February 27, 2006
Technorati, why don’t you come to your senses (or neediness, Kris style; or the second time I mention a Designing Woman on this here blog)
Last week I was going through my blogger neediness routine – you know, the trifecta of checking my comments (as a professional comment whore is prone to do), looking at my Statcounter geek charts to ensure that you are still employed at the places where you read my blog the week prior (no worries; your secret is safe with me) and looking at new links via Technorati.

I said NEW LINKS. I get a new link about once a week, and it is terribly exciting. Someone else is reading my blog! And this person writes cool stuff and things and thinks me worthy of linkage! I, Kris Likey, am becoming a bigger part of my neck of the tiny woods of the blogosphere!

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

My numbers had gone down. Someone had – gulp – de-linked me.

I’m not proud of it, but a rush of 7th-grade, Claire-Danes-like angst came over me. The same feeling you got when someone spread a rumor around junior high that you were a lesbian at the age when that wouldn’t have been boner inducing. The feeling you got when you didn’t make the band for the ’89 undisclosed-northern-New Jersey production of Damn Yankees. Effers.

I’ll admit; I’ve done it. I know it’s routinely done. But I’m a fragile being right now, sans beau or sufficient intoxication. Clearly this isn’t the right time to turn my comments off to see if I can subsist without the feedback. Ugh. Stupid social experiments.

In other news, I have more evidence that my appropriate-meter is clearly in need of tune up. Today I began watching a Lifetime movie – starring, no, not Susan Lucci, NO! not Valerie Bertinelli, but the indomitable and fabulous Delta Burke – and like a short woman/tall man romance I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Maternal Instincts was a real 1996 watcher about a woman who undergoes an emergency hysterectomy and then kills, maims, or teases the hair of those who perpetrated the unwanted surgery. Delta seeks vengeance by replacing her doctor’s progesterone shots with EVOO, running a woman over with shopping carts in the grocery store parking lot (file that one under I effing kid you not), and switching pregnancy results from positive, you GO GIRL to negative, get a fertile mate a la Mel Gibson already via the office Atari. My friends and I left for lunch mid-movie, and I Tivo’d the remaining hour and a half. AND I WATCHED THE REST OF IT TONIGHT. I couldn’t help myself.

Forget sponsoring me for the upcoming Blogher conference. Can somebody sponsor both my therapy and Chardonnay?

File this under: You don’t need more bone vitamins or female cleansers, no matter what Lifetime Television should suggest; Gerald McRaney; Kris, this behavior is to be expected with the onset of your lady cycle; Jennifer Aniston promises it’s cool to be single; Colonel Mustard; and Prozac, Yellow Tail, and something else with a low incidence of sexual side effects and loneliness.

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67 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Last week I watched a Lifetime movie with Peg Bundy. Forgive me for not knowing her as anything other than her Married With Children name, the movie was rotten. I cried my eyes out. After Peg gave birth to a baby she found out she had terminal cancer. Before passing she told her husband she wanted him to marry the pediatric nurse when she died. I can't believe I watched it (or admitted to it here).

Are you still planning on coming to Blogher?

Blogger playfulinnc said...

Mine #s were also shy of what they used to be. I think it is like credit scores...after 5 years, something drops off?

Blogger rebecca_knox said...

Uh oh. Knox may be stealing your #s. Suddenly things are picking up (knock on wood).

Blogger MKD said...

Yeah. It sucks. I lost one last week. Fucker. I wrote him too. How dare he de-link me. You get over it though. Drink your way through it. I did.

Blogger Sarcomical said...

can i start by saying how much i love you right now?

there. does that make you feel better? because i seriously seriously do. don't worry, we all do the same thing! (what? oh wait, that's just me? *ahem*)

sorry i missed that movie. i'm all about the crappy lifetime time-suckers!

Blogger Bill said...

I do hope you aren't beng consigned to the mob. People aren't exactly falling over themselves to link to me so I have an excellent insight on what it's like in the lower depths. Not pretty. A lot of desperate posts about erectile disfunction and breast enhancement in the hopes of drumming up links. No dignity. No sense of self-worth. No links.

(I can't believe it ... I've never seen Maternal Instincts but I think I recall the promos from whenever it first aired! Ack!)

Blogger Mercy said...

It wasn't me!

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Oh no. . .it's just like when Taffy Sinclair pretended to be Jana's friend and then dumped her.

Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

You're always at the top of my list, babydoll. I get de-linked all the frigging time. I'm still mad at [redacted] for doing it, and I won't go to the site anymore.

