November 10, 2006
Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
Party people, I’m proud to say that I’m 33 today. Ahhhhh. I’m not sure what to write about the day itself, other than I’m grateful for a moment to celebrate with friends and wine, glad for a date on which to reset the timer, in love with the fact that I’m savoring my 30s rather than sitting uncomfortably in the skin of my 20s. And I’m loving looking forward.

This is the second birthday I’ve celebrated while writing on this site. I’m commemorating the day with said wine and referenced accomplices as well as an eye toward the 33 things a 33-year-old would be proud to accomplish by age 40. It’s closer than you – and surely I – can even imagine.

A few beautiful things I’d like to do in the next few years . . .

1. Own more than four bras. And buy those really kick-ass, expensive, gorgeous ones. Like Anna Nicole probably wore before she started the crack.
2. Ride a roller coaster for the first time.
3. Spend at least a week in the Greek Islands. Preferably on a private boat.
4. Get the operation I’ve been putting off for 16 years.
5. Purchase an apartment that despite its cracks and peeling paint takes my breath away.
6. Run a 5K without panting or hallucinating.
7. Visit the Egyptian pyramids in all their splendor. Fight tears while taking in said grandeur.
8. Meditate regularly.
9. Attend two home Florida State football games in the same season.
10. Learn to cook five dishes that I can make with my eyes closed. At least one must be a dessert. At least one other must involve vindaloo. All five must wow ‘em at dinner parties.

11. (Oh.) Have a dinner party for which I make everything from scratch.
12. a) Touch a koala bear. b) Hold koala bear if it doesn’t try to scratch my eyes out after 12a.
13. Find an accepting home for my spiritual beliefs.
14. Trace Jack the Ripper’s literal footsteps through London.
15. Fall in unguarded, spectacular, ridiculous, magnificent, hot, mushy love. And when I find him, kiss this man regularly as if my life depended on it.
16. Have more than half of my furniture bought after leaving graduate school.
17. Give a speech to more than 200 people. Without backing out early and/or hyperventilating.
18. Read the remainder of the canon of world literature I somehow missed.
19. Sing karaoke with wild abandon.
20. Keep a personal, hard-copy journal for one full year.

21. Own a car with bum warmers.
22. Spend a month without television. I’d like to keep it in the room and put plants and my nail polish on it, but choose not to watch it.
23. Make an international volunteer trip, likely to Central or South America.
24. Publish somewhere other than this site.
25. Make my SCUBA open-water dive on Grand Bahama Island.
26. Become an expert on one topic not related to my degrees.
27. Learn as much as I can about blues music.
28. Observe an autopsy.
29. Get my groove on. Take both salsa and ballroom dancing lessons.
30. Make amends with my parents. Even just a few weeks of Texas Hold ‘Em, shared mystery movies and unabated laughter would be worth all of this.

31. Stop my M.O. of keeping people around so I can have my Christmas card numbers up.
32. Wake up 4/5 days with a passion for what I do for a living.
33. Learn to forgive. Learn to treat people well on more days than I don’t, doing so without an intentional thought about any part of it.

Thanks for celebrating each and every day with me. Or those days that I actually post.

I raise a glass to you.



Blogger JordanBaker said...

As I type this, I am singing "Happy Birthday to You" in my best Marilyn Monroe impression.

And for goal #1, I'm going to suggest the Wacoal iBra. It is the best bra in the world--seamless, stitchless, tagless, supportive, and with the perfect amounts of both push-uppage and lining: enough to create a lovely decolletage and inhibit nipping, but not so much that you'll be accused of false advertising when it comes off.

Anonymous KB said...


Amazingly, I have never ridden a [big] roller-coaster either. (Space Mountain SO does not count) So we'll go together!

Have a great day!

Blogger Allison said...

Happy late birthday! The goal list is a great thing. Good luck with that. And about the bra thing...aside from my "real job", I work part time at Victoria Secret. The best part about working there is the AMPLE free bras that I get...every time a new one comes out. A $50 bra for nothing ain't too shabby. I know have 16, I think. Which is way too many, by the way.

Oh, yeah. I enjoy your site.

Blogger Margaret said...

Happy Birthday!!! I raise a glass and make a wish to you getting to observe an autopsy.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Happy Birthday!

I wished that you had visited this weekend so we could have celebrated by staring longingly at the line-up at the base of the CN tower.

I hope your day/week/month/year to come is everything you deserve. And you deserve the best!

Love unbound,

Blogger Genevieve said...


Anonymous guinness girl said...

Happy birthday to youuuuu!
Happy birthdayyyyy toooo youuuuu!
Happppppy Biiiiiirrrttthhhdaaayyy, deeear Kriiiii-iiis!
Happppy Birrthdayyyy toooo youuuuuualoualou!


Blogger Hammer said...

Happy Birthday. As for #27, I suggest a 4-part plan.

First, go here:

Second: Familiarize yourself with the story of Robert Johnson.

