October 13, 2005
Embarassingly edible (I felt too bad to call it Bumping Uglies)
Nardac has pulled off the meme of all memes (and for that reason, it is the last one I will ever complete - I don't believe we can ever really top this question). This killer forces pristine, reserved, bashful, austere, etc. young women like myself to choose shamefully shaggable men, beckoning fellows we'd bag at a moment's notice (with or without bags over their heads). Please note that I adore all of the following fellows, but have overheard at many a Vanity Fair soiree and Sonic drive in that others may find them less than appealing . . .

Olive you, Oliver. This long-lost 5th Baldwin brother was the only man sweatier than Matthew McConaughey in A Time to Kill. If you haven't seen him in Huff, as a coked-out, womanizing father-to-be and best friend to Hank Azaria's main character, you haven't truly known wanting to sleep with a coked-out, womanizing father-to-be. Mmmm. Anchorman hair.

I'm no Desperate Housewife, but this guy has got it. There's something about this poor woman's Paul Newman that just does it for me. You don't know how Far I'd go to See these biscuits. No? Too much?

If you've read my blog for a while (Hi Mom) you know that I have an unnatural, tri-state-area-borne obsession with Billy Joel. Don't ask me why. Sure, he has bug eyes. Sure, I can't be entirely certain that he isn't the father of the Georgia Runaway Bride. But he's got a way about him; his are the songs that I roll down the Sentra windows and sing without inhibition to in the summertime. As long as he doesn't croon anything from the River of Dreams album in bed (unless it's Lullaby, and then it might feel a little too much like he was doing it with Alexa Ray), we'll be in business. Keep the faith, Billy, Christie 2.0 loves you just the way you are.

Here he is, Mr. Paul Giamatti, in all his American splendor. I love his twitchy ways. His wild eyes and untamed tresses. Oh, and did I mention his love of wine? You did read the title of this blog, didn't you? Well then, you probably know he wouldn't have to ask twice to get me sideways.


Crickets.

And last but not least, Colonel Harland Sanders.

Well, if he does chicken right . . .


65 Comments:

Blogger Megarita said...

Sweet lord I feel unclean. Although the Billy Joel - Runaway Bride deserves greater contemplation. I appreciate your candor and your excellent choices in photography.

Blogger oregano said...

Men across America are asking, "What do these men got that I don't got?"

A better command of proper grammar?

Blogger babyjewels said...

That was a great meme. I may have to tag myself. (well, that sounded naughty)

Blogger Heather B. said...

That was great and hysterical.

Blogger Weary Hag said...

As memes go, that one was done with much style! I couldn't do Billy Joel if I were blind, deaf and mute (no reference to his music, just his looks), but that desperate housewife guy could leave crumbs in my hammock, I suppose.

Neat post.

Anonymous Jorge said...

As a duly appointed member of the Pun Police, you are hereby under arrest.

Please submit all your bottles of wine to me for...ah...safekeeping.

Yes...

That's it..

;)

J

PS: Dave is pretty shaggy. Why is he not on there?

Blogger Mel said...

The most disturbing meme ever.

All I can say is "whoa".

Blogger MoDigli said...

Ewwwie. Love ya, Kris, but these guys are all a little scary to me! Except maybe the colonel. I've always been a sucker for a guy in a uniform.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Wou wouldn't do the Colonel?

Blogger Candace said...

William H. Macy = hott

And the colonel makes some damned fine fried chicken. And I'd just about kill for those mashed potatoes.

How about the colonel WITH the mashed potatoes?

Blogger Keith said...

Finger lickin' good.

Blogger Dave said...

"Well, if he does his chicken right..."

That is the very definition of Comic Gold. So good.

Anonymous sandra said...

I'll second that Colonel with mashed potatoes...it's an interesting take on the old whipped cream as sexual food theme (the potatoes ARE rather fluffy).

Blogger Kim said...

Excellent list! I agree with all except Billy Joel, though I bet he would be a great drinking buddy.

Anonymous AfromABQ said...

You are good! Oh my gosh, I loved Paul Giamatti in sideways. Great post!

Blogger Brookelina said...

I can't do this meme. I'm woefully shallow and only want to have sex with men that are prettier than I am.

Blogger erin said...

since no one has yet to put thier list of "not-so-much" guys that they would do, i'm sure i'll make you feel better about your list--if you were feeling like you really put yourself out there...my list ALSO consists of guys that i have been booed about...

chevy chase--older or younger that cleft chin is HOT!!

hank azaria--what a cutie, AND he can do impressions during pillow talk...fun

mike myers--hilariously hot, even when he plays fat bastard...i'd do him!

jim belushi--he's got a little tum-tum but it's cute...

BILLY ZANE--wow...gotta fan myself...he is my ultimate FAVORITE B actor EVER!!!

ok, i've done enough damage...

Blogger Sizzle said...

Fucking Fantastic!

I now feel unadulterated bliss about confessing my long harbored crushes on men others might find utterly unfuckable. Thank you for freeing me!

Blogger t2ed said...

Hmm, 80% of them with facial hair.

You'd better not go to a ZZ Top concert anytime soon.

Anonymous erika said...

mmm philip seymour hoffman...

someone bring me Letterman naked on a red velvet couch.

what?

Anonymous Sanora said...

Of COURSE William H. Macy; Harvey Keitel; Pete Townshend (hey, I look young for my age, he might go for it...)

Blogger Miss Penny Lane said...

