September 14, 2007
The story of the most recent date, told in most circuitous fashion with multiple dessert references.
I really like chocolate chip mint ice cream. I’ve tried a lot of different flavors in my life, and you know what? It just does it for me. Coffee, vanilla, strawberry – even chocolate brownie chunk, the namesake of my thighs – they’re all good, but I prefer chocolate chip mint to most any variety. When I first tasted it, I knew it was something different, something special. Even in my naïve youth, it was a no-brainer to choose it more and more frequently when treated to dessert. I didn’t worry that it would ever lose its appeal or if it would taste good when mixed with the toppings with which I was already familiar. After all, who thinks of the future when licking an ice cream cone? When someone asked me which of the 32 flavors I preferred, I proudly pointed to the tub of shiny green goodness, so bright that it seemed to reflect proudly off of the protective glass casing. I didn’t think about why I enjoyed it. It just was what it was.

When I begin a new relationship with a hint of that favorite flavor, I embrace it. I hug it and kiss it and squeeze its sweet cheeks. It is so difficult to find people who can communicate, can capture your attention, can make you laugh out loud; why not celebrate finding someone with whom you enjoy spending nights and days and, on occasion, full, unshowered, order-in weekends? If I like you, I like you. If I want you to meet my closest, I will excitedly introduce you to each and every one of this motley bunch, even the really unattractive one. I spread the good word. I call and text when I so desire. I scoff at the warnings of both friends and family who caution me to play by the Rules. And if you return, you return. I do what I feel is true to me.

What I don’t do is panic.

So no. I've never been able to grasp enjoying company on a baker’s dozen dates and asking me to meet friends and family and hinting at future plans and then suddenly worrying about tomorrow. According to my Rulebook of Things That Are Factually So, falling in like and in love is what a departure from reality is all about. It’s abandoning the drudgery of the everyday and feeling like your body is filled with carbonation, even on a marathon phone call that extends well beyond your 10 p.m. bedtime. It isn’t starting a drive through the countryside with the windows down, accompanied by the clearest of 70-degree days and your top if-stranded-on-a-deserted-island CD, only to slam on the brakes and camp roadside out of fear that it might rain. The beginning of anything is not about panic and a fear of timing and the future. It’s about letting yourself go.

So no, the last date with the new man didn’t go either of the routes that Kim imagined. The last date didn’t really go the route I imagined, either.

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26 Comments:

Blogger t2ed said...

You should have gone with, "It's not me, it's you."

He is obviously in only the 8th phase of Relationship Recovery as described in Matt Groening's Love is Hell. Soon he'll be into stage 9, "Ready for Further Pain."

Blogger Tracy Kaply said...

His loss. Really and truly. Fuck him, because you can do better.

Trust me, I'm a doctor. Ok, not really, but I sometimes play one on the Internet.

I couldn't love you more at this moment. 1 - I could eat mint chocolate chip ice cream by the truckload. (have you experienced the wonder of Breyer's yet?) and 2- I am exactly the same way in relationships. (any yes, my friends warn me too about "playing it cool") -- but I figure that if you have to play it cool, then he isn't the guy for me anyway. It's too much fun to get excited and just be yourself without any self-imposed restrictions.

I'd like to say that it's just a matter of finding the right guy. But I'm still single. So maybe we're both wrong. :)

Whatever. I've got ice cream to keep me warm at night.

Blogger Skyzi said...

With a game there is always a loser, I never played along. I feel the same way, if I have a reaction to someone I jump on it and want to absorb everything, quickly.

There is nothing wrong with being a passionate person!

Blogger TJ said...

Just some food for thought: maybe establishing a committed relationship with another person really isn't quite the same as eating an ice cream cone. Like you said, no one thinks of the future when eating ice cream, because that's really just about instant gratification.

That's not to say that experiencing a real connection with another person shouldn't be as exciting as a favorite dessert, and savored & appreciated in the same way.

But a genuine relationship based on love can't be a departure from reality--in fact, to be truly successful, it needs to be firmly grounded in it.

And the reality is that a long-term, meaningful relationship between two people requires some pretty important ingredients, like compatibility, open & honest communication, and compromise. Those things have to develop naturally between both people at their own pace. The timing of that pace depends on each person's specific personality, which comes from all of the unique experiences that have shaped them into the people they are. That timing can also be affected by external factors.

I belive that a true connection can occur with someone who is a soulmate. But that connection isn't based on some magical, pre-destined bond between two strangers. It has to grow and build over time, by discovering the uniqueness within ourself and in the other person. Requiring that this connection occur automatically on a smooth, pre-established pace might prevent things from getting to that next step.

