March 5, 2006
Best Editing of Costume Design in a Live Animated French Feature about Edward R. Murrow (or, Stuff and Things About the Oscars)
Hair and Hygiene
Tim Burton, I think it’s considered cool to shower prior to attending awards shows, particularly one in which your beautiful wife is walking in on your arm. I don’t want to speak for every woman, but last I checked my gender preferred when beaus didn’t smell of Gorgonzola and guinea pig cage.

Come Again?
“Please welcome Keanu Reeves, star of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, several Matrices, and more recently, ABC’s In Need of Extreme Makeover: Career Edition!

General Technical Notes
Best Song Awards and accompanying painful performances should be done in conjunction with the exceedingly lame technical honors, rumored to be awarded at 6 am at the Burbank Sleep Inn breakfast buffet. (Although I very much enjoyed Dolly Parton’s rendition of “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp.”)

FTLOG, does it not say clearly on page 42 of the Oscar Nominee Handbook that ONE SHALL NOT CLAP FOR ONESELF WHEN ONE’S NAME IS BEING READ FOR ONE’S AWARD?

I read everyone on my blogroll, made a tuna noodle casserole, and lost two pounds during the Honorary Oscar presentation.

Where was I?
Was William Hurt just nominated at like 4:30 today?

Was there a seat filler strike I didn’t know about?

When did J. Lo and John Leguizamo start dating?

On Giving Thanks
Appreciative Mentions Made During Acceptance Speeches: the Academy (78%); Dr. 90210 (49%); Jessica Alba (33%); Peyote (12%); God (1.3%).

I find few things more wonderful on Oscar night than the enthusiasm of true industry geeks who have likely given fewer speeches than I. They come clad in sequins and get blow outs and bring their kids as dates and when they win, some part of them just can’t believe this is happening and Nicholson is in the front row! And with complete grace, they compose themselves and excitedly thank all the people in their grade schools and the world who have made it possible for them to follow their passions. How. Incredibly. Cool.

On Jon Stewart
I have now purchased a new box just for you. It is waiting patiently under my bed. Next to Clooney’s.

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37 Comments:

Blogger playfulinnc said...

Tennessee in da house.

Woah. All's I got ta say is:

NO MORE SLO MO DANCING. EVAH.

Blogger Pizzle said...

The world is officially ending. Three 6 Mafia won a freakin' Oscar.

Blogger Danielle said...

This is better than the actual show!

Blogger missbhavens said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't think that Jon Stewart plotzed. Well...the first half of the opening monologue plotzed, but he picked up speed throughout the evening. The Oscar preople have a funny habit of casting ascerbic East Coasters to host the show (Letterman, Rock, Stewart) and then act horrified (come one...you saw some of those horrified audience reaction shots) when they take jabs at Hollywood.

Hollywood deserved to be jabbed. And I dug it. Except for the dance numbers. Those bit.

Matt Dillion? Meow. Get a third box.

Blogger Jeremy said...

I noticed that exactly one third of all the reaction shots of the audience was of Matt Dillon. I think the camerman was in love with him.

Blogger Maliavale said...

I second the geeky-acceptance-speech notion. But I also thought PSH's was cute. Hearting the mom on TV. Doesn't get any better than that.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Yeah, I restaked my claim on Clooney last night after giving up on him for a year or two. Because not only is he good looking again, but now I can say "this is my husband, academy award winner George Clooney."

Blogger Karyn said...

"And with complete grace, they compose themselves and excitedly thank all the people in their grade schools and" thanks the Academy for sitting them next to George Clooney at the Nominations banquet.

Anonymous Jorge said...

"When did J. Lo and John Leguizamo start dating?"

Hahahaha! Priceless.

Jon Stewart is the man.
I'm almost sorry I didn't watch the Oscars just for him.
:(

Blogger Heather B. said...

We might have to share Mr. Stewart. You get him Mon-Wed-Friday I'll take him Tue-Thurs-Sat.

Blogger nursevl said...

