April 25, 2008
Waiting for Godot, Guffman & Greece
I'm waiting for perfection. I have a new spring Coach that has been sitting in the bag for weeks as I'm waiting for the perfect day for its debut. Today is the perfect day, of course, with a cloudless sky and a high of 80 breezy degrees, but my outfit just won't do. I'm also waiting for the impossibility of flights to Venice to drop below a thousand dollars and for the ideal firm but noninflammatory language for a letter I want to send my mother. I'm still waiting.

I have friends who are putting off dating until they lose weight, who miss out on the joy of being thrown unattractively into the sand by a rogue wave because they refuse to put on a swimsuit. I know others who won't vacation in lands of the sun until they drop those last 20 pounds because outdoor lighting and cellulite just don't mix. I gave up that quest long ago. I just tell kids that counting the streaks will tell them my age.

My mother all but covered the parquet with feathers when I broke out a Waterford wine glass the night of my father's death. Really, what more significant night did we have coming down the pike? Oprah and Steadman coming over for a taste of that 1942 reserve? I have relatives who cover the furniture with any number of devices, from plastic slip covers to empty boxes that still don't deter the cats from shredding the cushions. Don't get me started on hallway runners. And paper plates. And pristine bathroom hand soaps. Just who is a more perfect guest than we are?

I planned to save Greece for my honeymoon, you know, the celebration of the nuptials that are anything but imminent. What could be more perfect than kissing your closest while floating in perhaps the most gorgeous waters on the planet? Eventually I got tired of waiting and realized it wasn't my dream to drive a Rascal up to the Acropolis. Like a great Britney album, perfection just isn't coming.*


* This does not, however, under any circumstances including armageddon and McCain winning the election, allow you to contact that imperfect ex you've been thinking about. Even his mom thinks so.


26 Comments:

Blogger 1218Blog said...

I've been waiting to loose weight to buy a new summer wardrobe. Well summer is almost here, and I just had ice-cream for breakfast. I don't see it happening.

Blogger HKW said...

Waiting can be bad - I'm guilty of waiting due to weight.

But when I see a new post from Kris in the Google Reader, I wait to read until I know I will not be interrupted.

So I can focus.

Blogger Debbie said...

I've stopped waiting too.

I went out and bought clothes that fit my 20 pound heavier body and that I feel good wearing.

I sold my home, gave notice at my job and am moving somewhere new to explore and participate in life in a way I have always been afraid to before.

I stopped waiting for the guy I loved to get his head out of his ass and realize I am the cat's meow and decided I was going to find fulfillment in other ways.

So, to waiting I say, "don't let the door hit you in the ass"

Blogger Sturdy Girl said...

Amen. Waiting for something to go on sale seems to be a mantra around the office. In the 3 weeks you were waiting for the price to be reduced you could have enjoyed said item several times. And we all know that the accual cost of the item is reduced by the number of times it is enjoyed/worn.

Blogger Ashley said...

yeah, I'm totally still waiting for Britney to hit it big.

Blogger t2ed said...

Just go to Epcot. It's EXACTLY like travelling in foreign countries except for all the fried food. You also have no worries bout looking large with the Epcot contingent.

Blogger Chantel said...

Soo, I should go ahead and do those nudie photographs even though I know I can't seem to lose that extra 15 pounds because my boobs will never look better than they did today?

Just checkin'

Blogger brookem said...

damn straight.

there's just no sense in waiting.

your last line, the disclaimer, hit me the most.

Blogger Mia said...

Oh so true. And what's that saying about dance like no one's watching? Amen. Tomorrow is promised to no man. Enjoy today. Treat yourself.. because if you don't do it for the love of YOU... then WHO?

I spent 20 years letting everyone else come before me, and saving the "good stuff" for some day. Not anymore. I always thought I'd have kids to pass the stuff down to, cherished family memories and all that happy horseshit. Well, it didn't happen that way - so don't miss out and spend your life waiting like I did. Just enjoy as much as you can now and grab for it with both hands.

You'll be glad you did! *grin*

PS, if you need help with that letter to your mother - let me know. I've had mucho experience in writing those kinds of letters... Just sayin'.

Now I have to go look up "things to do in Greece" ::laughing::

Blogger Skyzi said...

So are you saying I should stop waiting to win the lotto and for the perfect man, job and home to fall in my lap? What would I do with all the time that would free up?

Blogger Elise said...

I waited to go to Italy until I could go with the perfect guy. Who ended up not being perfect at all. Now I have a hard time not losing the whole trip in toxic-guy-brain-blockout.

Anyway, waiting til things are Perfect is certainly not all it's cracked up to be.

Blogger kristy said...

What do you mean "armageddon AND McCain winning the election." They are not one and the same?

Blogger abbersnail said...

I'm in a huge waiting rut right now. I have a deadline (September 2), but I'm still *waiting.* It makes me feel stupid.

Blogger The Red said...

I have hallway runners because my tile floor is cold in the morning. Don't judge me, woman.
Maybe it's not so bad to wait for perfection though, especially in some cases. I'm not going to buy a hallway runner that will just make do. I'll have NO runner until I find the one that goes with the tile and won't show dirt and looks nice with the paint.

Blogger EDW said...

This is exactly why I have a credit card, because I want to go see my friend in Austin when she needs me most, take my daughter to Walt Disney World while she is still young enough to believe in magic, and go away with my husband while we are still in love enough to enjoy it. We throw that pinwheel into the grocery cart even though we are on a budget because pinwheels soon lose their cool, but at 3 and a half, they are amazing.

I'm not saying use me as a fiscal model, but I agree with you. There is no perfect man, age, time, guest, etc. There's only the imperfect but no less wonderful now.

Blogger Gwen said...

What are hallway runners and why are they bad for you?

You know, it's possible the perfectly imperfect man is actually going to be in those blue blue Grecian waters when you are.

Blogger Beth said...

Hear hear, Kris! As always, you speak wise words and you speak them so eloquently!

Blogger Alexandra said...

Thanks for writing that. It's probably exactly what I needed to hear this morning!

Blogger KB said...

Oh, god. I am so guilty of this in so many ways. I am forever waiting until I'm not so ugly to do things. It never happens.

I am now in love with debbie, though. (see above)

Blogger justjenny said...

Kris, I loved this post. I know exactly what you mean about waiting. I had been waiting for a man in my life to get a dog - well, I adopted my dog last month and I'm so happy to have him! He's also a very good listener after bad dates. =)

Please, please, please never stop writing this blog.

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Sometimes, it HAS to be Today,
Saying No is taking your life in your hands,
Reserve? Control? They are for some other time,
Have the Time of your life NOW, while you are still young & Beautiful & Strong enough to Enjoy it,
Who knows what Destiny awaits?

Blogger KathyLikesPink said...

The image of driving a Rascal up to the Acropolis is hilarious!! (no offense to readers who actually use Rascals...)

Does the "waiting for perfection" thing ease up with age? I'm so close to 50 I can see it - and I'm also a Fatty McButterpants...but nothing and no one will keep me out of a swimsuit, or the warm beach and ocean of Cape Cod come summertime!

I'm still reeling with delight over finding someone else who is Waiting for Guffman.

Blogger gorillabuns said...

why wait! "you've gotta live, live, live!"

Blogger Spirophita said...

Life is messy. No reason to wait for anything to live. :)

Tell that to my dirty kitchen from the ciabatta I made last weekend.

Besides, there is a reason sarongs were invented.

Blogger Coolbreeze said...

Kris
You are hilarious!

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