October 2, 2005
Sunday confessional: benders and beaches
I have spent the last four days living out my Robert Downey, Jr. fantasy while on holiday and apologize for being out of touch. Once again hopelessly devoted, Chardonnay and I spent our first reunited night mesmerized by one another and Lost; an entire bottle of white went down my hatch before I even saw Jack and Kate in theirs. I have little memory of what happened in those 60 minutes of quality programming, but do recall that we ordered chicken nuggets from a DC delivery spot and that they tasted like that faux-ltry manufactured by Morningstar Farms.

My cell phone blared out Miss Independent at 5 am on Thursday. I was on a flight to Memphis by 7 and yet another to Fort Walton Beach for a noon arrival and days without cell phone service.

Note to Memphis: it might be best to take some of the money you spend on Elvis paraphernalia and upgrade the gateway to your city from 80s high school to something more palatable, like, say, double-wide chic. Your airport is so archaic I half expected to see Jon Cryer working in the food court or the Heathers girls smoking in neighboring bathroom stalls.

And while we're taking notes: Southern belles. There are indeed others of us in your Subway line/DC 9 aircraft aisle/GD general vicinity. Please stay to your side of the hall, pick up the pace, or move out of the way. I guess it takes more than a sale at Talbots to get you moving.

The trip was flawless. Florida was all that I remembered it to be: breathtaking clouds, beaches with red tide, and undesirables sans shirts buying beef jerky at the Tom Thumb convenience store. Happy occasions and sunshine also bring out the best in people. A shout out is deserved by the new friend who snagged a full bottle of Pinot Grigio from the unmanned rehearsal dinner bar; as we all know, sometimes just one plastic Dixie cup won't do.

The vacation has been a whirlwind of poolside relaxation, an increasing number of daily naps, and even more glasses of vino. I have laughed harder at myself and others in these few days than I have in weeks. I have spotted the fins of dolphins from the front stairs of the bed and breakfast, eaten overcooked hush puppies, and lost some tan lines while creating new ones. And I have not checked email once.

Back to DC today. Providing Bug and Cricket have not gotten too frisky in my absence, I have an intact bottle of Merlot on top of the fridge. And if all is right with the world, that forgotten episode of Lost still awaits me on Tivo.

EDIT: Effing newfangled technology. In my infinite tipsiness (tipsyness?), I didn't record it. Looks like I'm the one who's lost now.


40 Comments:

Blogger Bryan said...

Greetings from my exile in Oklahoma.
I have one word about the fine wines from here in Oklahoma.

DONT.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Welcome back, Mama.
Papa hopes you like your bottle of vino. And dear God, I hope you don't spit it out at the TV when Lost takes in interesting turn...

Jorge

Blogger Bill said...

I have no idea what you're talking about ("...an entire bottle of white went down my hatch before I even saw Jack and Kate in theirs.") but - goddamn! - I wished I'd been there. Sounds glorious (even given Southern belles issues). It also sounds as if your head manages beverage intake better than mine does.

Blogger Wicked H said...

Welcome back, both to the drinking world and DC.

Glad to know you were on vacation and not in rehab.

:-Þ

Blogger sunshine said...

Re - Memphis, I feel your pain. I spent about four hours in that airport about a year ago while I was waiting for my flight connection, and it was one of those weird, otherworldly experiences you don't forget. I remember there was no Starbucks anywhere. Instead I had to go to Aunt Bee's coffee bar or whatever it was called. In desperation I picked up a copy of the local alternative weekly paper. Words were misspelled in headlines, etc.

Hope the hangover has subsided!

Anonymous Pointy said...

Can you get drunk on just one bottle of wine?

Blogger Shawn said...

While you were in Memphis you should have found out if Lloyd Dobbler was still seeing Diane...and if he ever did take up kickboxing, sport of the future.

Just be glad you didn't get chased by a creepy newspaper kid demanding his two dollars...that always happens to me in 80s throwback airports. Okay, it doesn't really...but it would make a great story.

Cheers.

Anonymous Jenny said...

Sounds just divine! Unless, of course, it was more the Less Than Zero version of Robert Downey Jr., because being pimped out for drugs by James Spader can really put a damper on an otherwise fun weekend...

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Thank you for the tip, I'm off to Memphis. I want to buy a corndog from Ducky.

