July 28, 2005
Trading spaces
I am moving. There are many things I have enjoyed about my present, tiny DC apartment.

I live in a great location.
I can walk to restaurants and coffee shops.
I have a bed and life-saving oxygen occasionally squeezes through the window bars (oh, the amenity!)

There are, however, several things I will relish living without. Ahem.

1) The National Zoo pandas won't be looking at me as the caged one.
2) My office > my kitchen table.
3) The ladies at the corner store won't have to pretend they don't speak English when I'm at the register.
4) I will no longer have to do my precious laundry in the "It puts the lotion on its skin" basement.
5) Passing by each other in the doorway won't feel like foreplay.
6) Gone will be the days of having a toilet whose chain is Magyvered together with paper clips, denture cream and a child's floaties.
7) Brand new icemakers are hot!
8) When Bug licks himself, I won't be dry showered due to proximity alone. We'll only take that step when we're both ready.
9) Wine and cheese parties will consist of more than 40s and Lunchables eaten on the floor.
10) And for the love, male interns in full seersucker attire. Dammit kids, not hot! Guys, please don't make me repeat myself on this one.

Sure you don't want to visit before I leave?


42 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

Time to move on, my dear. I doubt that you will miss DC that much. There is life on the outside, trust me!

I can't even FATHOM living in this city.

One question... trading up to MD or VA?

Blogger Mel said...

No matter where you live, the kitchen table ends up being your office.

Even when you have an office.

Seriously.

Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Sounds like you live in my building.

Blogger Vince said...

"Magyvered!"

I love it. I'm stealing it. Look for it on my site soon.

Good luck with the move!

Blogger Kris said...

I should clarify. I am staying in DC, which I consider to be my new motherland.

I'm just moving to a new deluxe apartment in the skyyyyyyyyy . . .

Thus, we still have a chance of running into each other on the streets of the national capital area - and finally getting our well-deserved stint on Oprah.

Thanks Vince! I'm sure I stole that phrase from someone else, so go right ahead. :)

Blogger Kiki said...

40s and lunchables! That's awesome!

Blogger Mel said...

Isn't "Magyvered!" from Strong Bad?

It's going to take me a while to find that one...

The "it puts the lotion on it's skin" basement.(shudder)

Blogger Sub Girl said...

congrats on moving! im guessing your current apartment was kinda small? lol.

Blogger TenaciousTab said...

I happened to stumble across your blog the other day...it's awesome! Great read! I usually just use my blog to bitch and moan...lol! Congrats on moving up in the world!

Blogger Jessie_dc22 said...

Nice one! Being a local myself it doesn't surprise me that you've been living in a cubicle of an apartment. Staying in the city ...or moving to the burbs?

Blogger Kim said...

So, where you movin' to?

Just wondering. Not that I care. You can tell me or not, no big deal. I mean, it's not like I'm going to drive by your house every night at 2am with my lights off or anything...

I've said too much.

Blogger lizzyjane said...

That lotion thing...that is EXACTY when i turned off the movie and have buried it deep, deep, deep in my subconcious.
Thanks for the post traumatic stress moment.

Blogger Tao said...

Wow, I hate to be dense, but I didn't understand the lotion thing!!

And it's great that you're making a change to better your life. Change can be scary, but it sounds like you're more than ready to take the plunge down this new road. Good for you!!! :)

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Never been to DC. Been to NYC though.

What's full seersucker attire by the way?

Blogger oregano said...

I've been to DC once in my life. I need to make another trip. Do you have room in that new deluxe apartment in the skyyyyyyyyy? Considering you just proposed to me!

Blogger The Megan said...

Im serious when I say this.... is your old place for rent? I need to find a place to live in DC asap and am willing to take a Macgyvered toilet over living on the streets.

Blogger Kris said...

Oh, fear not the lotion on its skin! As far as we know, Buffalo Bill isn't making human skins anymore and Jodie Foster is off in a safe room being artificially inseminated.

Oregano, I do.

By the way, I'm not leaving the District. I'm just moving on up! Sorry I wasn't clearer. It was clearly the lack of oxygen (via the window bars) that did it. :)

Re: seersucker. Picture GA peach male approx. 19 clad in white cotton suit with light blue pinstripes. I mean head to toe. I mean classicly wrinkled. I mean in the line at Subway (Eat Fresh!) for a BMT.

