October 7, 2005
Several thousand square miles of Jersey ozone were sacrificed for the taking of this photo.
That’s right. Touch it. Don’t be afraid. This Glamour Do is brought to you courtesy of two parts spiral perm solution, one part Aqua Net in that shiny baby blue bottle, and a dash of Love's Baby Soft, so you can smell me all the way from your 5th period Shop class. Eat your heart out, early-years Oprah; because two shoulder pads were apparently not enough, I had to have four of ‘em. Yeah, they like it on the late shift at the diner.

Oh hey there, Blaine. I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heeTeh with somebody. No? Apparently the white sequined dress with two-tiered poof, sugar hose in the Hanes plastic egg, and white Dyables heels don’t do it for you . . . Vince DiMaglio so totally said I look like that chick in Footloose. But me thinks he just wanted to be dancin' in the sheets. Not impressed? Well Jon Bon seemed to like it down the shore at Asbury Park. Yeah, we danced to Toy Soldiers. Suck it, Martika.

Gotta go. I’m meeting the burnouts at the mall to play Centipede later. I’ll call you from the pay phone as soon as Mrs. Garrett drops me and Duckie off.

Sha-la-la-laaaaa.

CLICK HERE TO WITNESS THE RAW AWESOMENESS OF THIS YEAR'S WINNER!

EDIT: The black bar was simply a reference to Glamour magazine Don'ts, not an attempt to hide my single, fantastic eye. Should you want to see my face in its entirety, I make the pages of Star regularly under the name Krisclops.

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58 Comments:

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Like, ohmygo-od! You are like, RAD! Wanna go to the mall and get some high heels to go with our acid washed jeans today?

You are teh hotness Kris.

Blogger Kris said...

I bow down to your bangage.

That didn't sound nice.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

There may have been a thousand other ways to say it, but I don't know if any of them would be that good. Aw! Our bangage ROX like Duran Duran! It's all about the love, not the competition.

Blogger sunshine said...

Oh my gosh, your post brought back so many bad (but good) memories.
That haaaaaiiiirrrr.

I'm trying to remember what sha-la-la-laaaaa was from and now it's driving me nuts. Help me out?

Blogger sunshine said...

Oh, and by the way-- wubba, wubba, wubba!

Blogger Megarita said...

You're a brave soul putting that picture out there -- sugar hose brought me back a little toooooooo close to home.

LOVE the katie/tom question. Perfection.

Anonymous Jorge said...

If I took all the hair I ever had in my life and glued it on my head, it still wouldn't be that big.

:)

THat rocks.

Have a great weekend, Mama.

Papa is off to Ottawa for a wedding. Brillo Pad hair and all...

J

Blogger Keith said...

I have the srangest craving to hear Bon Jovi's 'Slippery When Wet' right now. Whoa-oh, it's like bad medicine. Bad medicine is what I need.

Blogger Sub Girl said...

that is classic 80's bombshell hair, kris. be proud!

Blogger Jodi said...

Your hair reminds me of Julia Roberts ala Mystic Pizza.

I get all the other references (and somehow I'm proud of that, why??), but who is Vince DiMaglio?

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

I listened to Def Leppard on the way to work today. "Do you wanna get rockkkkkked..."

Blogger Heather B. said...

I'm going to be the evil evil girl that I am and say that looks like good 80's style, considering that I don't remember the 80's (I was about 5 when the 80's ended). You may now kick my ass.

Anonymous whoorl said...

spiral perms ROCK.

Blogger Kim said...

Psst!

Don't tell Stacy, but I think you won.

Blogger Kris said...

As long as it's not Julia Roberts in Mystic Sushi, I think we're gonna be cool.

Vince is a made-up, created, fictional, not-real, faux name I created, but he could have been any guy in my hometown. A guy that would like hair like that.

Sha-la-la-laaaaa precedes Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog.

Does that help?

Blogger t2ed said...

i think you forgot your leg warmers over your ripped jeans. And doesn't anyone remember the very special episode of Blossom which seemed to occur every week.

And while Gary David Goldberg was a genius, Mallory carried that show until she started dating Nick.

I think you're forgetting about the musical stylings of a group called Poison aka the greatest hair band ever! They were no Night Ranger that's for sure.

Blogger Lushy said...

This picture makes me want to find my White Lion cassette and rock out.

Blogger Anisa said...

LMAO! this is a fab post. i can see whitney houston in the video right now with the hair to her butt...

Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh. Sweet. Jesus. I spent my teen years WISHING my hair would do that! I had to settle for a french braid or a low-side ponitail, squigglehead that I was (and still am). I have to go. I have to listen to "Stand and Deliver" at full volume.

I also think I had that same coat in fuscia. If my ear itched I could scratch it with my shoulder with ease.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

KIM, YOU ASS!!! You're so two-faced. Ugh!

Blogger NARDAC said...

Stacey's hair is higher... and she didn't have some weird black sticker over her eyes. Still, it's hard to decide. Your's is obviously more classic, and I like how you cut low on the frizz. Almost Ione Skye standards.

If only your blog had a scream-meter, then we'd know who the winner is.

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Blogger JJ said...

I so totally would've asked you out. I miss the 80s.

Blogger Dave said...

