April 2, 2006
An April Fool
Against my better judgment and all innate urges, I babysat this weekend. Well, it was more like assisting in babysitting. You know, smiling a lot and trying not to swear too much, not getting close enough to maim or otherwise injure the infant, and talking Final Four in the den with the dad while the real women reviewed the infant's routine.

The baby didn't even see his parents head out the door. I know he was aware that they were prepping to leave, but I saw the realization in his eyes when in an instant he looked up and they were gone. And although we were able to distract him momentarily with colorful plastic pieces and familiar characters, he panicked. No matter where we moved him in the house, he knew they had left him through that front door and he wanted to follow. We resorted to full bottles and tried and true nighttime stories. We enlisted the irresistible force of Elmo and repeated assurances that we loved him too and would not leave him. But no efforts could convince this little boy that the people he loved most dearly weren't gone forever. All the comfortable trimmings amounted to little because in his perception, what was most important to him was suddenly gone.

And as I heard him wail with desperation and loneliness and the weight of the world until he had nothing left in him, all I could think was, I understand.

So, in short, I'm finding myself in a similar situation, trying to stop the metaphorical staring at my own front door. There are a million details and feelings to share, but this is a relationship sacred to me and a man I cannot imagine not loving and not sharing my everyday and my life with, and so those will need to be recorded someplace else.

But this post is really to thank NBC's Bob Ryan for finally getting it right for two. whole. days. To the home owners on Constitution who had the foresight to plant my favorite purple hyacinths. To the chunky bumble bee who followed me for at least three blocks, the cashier who knew I needed that Clinique bonus gift even though my purchase didn't warrant it, the gardener who donned garden gloves trimmed with faux leopard fur. To catching the scent of my new perfume and the feeling of giant kick ass sunglasses on my tiny head. To the Weight Watchers leader who finally uttered that I'd reached the elusive ten-pound loss. To the sight of Bug waiting in the window like a concerned child after his mother got lost on South Capitol Street at three in the morning.

I very much needed all of this. And although experience dictates that the sadness will undoubtedly return, for this weekend life has been beautiful. I have been able to close the door on both unhappiness and self-doubt. At least for two days.

Labels:



36 Comments:

Blogger NARDAC said...

I desperately wanted to laugh when I hit your link... a good April Fool's is what Kris is up to, I thought. And then I read this. Baby, my heart goes out to you.



So, time for the requisite bad joke:

Why the chicken cross the road?

To go to McDonald's and eat his momma, bitch.



*I know it's bad, but jokes are your speciality, not mine*

Anonymous nabbalicious said...

I'm sorry, Kris. I'm really sorry you've been so sad, but I'm also glad you had a good two days there, and congrats on the weight loss.

Crap, does this mean you want the jacket back?

Lovely, heartfelt post.

I'm glad you had a lovely two days.

Blogger Shawn said...

Cheers to two days of cheer! Here's hoping for two more...and two more...and two more...

Blogger nursevl said...

Life sucks , but it sure is nice to notice the stuff that doesn't suck, everyonce in a while.

Blogger Jessica said...

Sorry you've been sad, but i'm glad you could recognize some beauty along the way. Sad days suck (i'm in one now.....)

Blogger t2ed said...

And that is why everybody is working for the weekend.

Never underestimate the genius of Loverboy.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Two days? I try to take it all in one day at a time. Having two days of beautiful happiness sounds pretty damn good.

I'm glad you got what you needed though. Sometimes the feeling you are left with afterwards will sustain you for weeks.

Blogger Diet Coke of Evil said...

I don't even know what to say, because I know if I even had to THINK about going through what you're going through, I'd have a hard time too. I hope things look up for you soon, and that you take it all one (or two) days at a time. This is a beautiful time of year, but sometimes it's hard to fully grasp that when there is a lot weighing on your heart...

Anonymous Jorge said...

Two days is a good start.

I can guarantee two more.