That said, I just redid my sidebar and lost some of them, but not on purpose; now I don't remember who I lost. I am thinking of putting up a little note stating such. I'm not a de-linker, I swear!! (Unless I never hear from you and you never update.)

Blogger Megarita said...

Ouch. I try never to check that stuff because I'm inevitably devastated. I prefer to soothe the pain with Fat Bastard Chard, though?

Blogger Heather B. said...

I've seen that Delta Burke movie like five times and one of the aunts from Sabrina the Teenage Witch is in it as well.

*hangs head in shame*

Blogger Thérèse said...

Someone delinked you? That really surprises me.

Oooh! Oooh! I know why! It's because their blog was LAME and that's why you didn't link THEM and then they got all "well if you don't link me THEN FINE I won't link YOU" and delinked you out of spite. Spite!

Wait, I'm not surprised at all! I'm pissed! PISSED I TELL YOU!

Tell me who it is so I can bad-blog stalk them.

Why does delinking sting so much? Maybe because deep down we know it doesn't matter in The Grand Scheme Of Things.

But it still sucks.

It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to link to someone because, someday, I may run out of room on the sidebar and then what do I do? Delink? That seems so mean.

Blogger Robin said...

Well, it wasn't me, either. I couldn't - I wouldn't - delink you. Unless, that is, you delinked me first. ;-) KIDDING!

I hate discovering that I have been delinked. It forces my need for acceptance to bubble to the surface, and I get all hurt for a minute or two. It bugs me that it bugs me.

Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

I watched Maternal Instincts this weekend, too - what a fabulous made-for-TV drama! Dude, don't cross Delta Burke.

I'm not ashamed.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Aw Mama.
Delta Burke?
It's time for an intervention.

Mrs. J and I will be there soon with alcoholic relief and all kinds of hijinx just for you!

Regarding the Technorati De-linking...
I've suffered this myself, and I'm nowhere near as popular as you.

So it happens to everyone.

Hugs,
Papa

Blogger Cheryl said...

Being de-linked does suck. I suddenly was wisked away to those days with you...Ah, the lifetime movie. So how did it end?

Blogger Sizzle said...

i can't believe i missed it! damn me. what was i thinking reading a book when delta burke was on lifetime!?

this will never ever happen again.

:) sizz
p.s. jennifer aniston was "single" for like a day. what does she know about it being cool?

p.p.s. it DOES have its upswings. really!

Anonymous Jennifer said...

Yanno, I live and die by my bloglines. The blogroll on my blog rarely gets utilized and people who are there are there for some personal/philosophical/other contrived reason. Changes are slow to happen, if only because I rarely think of it, and when they do, can be sweeping.

I dunno. I don't care much about and so then, I guess, am always surprised when someone else does.

Blogger JJ said...

Sorry about de-linking you. I was just mad.

Blogger Amanda said...

wow, how interesting, i need to get involved in this new (to me) way of cyber stalking.

Blogger Penny said...

I know who it was! It was the new mom that gets to eat 4,000 more calories than you. She was offended by your last post and had to take it out on you the only way she knew how.

However, we love you and wouldn't dream of delinking. Even if you do TiVo Lifetime movies with Delta Burke. :-)

Blogger Chantel said...

I also get slightly depressed when my stats go down and then I go home and watch every episode of Sex and the City reruns on TBS even though I own the DVD set.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

i don't have to worry about de-linking when i have a whole 4 linkers and one of them is my friend. she has to link to me or else.... the only lurkers i get seem to be people from india and germany. yes, i'm hot in other countries.

not that it matters but i would never de-link you. you are by far the funniest blogger i read!

Blogger Lulu said...

As both the quality and frequency of my blog decreas, I often find I also have been delinked.
I know just what movie your talking about. Think "Hand That Rocks the Cradle", but instead of a humongous home with a green house large enough to result in death, you live in a ranch home built in 1987 in a Cleveland suburb with a Rubbermaid shed in back. Great flick.

Blogger J said...

Wow...I'm pretty new to the world of blogging...I didn't know it was rude to delink someone. I link to people who's blogs I like, and then if I get bored or they don't update their blog often or whatever, I might delink them. I had no idea I was causing anyone pain by my rashness! Actually, I didn't even know anyone KNEW they were linked...I just keep them there as a sort of bookmark.

Anyway, I linked to you last week, and you'll stay there.

The most comments I've ever gotten was 6, I think, so I understand the frustration there. I would pass out with joy if I ever got 25 comments, which is the current count for this here post. :)

Blogger yournamehere said...

I get delinked all the time; I think I offend people on occasion, or they link me and I don't recipricate and they become angry.

Blogger Egan said...

