August 30, 2007
A friend with a newborn asked me today if I baby sit.

Come again?

I know that I’ve stopped wearing the sign, but I’m pretty certain my “not interested in children, yours or mine” tattoo is still intact on my forehead, and if it isn’t, Ray had better hold to his refund policy. In my confusion I’m not sure what I said in return, but I do know that my face contorted much like it does when any stranger calls me “sugar.”

“I don’t even touch babies, so I don’t think I’d sit them.”

Consider that an hour earlier a friend had emailed news of a pending domestic shorthair adoption. I cooed as I typed my first response, picturing the feline gift bag I’d create that would overflow with pink mice and that cardboard scratcher no one believes in but that saved my aging couch from certain leg amputation. We wrote back and forth about her imminent state of motherhood, me wearing a full-on permagrin. I offered to accompany her to the adoption site. If allowed, there is a good chance that I’d film the joyous PetSmart event and shower mother and daughter with cheers and cat nip as they pretended not to know me. Forcibly declaring myself this unsuspecting cat's godmother is also in the plan.

It – and I? – just seem so wrong in the bigger picture of things. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel this way.


Blogger Sarahbellum said...

Fur babies are way better than flesh babies.

Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

I'm a mom & new born babies don't interest me either! lol Now puppies? I can do puppies!

Blogger Skyzi said...

You are either into babies or not, and not is ok.

Blogger Kathryn said...

I totally concur with sarahbellum - I go weak for puppies but avoid the human variety likem well, the plague

Blogger Chantel said...

I'm a mother and I feel that way. Does that make me a bad person?

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

I like both but lets face it: puppies & kittens STAY cute, won't lie,steal money or borrow the car and will, for the most part love you unconditionally for their whole lives! No one says anything of the sort about their children.

Blogger Lola Goetz said...

what happened to your offer to be godmother?

i think you're fickle. :P


Blogger Tracy Kaply said...

Babies are BORING. They are loud and squirmy and smell bad and they all look like they've been pushed through a traffic cone. Until they start talking, they are just lumpy, and after they start talking, well, they can be fun on a limited time basis, unless they are stupid and ugly, and I'm sorry, but that describes ALOT OF THEM.
Kitties are awesome and worthy of our obsession. And while some may not be very bright, they are ALL ADORABLE. And you can leave them alone while you take a shit.

Plus, I'm pretty sure any one of my cats could beat the crap out of an honor student.

Blogger Gwen said...

Hey, we have a cardboard scratcher! (now you know not to send it in our gift basket. :))

I like my own kids, usually, although not when they were newborns, but other kids I can do without.

I'd babysit your newborn, though. Because you would make an awesome mother.

Blogger Wilma said...

Don't fight how you feel - there is no right & wrong in the whole baby debate. Although, I think you (& I, by extension) are right.

While at PetSmart, an awesome gift for your new godbaby would be a Furminator.

My furry baby loves his.

Blogger BabsieD said...

I really, truly believed that once I birthed my own, I would magically transform into a benevolent, patient, non-judgemental baby-liker.

Which I did.

About my own. All other kids, all ages: um, nope. Not even close.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fur babies = good
Human, naked, screaming, squalling babies = bad.

You made the right choice.
Bug-kitty ROCKS!! :)

Blogger Keith said...

Cats. Babies. Same thing really except they don't crap in the litterbox.

Blogger Amber said...

There are actual SIGNS for those kinds of things you can put on your forhead? Where are they and how much!? I MUST have one. Now.

23 is just around the corner for me and the pressure. is. on. Please help!?


I hear ya. I've felt the same way for years. People start ooh-ing and aah-ing over babies, and I have the sudden impulse to run in the other direction. But put a puppy near me, and I start going bananas. I can even muster up a fair amount of response for a kitten too. Just not for human babies...they grow up to kill you in your sleep. We've all watched the news!

Blogger merrymishaps said...

I'm still waiting for my parents to accept our cats as their grandchildren.

Have you got the "Double Wide" cardboard scratcher from Trader Joe's? They love that thing and it doesn't flip over and spill catnip all over the floor like the "single" variety :)

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Listen, scoot closer. No, closer girly. I can't let anyone know this. Okay, here's the deal - 99% of the babies out there are annoying and ugly and, as far as I'm concerned, are as desirable ownership wise as a Ford Pinto. But, there's about 1% that is precious beyond words. And by precious I mean fun to play with for an hour and then return to their parents, stinky shit diaper included.

The only upside to this whole having-kids-fiasco is you have a built in excuse for regular alcohol consumption. Speaking of which, I expect to toss some back with you sooner rather than later!

Blogger EclecticBlue said...

I've actually changed metro cars during stops to *get away* from toddlers and wailing babies. Ever notice how frazzled parents look when kids are that age? Additionally, I get tired of those types telling me "how advanced" their little jr. is because he or she is in a high growth percentile or takes the biggest poops. Give me an effin' break.

I, however, have never seen a new kitty or puppy mommy look anything less than pleased and glowing. Those kind of kids are just so damn cute!!

Blogger takin chances said...

I share both your zeal and repulsion of fur and human babies, respectively.

I think the idea of a new baby basket is just the cutest thing ever! My babies LOVE the cardboard scratchers. They are even possessive of the ones they use the most.

I always squel and ohh and ahh over the kitty babies, but not so much with the other kinds.

You aren't weird, just in the minority.

Blogger Sue said...

Don't let it bug ya. I've got kids and I feel that way about real babies vs fur babies, too. I have one grandchild and as far as I'm concerned if he is it that is fine with me... I have lots of grand-critters. ;) Some people just don't have that instinct or need. It does NOT make you a bad person. Not one teensy bit. At least you are honest enough to say it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love kids, and I bet if you had kids you'd love yours, but I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring cats to kids. I certainly do. It's so sweet of you to provide a gift bag! Also, those cardboard scratchers are awesome.

Blogger Chris said...

So, does this mean you won't come babysit for me?

Blogger BOSSY said...

Confession: This summer when Bossy saw a friend approaching with her newborn, Bossy quickly jumped in the town pool so she'd be too wet to hold the baby.

Blogger Kelly said...

Silly rabbit, Tricks are for kids.

While comparing a sky-full of stars to the biodome is ludicrous: it's like everyone wanting those ridiculous Nike Shox. They aren't for everyone. Neither are babies! And hairy men. And puffy shirts.


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