Resume/wedding invitation/novel edited?
Child reared?
I'll stop there.
I have answered you. All of you.
And have done so again. Because apparently that's what hip girls do on Saturday nights.
Who am I kidding.
Child reared?
I'll stop there.
I have answered you. All of you.
And have done so again. Because apparently that's what hip girls do on Saturday nights.
Who am I kidding.
51 Comments:
I always have something going on
I have a great question:
I need yoru professional opinion:
Lets say you work in a 4x4 office with someone and the two of you really just don't get a long. Very different lives, etc. blah blah blah. She is of one race, you another. If she sometimes made comments during personal phone calls about your race and how stupid they are or how they drive you crazy, what would you do? Now know that she is black and I am white. Your suggestion? It makes me feel really uncomfortable, but I almost feel like I don't have a right to complain.
Oh, and you can call me Whitey!
Dear Wino:
I just received an invite to a birthday bash for a FAB fellow blogger that I feel close to, but have never met. Only, the said event will also be attended by a MILLION of her closest friends! As a new divorcee, and someone that has never met her fellow bloggers in person, this is a lot for me to live up to! Should I accept the invite and risk being shunned by the group and potentially losing an e-friend who is a woman that I truely respect?
Signed, A Complete Mess
Dearest Mama,
I'm looking for a topic for a post for my blog. Any ideas?
Yours,
Rupricht
Dear Mama,
It burns when I pee. What should I do?
Yours in uncomfortable urination,
JN
What topics do you like to discuss and maybe I can think of something. I often find topic ideas off of other blogs.
AM - we are going to find you a good man, don't you worry. Stay away from that one.
Anon - my theory on serious office conflict - when repeatedly irritated/offended/upset/threatened, whatever the case, first say something yourself to the person or his or her supervisor. If it doesn't work, HR might be the way to go.
Mel, I never know anyone either. Try it! You might like it!
Unique, how 'bout this one: Men who wear fighter pilot masks to bed and the women who love them. ?
Jurgen, my best advice is to stop being a HO.
Robin, I love to talk about myself, my cats, wine, myself, and myself. And my cats drinking wine. I've never talked about politics - well, not directly - so I thought about doing that. Or writing about work, which I have never done. Hmmm. And probably won't.
I have a friend that wanted me to ask you the following questions:
When does "fun with your pet" go too far? And how do we know when/where to draw the line? Will my rash ever heal?
Noted.
Dear Mama,
How do you stop being a HO? Wait. You wouldn't know.
Yours in Ho-diggity,
JN
*snickering*
MKD: Is this a heavy pet we're talking about? Tee hee hee.
JN: DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM(N) GIRL!
A friend of mine has an unusually high asscrack. Even with non-hipster jeans, I can't get away from her trucker butt. What should I do? Tell her to fill it with plasticine? Visit Mickey Rourke's plastic surgeon? I'm torn up inside. I cannot decide.
p.s. - hate to ruin the surprise but, holy crap, Jeremy wants to do jazz hands for you!
Why is there a large amount of powder on the floor around the toilet in our internal ladies room?
Dear Mama,
Why are my students such ass clowns? And are they actually getting ass clownier with every year that passes, or am I just getting older? And is "ass clownier" a legitimate phrase?
--Jordan
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I want some input on child rearing, please. We have outgown man-to-man defense and are currently playing zone, but we keep getting beat deep. Our line is tired and our secondary is weak and our football-parenting analogies are lame. Mamalikey, what are we to do?
There is a woman I work with that wears WAYYYYY too much perfume. I mean, literally to the point where my eyes start watering and I have to remove myself whenever she is near by. No one has the guts to say anything to her? Should I tell her she stinks?
Hmmm, I've always dreamed of writing a novel. Instead I find that I'm too lazy to write a novel, or even a decent blog. Here's your assignment: be my ghostwriter. I'll pay you after you make me wildly successful of course! :) ;)
Why do I fall down when I drink?
Why do men marry the psycho twats and ignore the girls who don't need therapy and/or a probation officer?
Dearest mama,
How the hell are you so sexy and witty all in one package?
Yours,
mrs. Vagina
Forget editing. I need a whole new resume. By Monday. Any takers? ;)
Please address the issue of super skinny girls in aerobics class. The kind that are incredibly graceful and coordinated while stepping over the damn box 50 times a second.
While me and my oversized T-shirt stumble around in the back of class, FAR AWAY from the mirrors.
Kris,
I don't appreciate your mockery of my sleep apnea. Your coincidentally astute suggestion is noted.
CPAPily yours,
-AUA
I think I'm too awesome. Is that going to be a problem later in life?
Why is it when I drink and fall down I feel so whoozy?
And why are people calling you Mama?
Nice Blog about sporting good store michigan. I also have a Blog/Website about sporting good store michigan which is why I enjoyed this blog so much. Keep up the excellent work! Check out my site if you have a moment.
Yes! I too enjoy your website, mostly because I have a HOSPITAL SUPPLY STORE IN ALASKA. Keep it up, Mama!
How about writing about the nature of man? Is it basically good or evil? I submit that for ever good thing we invent, there's some assbag who will invent something to fuck it up for the rest of us? Kinda like comment spam.
Just a thought....
Nardac - JC Penney makes Mom jeans that go up as high as the shoulders. That should take care of it.
MP - I'm not sure. Let's talc about it later . . .
crickets.
Jordan - any phrase you use is legitimate. I think you're onto something. However, the increase is disproportionate; you are slowly aging while kids these days are getting exponentially more ass clownier. I blame Avril Lavigne. Punks.
