May 4, 2005
When I'm 64
I spent most of the day and evening yesterday at the hospital with the Best Friend.
I will share with you the top five most disturbing moments of the day.

[cue drumroll]

#5) Aimee still looked better than I did, even though I had actually showered this week.

#4) She shushed me during the E! True Hollywood Story: Mary Kay Letourneau. Indication number one that her meds are affecting her brain.

#3) I made two trips to the penny candy bins at the gift shop, and the pink lady cashier with the lipstick outside of her lips asked me, "How long do you think these are gonna last you this time?"

#2) As a result of her recent experience, Aimee has decided that her rap name shall heretofore be "Sir Clots-A-Lot." Indication number two that her meds are affecting her brain. We all know it should be "Mama Clots-A-Lot."

#1) I caught a glimpse of Tuck's Medicated Pads in her clear overnight bag. Read: I caught a glimpse of our lives when we're both 70.