Blogger yournamehere said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I don't know much about the decor at my hometown airport (Louisville), because they have a microbrewery and a whiskey bar. Those places keep me distracted from the decor.

Blogger LBseahag said...

yet another few reasons to stay out of the south...

And scary that Robert Downey Jr got married recently...to his sponsor... heh hehe

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Kris - I have spotted the fins of dolphins from the front stairs of the bed and breakfast, eaten overcooked hush puppies, and lost some tan lines while creating new ones.

Sounds like fun. I have a friend who bought a condo in Miami for $35k. Dang, wish I acted on his tip. It's gone up a lot since then, and I wouldn't mind spending a week or two on the Florida coast.

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

The vino and I agree....welcome back my love

Blogger Mel said...

Honestly, I thought you stopped talking to me after that Bobby Bowden fortune cookie comment.

Sounds like you had a great mini-vacay... so glad you are back!

Blogger Sizzle said...

(raising my glass) welcome back!

Blogger babyjewels said...

The cryer and heathers comments were so damn funny. welcome back.

Blogger BamaGirl said...

Oh, I'm laughing my butt off about your comments about the Memphis airport. My parents live in Memphis, and I know those cinder block walls all too well. It's a depressing place to have to spend some time. For sure! And the Tom Thumb reference is making me laugh too. The FL panhandle has a lot of rednecks, but beautiful sugar-sand beaches. I'm sure it was a fun trip!

Blogger oregano said...

My confession for the weekend

On Friday, I had only five beers and one scotch. I woke up with a hangover the next morning.

Whatever happened to my tolerance of which legends were written?

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Sounds like paradise.

Welcome back!!

Blogger MKD said...

Sounds awesomely fun.

That and Lost (esp. on TiVo) is one of the best shows in a long, long time (if one doesn't count Buffy of course).

Blogger Patsy Darling said...

Oh damn it you're drinking already. I have given up the booze kinda, maybe well almost.

Anonymous your beau said...

I must say, the best part of the weekend was watching Mama resist the urge to strangle both infant and self rightous mother who decided the baby needed a window seat, Mama's window seat. Nobody puts mama in the aisle.

Stupid Breeders...

Blogger t2ed said...

I love the Memphis airport. I reminds me of th 80's too--the 1880's. But seriously folks, the Memphis airport rocks because it's close to Beale street and more live Blues music than you can shake your can at. I've never flown out of there without a hangover. But it's always worth it.

Blogger Sub Girl said...

that sounds fun. i don't even have tivo, i am technologically-behind.

I've been stalking you for a while now, but this is my first comment. I think you're the bee's knees, babe. You've earned a spot on my blog roll over at Recreational Use. :)

p.s. David Hasselhoff is also big in Holland. Who knew?

Anonymous Jorge said...

Mama.
It's Tehpseeniss.

J

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Your vacation sounded great (and this whole post was hilarious). Glad you're back off the wagon!

Blogger Anisa said...

sounds like you had a very robert downey-esque time! :)

ah, vino...sounds like you had a wonderfully indulgent time!

Blogger Weary Hag said...

So glad I was graced with your company and found my way over here! Sounds like you had a simply mahvelous vacation - bringing home post fodder and possibly newfound energy.
I'm a dedicated Lost fan as well. don't worry about catching up with it... they always show bits of the previous show on the topside of the next one.

Can't wait to read more of your words!

Blogger lizzyjane said...

I was worried someone would find you in a ditch, clinging possessively to a bottle of wine!
I'm glad you were at least in a bed and breakfast.

Blogger playfulinnc said...

HAAAAAAAAAHAHA.

Kris, I am from Memphis, and that was a damn funny post. Bless your heart...

:)

Anonymous sandra said...

I, too, had a lovely date with Pinot this weekend...although it should be said that we nearly broke up yesterday when I realized that PG (Pinot Grigio) had apparently poisoned me. Otherwise, why the pounding headache?

Re: dork-in-arms - consider it yours. :)

Blogger sassyassy said...

Wine is always such a comforting companion no matter where you go...well, except Nebraska--there just is not enough wine in the world to make that place exciting. I have been having make up sex with a great bottle of Greek Chardonnay.

Blogger Jackie said...

Excellent. Good call about the airport.

Jackie likey. :)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you're right on track and not many people are willing to admit that they share your views. matthew fox wife is an AWESOME place to discuss LOST.

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