Oh, sure. And they call me Lizzie Borden.

I met a man yesterday. I met a man by whom I was at once captivated. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I felt as if I shouldn't, possibly couldn't, let his handshake go. Was he attractive? Not necessarily. Was he engaging? Not particularly. Did he feign injury and then stuff me in his van only to strangle me later? No, don't be silly. But his name was Ted Bundy.

That's right, funky bunch, not Theodore Bundy, not even Teddy Bundy. A man who actually goes by the name of a serial killer put to death for the murders of women in Utah, Washington, Colorado, and even Tallahassee, Florida (GO NOLES!)

I'm with you friends. WTF?

Note to parents: Naming your child after a serial killer (and yes, this fella would have been born sometime after the spree occurred) is unacceptable. Society can take many a bad name: consider those with two first names (like poor John Johnson) or those simply given awful, unacceptable names (like Ben Dover). But no one wants to go to prom with Jeffrey, Jeff, or Jeffy Dahmer. I can hear it now: Mom, I've met the man I'm going to marry, Ted Kaczynski! He's just a blast! And how many job interviews do you think your beautiful child, Ghengis Khan, will get after sending that resume in?

Note to those of you with names identical to those of established serial killers: Don't you fret about offending your ridiculous parents. They can't help your large nose, your ADHD, or the drinking problem that will strike you in later life, but they could have saved you from this. Feel free to use your middle name liberally (even if it is feminine like Leslie or a strange and burdensome family name like Humphrey). If those don't appeal, please, for the love, MAKE IT UP. All the cool rap kids are doing it. Why shouldn't you be L'il Ted if you are so inclined?



File this under: I shit you not.