Keith - In my world, I'd put them on the bench or make them work as Mama's water boy for a while. That would clear things up.
Stacy - Someone has to tell her. Can you blame it on an allergy?
Jessica - I'm not up to it. I can't even write a decent blog (see this post for ample evidence.)
Bill - I wish I knew. I haven't been able to get up since yesterday.
Brooke - This is the stuff 80s movies were made of. I can't stand that men do this. My sense is that they usually age out of it by 38 or so. Please don't say it isn't so . . .
Anon - THANKS! I love child joke.
Brig - I have been thinking a lot about both of these women. I have no wise words. For me, getting through a breakup is much like making it past a hangover. Nothing (with the exception of very little contact with said man or said booze) gets me through it but TIME. And good friends who have Kleenex and Advil.
Slade - Thanks! Per usual, that makes me want to make out with you.
Alecia - I think Anonymous might be looking for something to do between child/bum jokes.
Lizzy - I've seen these women. A number 1) they are probably horrible people who hate babies and bunnies, and B number 2) they are at least 23x more likely than us to have ugly, disfigured feet.
Unique - You win for best retort EVAH.
O! I'm so happy your departure doesn't mean you can't READ my blog! :) You call her as much as you feel like, O. (Just not more than three times a day.)
Dale - Is it not a problem now?
Come on, I had to!
Jackie - or Stoli Vanil and Diet Coke . . . mmm.
Bill - You MUST lay off the 2 am drinkees. B number 2) they call me mama because I've given birth to at least half of these people. Not really. It's just because of my url.
Anon2 - Welcome, Sporting Good Store Michigan. Have you met good child joke?
JN - Do you think she pronounces it Yanet Reno?
T2ed - Welcome back! There is so much good in this world it's spooky. We just don't see it all the time. That said, I need to get back to being sarcastic and bitchy.
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Ah Mama,
I turn my back for a second. A SECOND. And you go posting an entry. You sly minx you.
I have 2 questions
1) What is the body of water next to the Gardener Expressway on your way into downtown Toronto from the airport? Hint: It would be on your right side. (SUCH a low blow)
2) Why are you so awesome?
3) I do have a novel that needs editing, by chance. You interested in reading it? Drop me a liney.
WHORE-HEYYYYY!!!!
PS: Kris - yes. I think she's classy enough to pronounce it "Yan-nay," like fancy people do.
did you like my second vm? I found it a rather robust imitation, myself.
I loved it!
Tee hee hee. You said bust.
Geooooooorge, more sass later.
If a tree falls in a forest...oh never mind. Sorry I myself am an editing fool. i got nothing for you.
Men with girl-butts.
why does it always happen that I don't check a blog for like 45 seconds and there's a new post? sad.
I've got a question for you, if you have the time..
How did you survive the 21 days without a drink? I'm doing it now, and now the weekend is here, I don't know what to do with myself.
So let's say there's this blogger and she has a birthday coming up and I can't make it to her party because I'm going to Utah and she knew I was going to Utah because I know I mentioned it on my blog and I'm sure she planned her shindig so that I wouldn't be there because she probably thought that I would embarass her in front of her "real" friends...so, my question is: What do you think the Redskins chances are of making it to the playoffs this year?
Why do I always show up a day later, after all the good questions have been asked?
That was weak. I'll keep thinging.
I have some laundry you can feel free to come to my house & do. What is the best thing to get tooth paste off of clothing? I am apparently incapable of brushing my teeth without getting paste on my shirts.
Can you make me a grilled cheese on white with a bowl of Campbell's Tomato Bisque and a small bag of Fritos, please? Or just write about it...it's my favorite.
Thanks.
Kris:
In regards to Dave's post -
What do you think thinging is?
A link on Lushy's blog got me wondering ... when is it appropriate to clue someone's bum shut?
Dear Kris,
Where on earth did you find that ginormous olive? And aren't you afraid you're going to impale yourself upon the toothpick?
Sincerely,
Ms. Misfit
If I run away, will anyone notice?
I'm with Missbehaven's request...
My comment would have been so much funnier, and made more sense, if I was capable of spelling the word "glue" properly.
Well, that shows you the day I've had.
Cheryl, I appreciate you feeling my pain on this one!
Sandra - Wish I could help. I'm still wishing I had a girl butt.
Heather - What I think is so crazy is that I don't check a blog for 2 minutes and I come back and like 80 people have commented before me. What gives? Re: the drinking, I mostly drank cough syrup. No seriously. I actually exercised. And stayed at work late. And avoided social events. Lots of movies. I did have two get out of sobriety free cards as part of the deal, but that really didn't help any. I feel your pain.
Kim - I consulted my magic 8 ball. LOOKS GRIM.
Dave - I'm still waiting.
Jorge - Get off Dave's back. Oh I'm sorry. I forgot that it's your permanent position.
QOS - ERA, baby! Protein gets out protein!
MissB - you lost me at Fritos. I can't breathe around them. I'll get cookin' on the other goodies, though . . .
Anon - thanks for giving us paws.
Bill - I knew what you meant! The glue story is all over the place! It is only appropriate to glue someone if you are in imminent danger. I know that's the only time I've ever done it.
Misfit - It was in the glass when I moved in. Has anyone noticed that it has a red hair in it?
Kristen - I would.
LBSeahag - Say it isn't so! Another Fritos fan?
Hoodia - The King has left the blogging.
Kris, tell me, how come when a friend of mine treats me like dirt, somehow, in the interest of the peace, I somehow get twisted into apologizing to her?! And why, for the love of God, why, am I babysitting her child right now?!
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