October 31, 2005
Your cashmere turtleneck hanging out the window of your 31st-floor hotel room to get the smoke smell out by morning: priceless.
Jorge and I had our North American rendezvous Friday eve in Toronto, home of Hooters restaurants and Kelly Clarkson music. And Joey and Rolling Rock bottles. Oh, right. Those are the American things the Canadians just pilfer due to getting only a 70 for originality. At least they’ll always have Avril Lavigne.

Jorge was early (it seems he’s actually read my blog before and knows that I slice late people into bologna-sized slices) and looked exactly as he does in the photos on his site. Refreshing. I removed my fake mutton chops before he had the opportunity to see them; I didn’t want him to think I was trying too hard. Jorge limped a little as we walked to the restaurant. I must confess that I had a little bit of a Silence of the Lambs flashback and worried that the “injured” Jorge would lure this American girl into a well with a poodle and a basket of assorted lotions. He didn’t try, but I’m pretty sure I could have taken him anyway.

We plopped down in a pleather booth at the restaurant and were waited on by a young, dramatic gent who may have worked at Medieval Times for a summer or two in the 90s. Jorge handed me an envelope. I suspected he might be from Publisher’s Clearinghouse and scanned the premises for Ed McMahon. That was a no go, so I opened it, only to find two fun photos of Jorge and his Canadian lover (read: Dave) as well as the nighttime snapshot from here. [For those of you who don’t already know, with Jorge comes Dave. I had once thought that they were probably both married simply to disguise a long-term infatuation with one another and Strawberry Shortcake, but it turns out they’re just heterosexual nerds like I am. We would have been the kids who high-fived when we finished our first book of sonnets ahead of the other kids in Language Arts.] Jorge used some technical Canadian jargon like “half carafe” and “Chardonnay” and “cell phone” and before I knew it we were drinking and I was harassing Dave via cell in some city called “Too shy, shy. Hush, hush, Ottowa.”

Within two glasses of wine I confessed that I had asked the cab driver what that large, lake-like body of water was out of my passenger window. Jorge stifled the urge to label me as “stupid American girl” and continued to hang out, wishing all the while his friends would call with a pseudo-emergencie. I’m pretty sure this alone changed his view of me; after that he calculated km/m conversions for me and encouraged my use of an abacus to calculate tip.

After 2.5 glasses, I was singing at the table and Jorge was ordering shots of Jagermeister. I called him a frat boy and refused to do mine, based on the fact that I had to give a presentation to fifty people within mere hours. Jorge persisted like a plantar’s wart, and I ended up taking two baby sips before recoiling like the first time I was felt up. I shuddered and chased it with a familiar swig of white wine.

And then at some point Jorge revealed that his name was actually pronounced George. As in W. Bush.

Crickets.

At 2.75 glasses, I berated G/Jorge for writing haiku about everyone, their brother and even their drunkcles. At three glasses, I was grilling G/Jorge about photography and studying that picture again. Within the same glass of wine, I was overtaken by the beauty and the messages written on those photos, and I did what only Kris does in every touching and/or tipsy situation: I started to cry.

Crickets.

G/Jorge was gracious about it and made some joke about puppies being kicked against barn doors and immediately the mood lightened. Soon his beautiful and newly-coiffed wife joined us (think the rare female creature who is funny and gracious to an Internet woman she doesn’t know who has taken her beau away for the evening) and there was more wine and more giggling. And pictures of myself and of G/Jorge and the Mrs.

And I just had so. much. fun. And was so happy my work dinner plans were called off.

How do I keep getting so lucky? I feel privileged to “know” all of you, blogger people.

Saturday was my presentation. Four of us showed up to present on a panel about research methodology.

And two people showed up to hear us.

I should have had the Jager shots. (Or is it J/Yager?) [insert our waiter’s melodramatic wink here.]

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56 Comments:

Anonymous Jorge said...