This is once again a great topic. It's topic that most don't dare talk about. (checks Blogroll to make sure you're still there) Kris, I think some get mad if you don't return the favor. It's an interesting process. I've thought about developing guidelines for mine.

1. must update three times a week
2. must be somewhat compelling
3. no pop-ups
4. no music
5. response to comments preferred
6. not too political
7. use of words Atari or Nintendo
8. use of paragraphs

That's about all I can think of for now. Feel free to ban from commenting forever Kris.

xoxoxo

Blogger Libragirl said...

I promise even if I unlink you on my blog, I will still bookmark you and read you. Though I don't plan on unlinking you since you make me giggle.

Blogger Mizchief said...

Hey girl... I will even the odds, I can't set you ahead.... but as I do read your blog (guilty pleasures) I will link you to my less than popular blog... mostly about me getting dumped, or what stoopid pop song is making me run down memory lane... or what idiot thing my almost ex husband has done lately.

So... I don't know if I'm helping.... being judged by the company you keep.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

I can link you some more if that would help....

How do you know who links/doesn't??

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

That sounds fabulous! I think that Lifetime movies are one guilty pleasure I haven't enjoyed lately... hmmm... did you TiVo the whole thing? :)

Blogger Jessica said...

I've still got ya linked hon, and totally love ya!

Oh, and where does watching Skating with Celebrities with the future stepmother on the innappropriate meter?

Blogger K said...

I blogged for close to a year with not one comment (unless we're counting SPAM, and, really, don't assume that I'm above that). Of course, I didn't leave any for anyone either, so what did I expect?

As soon as I discovered that blasted sitemeter, my pure and untainted motives for writing went all to hell. Once I knew that someone other than me was reading my blog, vanity kicked in and I have since developed an unhealthy dependency problem.

Curse you Sitemeter!!!

(and now, I shall proceed to technorati to seek out other ways to mangle my ever-diminishing human dignity)

Good times.

Blogger Bill said...

Ooh ... I just had a cool idea of the mean-spirited variety. What if a whole bunch of bloggers agreed to link to someone? Then agree to delink them on a specific date a month later?

Do you think they'd be liable for the costs of the therapy sessions?

Blogger Bill said...

Better still ... what if they all started leaving comments that said something along the lines of, "Deposit $10,000 in small, unmarked bills at the P.O. number below or WE'LL DELINK YOU on Thursday!"

Blogger Shawn said...

I could start some more blogs just so that I could link you and your numbers would climb. No, seriously...

Just call me Lloyd Dobler - always ready to take on the tough tasks. That's how we roll out here in the midwest.

In the meantime, just cut and paste the following affirmation from me to you:

Kris you are awesome and will always be A-Number-Top-10 in my book!

Feel free to tape it to your fridge or wave it triumphantly in front of annoying co-workers.

Cheers.

Blogger Kris said...

Pants – Of course you cried! They design those damnable movies that way! I’m making a pledge to make it to Blogher, even if I have to sell the cats to get there.

PID – Sounds like my body after five years. That was probably TMI.

Knox – I’ll take you. Come on, BRING IT. Or we could just go have cocktails.

MKD – I knew we were meant to be friends. You probably lost him after your gorgeous WaPo mention. Men can’t take the heat.

Sarcomical – like a Teletubby “AGAIN, AGAIN!!!” I might still have it TiVo’d. Shh. Please don’t tell the Others.

Bill – Write a post about watching Lifetime for an entire weekend straight. That would get three or four links from me alone.


Mercy – thanks, sweet stuff. I love to see you here!

JordanBaker – I might have to Google that reference.

Jurgen – I’m a hypocrite – I delink! Like you, I only delink when you never update, you shut down your blog, or you steal my man.

Megarita – I love that stuff. My corner store doesn’t carry it. Murr.

Heather B. – Now I know you aren’t lying. Only true Lifetime women know about the Sabrina presence on the channel. Oh, and Kellie Martin.

Thérèse – BLOG WARS. Hot. I know some people in my motherland who could help with this too . . . some have unicorn tattoos . . .

reluctant housewife – It all boils down to acceptance. Which I do believe a little part of each of us is craving, whether we post our ideas online or not.
That said, I know where you blog. Don’t delink me. ;) Kidding, boo.

Robin – This is a UF thing, isn’t it? ;) You couldn’t have said it better. It bugs me that it bugs me too.

Guinness_Girl – did you REALLY watch it? Were you not in hysterics at the end when they show Delta in the padded cell singing that nursery rhyme WHILE STARING AT THE CAMERA? I was howling.

Jorge – I shall make you and Mrs. J watch more Delta when you are here. Don’t fight it! More hugs to you.

