Perfect weekend leaves blogger without Monday post

WASHINGTON, DC – Surprisingly temperate September weather, the absence of PMS, and some kickin’ sesame chicken aligned to create an unusually enjoyable weekend, leaving local blogger Kris Likey with absolutely nothing about which to snark.

“I mean my hives were back and all, and I did have to give myself a sponge bath with this liquid hydrocortisone stuff, but that didn’t break me,” reported Ms. Likey, erasing from a family photo the horns she drew earlier on her mother’s head. “Worse was that lame deer storyline in the Grey’s Anatomy I Tivo’d from last week, but even that didn’t bend my spirit.”

Likey’s friends echoed the sentiment. “She is usually an incredible f*cking b!tch,” offered half-Asian, Northern Virginia friend and local blogger K., who preferred not to give her full name for fear of incurring Likey’s notorious wrath. “Seriously. Rumor has it Bug chewed off his own f^cking leg just so she’d be nicer to him.”

Bug's veterinarian could not be reached for comment.

Likey expressed a belief that the weekend was a veritable “perfect storm” of factors, including her mother not commenting on her flat, overprocessed hair, huge ass or inability to achieve golden child status, and does not expect to see this inflated mood for years if not decades. “Even Mad TV was funny,” Likey chirped while hugging our reporter goodbye. “How often does that happen?”