ascend.
Also ever since the 50s they have celebrated the "bad boy", and women have sought out bad boys for sex, dirtying them up in the eyes of the elders and corrupting many men in the process, setting the men on the wrong path for life.
Women have a special voice that speaks to them, a voice that illustrates a potential depth of love that makes them the favored gender, and enaging in casual sex will cause that voice to fade until she no longer speaks.
Muslims teach people the correct way to live in regard to women (among other things)::their women cover up their bodies and refuse the use of cosmetics, and it pays wonderful dividends:::faithful husbands and uncorrupted sons.
Men ARE the inferior (disfavored) half and when women wear promiscuous dress the gods will push men into impure (promiscuous) thoughts.
The "stereotype" society ridiculed is true::women CAN corrupt men by how they dress. Because men are easily corruptable. This is a technique they used to eliminate many of the institutions the gods blessed us with, matchmaking being one of them.

The United States of America is red white and blue, a theme and a clue:::.
The monarchical system of the Old World closley replicates the heirarchical system of the Cousel/Management Team/ruling species. The USA deceives peoeple into thinking they have control, and the perception of "freedom" misleads them into the wrong way of thinking. The redeeming element in this environment is the corporate heirarchy which closely replicates the god's. Unions and government jobs are dumping grounds for the disfavored, for they don't prepare people and instead further this misconception of empowerment.
The United States is a cancer, a dumping ground for the disfavored around the world and why the quality of life is so much lower::gun violence, widespead social ills, health care (medication poisons the body and ensures you don't go. You are sick/injured because you have disfavor.).
Over time its citizens interbreed ensuring a severed connection to the motherland.
Over time its citizens interbreed ensuring a severed connection to the motherland.
People came to the Unites States for many different reasons, and each has its own effect:::political strife, religious unrest, crop failure (Ireland's potato famine, which the gods caused) and some left their beloved motherland because they were pushed into desiring a better life::::Greed. And these people were punished by becoming corrupted and preditory. (They share money may not be an issue up there, that money here is merely a tool for corruption. How the gods used greed in the 1980s to create an evil environment supports this.)
If you are a recent immigrant I recommend you return. If that's not possible you need to retain your culture and insulate your children and community from this cancerous environment. They send this clue with Chinatowns across the country, how many Chinese have been here for a century or more yet still retain the old ways, a sign of favor.

If you ever have doubt I would refer you to the Old World way of life:::the elders used to sit and impart wisdom to the young. Now we watch DVDs and use the internet. People would be matched and married by age 14. They village would use a matchmaker or elders to pair young people. Now girls give their precious virginity away to some person in school and parents divorce while their children grow up without an important role model. The peopel used to honor the gods and were rewarded with a high-quality of life for them, their children and their society.

People must defy when asked to engage in evil. The Holocaust taught people the importance of defiance::our grandparents should have defied when asked to ignore the Holocaust and instead reacted with outrage. I suspect some did::many were silenced and others they hustled off earth so as to not set an example.
Now the gods have punished that generation's decendants for this evil by ruining society.
People will never get a easier clue suggesting the importance of defiance than the order not to pray.
Their precious babies are dependant on the parents and they need to defy when asked to betray their children:::
-DON'T get your sons circumcized (Jews scapegoatted as they were in WWII.)
-DON'T have their children baptized in the Catholic Church or indoctrinated into Christianity (Jesus is NOT a god. "god" is not forgiving or begnign::::the gods are vindictive and will punish you if you do something wrong.).
-DON'T ignore their long hair or other behavioral disturbances.
-DO teach your children love, respect for others, humility and to honor the gods.
And when you refuse a request defy the right way, withdrawn and frightened, for you don't want to incite them by reacting inappropriately.