New appreciation for:
Jon Stewart
George Clooney (wasn't really ever a fan until recently, watching his mouth move makes me go into a trance)
Keira Knightley for tolerating sitting by Nicholson who probably tried to feel her up and for sure drooled on her designer gown.

All the poor bastards who lost to
Three 6 Mafia. Imagine their self-esteem today.
(Wasn't Jon Stewart cute the way he laughed after they won???)

Blogger Thérèse said...

You take Jon, I'll take Clooney.

Rowr, Clooney.

Blogger ejtakeslife said...

Finally, someone else who enjoyed Jon Stewart's hosting. We are clearly the only people of taste and talent on either coast : )

Blogger zeldafitz said...

The Oscars were t-r-a-g-i-c. I almost shot myself when Tom Shales at the WaPo said that JLo looked particularly attractive. And yes, she does seem to be married to JLeg. Also, did Jo-Kwin Phoenix look puffy or was that just the camera angle?

PS--who is Jessica Alba and why was she everywhere?

Blogger Sizzle said...

i love me some jon!

and one of my unshagables won- yay for philip!!

:) sizz

Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

This is the first moment EVER that I have wished I sat through the whole Academy Awards show. Wow. Kudos to you, Kris!

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

And as bad as clapping for oneself, I HATE the "Stop playing the music, I'm not done!"

Blogger Cheryl said...

I might have to come visit your boxes...I also hate the clapping for themselves and I am getting sick of the winner thinking the other nominees because I think it's fake.

Blogger Bill said...

I just wish more time could be alotted to thank corporations, agents and lawyers.

btw ... why wasn't The Dukes of Hazzard nominated for anything? That would have put all the whining about seeing movies in theatres into perspective.

Blogger babyjewels said...

I didn't watch them, but enjoyed your recap immensely.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

i can't get too excited for the person who has to exclaim,"i'm just a woman trying to make a difference.." while play-acting. i'm underpaid for make-believing. where's my agent?

Blogger Brookelina said...

I totally want to watch the Oscars with you next year. Will you make your tuna casserole?

Blogger MQ said...

Was there a seat filler strike I didn’t know about?

I know what's up with that? The could have at least scrounged up the riff raff in the bleachers outside :)

When did J. Lo and John Leguizamo start dating?
And speaking of riff raff...who did she pay to whistle at her while she walked on stage! J.Lo will stoop to no lows...

Blogger Bookhart said...

I heart Jon Stewart but didn't think this performance was his best. (OTOH, has anyone seen him in "Elmopalooza"? He does a much better job as the host in that one.)

Blogger Egan said...

I watched the Oscars, but didn't enjoy your recap. It sucked ass. Sorry, I should learn to shut my trap more often. I just took exception to what you had to say about Keanu. He was the shit in Parenthood, but Joaquin clearly out acted him in that movie.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I still thought Jon was great-- he did the best material he could with the (lame Oscar) audience that he had.

And I would have really paid attention if Dolly had sung that song-- maybe WITH Three 6 Mafia (did I get that right?). She could have sung the refrain.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

He's all yours, Kris!!!

Blogger rebecca_knox said...

What about Ben Stiller?

Blogger Jessica said...

You'll have to come check my house for Mr. Stewart....I've already arranged his box! :)

I really hated the speech music...could they at least let the people start the speech before playing them out?

Blogger kimmay said...

nicole kidman never disappoints. she was stunning.

Blogger Egan said...

Kris, my comment was sarcasm. Jon Stewart did a great job with the material they provided him.

Anonymous Wendy said...

"Was William Hurt just nominated at like 4:30 today?"

OMG big.fat.bwah. I was thinking the same thing! Where did that nom come from? Loved your take, complete with Keanu analysis - agreed!

Anonymous Emerson said...

Interesting blog...a good read.

Regards,
A Cassville Heritage Association member, Cassville, Georgia
Emerson

Anonymous Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info »

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! » » »

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! »

Blogger Mabs said...

I'll take Clooney. He's my all time fave actor. I love reading George Clooney bio. See more of him.

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