Trading spaces

I am moving. There are many things I have enjoyed about my present, tiny DC apartment.

I live in a great location.
I can walk to restaurants and coffee shops.
I have a bed and life-saving oxygen occasionally squeezes through the window bars (oh, the amenity!)

There are, however, several things I will relish living without. Ahem.

1) The National Zoo pandas won't be looking at me as the caged one.
2) My office > my kitchen table.
3) The ladies at the corner store won't have to pretend they don't speak English when I'm at the register.
4) I will no longer have to do my precious laundry in the "It puts the lotion on its skin" basement.
5) Passing by each other in the doorway won't feel like foreplay.
6) Gone will be the days of having a toilet whose chain is Magyvered together with paper clips, denture cream and a child's floaties.
7) Brand new icemakers are hot!
8) When Bug licks himself, I won't be dry showered due to proximity alone. We'll only take that step when we're both ready.
9) Wine and cheese parties will consist of more than 40s and Lunchables eaten on the floor.
10) And for the love, male interns in full seersucker attire. Dammit kids, not hot! Guys, please don't make me repeat myself on this one.

Sure you don't want to visit before I leave?