Third: Get old CDs from John Lee Hooker, Lightnin' Hopkins, Taj Mahal, and Muddy Waters to start. If you like what you hear, add Little Walter, Howlin' Wolf and Sonny Terry to the list.

Fourth: Change your name to a good blues name, because I doubt the Blues Gods will ever allow anyone named "Kris" to get the blues, no matter how many men she shoots in Memphis.

Blogger V said...

Great list :)

Happy Birthday!!

Blogger StupendousWoman said...

Hi Kris,
I've been reading your blog for a while and I thoroughly enjoy it. I find it appropriate that my first comment would be to wish you a happy birthday. May all your plans work out!
And thank you so much for your blog.

Best wishes from another one of those wine-drinking, cat-loving, 30-something canadians. :)

Blogger Boo7 said...

Hope you have an awesome, happy, happy day!!!

Loved your list...but...observing an autopsy???

Blogger Rosie said...

Don't forget to raise a glass to YOURSELF.

Happy Birthday! The 30s rock!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Cheers big ears!

(That's an Aussie term of endearment. Honest)

Blogger Finn said...

*raises a glass to you* Happy Birthday, beautiful. The 30s are a wonderful time. Enjoy them.

When you come down for those FSU (cough) games, call me and I'll take you on a roller coaster ride. A real one, not a figurative one. I like you, but not like that. ;)

Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

Happy Birthday, Kris!

Blogger themikestand said...

Happy Birthday to you, Kris. You shouldn't have to toast other people on your special day, but that's very nice nonetheless. And I might just have to gather (find?) 199 friends and order you a drink (and probably find you an airplane ticket.)

Blogger Freckled K said...

Happy Birthday!

Blogger jenn said...

Happy Birthday, Kris! That's a great list: Here's to crossing every item off of it!

Blogger Lisa said...

Nothing says success like a warm bum. Seriously, happy birthday, I'll raise a glass (or two) in your honour tonight.

Anonymous jonniker said...

Awesome list. Happy birthday.

Blogger missbhavens said...

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!!!

(skip the autopsy)

Blogger Reid said...

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON A ROLLERCOASTER?! Forget drinks tonight; we've got to find you a coaster.

Sorry for the all-caps, but I feel it was necessary.

Anonymous maliavale said...

Raising a glass right back atcha, babe! *clink* Happy birthday. May it be a wonderful year -- it sounds like you're off to a great start.

Blogger Chantel said...

Happy Birthday Girlie. 33 is a great age and I think your list is not only fabulous but acheivable.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thank goodness you just had to read that instead of hear it :) Have a great day, doll!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

What the heck is vindaloo?

Anonymous Anne Glamore said...

OK- I think I can help you with the recipe angle if you're serious. We could start off with some lemony chicken kabobs, then learn the chicken with mixed herb cream sauce, and go from there.

For dessert, how about a lucious chocolate pound cake, and you can fancy it up with a scoop of ice cream and sprig of mint. I'm a cook-a-holic but like to have easy do aheads when I entertain so I can party, too.

If interested, this could be a fun co-blogging project. It would be nice to blog about food instead of fifth grade hormones and the tooth fairy!
Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Kris! I can attest, 33 is wonderful.

And shit girl, get thine self to an amusement park and fast!

Blogger JoJo said...

Happy Birthday, Kris. I toast your greatness!

Blogger BabsieD said...

Happy Birthday Kris! 33 is great, 34 is better, 35 the forehead lines start settling in (I mean, so I've heard...).

Blogger Wicked H said...

Many, many happy returns!!!!!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Here is what little I can do to help you with your list. I realize this is not the same as standing in the morgue as an autopsy is done, but it's probably better, because who really wants to do that anyways?

Very informative and only marginally creepy and squeamish inducing....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Kris! Great list (a lot of it resonnates with me).

Don't be so hard on yourself, especially when it comes to your parents. I bet this time next year, you won't even remember what came between you.

lots of good vibes comin' atcha!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday.

ps. #12,did you mean 12a? ;)

Anonymous Evil Genius said...

Happiest of Birthdays to you - And Many More to come as well!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, random internet stranger.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I was 50 Cent on this the day of your birth, I’d say, “Go Shorty, it’s your birthday.” And then: “We’re going to party like it’s your birthday.” Then, I’d add, “We’re going to sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday.” And then I use an expletive in regards to your birthday, which would be both mean and untrue. So let’s both by happy that, while it is your birthday, I’m not 50 Cent.

Keep rockin’ like Dokken,


Blogger S said...

happy birthday. your blog is great and i read it all the time, so i'll raise a glass for you this evening. though i won't tell those i'm with that i'm toasting a blogger i've never met, because that might seem weird. but in my head, you know. silently.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...


my wish for you is to have the jake of your dreams to kiss while hunched over next year's birthday cake.

and if i lived closer, i would bring my karaoke machine over to sing with wild abandon with you, as well as schedule an autopsy for you to observe with my mortician friend. that's what bloggy friends do for each other....

