September 21, 2005
John, Paul, George, Ringo and Oprah
I'm BAAACK!

Long Beach was bitchin'. That said . . .

Did anyone happen to catch the 20th-season premiere of Oprah earlier this week? The audience members were like screaming, crying rabid dogs. Do any of you remember those old-school dog food commercials in which nutrient-deprived canines were set loose on six pounds of broth-slathered chuck on live TV?

Well that was this pack of women, and Oprah was their Alpo.

PER USUAL, THE ONION IS FUNNIER THAN I COULD EVER HOPE TO BE.
Thanks DC Grrrls for the find!


45 Comments:

Blogger Sizzle said...

"oprah was their alpo"

fucking hilarious. that will go down in history kris. :)

Blogger Washington Cube said...

I still think in recent SNL history that the skit of Oprah and her fan's (with Mya Rudolph as Oprah) was a hoot. Women wetting themselves, chewing away at animal carcasses, having seizures...I would love to see Oprah come out on her show and throw gold coins into the air. Something rendolent of Versaillles, shades of Hermés.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Hooray! You're back.

Doesn't Alpo sound like it could be Oprah's middle name? It flows - Oprah Alpo Winfrey. Oprah A. Winfrey. I like it.

Blogger LBseahag said...

you were in my neck of the woods!
what where you in LB for?
for a convention?

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Oprah is on my list of people I'd kick in the shins if I ever met them. I think she's singlehandedly responsible for the fall of Western Civilization.

Blogger la.dauphine said...

Did you see that SNL where they were making fun of her audience? The women were total maniacs - even humping each other and exploding. Very funny!

Blogger Jeff said...

My girlfriend tapes Oprah on our tivo-like device. So when I saw your post, i fired it up to see what the fuss was about.

The instantaneous assault on my ears sent my thumb straight to the pause button.

Can some woman please explain to me the shrieking? It causes men literally a thousand times more suffering, per second, than PMS. Does it embarrass you? Do feminists realize what a huge contradiction it is?

Men don't react to anything with shrieking. Not as adults or small children or Ever. That's one horrible act we just don't commit. Murder, mayhem, and rape- sadly a few of us do. But never with the shieking.

Blogger babyjewels said...

Yeah, you're back. I didn't catch the Oprah thing, but Edee noted the $10mil katrina donation. Oprah could get the audience to drink cool-aid, put on a purple robe and wait for the mother ship if she wanted.

Blogger Shawn said...

That just plain freaks me the hell out...it's creepy.

Blogger Patsy Darling said...

Yeah those women are way too into it. I never watch Oprah because I'm at work but I don't think I would watche her anyway.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Alpo Winfrey.

Has a nice ring to it.
Welcome back, gorgeous.

You were missed.

Dave and I held a candlelight vigil.

Blogger Kim said...

You were gone?

Blogger t2ed said...

Oprah is a cult. Watch the show. Watch the aftershow. Buy the books. Keep your jounal. Buy the magazine.

How do those women keep up with all the homework?

Blogger Slade said...

I know, isn't that kind of stuff just a little too crazy? It is amazing how people react to celebrities in this world...the ones that fall over and pass out are my favs

Blogger Megarita said...

I love Oprah, but the fans KILL ME. Not sure whether their voracity is a naturally occuring phenom, or whether Her Harpo-ness demands subservience.

She's a book reader, she's been through some shit, she's looking good now. She's Oprah! Nothing but love. Hee.

Blogger Candace said...

I stopped watching Oprah because of the ridiculousness of the audience members.

Grow up, people. Honestly.

Blogger Kiki said...

It's really been 20 seasons?? Damn.

Blogger Cheryl said...

Ever seen the SNL sketch from a few years ago where they make fun of the Oprah crowd--heads explode and everything. So funny...

Blogger Bobby said...

Be careful what you say about Oprah people. She has people everywhere, and if need be, she will buy blogger and shut you down, one by one.

OR have you killed. It depends on her mood and how hungry she is that day.

Blogger Keith said...

I'm sorry, but I. just. don't. get. it.

Blogger Christie said...
Blogger erin said...

oprah...she is to day time tv what martha stewart is to a home economics class...and they are both inherrently evil...


kris..PLEASE write to me how you set up your comment list with the anti-spam log in...word verification will be my bestest friend from now on...

Blogger Brookelina said...

Oprah had Bon Jovi on yesterday....you think Oprah is Alpo? I thought these women were going to eat him alive.

Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Oh yeah, I saw Bon Jovi on Oprah...if I were him I would have been afraid.

I don't think you gys know how scary it is when your fans go crazy like that.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having chicks scream and cry when they se me, but......damn that sounds COMPLETELY wrong.

Too much love is TOO much love.

You guys have never been in a bus when your fans try and flip it over. Scary.

Blogger Danielle said...

I hadn't seen her show in forever, but I happened to catch a bit of that episode at work. Her new set looks just like an American Idol stage! Yeah, those fans can get pretty craaaazzyy!

and t2ed... she has 2 magazines, not just one. and the second one, O at Home, isn't all that bad. Really...

yes, i did get paid to say that.

Blogger MoDigli said...

I think they were only screaming cause they thought Oprah would be giving out free cars again. They love her cause she gives away free stuff!

I missed the show. Did she give away free stuff like she usually does?

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