YOU: "Kris": 33-year-old blonde with large chin sitting in front of us at game last night, bundled up just like my 4 year old. I thought only hookers wore pantyhose under their jeans, but you seem like you have a real job. I'm strangely turned on that you brought a blanket with you, just like the other grandmas. My boner reached new heights while watching you clean stray peanut shells off of your boob shelf. Hot. Had I seen you picking them from your teeth I might have exploded. Maybe someday.
Seeing that you love to pound gallons of draft beer, would you like to come to my pig roast this weekend? My kid's mom will only be there for the first half and we'll have a keg of Natty Light. I won't have a 7-foot-tall president for you to dry hump or cigs for you to bum, but there will be Cheetos.
Labels: Stuff that's wrong with me