I had a spike in 1988 you would have been awful proud off. Not quite gutsy enough to post that one. Yet.

Blogger Kris said...

Wait, I never said this was ME! You can't prove it. This is a friend of a friend's friend.

Blogger Jeremy said...

SCARY! You look just like how my older sister did in the eighties - same hair, similar facial features. Scary.

Blogger Kris said...

Wow, I guess that pretty much limits our marriage chances.

Blogger larin von smartass said...

haha, this is great. linked here through spinning girl and this is the best post i have read all day. i'm bookmarking ya!

good luck and blog's speed

Blogger ginger said...

Woooooooo! That's some serious aqua net goin' on there, but I must say, she has you beat. Her's are defying the odds of physics. :) This was fun!

Blogger Oh, that girl. said...

I am so stunned by your beauty and grace. Its as if time eludes you.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

That is beautiful.
Can you put your lipstick between your breasts and apply it, like Molly Ringwald did in the Breakfast Club? Can you remove your bra through your sleeves like the girl in Flashdance? If so, you can join my 80's club!

Blogger oregano said...

I cannot believe you blocked out your eyes. That is wrong, wrong, wrong!

bwok bwok bwok

Blogger Kim said...

Uh oh, I think I got caught...

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I'm printing out that picture to take to my stylist.

Seriously, though, that is some killer hair. Loveit!

Blogger Shawn said...

I just kept clicking back and forth between your pages and I've gotta say it was close... If only you had a baggy white WHAM tee shirt, or better yet, RELAX, you would have taken it for sure.

Martha Quinn was like totally talking about you guys this afternoon...Nina Blackwood was all like, I could have big hair like that anytime...but Martha was like no way...I forgot what else she said 'cause A-Ha came on and I totally love their video. Then that totally gay Cinderella video came on and I was gonna turn it off, but that one chick is hot... Not as hot as hot as that one chick that dances with Bruce Springsteen in his video though... She should totally be on TV...

Cheers and thanks for the fun...

Blogger Jason said...

You laugh now, but someday that hairstyle will be hip again.

Blogger jamwall said...

i can't get that black piece of tape off my computer screen!!!!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I had that same hair-do.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Kris, I think we should call it a tie, what do you say? "Like, to-talllllly!", or "Ohhh ma GAWD, gag me with a spoon"?

Circle: YES or NO

Blogger Shawn said...

Come to think of it...Wendy-O of the Plasmatics had a black piece of tape just like that, except in a different spot...

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

On her mouth?

Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

I want to dance with somebody.
Somebody who loves me.


thanks Kris. Now I'll have that stuck in my head for the next hour or two. :p

Shawn - Wendy O killed herself a few years ago. :(

Blogger LBseahag said...

That look makes me wanna...

1.break the White Lion cassette tape
2.throw on my white leather boots with the tassle down the back
3.Add another Motley Crue button to my Levis cropped jean jacket
4.No, not boots! I'm gonna wear L.A. gear high tops in Pink and White!
5.Wear my Bongo jeans with the zippers up the back, or my black and grey two-toned jeans
6..jump into my Geo Storm, and go paint the town...

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

I'm with ZS on getting that song stuck in my head....are you channeling E. Brockowicz?

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Awwww. .. .this just reminds me that my mom would never let me get a perm because she said it would wreck my hair.

Thank you, mom, for causing me years of prepubescent angst, but ensuring that I still have thick, silky, pliable locks.

Blogger DCdramaGrrls said...

***pulling out my Tiger Beat, leg warmers and jelly bracelets***

Haha! Your my long lost twin from my teen years. Great 101st post.

Hey, wasnt sha-la-la-laaaaa from Family Ties theme song w/ Mikey J. Fox?

Blogger babyjewels said...

Oh, that is just great. I'm inspired now, between you and SG to post a little scary hair myself. And if the fact that I'm Italian doesn't scare you, it should.

Blogger Diana Crabtree said...

Kris- it is VERY big but it looks...pretty

Anonymous Jenny said...

In terms of sheer height, yes, I think your competition beat you. But seriously - yours is the spiraliest of spiral perms EVER! That is CLEARLY not an Ogilvie home perm. Nicely done.

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

You're purty, Kris, with purty hairs.

Blogger Robin said...

You HAD to be wearing acid-washed jeans, cuffed and rolled, with perfect starchy white Keds. A complete look.

Blogger Patsy Darling said...

Oh my I had that hair do, I guess all us Jersey girls had that hair. Oh and Love's Baby Soft that so must be a Jersey thing.

Blogger Jackie said...

Love's baby soft is HOT! Yes!

Blogger Amanda said...

aw man, it's photos like that which make me want to hang my jersey-born head in shame. i NEVER had hair like that, though.

Blogger Vince said...

I so sported that do last weekend and I looked wicked rad!

You clearly had good hair -- back in the day.

Your opposition won though. Her bangs had to be 5 inches high.

Your posts brought back a flood of memories for me. My bangs were really tall as well. All over my 8th grade year book my classmates wrote to "Hairdo" which was my nickname. Oh yeah, tall bangs, green eyeliner, pink IOU sweatshirt, fold over triangle waisted Limited Express acid washed blue jeans-- tight rolled, Eastlands... I was soooo cool.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Come check out my big-ass hair at 11.5

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