I don't mean to sound like some know-it-all love guru. I just wanted to share another viewpoint to consider. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly with the rest of us...

Blogger snoopy said...

While I don't share your love of mint chocolate chip ice cream (it's unaturally green :-) - I do share your thoughts on new relationships.

Blogger Andy said...

I sure hope he doesn't read this, the juxtaposition of the logic of that last comment and your incoherent post paints you crazier than ever

Blogger *kb* said...

Aw, krap, he sucks kris! :-( I too am like you, jump in both feet first, because I just get so damn excited!! :-) I know it will happen someday...it's all about being patient. Psychic lady just told me a week ago that when it comes to love, I need to be patient. (yes, I said PSYCHIC! whatever). Patience is not a virtue of mine AT ALL!!

Blogger Kim said...

a.) It's mint chocolate chip not chocolate chip mint. That so bothered me.

b.) I'm the really unattractive one, aren't I?

c.) Who the fuck is this Andy person? Nobody calls my Krissy crazy but me.

Blogger Kelly said...

I am soooo on my way to an ice cream shope right now! damn...


screw men... eat more ice cream

Blogger SDW said...

So here's my question. I'm a two-feet-jumper myself, and what I've found is that this scares off more women than it draws in. Why is this not a two way street?

By the way, I just discovered the blog and I love it. I feel like I'm stealing code from the "enemy" female camp...

Blogger Sizzle said...

so...should we go get a cone and call it a day?

"The beginning of anything is not about panic and a fear of timing and the future. It’s about letting yourself go." VERY TRUE.

Blogger Mamma said...

Kim! We were separated at birth. Those were my exact same thoughts.

And trust me, you're not the ugly one. She befriended me to make sure she had one.

Blogger flutter said...

well, crap.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

I'm with Kim on wondering why on earth anyone would call it chocolate chip mint rather than it's correct name, mint chocolate chip. That's as though I said I was about to eat a cheeseburger with bacon when what I'm actually planning to eat is a bacon cheeseburger. The important stuff goes first.

Blogger playfulinnc said...

It may be a more dance like time for him...two steps forward, one step back.

Blogger Kim said...

Oh no Mamma, I've been the ugly one in her life for years (as illustrated by the picture of me and her in the sidebar where I have no neck - Kris, why does that pic never go away!?)

And thankyouverymuch JB for backing me up. Chocolate chip mint...psssh. Whateva.

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Well, shit. He's clearly a moron then.

Maybe I'm different from everyone else, but I fall in love just like you do. I jump in with both feet, without looking. Like you said, if I like you, I like you.

Yeah, real love has to be based in reality and yes, it grows gradually over time. But that initial plunge into infatuation is the beginning of *wanting* to let something grow. And nothing can start, nothing can grow if you don't share yourself and make yourself vulnerable. I've never bought the "timing" or "I'm not ready for this" arguments. That's all just bullshit to me.

I'm like you, Kris. And there are guys like that out there too. But you're right, there aren't a lot of them.

Blogger Shawn said...

Tonight I shall go out and have a drink and think good thoughts about you. Really, I just wanted an excuse to go out and hit the pub - I'm just glad that you can be my excuse.

Cheers.

Blogger Jorge said...

Look, if this is a subtle hidden reference to the fact that you've been kidnapped and imprisoned in some foreign gulag, you have that signal watch I gave you.

All you have to do is press it, and I'll ram through the wall with my fists and bring you home to safety and french toast.

Blogger KB said...

I so *heart* you :)

Blogger kris said...

Let the record show that I will personally come and beat about the keyboard and mouse any reader who henceforth obsesses over my reference to my favorite ice cream as CCM rather than MCC. I'm pretty sure it's what referred to as culinary license, n'est-ce pas? And what was this post about, anyway? Carry on.

Blogger EDW said...

I'm with you on both the perfect ice cream and the way you are at the beginning of relationships.

If passion is who you are, being any other way is untenable.

Blogger sue said...

Sorry. I'm stuck on chocolate chip mint ice cream. Damn, I love that stuff...

Blogger Kim said...

Mint Chocolate Chip!

Blogger canape said...

Who the hell has time for anything else? Anything besides what it is or what it was?

Not me.

On with the letting yourself go. And the ice cream.

And because I'm rambling, I would just like to add that I have become a different-flavor-at-every-visit kind of a girl ever since I blew my life up and put it back together again. Ever since I let myself go.

God, it is awesome.

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