MSN got all up in my grill this morning with an article detailing the 10 Reasons Men Won’t Commit. I was pretty excited as I thought they were referencing my favorite subject: homicide, but apparently they were talking about the coupling that is marriage. Despite my disappointment, I read on. Their reasons, and my reactions*, follow.
10 Reasons Men Won't Commit
Reason 1: Men can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past. So can women. What’s the point? And given how many Mary Sues have been shipped off for nine months to their “aunt’s house in the country,” I’m gonna go ahead and say it probably hasn’t been all that difficult to get it for some time now.
Reason 2: Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. If by enjoy the benefits of having a wife, they mean “have someone pick on you for leaving your towel on the floor, criticize the type of mediciney mouthwash you insist on using, and less frequent sex,” I’m not really getting it. Maybe that’s just my old relationships.
Reason 3: Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. Are women still getting 50% of their spouse’s assets? I know some women who are giving that much to their husbands in their divorces. Esquires, please do weigh in on this one. And note that I typed esquires. Escorts can keep quiet.
Reason 4: Men want to wait until they are older to have children. This one makes sense to me. Anyone see that GA-Runaway-Bride-eyed contestant on the Bachelor? The one who’s 23 and incessantly talking about her timeline? And stressing the fact that being on the show and marrying the Blaine look-alike will put her right where she needs to be to procreate by 30? It makes me shudder. I can’t imagine what it does to the opposite sex. Dude repellant.
Reason 5: Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. Which is clearly so much worse than living in your parents’ basement, Cliff Clavin.
Reason 6: Men are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared. SPOILER ALERT: There is no perfect soul mate, asshats! There are perfect days at the beach with a breeze and without a burn, perfect pizzas with just the right balance of cheese and sauce, and perfect margaritas. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation for someone who will spend decades sharing your roof. Or so my Chicken Soup books tell me.
Reason 7: Men face few social pressures to marry. In all seriousness, do women face social pressures to marry? I feel the pressure to have children (inspired by such insightful statements as, “but who will wash you when you are too old to wash yourself?”), but interestingly enough, no pressure to marry. Discuss.
Reason 8: Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children. Because we all know how mean, unnurturing, uncaring, inflexible, and hardhearted mothers can be. Next.
Reason 9: They want to own a house before they get a wife. I’m actually all for this. I’m pretty sure that I will never be financially stable, so if he comes with a home and a working car or skateboard, even better.
Reason 10: Men want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. I don’t have that much to say about this one. I can definitely appreciate the thinking behind this. And we all know that space is hard to compromise and routines hard to break. But I would hate to think that men would miss out on the beauty of a long-term commitment because they were afraid nights with the guys would suddenly be taboo. Which of course they would be.
*I am not married, nor have I ever been, nor will I likely ever be, unless this adopt-a-Malawian-husband thing pans out, so all opinions should be taken with a grain of salt and the knowledge that they are based upon a rather long series of fulfilling yet failed relationships. Awesome.