Please tell me, dear friends, what the big freaking deal is that a 28-year-old man had a vasectomy. He’s one of the media darlings of the moment, showing up on MSN’s home page and on the Today show to discuss in great detail his vas deferens and the decisionmaking behind The Snip. I understand that this is a stark departure from the norm, the norm being to keep access to your little men intact until much later in life, at which point apparently A) you have done your intended human duty and left a legacy in the form of little human beings who have both your Geometry wizardry and your monobrow, and B) you are finally old and wise and lucid enough to make the decision to have said surgery. But it really isn’t newsworthy, is it? Isn’t Britney drinking again? What about that little war that’s going on someplace . . . over there?
Now we all know that I’m biased, in that I too knew early in life that I did not want to have human children. Over the years, folks have looked at me as if I have horns when I tell them the news, some asking with dropped jaw just what my parents did wrong, others assuring me that I’ll change my mind. You know, as if deciding to have children is as simple as picking that everything bagel over the honey grain.
Actually, now that I think about it, it is. This guy had his tubes cut because he knew he would never, ever be a father. Like nehhhhhhhver. Think about it for a minute – for lack of a better example in my current state of mind, imagine yourself marrying someone of the same gender (or another gender, whatever is your departure from the norm). Seem strange? Can’t fathom it? There it is. So when cries of “Gah! He didn’t even freeze his sperm for later?!? I mean OMsweetbabyjesusG what if he changes his mind and wants to have the baybeeeeeeees?!?!?” He’s 28, people! By 28 he could have been the ugly one in a boy band and now be a practicing patent lawyer! He could have had calf implants inserted . . . and removed! AND CRIPES! In a few years this mere fetus will be of age to be our Commander in Chief! Now how could he be mature enough to make such a dramatic life-changing decision with his own body?
I’m tired of us being the circus freaks.
Now we all know that I’m biased, in that I too knew early in life that I did not want to have human children. Over the years, folks have looked at me as if I have horns when I tell them the news, some asking with dropped jaw just what my parents did wrong, others assuring me that I’ll change my mind. You know, as if deciding to have children is as simple as picking that everything bagel over the honey grain.
Actually, now that I think about it, it is. This guy had his tubes cut because he knew he would never, ever be a father. Like nehhhhhhhver. Think about it for a minute – for lack of a better example in my current state of mind, imagine yourself marrying someone of the same gender (or another gender, whatever is your departure from the norm). Seem strange? Can’t fathom it? There it is. So when cries of “Gah! He didn’t even freeze his sperm for later?!? I mean OMsweetbabyjesusG what if he changes his mind and wants to have the baybeeeeeeees?!?!?” He’s 28, people! By 28 he could have been the ugly one in a boy band and now be a practicing patent lawyer! He could have had calf implants inserted . . . and removed! AND CRIPES! In a few years this mere fetus will be of age to be our Commander in Chief! Now how could he be mature enough to make such a dramatic life-changing decision with his own body?
I’m tired of us being the circus freaks.
40 Comments:
Amen! I could never fathom why people are so friggin' interested in other people's fertility. I'd always been pretty sure I didn't want kids, but I talked it over with my husband when I was getting close to 35 and we decided, "Yep, still good with just the cats."
Fortunately, we don't have any relatives who care one way or the other, but other people sometimes say, "It's not too late!" as if a 40-year-old and a 50-year-old would really want to up and have kids all of a sudden.
Our biology DEMANDS that we procreate; I mean, that's the point, evolutionarily speaking. So maybe that's why people have a hard time being okay with someone else's rejection of the DNA code. Those of us who don't care at all what other people do with their baby bits must just be more highly evolved. Yeah, that's it. I'm more highly evolved.
Or not. I mean, I have no feelings at all about other people's decision to breed--or not--but damn, if I have a hard time being okay with a neighbor who loveloveloves to hunt. I know it's wrong of me, to judge that. But I still do.
I don't know. But I don't think you are a circus freak.
After that, I was going to make some stupid joke about how you might look funny in insert circus situation here until I realized that they all sounded dirty and creepy.
Oops.
Yay for dirty and creepy! Wait, did I just write that?
Another circus freak waving back at you here!
Even if I tried, I couldn't get interested in other people's reproductive choices and I snapped enough at those who became interested in mine that I discouraged further inquiry.
Gwen....the next time someone tells you that our biology demands it you can tell them that actually, our biology doesn't, because our brain is also a part of that biology. We are not a slave to our hormonal drives, our thinking capacity can override them. Are we no better than dogs, humping in the street? We have complete control of our biology!
I have also come to the conclusion (at 35, like Average Jane) that I am not interested in children, so if there is any more room in that circus freak club, I would like to join!
I have been telling people that I will be childless for a good ten years now (I'm 30 now, for reference), and I always got the "you'll change your mind when you're older."
