June 30, 2006
This time with feeling
And here we are: Today's version of the last post. Note the artistic license with the categories. Eh. I hope we can remain friends. With benefits.

10 years ago... Weight Watchers and I first met. I lived in a house where one woman would take others' perishables out of the fridge and leave them to rot on the counter. I pretended I was passed out when I didn't want to talk to two of three said roommates. Cornbread was my friend. I worked the noon to eight shift and sat in traffic for the rest of the day. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to embark on a four-year marathon of celibacy.

5 years ago... My fourth year of full-time, full-year, fully-taxing graduate school began. Sex finally came home to roost. I listened to 9/11 happen via NPR. I still wanted to hit cats with my car. You know, the same one I owned for the 10 years ago post.

1 year ago...
I wasn't Cricket's Mom. My case contained one less trophy for being an "ex-girlfriend." Home was a 400-square-foot studio apartment made a one-bedroom by a poorly-placed wall. I didn't have any hobbies. Well, save blogging, which was starting to become a mild obsession.

Yesterday... I drank white wine. Against all WW sensibilities, I ordered a Wendy's Single with Cheese and Fries and requested 60 ketchup packets. Literally. My instructor just missed a smack in the head because he was so late for our swim class. I was almost brought to tears by the difficulty of our freestyle drills. I searched for new apartments and Googled an ex. I worked a full day and napped for 2.4 hours. I kissed a boy.

Today... I laughed with my mom like we were schoolgirls. I started to research SCUBA classes. I updated my clothing journal. I e-stalked several of you, hopefully without your (conscious) knowledge. A grumpy mood nearly overtook me but I remained buoyant. I was reminded just how much my approach to life has changed. Oh, and I drove home that same. damn. car.

Tomorrow...I'll have dinner with an ex-boyfriend's wife. I'll pretend to like at least one person in my life who I just. really. don't. I'll worry about the commute home hours before I get in the car. I'll spend less time with my kids than I should. Singing out loud in the car is bound to happen - mostly to Madonna but maybe some OPP - several times. I'll buy something I shouldn't at Target. I'll continue to contemplate confrontation.

5 snacks I enjoy...Goldfish snack crackers; spicy peanuts; an everything bagel with jalapeno cream cheese; Taco Bell nachos; anything involving blue cheese, with the obvious exception of blue cheese Goldfish snack crackers

5 songs I know all the words to...Lady Marmalade, sung by Pink, Mya, Missy M. -- oh, and that whore Christina; Bridge Over Troubled Water, Simon and Garfunkel; Love Will Keep Us Together, Captain & Tennille (yyyyeeeeahhh.); Come Clean, Hilary Duff; Cowboy Take Me Away, Dixie Chicks. Yes, my Nano collection really is that bad.

5 regrets... Cheating on an ex-boyfriend; not knowing how to take care of myself while I was in college; at age five, forcing my father to take me to the bathroom at Disney, resulting in him missing the mega-fireworks show; filming The Lake House (wait, that one SO wasn't on me); being a part of the nasty side of sorority rush.

5 television shows I watch weekly... Old CSIs Tivo'd off of Spike; Access Hollywood (I heart you, Billy Bush); 48 Hours Mystery/Hard Evidence/City Confidential/Cold Case Files/Investigators/First 48/Without A Trace/Cold Case/Forensic Files/Masterminds/North Mission Road; Huff

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... (1) Seek out someone to make my father healthy again (2) Pay Oprah to put someone else on her magazine cover FOR ONCE (3) Give to the kitty shelter (4) pay Puck to follow Rachel around for another full year, and (5) buy working cars/attractive wall trimmings/new noses and pay off ridiculous debt for the people I love.

5 locations I would love to run away to... the Egyptian Pyramids; that hotel and that time in San Francisco; the very blue and white Greek Islands, just as they look on the Internets; Belize as it just was in December; my parents' spare bedroom

5 things I hate doing... talking on the phone; babysitting human children; calling for pizza; Virginia/Maryland residents who DON'T METRO TO NATIONALS GAMES; my annual exam.

5 things I like doing... lying on the couch with Bug resting on my chest; sleeping post-tanning in a hotel bed with the sheets pulled taut and the air conditioning on high; dancing while tipsy to fantastically awful 80's and 90's pop; being surrounded by warm water, whether it be in the shower or the Gulf of Mexico; waking up in another country.