Cheryl – She gets caught, but only after having a fight in the basement of the hospital with her doctor, whose baby she has just stolen. And then there is the part about her crying in the padded room while singing a nursery rhyme. That was really stellar.

Ms. Sizzle – Thanks Sizz. Don’t worry; I’m pretty sure the flick will be on at 4 am for the rest of the week. ;)

Jennifer – Wish I didn’t care about it too. Send me the cure!

JJ – We will talk about this tonight in couples therapy.

Amanda – I could write you a manual on it . . . ;)

Penny – Murr to the new skinny mom! ;) Thanks for your acceptance, Penny. What if I admit to watching bad CBS comedies? That might be the final straw. I should keep that one to myself.

Chantel – we might be the same person.

gorillabuns – you are another hasselhoff! You will HOUSE HIM in Germany! ;) Thanks for your sweet words.

Lulu – I just spit a little when I read about the Rubbermaid shed. Uber-hilar.

J – It becomes easier and easier to get the comments when you are sleeping with ¾ of your readers. Wait, did I type that out loud?

yournamehere – I only get miffed when Brooke gets more Vegas airtime than I. Damn that cutie . . .

Egan – 9) Must participate in half clothed Thursday, 10) must buy bagels for East Coast readers, 11) must show preference for pants and therese, 12) must have centaur tattoo . . .

Libragirl – I love giggles! Now I have to up my cutting and pasting from other funny blogs to keep you coming back . . .

Mizchief – I LOVE being someone’s guilty pleasure! I haven’t heard that since I dated that Senator! Thanks Miz.

Bridget Jones – I’m not sure I should open up the world of self loathing to you, Bridg, but you asked . . . Go to technorati.com and search for your blog via url. You can see all the people who love – I mean link – you!

mysterygirl! – wish I had. I’d go back and write a scene-by-scene commentary on the entire thing. It was that blogworthy.

Jessica – that one is pretty high. I think watching SWC alone might actually be worse, though, Jess – you are in the clear!

Killer Bits – I am with you. Why does it change EVERYTHING? Avoid the Technorati. It makes the baby Jesus cry.

Bill – if you do this to me I will hunt you down.

Shawn – You are a wicked smart version of Lloyd Dobler! I’ve put your affirmation on my desktop. I’m good enough, I get linked enough, and doggone it, people like me!

TIME FOR DIET COKE NOW. Mmmmm.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Longest...
Counter-Comment...
Ever...

Blogger Thérèse said...

Yes. Turns you on, doesn't it.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Ah, Kris, you know you have quite the following who would totally participate in Blog Wars for you. It would be hot, you're right. And you're right, of course. The unicornally tattooed guy would help out.

Blogger LBseahag said...

Keep the designing women references coming...
And you are forever my link...sausage link...

Blogger babyjewels said...

I've fallen victim to both technorati and Lifetime Movie Channel. Want to start a support group.

Blogger NARDAC said...

I'm going to say something that might hurt but say it I will... don't ask for sympathy on a blog, or from anyone else. Even if it makes you feel better, don't solicit it. Just don't worry about your adequacy or worth anymore. Please.

As for de-linking and all that other kind of bullshit... what do you care? It's a like a rich man complaining about the dollar he dropped in the gutter. You've got better and bigger fish to fry.

Blogger Kris said...

Jorge – hilar. I had to nap twice when I was writing it.

Thérèse – I think he shall heretofore be referred to as UNICORNY.

LBseahag – I laughed out loud at the sausage link. Bug says you are his sausage link. And that made Cricket jealous.

babyjewels – thank God I’m not alone. Let’s start our support group tonight. We can meet in the NW corner of my WW meeting . . .

Nardac – I’m gonna fry your fish. If you think I’m seriously asking for sympathy I need to work on my humor/funniness/ha ha skills but quick. STAT!

Blogger Scott said...

Very fun blog you have going on here. was reading one of your posts a from a bit back and saw the thing about the speed skating uniforms... i saw more penis during the Olympics than I see in my gym showers. And the FCC was so worried about JJ's Nipple. Please, it is speedskating they need to worry about.

Scott

Blogger Lisa Ann said...

I didn't know what the Technorati thing was all about so thanks for the heads up. Or not since I'm now going to be obsessively checking that. Lifetime showed a movie that didn't have Valerie Bertinelli in it? How did that happen?

Blogger Dave said...

Technorati: my second true love. I'm surprised I tore myself away from it long enough to write this.

Also among things that hurt: getting rejected by Ultimate Blogger 2. Is your ass as chapped as mine?

