March 6, 2008
Reason #1,040

The totality of my Target purchases from last night, which I’m sure were not lost on the adorable single guy in front of me in line:

No fewer than four Weight Watchers meals, of completely limited variety, which of course reveal my affinity for romantic fireside dinners.

A bright blue vat of cat food. Which of course reveals my affinity for impromptu fireside coitus. Stopped mid-motion to remove stray cat hair from his mouth.

Cheap face cream + an alphabetic combination lock = I’m old enough to 1) worry about becoming a leather bag and 2) forget simple number codes. Crying shame that “early onset dementia” is more than four letters.

A three-pack of ankle socks, which I will wear while watching the director’s cut of the Joy Luck Club. Right after I’m done with Hope Floats.

Men’s deodorant, because occasionally a woman does need something strong enough for an indentured servant.

Also note the coupon in the far right, good for $1 off a Kraft cheese product of my choosing. Because hot is a stray squirt of pressurized cheese landing on your three-legged cat.

Come get me, boys.

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33 Comments:

Blogger Skyzi said...

I am no longer aloud to read your blog while at work. I don't want to be known as the crazy lady who laughs to herself!

Blogger Kelly said...

Jorge and I will hold the gate, to keep the millions, upon billions! of mens out... so long as Stacy promises to let in the cute ones.

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

What up with the citrus green padlock? You installing lockers in your apartment?

Blogger Mamma said...

I think you're hiding a man in that apartment. I'm not buying your Mitchum excuse.

Blogger belmontmedina said...

I managed to make it out with nothing for the first time in my life. I went with 2 male friends though- clearly will be going back tonight for the serious shopping.

Blogger Chantel said...

Ha, ha, ha -- what is it about target that does this to us?

Blogger jessabean said...

I'm going to smell your armpits at happy hour tomorrow. We'll see if your story holds up.

Blogger HKW said...

Too funny. I love how the lock is bright green. I'm not sure of the message there...but it's there

Target rules.

Blogger YCCM'S' said...

Is that Robert Mitchum-brand deodorant? Oh, that's strong. Definitely the good stuff.

Blogger Alexandra said...

A few things here:

-WW meals? Why? Why? don't do that to yourself. Even a bottle of wine is a better dinner than that ( I know because I have wine for and not with dinner occasionally...ahem...let us move on now).

-Kraft does not make cheese. It makes cheese-like products.

-Mitchum and a lock? I'm a buyer of the theory that you're hiding a man in your house.

Blogger Melina said...

Now for a confession: I use Speedstick and my husband uses Secret. We both sweat less using the opposite brands. I KNOW the internets needed to know this today.

Blogger Sizzle said...

I can't stop giggling. Particularly, "A bright blue vat of cat food. Which of course reveals my affinity for impromptu fireside coitus. Stopped mid-motion to remove stray cat hair from his mouth." made me laugh loudly.

Blogger gorillabuns said...

I think you are purchasing some of these products to lock and stow away a certain man underneath your bed.

What ? No heavy-flow tampons ?

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Kris,
When I'm on line, I don't look at the products as much as I do the person holding them. I loves the remark about the lotion = I worry about becoming a leather bag. Why wouldn't you want to be say, a Coach bag? and while pressurized cheese-type food has it's charms I'm sure- eat real cheese it's Much better!

Blogger JordanBaker said...

I HOPE you're hiding a man in your house, because that Mitchum has enough cancer promoting aluminum in it that no woman should come within 40 feet of it.

Those totally look like things that I would buy minus the cat food, because I don't have a cat!! Which WW meals are your favorites?

Blogger Kristen said...

I love Target in a way that's not even right.

Have you tried the Secret Clinical Strength deodorant?

Blogger Ashley said...

i would also like to know what's up with the padlock. between that, the socks and the mitchum...i'm thinking you might be running a Golds out of your apartment.

Blogger Jamie said...

You are my hero.

You mean after all of those items, he didn't ask for your phone number?

He was gay, I know it.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

You are a golden goddess.

Blogger KathyLikesPink said...

Oh my god did your post make me laugh. (snort) As did most of the comments.

I worship at the altar of Target. Or as the high-falutin' among us say, Tar-jay.

Blogger Zandria said...

You go, hot single woman! :)

Blogger PrincessSteph said...

except for the cat food, this is scarily farmiliar...did i mention that it is midnight on a saturday and i have just unloaded bags from an exciting trip to the drug store.... SmartPop, Luna - meal relacement bars for women, Weight control/high fiber hot cereal box, La Roche deep wrinkly cream, a box of KD. It doesn't get much more pathetic than that. look out single eligable men, were on the prowl......

Blogger kitkat said...

Well, what was the adorable single guy buying? Something adorably manly? I'm not sure Target sells anything that fits that description, so he was probably buying some odd combination of bad DVDs, undershirts, and pork rinds. You, on the other hand, could have passed for happily married with the men's deodorant.

As for jordanbaker's comment: it's Alzheimer's that aluminum causes, not cancer. So, now we're back to the dementia.

Blogger Gwen said...

Yeah, I just bought myself some aluminum heavy deodorant, so I can't judge. Something about nearing 40 has sent my sweat glands into overdrive. Or maybe it's the dementia ....

Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Haha...hey, I bought EIGHT Lean Cuisine and Weight Watchers meals last week. Talk about pity :)

Blogger surviving myself said...

the first thing i look for in a woman is good socks. If she's rocking some tube socks, it's over.

Blogger Colleen Snell said...

And we all know you absolutely can't get out the doors of Target without dropping at least $50. I swear they have "cheap shopper alert" things installed by the exits just to make sure. That's what I blame the last minute "Oh, I have to go back for that before I check out" syndrome on.

OR maybe that's just me.

Blogger deeeeeetroit said...

Allow me to translate....

Weight Watchers Meals: Birthday dinner celebrations for Bug and Cricket:)

Bright blue vat of cat food: It makes a great addition to my homemade trail mix!

Cheap face cream + alphabetic combonation lock: Clearly these items were purchased when the Sentra was still with her fossil fuel burning friends and were obvious attempts at keeping her with us a bit longer.

Three-pack of ankle socks: I wanted something nice to wear to next years live blog of the Oscars.

Mens deodorant: A gal has gotta smell nice on the red-carpet!

Thanks! Thanks! Olympic wave!!! My work here is done.

*crickets stage left*

Blogger Karen said...

I hope the rumors are true and that you have locked a man in your house. And I hope that he can't spell well enough to release himself. From where you've locked him, that is.

Blogger Mia said...

Those pizza things are soooo good.

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