Blogger wharman said...

Many happy birthday wishes to you.

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

Happy Happy Happppy Birthday!

Blogger Momcani said...

That's a wonderful list. Especially #15. Happy Birthday.

Anonymous Sarah said...

Happy birthday!!! I have no doubt that 33 will be one phenomenal year for you -- you rock, and you are TOTALLY due.

Interestingly enough -- we watched 16 candles tonight, as Dave had never seen it. Oh, how prescient your title was.

We are thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you again soon!!

Blogger Sandra said...

I've done the Jack The Ripper Trail 5 or 6 times, YES DO IT!!! Otherwise I haven't done any of this and I have the same nice bra dream.

Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Happy, happy birthday! You rock!

Anonymous becky(priss) said...

happy birthday! i just turned 33 on the 27th. and i agree, i love my 30s more than my 20s. great list you have there.

Anonymous hrh kts said...

deer neer neer neer neer neer ...
deer neer neer neer neer neer...

well, not really...but I do wanna wish YOU a GOOD TIME!

Happy 33rd! :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm drinking a wonderful glass (aka. bottle) of Pinot Noir just for you right now! Happy Birthday to a wonderful person/writer/all-around-groovy-ass-chick!!!


Anonymous Erika said...

Kris! Happy Birthday, you young little thing, you!

I love your list, it makes me hate that I have not ever even thought to aspire to those things! (Except, I have witnessed an autopsy!)

How will you keep up with Court TV if you can't actually WATCH TV?

Hope your day was the best ever.
Take care,

Blogger Sizzle said...

awesome list!

i'm a day late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY. i hope it was a wonderful day where you felt the looooove.

i can't wait to watch you cross things off your list. :)

Anonymous Jennifer said...

Raising a glass right back at ya. A brilliantly composed list. I love it.

I hope your birthday was wonderful, and that the year ahead is full of all those things you wish for yourself, plus a few you never thought to want.

Anonymous whoorl said...

Happy Birthday, Kris.

This year is going to RAWK!

Blogger Darbs said...

Happy Belated Birthday Kris!!! You share the same birthday as my nephew :o) Here's to many, many more! Hope you partied like a rock star!

And it's freaky just how many of "33 beautiful thing you'd like to do in the next few years" that we have in common!

Even though it has been a crazy Journey, I too am lovin' my 30's!

Blogger Marisa said...

That really is an awesome list! I knew I liked you, but I didn't know it was because you're a fellow Scorpio. Cheers!

Blogger Marissa said...


Blogger Kate said...

Kris, darling.

If you actually make it through some of the things in that list, can you let me know how, specifically?

Stay fabulous.

Love, J

Aka Kate :)

Blogger Jessica said...

Amazing list from an amazing lady. Hope your birthday was great, and your year is everything you hope for, plus some.

Blogger Megarita said...

I'm up for Egypt whenever you are. And let me really recommend the expensive bra purchase. the girls will thank you, people around you will thank you, your clothes will thank you . . .

Happy b'day Kris.

Anonymous nardac said...

Big cwazy french kisses from over the pond... a fellow Scorpion and Big Hair fan.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I told you that I'd post one day! :)

The one day I don't read your blog...I miss the fact that it's your birthday! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!! I hope you had a kick ass w/end filled with loads of wine and good times! You deserve it!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a reader coming out of hiding to wish you a Happy Birthday! I've enjoyed reading your weblog, and I wish you the very best.

Btw, is it Koala or Panda Bears that are known for being cute but mean? You might want to look into that one.

Blogger Washington Cube said...

Happy belated birthday. You've made yourself an interesting list to pursue.

Anonymous chris said...

Wow I'd love to do all of those things to... well maybe not the autopsy one ::shudder::

I have ride a rollercoaster on my 40 before 40 list, perhaps we should make a date and do it together. I'll bring the depends, you bring the barf bags.

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

Happy birthday, sweetie!!!! This is such an admirable list. Hope that you get to do all of them....right quick. Raising glass to you!

Blogger Kelly said...

Clearly, I sent the belated wishes on your last post before reading this one...

That list is fabulous. You are Fabulous. And you certainly deserve all the things you wish for, especially:
1, 3, 5, 12, 15, 19, 21!!, 29,30 and 32.

Anonymous bloggadocio said...

Darling, you are a 'nole?! I love it - I'm of the other Bowden university! Yea for the ACC up north!

Blogger tmaris said...

I'm not sure I believe in astrology or whatever, but the fact that our birthdays are two days apart makes me wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I like you (or at least your blog) so much. Written, but not posted my own birthday blog, so you're like three steps ahead on that front...

Blogger superclosetnerd said...

Updating my bookmarks... see you're still here. Looks different than I remembered. I've updated my stuff too - scented soy candle

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bum warmer is the best. As I approach my late thirties, I especially appreciate the heated lumbar support.

Having a passion for one's career is highly over-rated.

Cheers, happy birthday, happy thanksgiving, merry christmas and happy new year!

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