5 things I would never wear... novelty socks; a fanny pack; a belly chain; a black bra/white tank top combo; a size 4 ANYTHING. (Wow, that one was easy.)

5 recently seen movies I like... I have not seen a truly good movie in ages. I kid you not - I think the last movie I loved in the theater was In Good Company, which made me want to a) grow old in Dennis Quaid's meaty, muscular, manly arms, and b) don bell bottoms and get baked out of my mind with Topher.

5 famous people I'd like to meet... Jennifer Aniston (How are you effing surviving this awful Brangelina thing?); Dayle Hinman (So what was the absolute worst crime scene you've been to?); Madonna (Are you still in love with Sean Penn?); Sylvia Plath (there's more than one question there, frankly); Russell Crowe (Want to have just one drink with me (in your Gladiator gear, of course)?)

5 biggest joys of the moment... the smell of chlorine on my skin; my steady relationship with my parents; my new sense of Me; Cricket's purr and coming home to see Bug's silhouette in the window closest to the door; this sense of security.


37 Comments:

Blogger wharman said...

Fantastic.You are great at this.

Blogger bandick said...

That cuts it. I'm headed your way. And, although you know I don't drink, I LOVE watching other people "dancing while tipsy to fantastically awful 80's and 90's pop". But only if you wear your prom dress. I love you, Krisser!

Anonymous Jorge said...

10 years ago... I was almost finished university. I was in the home stretch. I had finally found my rhythm, and I was doing well. I had a lot to make up for, but I did it – in spades. I was several years into a strange relationship that I would probably consider not healthy for either of us. It would continue for a few more years…

5 years ago... I was two years into my wonderful relationship with Mrs. J. We had overcome some turbulence (no one did anything wrong, we were just adjusting mental states), and things were going very very well. I had purchased a ring and was waiting for the right diamond to come along…

1 year ago... I had discovered you through Dave. That was one of those random moments that I will always be thankful for. I was being inundated with requests for haiku poems, and enjoying my status as a blue belt in Karate. I was excited about the camping trip with my good friends, and enjoying myself.

Yesterday... I was reminded about how fragile life can be and pledged support to a friend in need. I watched one of my favourite heroes come to life on the screen, and it made me remember who I am. I made lunch for the next day and cleaned most of the dishes. I went to be early because Karate had given me many bruises.

Today... I renewed a promise to my wife. I will work hard. I will probably get some US Dollars so people don’t look at me strangely in Rochester.

Tomorrow...I will be partying it up with my amazing cousins. We will have a great time. A part of me will wish to be further south, spending time with someone who really really makes me smile. 

5 snacks I enjoy...French Bread with goat cheese, Anchovies, Popcorn, Granny Smith Apples, Lychee Nuts.

5 songs I know all the words to...”More Than Words” – Extreme; The Canadian National Anthem; “Recipe for Love” HCJ; “In My Life” – The Beatles; Anything by Milli Vanilli

5 regrets... Killing a Frog when I was in Kentucky (I was a kid); Not being true to myself 10 years ago; Forgetting who I can be; Not trying hard enough in all things; My temper

5 television shows I watch weekly (in season)… House; Lost; Family Guy; Justice League; Doctor Who

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... (1) Give my Mother In Law a house (2) Pay Mama to be my personal biographer (3) Give to the kitty shelter (4) Buy a house, and (5) Sneak money into my friends’ pockets.

5 locations I would love to run away to... the Egyptian Pyramids; India; Australia; The Lost Island; DC

5 things I hate doing... Giving bad news; Falling short of a goal; Not being smart with money; Being selfish; Being needy

5 things I like doing... Watching my wife sleep; Trying to get Mama to talk on the phone; Blogging; Sparring with my Nemesis;Playing Legend of Zelda because I am a nerd.

5 things I would never wear...a fanny pack; a belly chain; a black bra/white tank top combo; a size 4 ANYTHING. (Wow, that one was easy.); A coat made out of the hair of children.

5 recently seen movies I like... Superman Returns; V for Vendetta; Paris – When it Sizzles; Those are what I’ve seen recently that I liked.