I mean Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Glad you get to leave prison lol but hope you're gonna be just as or more safe?

Used to live in Vienna Virginia. For almost a year. Neat place.

But D.C. in those days was darn scary, and I hear it got worse...

And yep sure get the seersucker thing. Makes me think of Wally Cox for some reason...

Mel you're right about the kitchen table!

Bridg

Blogger Jodi said...

I love DC. My favorite city to visit. But only when I feel like taking a 7 hour drive.

I'm a little jealous that you get to call DC home. I love where I live, but a little part of me aches to live in DC. But without the lotioned basement.

Blogger Jeremy said...

Hah! Loved the list--made me laugh.

I hear there are good Senegalese restaurants in D.C. Been to any?

Blogger QOS said...

don't blanket judge the seersucker!

unless it's horizontal.

Blogger Amanda said...

ooh, i love DC, went to school there, i miss it. good luck with the move...i would want to get away from the "it puts the lotion on its skin" basement also!! brilliant reference!

Blogger Mel said...

2 days, no comments, what gives?

Anonymous Vermont Neighbor said...

wasn't the new place mentioned, it's got a lobby or fancy gates er sumthin'? Congratulations on the move. Bug will be able to stretch his toes and knock (more) things over!

I've always wanted to live in D.C. and be able to walk to a coffee shop. That's so urban-cool, city style, politically hip!

Mel's right, work is the kitchen table... the kitchen table is the desk!

happy cardboard boxing!!

You fancy northerners with your "basements" and "electricity..."

Blogger Megarita said...

Thanks for swinging by my "place," Kris. You're awfully damn funny. Love the pandas and the laundry.

Blogger im here somewhere said...

what the heck is a seersucker?

Blogger Kris said...

Good question, lrdq.

I have now posted a photo of said seersucker transgression.

Please picture 17-year-old, virtually prepubescent, acned young male in said head-to-toe getup.

No no no, men, no! Dawson would *definitely* not approve.

Blogger Brookelina said...

4) I will no longer have to do my precious laundry in the "It puts the lotion on its skin" basement.

That is the best line I've read all day. Thank you! Brilliant!

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Heh heh heh lucky LRDQ not having experienced seersucker!!!

Love the pic Kris!

Blogger Mel said...

LOVE the pic of Paige Davis!

Blogger Jessica said...

Hey, just wanted to drop in and tell you that I happened upon your blog today....LOVE IT! Oh, and the seersucker suit....too funny and so true! Maybe they'll dress in little sailor suits next?

Blogger Applewhite said...

I'll visit...

Blogger BULLSEYE said...

The way I see it, this could be anywhere from truly enlightening to completely pointless and stupid.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honestly. I hate the Paige
Davis. You can't imagine my shock and horror when I visited your page expecting to find the wine and a black and white of you and got that twit Paige Davis. EEK! Something about her creeps me out. And while I enjoy the look of the J.Crew boys in their seersucker, I know that those boys are bad news. It's like that suit screams "I'm a shallow douchebag with more hair products than you and I pet myself in front of the mirror" whuh? No? too much?

aimee

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

All right, disregard my last question. Your pics are working now. They weren't when I asked though.

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

Awwww, you added a picture of Paige! She's such a sweetie! Miss her a bunch. Good luck with the move! (Or, belatedly?) You are the third of my regular bloggers to move in the last two months. What is with the musical chairs?!

Anonymous Jorge said...

You should move up here.
We could use another hot smarty-pants. :)

Besides, Dave is so far away, and I need a chai latte pal...

J

Blogger A Unique Alias said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

moving?? moving??

but i just got here. . . whose gonna help me host gay space pirate parties??

nah, not really, wash dc blows. in fact i only once met an american i didnt like and it was in washington so go be free

i probably wasnt paying attention but where u going bandick? sorry but ive gotta sew sequins so cant read the whole net.

right now its blogs beginning with the chinese character for 'friendly badger, laughing gear'

tdxx

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha

sorry k, im reading yr blog thinking its somebody elses

obviously need to pay more attn. though has to be said yrs and hers are both as good as each other so

good life

tdx

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