YOU: "Kris": 33-year-old blonde with large chin sitting in front of us at game last night, bundled up just like my 4 year old. I thought only hookers wore pantyhose under their jeans, but you seem like you have a real job. I'm strangely turned on that you brought a blanket with you, just like the other grandmas. My boner reached new heights while watching you clean stray peanut shells off of your boob shelf. Hot. Had I seen you picking them from your teeth I might have exploded. Maybe someday.
Seeing that you love to pound gallons of draft beer, would you like to come to my pig roast this weekend? My kid's mom will only be there for the first half and we'll have a keg of Natty Light. I won't have a 7-foot-tall president for you to dry hump or cigs for you to bum, but there will be Cheetos.
Labels: Stuff that's wrong with me
28 Comments:
tag, you're it.
oh, and is that a president in your hands or are you just happy to see me?
poundin natty ice (because it's got more kick than natty light),
lord f
Large chins are so totally in this year.
Why are you such an asshat? A hilarious asshat, but an asshat nonetheless. I snorted pop just now.
is that george washington? you like his chin...he likes your boob shelf...maybe.
You had me at "boob shelf".
It's special when someone can compliment you as a four year old and as a grandma.
KEEPER. heh.
Pfft.
You had me at "shelf".
...
I mean "boob"!
Dammit!
I love the "stuff that's wrong with me" label for this post. Natty Light is so delicious. It's really too bad people don't use the word "boner" more often. I mean "stiffy" and "chubby" are great, but nothing beats [a] boner.
actually, i can think of no less than 5 things that can beat a boner: there's my little finger, and my index finger . . .
huggin boners?
lord f
I have to remind myself not to read your posts while drinking something... my monitor has spray all over it now due to my laughing. I agree with egan - boner is the best description.
Not only does the label rule, but it also leads to other posts, ahha. Nothing wrong with you...this is amazing.
Ack! Too funny!
PS: I like your chin. And your eyes are mischevious.
Alright, I'm done with the shameless compliments.
When did pig roasts become not cool? I am sooo out of the loop.
Now I have to cancel my Saturday plans- thanks.
Ditto pantyhose under jeans.
Bye bye "No Nonsense" control top sandalfoot suntan (I guess now pantyhose & sandals aren't as hot as I think they are either?)
Sheesh. Look at you, little miss Fancypants.
I'm not even sure what to do with this information... other than implore you to no longer wear pantyhose under your jeans. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN!
Oh no, the pantyhose are as important as stuffing handwarmers down your pants.
Work it.
Nothin' says lovin' like Cheetos.
Thine hand upon my chin doth maketh mine merkin itchy; I can not lie.
I don't think you're 33, you liar.
I, too, pick crumbs and bits of food off the boob shelf!
I. AM. SO. JEALOUS.
Why is the president (politician? plantation-owner?) so good-gosh-darned sweaty looking?
Did he just finish playing in the game?
too funny.
they still sell pantyhose?
You are bringin your own bit of joy with that pic!
*i read your blog vicariously the past few weeks, and just "finished" - although, yup, you're still posting when i'm trying to get my 'blogfeet' off the ground!
i like your sense of humor, i like wine, and i like presidents, but i cannot for the life of me figure out which iconic figure is being portrayed... the original G.Dub? Thomas Jefferson (was he a president? i know he's on dollars!)
anyways, please hit me up if you're down :)
xo
Off topic.
I nominated you for an award today.
Hooray for you!
You are hilarious. I [heart] this post.
Now this, this was funny.
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