I did give my architect the opportunity to say he wanted to spawn, but fortunately, he didn't. BUT, I have wanted my tubes tied for a number of years and as yet, can't find a doc who will do it (even though I also have endometriosis and possible fertility issues...don't want to compromise my god-given duty to procreate!). I'm hoping my NEW gyn that I'll see soon will fix me.
AND, in my office, only 3 of 13 have children, most of remaining childless by choice. We are not the freaks. In fact, no one should be considered freakish based on their reproductive choices
www.gazellesoncrack.com
Are you judging me for being incredibly interested in the vas deferenses of others? Support my right to gawk!
I'm not clear on why anyone (you know, beyond your parents or spouse) cares if you procreate or not.
Isn't it your business? Aren't YOU the one that has to give up your social life, sleep, money, your body, personal space and pooping all alone?
I have children, but I don't care if anyone else does. Unless you babysit, then I would prefer you didn't have your own kids because then maybe you want to watch mine so I can go out.
I got my tubes tied at the tender age of 31.... which was *not* easy to get done since I've never had a child.
Turns out.. they frown on doing this if you haven't procreated....
I literally had to tell my ob/gyn that if I ever gave birth..I'd most likely strangle the little thing before it ever reached the age of 18...that I had *no* business being a parent...
She scheduled my operation the very next week. heee..hee..hee.....
Word! I get the shocked looks just for telling people that I'm not sure if I want kids or not. They tell me the mommy gene will kick in when I'm older, but then I remind them I'm 28 and that gene should be ticking loud and clear by now, right? But they still insist that I'll be drooling for a baby soon. Once I even got: "Well, God will know when you're ready to have a baby."
I heard this "vasectomy" guy story teased on two different radio prgrams yesterday. I ket waiting for the rest of the story, like he did it because he comes from a long line of serial killers, or because he When I realized that the whole STORY was that some 28 tr old got snipped, I couldnt understand the fuss. Who cares? I have kids, and I am crazy about them and want more, but I understand why some people dont want them. I dont want an iphone, but I havent heard from Matt Lauer yet.
Another circus freak waving frantically here. I've know I would not do the kid thing since I was a teenager.
Of course I got the (and still get) "you'll change your mind when you are older". I'm 35 now people. Mind not changing.
My maternal instinct begin and ends with 4-legged creatures covered in fur.
pinkpiddypaws comment has me LMAO!!
I believe the process is reversible.
However, I agree with you that he's too young to make that decision. The average person wouldn't want to do that.
Well, fuck 'em.
From Jacksginger:
I'm 25, an ex of mine (who is a few years older) recently got snipped for completely different reasons-- he "accidentally" knocked up his girlfriend 3 too many times, resulting in children.
Unfortunately (or fortunately for my ability to have an amusing story), right before the surgery he asked if I wanted a "sample", just in case I wanted one of his children later.
It's hard to politely decline such an offer.
Frankly, the guy should consider himself lucky. If a woman had done that they would have locked her up.
Like you said...isn't there something better we can be talking about??
honestly? more men should get snipped. and definitely more people should never consider creating spawn of their loins.
and anyhow, he could always adopt or get a reversal on the snip snip.
i don't get the buzz.
I think you pretty much know at a young age if you want to have kids
I don't, other than of the furry four-legged variety, and have been firm in that since my late teens (am now 39)
how is this newsworthy exactly?
mind you I also find the ads on tv aimed at a rather young market for the pill that enables you to NEVER have your period diturbing but that's a whole other issue ...
I, too, don't understand the fuss. The only problem is that the smart circus freaks who make a conscious decision not to procreate are probably the best people to raise children. I mean, the person who needs to get snipped is the alcoholic, trailer-trash dude who will be making babies until he's 90. That should be in the news more often. Headline: Stupid people need to stop making copies of themselves!
As for the comment about our Bio demanding procreation, biology also says something about survival of the fittest, and common sense tells us that when a population of any species gets to be too large, they start dying off. I'm just trying to control the population, so that humankind can continue to exist beyond my own lifetime. Call me selfish.
I'm never going to be able to look at one of the Sample Ladies in the grocery store again without giggling now.
And circus freaks get to travel and have groupies. Gabora the Gorilla Girl has quite the following in Iran as they love hirsute women there.
I don't think you or he are circus freaks at all. I guess my reaction to it is like a tattoo...are you SURE you are going to want that when you are 80 and wrinkly? Are you SURE you're going to want to not be able to have babies in 20 years?
But, if you say you're sure, I believe you. It should not be a news story either way. Cable news will rot your brain, but that's a whole other topic.
(I hope tattoo = vasectomy isn't an offensive anaolgy, I was just trying to think of something permanent and it's what I came up with. Clearly, they are different though.)
Would that more people would opt to NOT have children. I'm having some, but I *want* to and I have my reasons; for those of you who don't, thanks for not. Too darn many parents out there who don't want their children, I'm glad you're not adding to the pile.
