Help me Honda

Good morning, road! Twenty-year-old pedestrian, I'll wait on the green light while you and your latte cross the street. I know you aren't as nimble as you were at 18, and your feet must simply ache from that walk of shame you made at 6 this morning! You - take - your - time.

And well hey there minivan! Wow, you are a pretty shade of teal. Yes, I wish I had DVD screens in the back of my headrests, too. Oh well, there you go - welcome to my lane! Didn't know you were coming, but who doesn't understand the need to get to Safeway before Sunny D goes back to full price? I know! See ya at Jazzercise!

Oh no, please, Mr. BMW. Let me slow down so you can assume your rightful place at the front of the line. No, no. We weren't waiting in this mile-long string of cars for any particular reason. BTW, I really like that cologne you're wearing. That's right. I can smell it in here. That's the good stuff. One of those Imposter body sprays the teen workers guard behind glass at the CVS. I bet it's a hit with the servers at the Ruby Tuesday happy hour. Megarita, anyone?

Attn: yeah, you in the bright blue Honda Element. My tampons called. They want their box back.

Hey Lincoln! No, Abe. No turn signals needed here! And no worries about your blind spot. It's all a myth anyway. Of course, no one else on the road really exists behind the LINEUP OF STUFFED ANIMALS IN YOUR BACK WINDOW. Toodles! You have a great day too.