November 29, 2006
Mom: 1; Kris: 1
I'm nearing the end of The Year That Was Discovering All Things About Yourself and Every Other Damn Person Ever in the Whole of Existence (TAFKAP), and I couldn't be more relieved. I am really tired of this process [insert fooling self into thinking journey ends with calendar year here].

Latest development? The Mom.

For those of you who have been here a while, you might recall that Mom and I have a history of what my brainy side refers to as "maladaptive behavior," interactions that prompted my emotional side to scream into a pillow in my bedroom closet for much of my youth. Mom is without a doubt the closest person in my universe, and in many ways the one most similar to me. As a result, we have spent much of my adult life in a struggle for power and attention and, naturally, world domination. You know, as you would in any healthy relationship.

(Psychobabblephobes should probably stop reading here.**) I have struggled a good bit this year with setting appropriate boundaries for myself. Not caving in appropriate situations, appreciating my actions in a bigger context, learning to use what oomph and tenacity I have for good rather than eeee-vil; the list is lengthy.

And Mom was my first trial case.
I'm new! I'm improved! And I really, really love you. But no, I'm not going to take responsibility for the immense bowl of crap that this entire family owns. And if that means me missing holidays and times when every other tribe in the universe is celebrating with food and booze and quiet discomfort, so be it.
And let us not forget the ever popular and extremely difficult:
Yes, I will take on what is my part of this putrid mess, and really think this through. This apology is not just for saving face.
And the I can't believe I did it without screaming . . . I ALWAYS scream at times like these!
I'm listening, Mom.
And I felt better. Even though she still wasn't talking to me.

But now, out of nowhere, Mom is doing her part. The long talk this weekend came on the heels of her reaching out to me, maybe not in the way that I would have wanted, but in the best way that she knows how: through giving meaningful things to me, by calling me by the affectionate nickname that only she - and not another living soul on the planet - ever uses, by phoning to tell me to stay off the roads in a violent storm.

There will never be an apology or an acknowledgement of her role. It just isn't who she is. And that's alright.

And without regret, I'm learning that resolution doesn't have to come on my terms.

**Up next! A post that doesn't delve 4 fathoms into my psyche and my failed relationships with everyone on the planet. Promise. If not for your sanity, for mine.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear that you two are making headway. It's amazing how much better you feel, isn't it?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome on the self-discovery journey. Maybe I can learn a thing or two!

I definately think the next post needs to be about Cute Neighbor Boy with Dog! I'm curious about any new interactions!

Blogger Kris said...

Excellent segway . . . and not the kind with wheels.

There are new developments! New developments that I shall withold for faux suspense until the next post! Mwahhhhhhahahahahahaha.

Blogger Kelly said...

If you were feeling better even when she wasn't talking to you, we can only imagine what gloriousness you feel now that she's almost even reaching out to you!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evil, you are! I can't take the suspense!

But I likey your bloggy so I'll learn to deal with it. =)

Blogger TJ said...

Glad to hear that your mom is starting to come around in the best way that she knows how.

*huh* My mom used to tell me that red lights and speed limits were for sissies in a violent storm.

I always suspected that my younger brother was her favorite...


Looking forward to the scoop on CNB w/ Dog.

Anonymous wordgirl said...

Coming around in any way is better than not coming around at all. At least...that's my story right now.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Nice work.
It's worth the effort.
At least that's what we tell ourselves, right?

Hope all is well.
And I hope you're still in one piece.
We're barely holding on to sanity here.


Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

YES. I'm so proud of you. We've talked about this; you know my thoughts. Love ya, girlie.

Blogger Megarita said...

Way to go on the not yelling!

Family, man. I'm already having Xmas anxiety attacks.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like the exact same conversation I had with my Mom in August. And you know what? My quality of life has increased a million percent since then. My Mom is my rock, and if things aren't right with her, then things aren't right with everything else.

Maturity say what?

I miss you over at my place. Come over and play soon.

Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Wow. That is so fantastic! I'm very impressed with you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's ok, I like hearing that someone is more messed up than me :)

Just kidding. I'm really glad you can see everything for what it is. And appreciate her anyway.

Anonymous exhausted mrs. jorge said...

Hey mama,

I'm really happy to hear this news. Setting boundaries are really hard for parents to accept and for adult children to "impose" but something that is really important to do. I know that I'm slowly seeing results with my mom. I'm just so glad that it's getting better - a whole lot better than just a few weeks ago when you were here, right?



Blogger Therapy Doc said...

Oh, I so love this stuff. Why would she ever admit to it? That would end the game.
By Xmas I hope to finish a thing on dealing w/ the relatives on the holidays (this bit started w/ Thanksgiving)
or simply, as you so nicely put it, and I'll link here, you bet, BLOWING THEM OFF!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats great everyone loves her mom

Anonymous Jen said...

Definitely know what you mean about being too similar to the Mom... my mom and I are SO much alike, that we cannot live under the same roof. WE have a great relationship now that we live 200 miles apart, but I spent most of my teenage years crying in my room and saving my pennies to move out. It's nice to hear someone talk about it... I was the only one of my friends in HS to have these problems!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suspense. Is. Killing. Me.
Update. With. New. Developments.
Can't. Hold. On. Much. Longer...

Is anyone else out there turning blue with anticipation??

Blogger sipwine said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I grow up, I wanna be just like Kris!

Blogger Nancy Drew said...

I don't want to grow up but wish I was more like Kris.....

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