September 16, 2007
Crabby.
I’m intensely irritable, and even moreso than usual, it is not a good look on me. For the past three days, I have been the host to large red and ultimately white welts, some smaller and others bordering on the size of nickels and quarters. Urticaria, the Internet tells me they’re called, what we members of the bourgeoisie refer to as hives, and they’ve been my companions for the weekend. Like most maladies and out-of-town guests, they didn’t arrive at a decent hour, but instead struck in full force at 3:30 Friday morning, ravaging my hands and then feet and then thighs. I didn’t know until that desperate moment just what it would take for me to leave my apartment without a shower. I also didn’t know just how far the closest 24-hour CVS would be from my apartment. Or that my pony-tailed, bespectacled self would not be alone. It’s amazing how many of us buy salves and instant coffee and greeting cards at 4 a.m.

The offenders put themselves on hold for a few gracious hours yesterday, long enough for me to have some Corot Noir in the sunshine as well as Kee Mao, both of which I have since realized only make the relentless bastards more determined. As payback for my rash behaviors, they have since taken over my belly and chest and the backs of both arms. CVS therefore got another $31 of my newly-deposited paycheck earlier this morning, courtesy of frantic purchases of calamine lotion and oatmeal bath packets and enough diet coke to sustain me until the irritants have left the building.

Between scratching frenzies I’ve used my powers of deduction to narrow the allergens down to crab balls consumed on the most recent meet up with the boy. Know that I am a woman who seldom dates and almost never eats shellfish, so I’m pretty sure I should continue to steer clear of both for a while. Given all of the irony and the itching, I’m betting the Universe is trying to tell me something.

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23 Comments:

Blogger flutter said...

heed the warnings sister, heed 'em.

Blogger playfulinnc said...

I thought I had hives a month or so ago. Then I discovered they were bedbugs.

I sorta wish I had hives.

Talked to the professional friend lately? I wonder if your stress has caused something to "flare up".

Thinking of you~

Blogger Valerie said...

Are you sure it's the shellfish? If you (according to the blog) had dinner on Wednesday and the hives didn't surface until early Friday morning... that seems like a while in between the cause and the reaction. Granted, I'm no expert, but when I had an allergic reaction to medication, I was breaking out in hives within a couple hours.

In any event, have you tried taking some Benedryl? That'll help block the histamine that's irritating you.

Hope you feel better soon!

Blogger Jorge said...

Oh...

Rash behaviours...

Oh Mama...

You are allergic to wordplay.

;)

Blogger Maliavale said...

Girl. Hit up the doctor, ASAP.

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

You said "balls." hehe

Wait, sorry, I regressed back to junior high for a moment.

It's definitely the guy, not the dating. Being allergic to crab would be too tragic. Although I love how you titled this post. And is it bad that it took me until just now to get it? I'm a little slow tonight.

Blogger Princess Pointful said...

This reminds me of my winter of rashes. Not a happy memory. Hope these nasty bastards are quick to leave you alone.

Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

My sympathies. I've had hives - they were so bad I had to go get a shot and be put on steroids. The worst was when they were between my toes. :-/

Blogger The Hotfessional said...

Maybe said date could come over and reach some of the itches on your back as payment for the misery?

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

I'm with Valerie. What did you do immediately back to a few hours before they came out? I get hives as my own personal allergic reaction (some get the sneezes, looks like you're with me on the hives), and they're not immediate, but damn near.

The bedbugs comment made me itchy. Gah! I hope it's not that. Playfulinc, you poor thing. Or, as she said, could be stress? I'm going with allergy, though. I've seen your ass seriously stressed and this hasn't happened before. Unless you just robbed a bank or something, in which case it might be the stress.

Love ya, girl.

Blogger PinkPiddyPaws said...

Nah... if you want real irony, it would be the Universe telling you that you are allergic to wine. Imagine how HORRIBLE that would be. ;) Get better and stop scratching!!!

Blogger Bacon Betty said...

Get thee to a doctor! It's the only way. Your story of multiple CVS trips gives me deja vu -- no amount of Benadryl or itchy ointment helped my hives either. Ask your doc for a 7-day prednisone pack -- works wonders.

Good luck!

Blogger Sizzle said...

sounds entirely unpleasant!

Blogger Kelly said...

It's okay to love you just a little bit more because of this, right?

Good!

Blogger sue said...

That universe is sneaky like that...

Hope you get relief soon. That sounds awful.

Blogger Kim said...

Does this mean you don't want to go drink beer tonight?

Blogger t2ed said...

Crab balls? Are those like lamb fries? Eating those sound worse than the hives.

No more stress for you. Take two glasses and don't call anyone until the morning.

Blogger WSG said...

Benadryl! You need Benadryl, taken orally, not calamine or some bath stuff! Poor girl!

Blogger Cheryl said...

:( Hope you're feeling better.

Blogger Cindra said...

that you should be a vegetarian lesbian?

just kidding...hope the itching has subsided...it ain't NO FUN!

Blogger Whiskeymarie said...

I used to get stress rashes like that.
That and my hair would fall out.
From stress.
Take some benadryl, and stop eating things called "crab balls".
Balls- tee hee.
Sorry.

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

I just Hope and Pray that you aren't allergic to Mint chocolate chip ice cream- MCC for short, dairy or men. If you are allergic to men then MCC and Wine &Cats are perfect substitutes!
If, on the other hand, you are allergic to MCC or Wine then Cats & men are only poor substitutes!

Blogger tallglassofvino said...

I have the shellfish allergy, and I can vouch for the fact that it kicks in quick - usually within an hour of (unknown) consumption. But the hives are consistant with allergy, as is the welty skin (I drew pictures in mine) so do examine everything you ate/drank the night before the 5.30am showing.

poor thing. glad the steroids are working, at least.

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