Ah, Kris!
What an awesome get together.
I can't believe you left out the part about how we danced on the table, and made the waiter take those incriminating shots of you with that houseplant.

I suppose the best times are best left out of the public eye!

So glad to have met you! I am sure that there will be many more fun times ahead.

After all, I have all these lotion samplers that I want to try out...

Blogger Keith said...

2 people?! Research Methodology just ain't what it used to be.

Anonymous Mrs. Jorge said...

It was awesome to meet you on Friday! I had a blast! It's such a shame that you live so far away - I'm always looking for more friends to share wine with. :) Hopefully we'll get out to your neck of the woods for a visit sometime in the near future.....

Blogger Washington Cube said...

Two people? You should have stood up in the bar and invited everyone, and had a free bar set up at the lecture with lots of booze and nibbly thingies.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great job with your blog, I found it most insightful. Check out my blog: Its all about women who abandon cats and boyfriends for Canadian bo-hunks.

www.wheresmama.com

It's a laugh riot.

Blogger Neil said...

Your meet-up sound so wonderful. Do you always cry after the third glass of wine?

Anonymous Jorge said...

How do I keep getting so lucky? I feel privileged to “know” all of you, blogger people.

I can't believe you wrote that.
That is so perverted.

:)

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Being that Jurgen is pronounced "Yur-gen", I just thoguht Jorge was pronounced "Yor-hay." I never would have thought George!

(I'm kidding - I totally thought it was "Whore-hay".)

Hi G/Jorge!

Blogger Shawn said...

Only two peoples?

You should come to Wisconsin. Why just the other night the whole bar erupted in spontaneous research methodology songs. None of us ever remember the third verse of that one song though, so we just do a lot of la-la-la's for that part.

Sounds like yet another fun time was had.

Cheers to that.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Hi Jurgen!

Blogger kitkat said...

What I find funny about this story is that for some reason I always read "jorge" to myself as "george," even though I figured it was the other way. I must be psychic.

Blogger Bill said...

I was raised in Toronto (North York, actually) and I've found that many people are not aware it's actually pronounced, "Yor-onto."

The lake, by the way, is Lake On-yario.

:-)

Anonymous Jorge said...

I pronounce my name "George" like the curious monkey.

Depending on what country I am in, I can be..

"Whore-Hey"
"Zjeorge"
"Yuri"
"Dicksmack"

J

Blogger Sub Girl said...

sounds fun! and jager is quite gross.

Blogger deanne said...

Ah yes, you should've taken your two attendees down to the pub, and given the presentation there, amidst the Jagermeister ('Yayger...')

Blogger Slade said...

man, that sounds like so much fun! Sometimes I wish I could meet all of my blogger buddies, but I know that I would end up not liking some of them--and that's no fun!

Blogger missbhavens said...

Sounds like you all had a terrific time! Chardonnay and J/Yager? Oy. I like how you chart your wine consuption in .25 measurements.

4-to-2 is a great ratio! That's my kind of audience! But, then. I'm a giant chicken.

Blogger Amanda said...

sounds like a fun time. forever i thought that jorja that chick from CSI's name was pronounces whore-ha.

haha...

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

More than 2 glasses of wine and I'm gone. Wine for some reason hits me harder than liquor does.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Amanda: you mean it isn't pronounced "Whore-ha"? That's exactly what I've been saying since I first saw the show.

I think I like Whore-ha better. It has snazz.

And Whore-hey: Dicksmack?

Blogger DC Cookie said...

Toronto is also the home of DC Cookie ;-) One day, I hope to have a Canadian chain restaurant named after me, the first of which will be opened up on Blue Jay Way (or maybe Wayne Gretzky Ave).

Blogger lizzyjane said...

hehehehe!
Somehow Juan puts up with my horrible American pronunciation of his name:
"WAAAHHHHNNN!!! There's a SQUIRREL in the kitchen!'

Anonymous Whore-Hey said...

Miss Jürgen - I couldn't think of anything wittier. I think Kris took a piece of my brain. The piece that makes things funny.