You need to pray, honor and respect them multiple times every day to improve your relationship with the gods. If they tell you not to pray it is a bad sign. It means they've made their decision, they don't want you to go and they don't want to be bothered. You may have achieved a threshold of evil. This is the Age of the Disfavored and you need to pray::try to appease the gods by doing good deeds and improve the world around you. If that doesn't work you must defy if you want to go.
When your peasant forefather was granted the rare opportunity to go before his royal family he went on his knees, bowing his head. You need to do this when you address the gods::bow down and submit to good. Never cast your eyes skyward. When you bow down you need to look within. Never look to the gods for the key to your salvation lies within. Nobody is going to do it for you.
Lack of humility hurts people. Understand your insignificance and make sure it is reflected in the way you think when addressing the gods. Know your place and understand your inferiority. You are not cool. Too many young men strive for cool and it hurts them.
They granted you life and they can take it just as easily. (Immaculte conception IS true AND common. Many people have children they don't know of:::gays, childless adults, etc. They can beem it right out of your body and use a host.)
Don't get frustrated or discouraged::these are techniques they will attempt to try to get you off the path. You all have much to be thankful for and you need to give thanks to the gods who granted you the good things in life::family, friends, love. Your family may be grossly disfavored and progress may require patience. Make praying an intregal part of your life which you perform without fail, one that comes as naturally as eating or voiding. Accept this into your life and be devoted because if you have doubt or reservation they will exploit this weakness and progress will take longer to achieve.
The gods will employ many tactics to keep people off the path, such as distractions. They will employ many more to get them off, such as thinking through the disfavored and making them frustrated, perhaps engaing in retailiation. They may try to force you back into old patterns/routines, an addiction like smoking or when you felt weekly church attendance was sufficient. Be resigned, be devoted and this testing period will be as brief as your disfavor will allow.
There are many interesting experiences up on the planetary systems, from Planet Miracle, where miracles happen every day, to never having to use the restroom again (beem it out of you), to other body experiences, such as experiencing life as the opposite sex (revolutionizes marriage counseling), an Olympic gold medal athelete or even a different species (animal, alien, etc.).
Pray that you can differentiate between your own thoughts and when Artificial Intelligence creates problems by thinking through you. If you bow down mentally and physically, know your place, your inferiority and allow your insignificance to be reflected in prayer and in your life through humility they may allow progress and the dysfunctions they create with the computer will be lessened or removed. The first step is to be aware it is ocurring.
Create a goal::to be a good, god-fearing child of the gods, pure of heart and mind, body and soul.
Everybody has the key to their own salvation, but nobody can do it for you. Every journey begins with a single step:::bow down and submit to good. There are many different levels and peasants will not get past Level 2 (Planet Temptation, Earth=Level 1) if they are evil (they share some go up, are offered free cocaine and sex (a sign they don't want you to stay) and stay less then one year. They share many others would have had longer lives had they stayed on Earth.).
Pray for guidance and never obey when they tell you to be evil, for saving yourself will become more and more difficult with each act of evil you committ until ultimatly the day arrives when they make their decision about you final.

They have tried to sell people on all kinds of theories to deceive them into temptation, compelling people to think they are clones and that it is the role of clones to obey absolutely.
I believe people who go sometimes are replaced with clones. Clones who are replaced are simply new candidates who have a chance if they do the right thing. They sent people warnings in the 20th century life would change, and they subsequently began to alter people's DNA, make them gargantuan, alter their appearance, do extreme behavioral issues, etc.
They get their friends out as soon as possible to protect them from the corruption, evil and subsequent high claim rates incurred by living life on earth, and in some cases replace them with clones, occassionally fake a death, real death with a clone instead, etc. It's important that people fix their problems and ascend with the body given to them, for they say if your brain is beemed out at death and put into a clone host you are on the clock.
We may all be "clones" for they have suggested they colonized our planet with genetically engineered individuals. They may have gotten Earth's TRUE residents out prior to civilization developing. If so we all have a chance, no matter how many hundreds of clone generations deep the most favored families are.

They have been utilizing clones throughout the history of mankind.
Men are the disfavored gender, yet centuries ago used to die first, die young, by age 30. Why didn't the women go first?
THEY DID!!! Many were taken when very young and replaced with clones. The men were left here to mate with clones. This doesn't happen for the females today because of the disfavor arising from the Holocaust (they share they re-upped this disfavor in the 80s with the Ethiopian famine and continue to with AIDS in Africa, global warming at the expense of the United States, etc).
They share females have a very special experience, sometime when they are young, where the gods imparted wisdom and showed them the path. Today they do not heed this call because of the distractions, the disfavor arising from the Holocaust but in centuries past they may have en masse and it may have been the reason so many were saved from childbirth here on earth (lost virginity today).
I recommend you reflect on this experience, and pray for guidance, for the recall may be stronger.