*sigh*...ok Kris, this is my LAST attempt at getting you to acknowledge my existence.

If you don't talk to me....I'll...I'll...start flirting with Killer bits!

OR maybe Cheryl!

Yeah...or Amanda....or...Damn, there are alot of good lookin women here.

Meh, they aren't you Kris...I shall now.....pout.
:(
See that frowny face Kris!
Yep, YOU caused that.
I hope you're happy. *sob*
Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
*sniff*
:`(

Blogger Virenda said...

LOL.

Girl you have 49 freaking comments and EVERY where I go you are linked. Don't sweat it.

~grin~

Oh and I LOVE that you brought up Claire Danes, My SO Called Life rocked!

I often do the geek girl check on my stat-counter, just to make sure that I'm loved. I'm not as "cool" as you lol but every visit makes me smile.

~sigh~

Oh and don't even get me started on what happened in 5th grade when my friend spread a rumor that I was a lesbian. (B-t-h!)

Blogger Jason M. said...

If you only knew how clever you are! This post is what made me realize that "Professional Comment Whore" wasn't a real profession. I though you were being clever in describing Public Relations or something related. Anyway, you're really funny and I just now linked to you in my (new, not very popular) blog, so you should be +1.

Blogger Marissa said...

who would de-link you?! your blog rocks my world!! i'll read you forever. :)

Blogger Jackie said...

Well dear, you're on my permanent VIP list. That's RIGHT, my TOP bloglist that I hand HTML'ed into my template.

Who ever took you off of their blogroll is a total EEEDIOT!! :)

Have a glass of merlot for me and let Claire Danes handle the angst ala My So Called Life, K?

xo
J

Anonymous Jorge said...

Kris: Double Hilar: So did I.

Blogger zeldafitz said...

I am adding you today, ironically enough...you are SO POPULAR--you've gone from Claire Danes (the luckiest woman in the UNIVERSE for being the ladylove of Billy Crudup) to Alicia Silverstone in the wink fo an eye, the splash of a blond elixir...

Blogger Thérèse said...

Unicorny?

KRIS!

It's brilliant! BRILLIANT I tell you!

Anonymous sandra said...

My god, I love Lifetime. Where else can you witness such drama...and think to yourself, "god, I'm SANE!"

Blogger NARDAC said...

thanks for the offer! I prefer when people cook for me anyways.

Blogger Kris said...

Scott – See! I knew people would agree! Those guys might have well been wearing thongs.

Lisa Ann – I know. I suspect she might have been divorcing Eddie Van Halen at the time . . .

Dave – I’m chapped for you. But that doesn’t sound quite right, does it?

Jerk of All Trades – Hi you! As if you need to come to my blog for good lookin’ women. Your site is a magnet for them. And I have not forgotten you – I never could. ;)

Virenda – did you grow up in northern New Jersey? Maybe we have the same b-t-h friend!

Jason M. – Sadly, professional comment whore-ism is a growing industry. I’m clearly losing my once solid footing in the area . . . ;) Thank you for the link!

Marissa – I love that you’ll read me forever! And I hope it isn’t just because Blogger won’t let you take me off your sidebar.

Jackie – Did you say HARD CODED? Few things make me so excited. I hope you are well, J!!!

Jorge – are you still napping? I might be.

zeldafitz – Billy Crudup is pretty nice eye candy, but what gives with leaving his ex while she was preggers? Not cool, eye candy. Not cool. ;)

Thérèse – I know, and matches his new avatar so well . . . tee hee hee.

sandra – Lifetime is like a train wreck. YOU JUST CAN’T HELP YOURSELF.

NARDAC – I’d love to really have you over. Only it would have to be for takeout and wine. Would that work? Meet you at my pad at 5.

Blogger NARDAC said...

actually, I'd love to except I'm so far away. I'll take you up on the offer one day... or you could just come to Paris!

Blogger missbhavens said...

De-linked? DE-LINKED?! What a load of doo-doo! Who did it? WHO DID IT??!!

I'll show them a delinking that will make them sorry they ever messed with the likes of...

OKay. Time to chill. Ease down the bigrig. I'll go watch some Lifetime.

Hysterectomy? HYSTERECTOMY?? What a load of doo-doo! Who did it?? WHO...

okay. Maybe it's lady cycle for me, too.

your link is concrete in missbhavensland.

Blogger schmutzie said...

I noticed that occasionally my Technorati numbers would fluctuate strangely, and then I came across this post by Koan that explained it. So don't worry if you lose one or ten links showing on Technorati. It might just mean that the link was in an entry and not showing on the main template, because Technorati only shows links that are listed on the main page of a weblog.

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