That's all I'm good for, really.

Blogger Genevieve said...

I'm glad you had a good weekend! Sometimes, all you need is a little kickstart to feel better. Maybe the weekend will be it for you.

And also? Which store has the Clinque bonus right now? (hoping it's Hecht's and not Nordstrom or macy's!)

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

Excuse my language..but I just fucking LOVED this post....you stopped to smell the roses... Excellant post!!

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Sending you tons of love, sweetie. Sorry you're feeling sad but love, just love, the way that forces conspired to cheer you up (and that you noticed despite everything!).

Congrats a billion times for the weight loss, the last few are the hardest.

Classy, lovely post.

Here's to the next two days and all the ones after!

Blogger Finn said...

Glad you had a good weekend, love. We all need a break from ourselves once in a while.

I hope the coming weeks give you more good days than bad, and that it all works out for the best.

Congrats on the 10 pounds. How hot are you right now? ;)

Blogger TJ said...

What a fantastic post, and a great way to start my own week off. Nice job on the WW goal--sounds like all those calories burned off in assaulting the waif-like receptionist there finally added up.

Hope that door stays closed beyond just two days. Spray on some perfume, put your new shades on, and step outide again...

Blogger Candace said...

I'm sorry you're sad, and I'm happy that you can still feel happy. I hope you have more days coming soon.

Blogger zeldafitz said...

Yes, you're right to praise ole Bob Ryan, chunky bumblebees and all the beautiful hyacinths that are sprouting forth. Those are the things that sustain us--OK maybe not Bob Ryan so much, but certainly the lovely weather he gave us over the weekend.

And the "peak" cherry blossoms. (That was my moment of zen.)

Blogger Cheryl said...

Good for you. Take those two days for everything they are worth.

Blogger Sizzle said...

two days is definitely a start.

oh how i love to hear those WW words uttered. :)

hang in there!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Blogger Kris said...

Thanks for trying guys, but none of your fun words made me feel as good as this spam did. Who cares about meaningful relationships when you can do some nice extra cash secret shopping? ;)

Blogger Plunky said...

10lbs! Congrats! So jealous! Aww, I hope you can have more days like those two soon!

Anonymous sandra said...

Fingers and toes crossed that everything turns out like the director's cut, and there will be no staring at the door...but in any case, I'm glad you were able to enjoy a fantastic weekend.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Congratulations on two days, and for every series of two days that you can make it through.

Hope you like my internet site for free money easy!

Blogger sadielady said...

What a sad yet beautiful and somehow still optimistic post... lovely.

Anonymous janet said...

congrats on the 10 lbs. I am still stuck at 7.5 down. Perhaps I should actually attend WW instead of "doing it on my own"...

Anonymous Maliavale said...

Nice weekend recap. I'm so glad it was a nice one. God bless some motherfucking spring. Is it OK to use that in the same sentence as "God"?

Blogger KlevaBich said...

Ah Kris, I'm so sorry you've been down and so glad you had a good weekend. While my relationship is OK, the rest of my life sucks. "I feel your pain."

Your words are so descriptive that I felt that pang of loss and panic you describe. But, you've given me hope that maybe a good weekend will happen to me, too. You're the best!

Oh crap, what you really wanted was spam. I've f**ked it all up again...

I am really impressed that despite so many reasons to have a depressing weekend, you chose to appreciate the good things in life. Great things must be in store for someone who approaches her sadness with so much optimism (i.e. he must be missing you terribly)

Anonymous jurgen nation said...

Wait. Who the hell is "we?" You didn't tell me about a "we."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! Very Nice! Check out this website I found where you can make extra cash.
It's not available everywhere, so go to the site and put
in your zipcode to see if you can find something. I found something and make
and extra $900 a month!

http://www.degree-programs-online.info/extramoney.htm

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool Blog! If you get a chance I would like to invite you to visit the following shirts blog, it is cool to!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer