July 6, 2006
Oh you thought yesterday's post revealed the true extent of my idiocy
Last night, I sat for an hour in rainy traffic I cannot attribute to a Nationals game so must instead blame on George W. Bush. While waiting I 1) cleaned out my purse, 2) seriously sang to Madonna while watching myself in the rearview, and 3) felt the glorious touch of a cool moist towelette as I cleaned my shiny face.

Too bad it was a Lysol bathroom wipe.

You sharing your stupidity with me today would be most appreciated.

As an update - and I'm not playing on you up in here - I think this may have helped my skin. It looks tighter, more youthful . . . Next stop, wiping whole body down with Lysol wipes.

Happy Friday, folks.


47 Comments:

Blogger Finn said...

LOL! That is a classic! How does your skin feel? It wouldn't surprise me if it worked better than the real thing.

My stupidity? Honey, I have a whole alter ego called Idiot Girl. She's the one who, while pregnant, opted NOT to use those nifty pads for her bra, then proceeded to read an emotional newspaper story, thereby causing her right breast to leak all over her shirt. Did I mention this was at work? With a bunch of really cute 20-something boys all around me. Yeah.

And that's just one example. You are most certainly not alone.

Blogger Reid said...

It's all too easy to mix up various household chemicals. My painful idiocy is due to the tube of chemicals that stops shaving cuts from bleeding and the tube of ammonia that keeps mosquito bites from itching look very, very, very similar. Ow.

Blogger Wicked H said...

I brushed my teeth with hair gel. I hope you are happy!

Anonymous Jorge said...

Clean like no other face on Earth!

You share stuff with us, and we share back...

And the circle keeps on going...

I can't think of anything stupid that I have done today..

Mrs. J adds a "yet" to that statement for me...

Blogger Sizzle said...

lysol bathroom wipe? let us know if it helps the skin- you could be onto something big!

Blogger bandick said...

So...why bathroom wipes in the car? What is going on in there? I'd share my stupid moves with you but they always require too much backstory to be worth telling. I'm more of a live act.

Blogger Egan said...

That is so awesome Kris. I love it when you share this kind of stuff. I've put you up on a very high pedestal and this makes you one of us. I drank a thing of Enusre thinking it was SlimFast once.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I once ate shit in front of our vp. Yeah, that was fun. Almost as much fun as sitting on my boyfriend's lap at my office holiday party when he dropped me and I fell flat on my back, wearing a tiny ass black dress with my feet in the air. Then, one of my co-workers ran up to me and yelled something in my face (while I was laying on the ground) about me being fucked up. Oh yeah, and lets not forget about the time I split my pants in Vegas...

Anonymous Amy said...

I haven't done anything stupid yet today, but sometimes I lose things and later find them in the refrigerator.

Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

I've fallen down in class in front of my students before. Just fell, not tripped or anything. Lost my footing and tried to grab a student on the way down to break my fall. It didn't.

Blogger Egan said...

Pants, you're a pathological liar.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Don't listen to Egan, he's off his meds.

Anonymous Jennifer said...

My stupidity knows no bounds, usually. But this? Was hilarious. If not for you, well, then...at least for us. That should be *some* consolation! :-)

Blogger Lushy said...

I put one forearm on the counter to brace myself when I leaned down to pick up a spoon I had dropped on the floor while unloading the dishwasher. I had forks in the hand attached to said forearm and nearly lost an eye.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Blogger Kris said...

Apparently I'm the one off my meds. Crikey.

Anonymous MappyB said...

wicked h - that's nasty! :)

there is nothing better than being stuck in traffic in the rain, singing to some good tunes, and then having your car overheat. i've done that. that sucks!

lysol bathroom wipe, that's too funny!

Blogger missbhavens said...

OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!
Oh, you poor thing!

(I'm right there with you, brainiac: I once mixed up my toner with my blue Cutex nail polish remover...pain, pain, pain)

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

GAH!!! Okay, last night I was considering cleaning myself "down there" with what I thought was a feminine wipe, but it was some sort of Windex surface cleaner. That woulda HURT.

BTW, my arms are the same wagginess as yours. Aren't we lucky to be in our 30s?

Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I told my PMSing wife that I had gone to Hooters for a beer.

Like Lushy said, it's not fun once people start losing eyes.