I was born with the Billy Joel gene, too. I'm not from the tri-state area, but I am a Member of the Tribe, so that gene comes with the territory. His older music is the best, of course, but I understand the to-this-day crush on the ol' alcoholic.

Blogger KlevaBich said...

What, no George Clooney? although I have to admit, he's the only conventionally handsome guy on my list. No, I take that back - David Duchovny. Yum. But I'm also attracted to guys like Ryan Stiles of "Drew Carey" fame, and would not turn down a chance to pop Paul Giamatti's cork...

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

These were spectacular. I looove Oliver and William...

Wow, I'm used to not making the HOT guy list, but this is the first time I didn't make the "funny lookin" list.

I don't know whether to be insulted or not.

Blogger Kiki said...

oh kris. really??

Blogger LBseahag said...

Is the runaway-bride story as urban legend as Glen Miller still being alive?

Anonymous Jacynth said...

Ahh...the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his fact that says, "you're gonna by my chicken"

Blogger Bookhart said...

I just did a similar one of these about 2 weeks ago, but I forgot about Paul Giamatti. Great list!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I'm orginally from the same state as Colonel Sanders. Call me.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I notice you don't list the Gorton Fisherman. Good, I don't like competition.

Blogger oregano said...

Will any man dare to list the not-so-hot but shaggable women?

Blogger la.dauphine said...

wheeee! Paul Giamatti!!!!! FINALLY a shamefully shaggable I can relate to! :)

i saw william h. macy in l.a. just a few months ago! he almost cut me off in his porsche and i turned back to give him a dirty look...and that's when i started screaming because i realized who was driving the car!

Blogger MKD said...

I don't even know you anymore.

(I mean I didn’t ever “technically” ever “know” you, but I felt we had a connection and now with this… well…one day when we never meet we’ll have to speak on this.)

Blogger jamwall said...

you forgot chef boyardee

...that bastard...

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Blogger Jenny said...

I find William H. Macy disturbing.

Anonymous your beau said...

I will never, ever, grow another goatee.

Now I know why the night we spent watching Fargo with a bucket of extra crispy was so uncomfortable.

Blogger Bill said...

You know what I like about William H. Macy? His wife! Finally, a chance to say I want Felicity Huffman!

I just feel bad because I like Macy - he's a funny guy in a very dry way. But his wife is funny too, and that's one of the reasons I like her.

Can anyone fix me up? You know, without Macy finding out?

Blogger Sub Girl said...

those are some really unconventionally "hot" men, kris...

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

I'd do 'em!

I might have to tag myself, too! One of mine: Jack Black.

Blogger Slade said...

my secret crush: billy bob thorton

i know, yuck

Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...
Blogger Jackie said...

Good point. If he does chicken right...lololol. Nice work.

Blogger DC Cookie said...

I'd probably be there too after several bottles of rioja :-)

Blogger Paulo said...

Paulo loves you.

~Paulo

Blogger NARDAC said...

Btw, I forgot to put up John Oates on my list.

Billy Joel may be good on the piano, but if he bagged Ms. Brinkley it's because he knows how to do more with his fingers than punching keys. Finger lickin' good! (ewww, I grossed myself out thinking about a Sanders-Joel-wich). As for that Sanders guy, I say thumbs up to the white suit but what if he has fried chicken butt?

Kris, this was a splendid list but what?! No Hasselhoff?

Blogger Danielle said...

They sort of look like they are all related in those pictures. No? That would be one dramatic family reunion, with yummy eats and tunes.

Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Ha Ha! I have never laughed so hard in my entire life! You are wickedly witty...I love it!

Blogger Jason said...

For me it's Courtney Love.

Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

huge, huge billy joel fan here. Piano Man is such an awesome album - and I think that the title track isn't even the best track.

This is an awesome meme. I know I'm going to have to use this.

Billy Joel oddly enough does it for me too. I also agree that his River of Dreams album sucked besides Lullaby. Something about this man's voice would make me putty in his hands.

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

KFC rules! As someone who worked in all the fast food places (well, most of them), KFC is the cleanest. Taco Bell, I'll never eat from again, ever. Yuck. If you worked there, you wouldn't either.

Now, not being gay or anything (not that there's anything wrong with being gay), McConaughey was good looking in A Time to Kill. He was a sort of bad guy in Lone Star though. And the guy who got his leg shot off in A time to kill was the good guy in Lone Star.

Blogger duff said...

i used to have a crush on oliver platt- about the time the three musketeers came out.

no, i can't really explain it either.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is an Australian singer named John Farnham. He's my sceret shame...

Anonymous Neil said...

Kris F-ing the Colonel

KFC

Blogger Patsy Darling said...

Oh I do love the colonel. If only he served beer with his chicken, it would be heaven.

¨He puts an addictive chemical in his chicken, which makes you CRAVE IT fortnightly, you smartass!¨

from ¨So I Married An Axe Murderer¨

My big celebrity crush is Jon Stewart.

p.s. I hope this doesn´t make me a blog roll whore, but I added you to mine...wanna return the favor? :)

Blogger Jessica said...

how did i miss this post? Ok, bumping uglies....my humiliating secret crush was Ari Fleischer. -Yes, my ultra-liberal self.... ok, now that i confessed, what's my penance? ;)

Blogger TinaPoPo said...

Wow.

And holy shit, so I'm not the only liberal with a secret crush on Ari Fleischer? We should start a club, Jessica.

This was great. Thanks.

Blogger Moonchild said...

i just did my own shameless shag list.. which i stole from sizzle who stole it from you.

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