April 18, 2007
Missed Connection: m4w, Nats v. Braves game, 33
YOU: "Kris": 33-year-old blonde with large chin sitting in front of us at game last night, bundled up just like my 4 year old. I thought only hookers wore pantyhose under their jeans, but you seem like you have a real job. I'm strangely turned on that you brought a blanket with you, just like the other grandmas. My boner reached new heights while watching you clean stray peanut shells off of your boob shelf. Hot. Had I seen you picking them from your teeth I might have exploded. Maybe someday.

Seeing that you love to pound gallons of draft beer, would you like to come to my pig roast this weekend? My kid's mom will only be there for the first half and we'll have a keg of Natty Light. I won't have a 7-foot-tall president for you to dry hump or cigs for you to bum, but there will be Cheetos.

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28 Comments:

Blogger Lord Fondleberries said...

tag, you're it.

oh, and is that a president in your hands or are you just happy to see me?

poundin natty ice (because it's got more kick than natty light),

lord f

Blogger Jessica said...

Large chins are so totally in this year.

Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

Why are you such an asshat? A hilarious asshat, but an asshat nonetheless. I snorted pop just now.

Blogger Amanda said...

is that george washington? you like his chin...he likes your boob shelf...maybe.

Blogger steve said...

You had me at "boob shelf".

Blogger Kelly said...

It's special when someone can compliment you as a four year old and as a grandma.

KEEPER. heh.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Pfft.
You had me at "shelf".







...





I mean "boob"!


Dammit!

Blogger egan said...

I love the "stuff that's wrong with me" label for this post. Natty Light is so delicious. It's really too bad people don't use the word "boner" more often. I mean "stiffy" and "chubby" are great, but nothing beats [a] boner.

Blogger Lord Fondleberries said...

actually, i can think of no less than 5 things that can beat a boner: there's my little finger, and my index finger . . .

huggin boners?

lord f

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

I have to remind myself not to read your posts while drinking something... my monitor has spray all over it now due to my laughing. I agree with egan - boner is the best description.

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

Not only does the label rule, but it also leads to other posts, ahha. Nothing wrong with you...this is amazing.

Blogger Kate said...

Ack! Too funny!

PS: I like your chin. And your eyes are mischevious.

Alright, I'm done with the shameless compliments.

Blogger whiskeymarie said...

When did pig roasts become not cool? I am sooo out of the loop.
Now I have to cancel my Saturday plans- thanks.

Ditto pantyhose under jeans.
Bye bye "No Nonsense" control top sandalfoot suntan (I guess now pantyhose & sandals aren't as hot as I think they are either?)

Sheesh. Look at you, little miss Fancypants.

I'm not even sure what to do with this information... other than implore you to no longer wear pantyhose under your jeans. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN!

Blogger playfulinnc said...

Oh no, the pantyhose are as important as stuffing handwarmers down your pants.

Work it.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Nothin' says lovin' like Cheetos.

Blogger Itinerant Agonist said...

Thine hand upon my chin doth maketh mine merkin itchy; I can not lie.

Blogger Gooseberried said...

I don't think you're 33, you liar.

Blogger EDW said...

I, too, pick crumbs and bits of food off the boob shelf!

Blogger JordanBaker said...

I. AM. SO. JEALOUS.

Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Why is the president (politician? plantation-owner?) so good-gosh-darned sweaty looking?

Did he just finish playing in the game?

Blogger brookem said...

too funny.

Blogger Sizzle said...

they still sell pantyhose?

Blogger Skyzi said...

You are bringin your own bit of joy with that pic!

Blogger Rachizzle said...

*i read your blog vicariously the past few weeks, and just "finished" - although, yup, you're still posting when i'm trying to get my 'blogfeet' off the ground!

i like your sense of humor, i like wine, and i like presidents, but i cannot for the life of me figure out which iconic figure is being portrayed... the original G.Dub? Thomas Jefferson (was he a president? i know he's on dollars!)

anyways, please hit me up if you're down :)

xo

Blogger Melissavina said...

Off topic.
I nominated you for an award today.
Hooray for you!

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

You are hilarious. I [heart] this post.

Anonymous Laurie said...

Now this, this was funny.

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