Nothing comes to mind because I'm always trying to push my bouts with idiocy out. Um, I've wiped my eyes after cutting peppers, not once, not twice, but four times. The latter two times were after I washed my hands and believe you me when I say that washing your hands makes *very* little difference. I can honestly tell you that I know why they call it "pepper spray."

On the other hand, I'm sure that Clearasil is very interested in your face.

Blogger goldennib said...

You want stupid, check out my entry for today Insane

Blogger MKD said...

How dirty ARE you?

Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

I've never done anything stupid in my life, so I'm sorry but I can't help you with that.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once grabbed what I thought was toothpaste, loaded my toothbrush and proceeded to brush my teeth when I felt my mouth going numb from...Aaarrrrrggh...Preparation H.

When I told a friend of mine about it she laughed herself silly and has never let me forget it.

Blogger t2ed said...

In high school, I came up behind my girlfriend in the library who was bending over looking at the card catalog.

I whispered, "You've got the sexiest ass I've ever seen."

Yup, not my girlfriend.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I was at a baby shower and ran into a girl I hadn't seen since high school. She was going on and on about how much she loved her OBGYN to one of our pregnant friends, so I asked her when her baby was due.

Do I need to go on?

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

You should submit that tip to Glamour!

Blogger Heather B. said...

You are one special lady.

Blogger Amanda said...

too funny...

example of my stupidity: during "an inconvenient truth" al gore offers a satirical explanation of global warming, saying that every year they drop an enormous ice cube into the water to cool it down. every year the ice cube gets bigger and bigger. i turned to date beside me and whispered, "is that true?"
he covered he face and shook his head. it is not true, just in case you were also wondering.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Madonna?

I LOVE MADONNA!

In FACT, I'm going to go SEE Madonna in Boston on MONDAY!

I'M SO EXCITED I AM CHAIR DANCING, AND USING THE SHIFT KEY - NOT CAPLOCKS - FOR EACH ONE OF THESE CAPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger Thérèse said...

Also, I made a note to try Clari-Lysol. You should so patent that puppy.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Also, mildly disappointed that you're not playin' us up in here. Unfathomably.

Anonymous janet said...

once again, I am way late to the game here, but I will add that one semester of college (the DRRRRRUNK one), my roommate and I unknowingly shared one toothbrush for 4 months before figuring it out during finals.

Blogger Lena said...

Okay Kris. It realllly bothers me that you and I both wrote about "Lysol and Me" today. Really it does.

In other news, are you as fantastically excited about Blogher (or as Heather calls it: SheBlog) as I am???

Blogger Candace said...

I've "lost" all 4 of my kids at some point or nother WHILE NURSING them. "OMG OMG OMG WHERE'S THE BABY!?!?!? Oh, ah. . . attached to my nipple. . ." :-P

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

forgetting to switch my shoes with my suit and showing up to an office with flip flops.

calling a doctor the wrong name during a 30 minute conversation. i guess i lost business after that visit.

i could go on and on.....

Blogger Biscuit said...

Oh, I've had a good month. You're bound to find a couple of things in my blog to make you feel tremendously better.

Blogger twobuyfour said...

I find your site absolutely enthralling. I check it twice a day. You lead a hilariously entertaining life. But 36 comments? I'm too intimidated to comment 95% of the time.

Blogger hoorhuslu said...

Interesting blog about pool bromine, keep up the good work pool bromine

Blogger Chantel said...

"your glasses are on your head stupid." Happens every day.

Anonymous Emily said...

Oh I definitely moisturized my face with hair conditioner. Can't beat when my mom grabbed for her hairspray and got bathroom cleaning foam all in her hair. She doesn't keep the cleaning stuff under her sink anymore...

Blogger Knoxie said...

ha! classic.

kind regards,

knox

Blogger nursevl said...

I was at Wal-Mart buying a trampoline for my kids' birthday, and I asked my husband, "do these come already assembled?"
Then the uncomfortable silence forced me to imagine strapping a fully assembled trampoline to the top of the SUV.....
yeah.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Not once but TWICE recently, I've been holding something sharp (a handful of darts; a butter knife) and given someone a hug, literally stabbing them in the back.

Blogger xanthus said...

Swimmng pool guys don't get a lot of flocculent till we get "really" famous - but we live and breathe our flocculent regardless. flocculent
Keith
http://www.onlinepoolchemicals.co.uk

Blogger aidin said...
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