A man of 28 is old enough to make that decision. I would never let anyone <18 do that, and I would caution anyone <25 about making such a (fairly permanent) decision, simply because I've seen a lot of people change their minds once life stops being a 24-hour party and settles down. But if you're vehement, who am I to stop you? :)
If I could, I would do what pinkpiddypaws did and get my tubes tied. I'm not 19. I'm 30. True, still young, but I know that I won't be having children ever. I don't want them, I don't need them and I don't want them - did I already say that? But, again referring to pinkpiddypaws, it's so difficult for a woman to get this done. WHY??! I think I know whether or not I want to carry a child in my womb (or anywhere else, for that matter). They're wonderful beings of wonderfulness...when they're someone else's. It's not fair to give a woman a hard time for this. What, am I going to sue? For elective surgery to TIE MY TUBES??! Christ.
I just don't want to deal with it anymore - the contraception, etc. I'm with the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I think I know and we've talked about it. I don't get the fuss.
kids just aren't all they're cracked up to be. Us non breeders-by-choice can still manage to have a halfway decent life. hehe.
cheers.
The Circus Freak Train is getting full! Count me in!
At 36 & childFREE (not childLESS) by choice, I am still unable to get any sort of anything done in a permanent way. My doctor is still of the opinion that I may change my mind. Good God, man!
Of course, some of the complications that can result for women are mind-boggling & life-threatening, so I'm of the opinion The Boy should get his own snip on.
And for any of you who have a man who refuses to get the Snip yet insists that if you want something done that you have to get your tubes tied instead, please feel free to paste him one over the head with the heaviest kitchen utensil you can find.
I'm a guy and I will get the Snip once we're done having kids rather than submit my wife to the much riskier procedure of having tubes tied. Any man who wouldn't do the same is being a complete and utter pussy, and you can tell them I said so. :)
Frustrates me to no end those men who think that they have no responsibility towards fertility (or lack thereof) in a relationship...
I'm all for the snip - when I'm done my spermatic opera.
I think it's great that so many people are choosing to be child-free, esp. given how crowded it's getting on our little blue planet.
HOWEVER, I am a little worried about what's being left out of the gene pool -- you folks who decide not to have kids tend to be more educated and more liberal than those who have kids.
I see absolutely nothing the matter with his choice, or yours for that matter. So what??? Not everyone is cut out to be a parent (don't get me started...) or wishes to and some folks know they belong to this group. And should a change of heart occur, there is always adoption.
Stick to your guns, sweetie.
hugs,
circe
You know, I feel the same way. Well, except when I saw "Children of Men." For a whole five minutes I was like, "I must procreate! for the good of mankind!"
Although actually I do agree with freewheel - any kids I raise might help to stem the tide against a raging sea of right-wingers...
I don't think you're a freak at all. For the first 30 years of my life I was convinced I would never have children. Then a nephew was born and I sort of fell head over heels. The rest is history.
It's hard for people to accept that you don't want THEIR lives. And I think, frankly, there's that slight bit of worry in the back of their minds that your choice might just be better....
Kris - I am SO with you on this one !! Could you actually hear me, all the way from the West Coast, YELLING at the TV !? (By the way, my boyfriend got a vasectomy at 26, and NO you can't have him for yourself because he and his useless sperm are mine ! All mine !)
While I completely don't care who does or doesn't want kids, being as I'm on the fence about it myself... I am TOTALY cracking up at the lady that said we are "in complete control of our biology." Ha! Could she tell my metabolism about that for me? It's just so darn stubborn, it never listens to me...
I am also cracking up at myself for spelling totally wrong. I am so smart and pretty, lalala...
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I'm with ya, sister. I asked my mother for a hysterectomy for my 16th birthday.
(And, you get extra points for using the word "cripes." I thought I was the only one under 60 that said that!)
He is so lucky! If only I could find a doctor to remove my uterus without growing a disease first, I'd be happy as a frickin' lark!
Don't want more kids, done with all the extra expenses and inconvenience surrounding being female.
Big whoop he doesn't want kids. I have two (blended family), and I'm constantly working on them to let them know that they needn't reproduce in order to give their lives to a child.
Last thing this planet needs is another huge influx of little carbon factories sucking on the planet's meager resources!
If he were newsworthy at all, he should get an award for green global living or something. *boggle*
No clue why the childfree are considered freaks, but I think it's stupid.
Folks should just let folks be. Your body, your life, your time, your dreams, your choices.... DUH!
I started young and got my propagation out of the way early. I was married had two kids by 26, and went to get clipped. My dad was very concerned... "What if there's an accident and they're both killed!"
I said that that would mean that I wouldn't have any kids.
pause...
pause...
As I say to people who ask if I want more kids, "No, i figured out what was causing it, and had the doctor take care of it."
I got arrested the night I had it done, but that's a story for another time.
And I am the on the other side of the freak show circus tent ;-)
Wow, so many Purple Women (and men) in one place. Where are all the men bloggers?
They sure do make the news when they come out of the closet!
Love all the comments here, they are clean not mean. That's the way we do it over at Purple Women & Friends (where the childfree women are).
This blog rocks! I am going to feature your site in my sidebar under: Purple Links.
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