October 1, 2007
Perfect weekend leaves blogger without Monday post
WASHINGTON, DC – Surprisingly temperate September weather, the absence of PMS, and some kickin’ sesame chicken aligned to create an unusually enjoyable weekend, leaving local blogger Kris Likey with absolutely nothing about which to snark.

“I mean my hives were back and all, and I did have to give myself a sponge bath with this liquid hydrocortisone stuff, but that didn’t break me,” reported Ms. Likey, erasing from a family photo the horns she drew earlier on her mother’s head. “Worse was that lame deer storyline in the Grey’s Anatomy I Tivo’d from last week, but even that didn’t bend my spirit.”

Likey’s friends echoed the sentiment. “She is usually an incredible f*cking b!tch,” offered half-Asian, Northern Virginia friend and local blogger K., who preferred not to give her full name for fear of incurring Likey’s notorious wrath. “Seriously. Rumor has it Bug chewed off his own f^cking leg just so she’d be nicer to him.”

Bug's veterinarian could not be reached for comment.

Likey expressed a belief that the weekend was a veritable “perfect storm” of factors, including her mother not commenting on her flat, overprocessed hair, huge ass or inability to achieve golden child status, and does not expect to see this inflated mood for years if not decades. “Even Mad TV was funny,” Likey chirped while hugging our reporter goodbye. “How often does that happen?”


21 Comments:

Blogger Elise said...

Bwahahaha. That was truly hilarous.

Blogger Elise said...

As is my inability to spell hilarious. Ugh.

Blogger The Hotfessional said...

hee hee hee. From one f*cking
b!tch to another, it was a good weekend, wasn't it?

Blogger The Middle Child said...

Thanks for entertaining us none the less. I do enjoy your wit!

Blogger Kristin said...

Yeah, I HATED that deer storyline too !! I wonder if the writers secretly despise Kathrine Heigl or something, to keep giving her character such bizarre and unrealistic things to do.

Blogger Kim said...

Whatever. Mad TV is never funny. You must be taking something other than your hive meds.

Oh, and this K person sounds awesome!

Blogger kitkat said...

I'm glad the weekend treated you well, but I think you might want to add "hallucination" to your list of symptoms along with the hives if you ever thought Mad TV was funny.

Blogger Sizzle said...

ha ha. isn't it so much easier to write when the shit is hitting the fan? for me it is at least. :)

so is it not worth it to watch grey's? i missed it and was thinking of downloading it...

Blogger Mamma said...

Now I know what happened to MY good weekend.

Frickin' thief.

Blogger Jenny said...

Awesome! But, still with the hives? Won't your doctor give you a cortisone shot in the ass or something? That ought to give you at least a couple of weeks of relief.

Blogger Kim said...

Sizzle, you can watch Grey's on abc.com for free! It's not worth downloading.

Tomorrow I plan on catching up on the Heroes episode I missed tonight over at nbc.com.

After I finish my work of course...

Blogger gorillabuns said...

no snarky? i'm disappointed but happy for you. i'm all negative and stuff lately. must be the germs attacking my body.

and grey's hasn't been good in about a year. that is why deleted it from my dvr. now, i've moved onto "it's always sunny in philadelphia." i know you'll find the humor in this truly sick show.

peace out!

Blogger Jorge said...

I actually watched Private Practice because I have a thing for Kate Walsh.

Grey's just gets on my nerves, mostly because all of the characters whine more than Ross from Friends.

Blogger ETK said...

You really crack me up. I agree - that Grey's storyline almost made me turn off the tv. But then I would have missed Derrick. And who would want to do that?

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Kris,
On a more serious note, might you be allergic to the sulfites they routinely put in Wine? If you don't know,try Organic wine (yes, Virgina, there is such a thing!) Ask for it at your local shop.

Blogger PinkPiddyPaws said...

Oh dear God.... the backlash of this "Happy" Likey is gonna be tremendous! ha..ha.ha..... there's gonna be poo-flinging galore when the calm recedes and reality sets back in. Everyone stand back....it ain't gonna be pretty. ;) ha...ha..ha.ha...

be afraid... be very afraid!!

Blogger Kellan Rhodes said...

Very funny!

Blogger BOSSY said...

Most excellent weekend, indeed.

Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Just so long as Bug doesn't have to chew off another leg!

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Who are you and what have you done with Kris?

Blogger Kellan Rhodes said...

Soooooooooooooo funny and very creative. I enjoyed this post - thanks.

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