She went to a party last Saturday night

I recently sent one of my infamous mix CDs to t2ed. This one was a variation on my all-time favorite summer 2007 mix, a mix made for an old friend that to this day trumps all of its kind. t2ed's is still a compilation of Music That Only the Kris Still Admits to Enjoying, but has the added bonus of some special ditties thrown in that I knew would make him cringe extra special like. Ah, the Spice Girls, Night Ranger, Air Supply, Chicago . . . and who can resist the subtlety of a voice like Lita Ford’s?

He first played it last night on his car ride home. This morning, I received this:

Dearest Kris:

There is nothing sexier than having your top down (on the car, perv), having the stereo cranked because you lurve Mr. Petty, having eye contact with the milf in the Porsche Boxster next to you and then suddenly realizing that the Spice Girls are now blaring from your stereo. Break eye contact and then continue to stare straight ahead for the remainder of the drive home.

I'll tell you what I want. What I really really want? I want you skanks to shut the hell up. If I want to get with you, I have to get with your friends? This doesn't sound like the start of a very stable long term relationship. You want to zigga zig zig a cow? I don't think I like where this is going. We can still be friends.

Seriously, was I exposed to REOSpeedJourneyStyxFuckRangerSupplyWagon? Those bands were all the same to me. And dead to me. I can't begin to calculate how many hours of slow dances/bear hugs I spent my formative years being emotionally crippled to while that music played over a shitty sound system in a school gymnasium adorned with crepe paper.

I can't wait to return the favor. I think I'm going to have to broaden things from just beyond my heinous prom experiences. Don't worry, they'll still be plenty of hair bands, big hair, pre-packaged popcrap and dancers who think they can sing and singers who think they can dance. I have a truly huge collection of CD's. I know, it's not the size of your collection, it's how you use it. Just remember that I was in high school, college and law school during the 80's. That a long span of crappy music to choose from. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Bring it.