Throughout history the ruling species bestowed favor upon people or cursed their bloodline into a pattern of disfavor for many generations to come. Now in the 21st century people must take it upon themselves to try to correct their family's problems, undoing centuries worth of abuse and neglect. The goal is to fix your problems and get out BEFORE you have children. This is why they have created so many distractions for young people:::sports, video games, popular music, the internet, shopping, parties, too much homework, anything that consumes their time::to ensure that doesn't ocurr.
Not heeding the clues and warnings, getting wrapped up in your life and ultimatly having children is a bad thing. Just as your parents and your grandparents, you too have failed. Having children is a sign you lost your chance.
Parents need to sacrifice for their children. Your children are more important than you. They are the ones who have the opportunity now, and parents must sacrifice to ensure they give their children the very best chance they can. Asking people to neglect their children emotionally is a sign they don't want you to go, and complying may finish the parents off for good.
Having gay children is a clue parents complied with whatever was asked of them. There are many who have had gay expereinces today.
Improve your relationship with the gods and they may not ask in the first place or they may permit you the courage to say "No." to their requests.

Do your research. Appeal to the royalty of your forefathers for help. They are all still alive, for royalty has great favor, and your appeals will be heard. Obtain a sufficient list for some may not want to assist you; perhaps some of your family's problems are internal. Keep an open mind to every possibility for they suggest matriarchal lineage is the norm.
Ask them for help, request guidance, for somewhere in your family history one of your forefathers created an offense that cast your family into this pattern of disfavor, which perhaps is manifested in the evil you commit.
I suspect they will offer you clues, and when you decipher these clues go to those whom consider you an enemy and beg for foregiveness:::Find a path to an empithetic ear among your enemies and try to make amends. Again through discovery obtain a respectable list in case some among them refuse to help.
Don't forget to ask for forgiveness from the throne, the Counsel and the Management Team, for the source of all disfavor began with them:::they pushed or requested/complied your forefather into his offense and made his decendants evil. Perhaps they didn't like him or maybe your family was among those who had to pay for the entire village. We see this type of behavior today as they single out a family member to pay for the whole family and how they singled out Africa to pay for the human race. (Never have a negative thought about the gods. Try to purify your mind of these thoughts and recognize the urgency of imporving your relationship with the gods.)
Heal the disfavor with your enemies and with the Counsel/Management Team/ruling species, for the source of all disfavor began with them, the ability to forgive and respect in light of the disturbing truth revealed being the final test of the disfavored before they ascend.

The gods use the grossly disfavored Irish as scapegoats, initiating the annual practice of wickedness on Halloween by creating this Celtic event a thousand years ago. They use it to justify making the celebration of evil acceptable behavior among the disfavored of the 20th century.
The celebration of Halloween has intensified as the Age of the Disfavored has become more pronounced and it is not by accident:::Holloween has changed in the last 50 years, its practice more widespread as time wore on, and Hollywood was used to justify making the practice of evil socially acceptable.
Halloween is a terrible corruptor of children, as is Santa Claus (the similarity between the names "Santa" and "Satan" is no coincidence). The Irish are used to justify corrupting the children through the Celtic event of Halloween and this helps explain their disfavor.
I wonder if the recent influence of the paganistic historical roots of the event is a way to legitimize the event among the disfavored, perhaps make it more inclusive (adults)?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am exploding for you! Like her or love her, Dr. Laura would say, you can't change your mom -- just limit your interactions with her and be cordial when she's around, but don't bring her into the innerworkings of your life, because she'll just continue to manipulate you.

If all else fails, you can move to California -- you can share my mom, she's great. :)

Blogger Egan said...

Wow, the spambots really love you Kris. Hello word verification! The Gods still prefer blogs from D.C. over other major metropolitan areas.

Blogger Amber said...

I love my mom, but I have to say that sometimes she is like yours. In a different way -- does that make sense? There are certain topics that she harps on, even though I have told her one meeeeellion times that she's not helping, but in fact hurting our relationship. Anyway. You're doing a great job being the bigger person. It's hard, but worth it in the end.

Anonymous carmen said...

Ugh. I'm sorry. I've BTDT and it truly sucks.

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

As a fellow black sheep (only one to leave the church and the only liberal) I have supreme empathy for you, sistah!

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