October 11, 2007
Even better than Cats
I ate some of the cats' kibble tonight. Don't judge.

Let me preface this moment of TMI with an acknowledgement that I'm going through some heady stuff right now, some unbloggableness that is neither pleasant nor admittedly of a nature that would actually cause one to taste one's cat food. It has, however, caused me to be unusually on edge and snip-happy. Which led to my grandma-like tirade about the quality of the products I've been purchasing.

Junk just seems to fall apart, unraveling at the seams faster than the first two episodes of this season's Heroes. I feel forced into a corner with everything I buy. On my last trip to the Red Bullseye, I couldn't find one brand of toilet paper that a) came in normal, non steroid-enhanced sheets, and b) was offered for purchase in rolls numbering fewer than six. WHY MUST I BUY SIX? HOW MUCH WASTE CAN I POSSIBLY PRODUCE?!?!? I was lamenting this purchase, and not for the first or even the second time, when my extra-fluffy-for-no-good-GD-reason TP clogged the damn toilet. I cleared it with my Michael Kors plunger. It was the only one they had.

Later in the evening, as I poured the cats' kibbles and bits into a storage container given Cricket's penchant for chewing through its God-given bag, I couldn't help but wonder if my purchasing had again failed me. Maybe I was giving the seven cat legs of the house substandard feed, a combination of toucan bills and marmot feet and (gasp!) fellow feline parts. So before I even thought to read the label, before Google was even a glimmer in my eye, I ate a morsel. And then another. Dry. Brittle. And then I scarfed yet another, because I wanted to remember later just how it tasted. Because I knew I'd blog about it.

Surprisingly, that wasn't the saddest part. That honor is reserved for the fact that, should the phone not have rung, I might have had another. Turns out crow claws are surprisingly tasty.

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31 Comments:

Blogger Della said...

You are so much more brave than I!!!

BTW I used to make my childhood friends little brother eat cat food by telling him it would make him smarter....he graduated Salutatorian!!!

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Oh. My. God.

Wait, does kibble pair better with red or white? Shall we do a taste test next weekend? You know, bag City Zen and just break into a bag of kibble and box of Franzia?

Blogger Kim said...

*blank stare*

*blink*

*blink*

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

The way they are making gourmet cat food today, It just might be better then the food we all normally eat! While growing up, I've had the occasional dog biscuit. I've never been tempted to break into the kibble-but if it could give chex mix a run for the money then...
Shopping for single items is why the mom & pop stores went under & why wholesale clubs are springing up like weeds. It's not abount the Quantity but the Quality (or so I've been told)

Blogger Heather B. said...

I'm with Kim.

Actually I want to pet you right now.

Actually I'm just worried. Please be ok. But if you're into trying pet food, try one of those dog bacon things. Just a thought. ;-)

Blogger JordanBaker said...

You know what's really good? Anything from 3 dogs bakery.

Not that I know.

Blogger Jorge said...

I remember serving the cats wet food. One of those "organic" brands that are made out of things that humans would eat.

I think this one was "Turducken".

Anyhoo...

We don't give the furballs wet food too often, and tuna cans (for people) are the same size.

Is it any surprise, then, that I licked the fork after I doled out the goodies?

Of course it's not.

It IS a surprise though, when I thought about getting some crackers and using it as a spread, cats be damned...

Blogger Skyzi said...

Is that weird?

Blogger EDW said...

"Because I knew I'd blog about it."

That's dedication to your art.

Blogger Michelle L. said...

Your dedication to your craft shines a harsh spotlight on my lack of dedication to mine. I don't think I would eat cat food for a blog. And therein lies my inadequacy.

Blogger throwingroses said...

ah, the mystery of crow claws. A meal only the daring modern person gets to try.

Blogger Reid said...

I assume that it tastes exactly as it smells. Is that right?

Blogger t2ed said...

I can't say I'm truly surprised that you're eating cat food, MeeMaw. I just thought it would come much later in life.

And just because I've been eyeing the bacon-flavored enhancer sprinkles we use for Guinness The Wonder Dog, don't you judge me. Bacon bits are the magic fairy dust for food. Bibbity, bobbity bacon.

Blogger Tracy Kaply said...
Blogger justjenny said...

Wow. I've never had a cat, and I've never been tempted by rabbit food, fish food or horse food. I do, however, drink the same water I give to my plants...

Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Is that why your tasting notes are always so creative?

Blogger Keith said...

So how was the horse? *smiles and ducks*

Actually, it can't be any worse than the dog food I ate once.

Blogger Stinkypaw said...

As long as you stick to the dry food, you're ok! And it's true, that it doesn't taste that bad. (But I my defense, I did it on a dare!)

Blogger snoopy said...

When I was a kid I tried Milk Bones - b/c I wondered if the different colors (green, red, dark brown, yellow, etc...) had different flavors.

Nope.

Blogger M@ said...

Sarah Silverman has you one up. She licked her dog's a-hole.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

The only thing that would have made this story sadder is if it had happened on a Saturday night while wearing flannel pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers.

Well, I'm in a hotel room, drunk, by myself, watching Drumline right now, so I'm in no position to judge.

Blogger Alyndabear said...

Boo to the evil toilet paper scandal.

(And I have eaten dog biscuits before, so I shall not judge.)

Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I'm with you on the toilet paper.

I've fought the compulsion to try the catfood.

I have wine in a box.

Surprisingly, I do not live in a trailer park... but I used to.

Blogger Angie Shultis said...

All posts should start out with a lead like that.

PS: Incidentally, I'm tapping you for a meme to list your five greatest strengths as a writer! Cheers!

HA! LOVE IT. I tasted my dog's treats once. First I tasted the ones that I baked b/c I knew what was in them, and [wrongly] assumed they'd taste great. Instead of being like little cookies, they tasted like 10 year old stale bread. So after that I tasted the ones from the store [that he loves so well] and realized that those were [gasp!] even WORSE! They tasted like cardboard. I spit it out quicker than you could say go.

Blogger No Analysis said...

Wow. Wander the internet to look up random items and find out that people in this day and age eat catfood. Sober. I'd say hats off to you, but your cats are already in awe; most likly jealous since you are eating what was supposed to be their treats.

Blogger Charles in HK said...

That's a classic post!

When I was about 7 - 8 years old my family had just sat down to the dinner table when I discovered an unrecognizable morsel on my plate. It had probably accidentally wondered over there during dinner preparations. I picked it up with my finger and ate it. The response was, (remember, I am just a young kid at this point), "Who put the damn dog food on my plate?"

Shocked, nobody knew if they should smack me or answer me. On the flip side I had spent the late afternoon pretend bbq-ing plastic fish that I insisted go on the dinner plates. Maybe it was revenge.

Blogger Whimspiration said...

Hehe. I used to eat dog and cat kibble all the time as a child.

Even now, I will take a taste of what I am feeding my pets to make sure it is good enough. I won't feed my pets anything that I wouldn't be willing to eat myself. Of course now I check the ingredients before I buy. *chuckle*

Fluffy toilet paper sux. Two ply, no fuss, and a massive 24 pack to last the month. Yeaah. :D

Don't try the beggin' strips in bacon flavor. Somebody lied! *gag*

two suggestions, not necessarily in any order:

wipe, wipe, flush. never more than two wipes before a flush, no matter how many wipes it takes. I'm just saying.

Try the sherry with the kibble. Port as a second choice.

Don't ask.

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

All righty then.

You know, Lauren and I talk about you. She came into my office yesterday to tell me that you'd lost it and were now eating the cats' kibble.

If you find yourself doing it again, we're coming up there for an intervention.

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