5 famous people I'd like to meet... Jon Stewart; Dave Chapelle; Jet Li; The Queer Eye Guys; Peter Jackson

5 biggest joys of the moment... My Wife; My Friends; Karate; Photography; My Cats

Blogger Megarita said...

This captured something very visceral, I think: "I pretended I was passed out when I didn't want to talk to two of three said roommates. Cornbread was my friend." Yet it is also hilarious. You've come a long way, baby! I kinda want to steal this and do some soul searching. . .

Blogger Finn said...

Why don't you live next door to me? We could so hang. And not talk on the phone.

Do you like you? Because you should. You're fabulous! ;)

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

THe smell of chlorine is one of the greatest things. Reminds me of summer and tough workouts.

Anonymous gorillabuns said...

please tell me, does anyone actually wear a size 4? and if so, are they human?

Anonymous Amy said...

I was with you until Russell Crowe.

Now I need to lie down for a while. He's not as bad as Nicholas Cage, but he's right up there on my squick meter.

Anonymous mrs. jorge said...

Jorge said:
1 year ago... I had discovered you through Dave. That was one of those random moments that I will always be thankful for.

I'll second that. (Ok, I met you 9 months ago, but we'll round up to 1 year ago)

Have a fantastic weekend!

Blogger Egan said...

Fantastic, I too love the smell of chlorine on my skin. I think it's one of those things we shouldn't like, but do. Kind of like the smell of gasoline, errr... maybe that's just me. Have a lovely weekend Kris.

Blogger Nat said...

What a great post...

Blogger Barbara said...

This post made me want to know you better because you are so fucking human. It made me realize how much I hated sorority rush too. I hadn't thought about that for years. Did the discussions in your sorority go on for hours and hours at night while people said tacky things about the girls who had come out for rush?

Blogger Buffy said...

I'm there with you on that last one. Everytime Crowe starts getting on my nerves...I think "Gladiator".

And I just keep on thinking.....

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Such fun.

I love that Dixie Chicks song. I want to grow something wild and unruly.

Blogger Brookelina said...

You better be stalking me or I'll be really upset.

And I'm with you on the movies, it had been quite a while since I had seen anything good. But I did just rent a bunch and I highly recommend Walk The Line - Joaquin is amazing and it erases all the creepy feelings left over from Gladiator.

Blogger Bill said...

You should see the Director's Cut of Kingdom of Heaven (much better and more coherent than what was released to theatres) and also An Unfinished Life (yes, I know she's in it but it's also got Redford and Morgan Freeman and it's directed by Lasse Hallström.

Blogger afromabq said...

lol on the oprah comment...why is she such a narcissist?? babysitting human children, also a lol! and then the black bra, white tank combo....brought a family member to finally ask "what's soooo funny?" you are kris...you kill me!

Anonymous Maliavale said...

I heart you.

Blogger Heather B. said...

Once again, I love that I get the honor (or honour, since Jorge may read this and get confused) of being your friend.

I'm one lucky little girl. I second Malia's sentiments exactly.

Blogger Jessica said...

You've been to Belize? Tell all! My best friend just moved there, and i'm hoping to visit next summer! :)

Blogger yournamehere said...

Aren't you afraid Russell Crowe would punch you in the face? He doesn't seem like he'd have much of a problem hitting a chick.

Blogger MKD said...

wow, that is too much work. I can't believe you knew all of those words!

Blogger Bookhart said...

I love this idea! Have I done this meme before? I think so. I'll have to poke around in my archives-- heh heh -- and update it at some point.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

LOVE this post! You rock, lady!!!

Blogger Dave said...

Dude, use part of your million to help me get rid of this hump. I'd totally use part of mine on your lazy eye.

Blogger goldennib said...

Very interesting post.

Blogger Candace said...

Laughing with your mom - awesome!

Dinner with ex's wife - awkward? Is she the one you really. just. don't. like?

Russell Crowe - mmmmmmm. . .

Great list!! Though I'm left wondering how you went from wanting to smash cats to owning them. :-)

Blogger Chantel said...

Awww, I really like this.

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Blogger Tiffany said...

I LOVE this! And even though I almost never comment - I always check here to read. I'm doing this btw... Sometime!

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Anonymous nardac said...

fanny packs are huge in Paris these days, and not just for tourists.

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