Blogger nabbalicious said...

Sounds like you guys had a blast! And you were totally "Whore-Hay" in my head, too, G/Jorge. And I'm still reeling from Jurgen. This has been a very confusing year for my brain.

Blogger Dave said...

I thought about our phone conversation for the next twenty minutes afterward. Let me just state for the record that, the whole sarcastic-with-a-serious-tone thing, I totally did not get at the time. Just completely ,did not know what to do with that. Next time, though... I'll probably be just as befuddled, but it'll only take ten minutes to figure it our afterward. It's progress.

Blogger Patsy Darling said...

I had no idea all the cool bloggers live in the DC area.

Blogger Aimée said...

Come back to your American friends, my love! You can call me Eh/Aimee if you like ... and I promise I'll sit and listen to your presentation and even ask interesting follow-up questions like, "Where did you get that fancy Expo marker and how do you spell 'educational grant'" Excape those Stupid Canadian non-presentation-going-J/Yager-drinking -dinner plan canceling-big body of water having - non gun shooting - hockey obsessed - hot wife having - non-gay picture sharing - funny-talking - maple leaf sucking to get all the syrup out - tragically hip listening - snow-shoe wearing - michael j. fox claiming SOBs!
...
whuh?...
crickets...
I miss you my dear friend!

p.s. good call on the Colonel. That's why even if it smells like fish, it still tastes like chicken ... whuh? ... no... Aimee no!

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Blogger babyjewels said...

I just read both your posts about that evening. That's awesome that you guys had the chance to meet and connect like that. kudos.

Anonymous sol said...

LOL.. that's a great version of the story..
(Omg it's "G/Jorge"? I had no idea...)

Yes, it's Y/Jager... try a shot dropped in a glass of Redbull (Jager-bomb).. drink very quickly.. it's very heady and actully tastes delicious...

Sounds like you had a wonderful time too..
LOL @ silence of the lambs reference..
Hmm.. maybe you should have had some fava beans instead, and a nice Chianti...

I'm coming back to read more.. most definitely...

Blogger MKD said...

"present on a panel about research methodology."

First off I'd like to say "dork." And secondly, I'd like to say that I live in DC.

In terms you'd understand: Checkmate, biotch.

Blogger Kiki said...

How fun!! I wish I could meet all of the bloggers I love. There should definatley be some sort of convention. Then if there are any serial killers, we can at least meet them in a public place.

Blogger Sizzle said...

"recoiling like the first time i was felt up"

i hope it is ok that i laughed? ;)

blog friends are fantastic. lesson learned: do the shots!

Blogger Heather B. said...

I would have been so pissed if I showed up to give a presentation and only two people came. Dude, Jager is good for you.

Blogger DC Cookie said...
Anonymous Jacynth said...

This brings up a deep thought a la Jack Handy:
One should always carry around a bottle of Jager. That way, if you show up for what you thought would be a presentation to 50 people and only 2 show up, you will be able to entertain them during happy hour without worry.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I believe it is pronounced "Gager".

I loved reading this, both from your side & his. Now I want to meet all my blogger friends!!!

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Blogger NARDAC said...

"That Bill guy is most definitely not from "TRAWNA... Though I do think you're most harsh about our originality. After all, we made donuts, hosers and professional wrestling... that's at least worth a 70.5."
--Spoken by the girl who left for Paris because she got tired of drinking out of paper bags.

Blogger angelatee said...

This is a great posting, but I can't get over "Drunkle" I have like 60 of them. Thanksgiving is going to be be bearable because of you.

Outta da park, Kris you went with this one!

Blogger Kim said...

Sounds fun! But was there a Battle of the Bangs? Hmmm?

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

heh pictures!!! we need pics!!

Anonymous Jorge said...

You all know this is about me, right?
I am so going to try to milk this.

KEEP COMMENTING ABOUT ME!
:)

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Anonymous Aisha said...

With the two combined stories you guys sound like you had fun!

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