May 17, 2005
Neurotic (adj.)
Since most of the recent comments on this blog have been from women, I need to ask for your help. It has come to my attention that I may be the only woman who has quite the number of confessed idiosynchrasies, and I wanted to check in with you. I wholeheartedly admit to the following:

I will fake talking on my cell phone any time I have to encounter a group of people with whom I don't want to interact. Said groups may include, but are not limited to, drunk frat boys partying on their front lawn, professors in my former grad program's mail room, and any more than one construction worker on break. I am careful to put my cell on silent, and then carry on a full conversation with absolutely no one.

I seriously sing to Madonna, Britney and even Shania in my rearview mirror. At times I play like I'm in a video.

I love the smell of cat treats and at times have been tempted to taste them. Not the hard treats. Only the soft ones.

I am generally avoidant of placing food delivery orders on the phone, and will almost always have my beau or a friend call for me.

I always sit on public toilet seats, but will not drink from a straw that my best friend or even my mother has used. More than once I have thrown away a lipstick that a friend used without permission.

I cannot hold my nose underwater, so I suck my upper lip up to my nostrils, creating an airtight seal between my lip and nose. Try it. Not attractive.

Ok, so there are six of them. I will try to add more as I remember other things that are wrong with me. Now to you. Confessions?



Blogger Mel said...

I sadly confess...

I find humor in others' misery.

I will scratch or pick at any abmormality on my skin until it bleeds. Mutliple times.

I don't like to make decisions about anything. Including what to have for dinner.

Oddly, I am turned on by almost every scene in American Pie 1 & 2.

Blogger kitkat said...

Hey, Kris we all have 'em.

I pick things on my skin too! It's so embarassing in arm will be bleeding. Much worse than the original ingrown hair or whatever it was.

I also do not like phoning in food orders, although I've gotten better.

Here's one--I don't answer my door. Ever. Even when my garage door is wide open and whoever it is knows I'm inside. Not only that, but I hide, so they can't see me avoiding them.

Despite this, I will, however, walk around my house in various stages of undress and not care about who's watching.

I don't know the right way for a woman to wipe herself after going to the bathroom.

Anonymous tricia said...

Don't sit on public toilet seats, and rarely sit on my own (no time)

Don't open the door, unless I am expecting someone, and I hide by the window just to make sure I wasn't expecting anyone and forgot about it.

I sing to all forms of pop music, and sometimes learn the video's dance moves so that if I ever meet the group, and am asked to join them onstage, I can spontaneously bust a move!

I also talk to my cellphone to avoid others. I wish I had your "... I am careful to put it on silent" advice earlier though; oh the embarrassment!

Anonymous Vermont Neighbor said...

This is a good one. Only men with real balls will show up for this one. C'mon guys. Show us your stuff.

I have to think about which quirks to send and which might offend. I'll be back...

Blogger bandick said...

I don't pretend to be on my cell phone to avoid talking to people but I do pretend to be on my cell phone so I can sing in my car at stop lights. For some reason I find it really embarrassing to have other people SEE me sing, even if they can't hear me.

By the way, I'm sort of back in business...

I'm under construction but at least I can write again!

Blogger oregano said...

I will bust a dog treat in two pieces and throw them both to watch my housemate's dog get confused about which one to chase.

I weigh myself every morning after I get out of the shower. If I don't like the number, I step off and get on again. Yes, I know, you should only weigh yourself once a week.

I order pizza online instead of phoning in the order.

I do not like talking on the phone. In fact, I have been known to leave my phone at home on purpose.

I like popping zits.

I like to cook but not in a dirty kitchen. We eat a lot of pizza in this house.

I run the dishwasher and the clothes washer through a second rinse cycle.

I will use a paper towel in a public restroom to open the door when leaving.

I will read a page in a book twice because I was thinking about something else when I read it the first time.

I will sing to... nope, you almost had me there.

Blogger lizzyjane said...


I secretly laugh at the naked women in the locker room at my water aerobics class. Not because they are out of shape, but because I am immature enough to think it is funny that someone is naked in public.

I watch Discovery Kids on NBC every saturday morning. I especially enjoy Endurance. Teen drama is too much for me to resist.

I cannot pee in public if someone is sitting in the stall next to me. I have to wait until they leave the bathroom.

If someone farts in the stall next to me while they are peeing, I have to stifle my giggles.

I like Kelly Rippa.

Anonymous Vermont Neighbor said...

I love this too much. I want to turn in my life and start over.

I thought I'd start in baby steps... with my cats' idiosyncracies. Just to test the waters.

One calico dips her paw into the mug of water so she doesn't have to bend her neck.

The other calico is XXL so sometimes she can't reach her back-end to clean it. I have never felt a closer kinship to my friends who change diapers.

The tan & white, if he could talk, would say "don't treat me like a baby. I'm not a baby." To add insult to injury... his nickname is Rub-upth. He likes his lower back scritched.

I speak constant baby talk to my cats. I feel sorry for them because it's noisy.

The tuxedo cat and little-girl-calico are boyfriend and girlfriend forever. It's deeply tangled, nap together spooning love for the ages.

If the gray & white could hold a pencil, he would catalogue everything like Henry David Thoreau.

The feral black cat won't fight for his dish of food. I have to chase away the neighborhood cats and raccoons b/c he won't.

And I owe Oregano a bigtime apology because he came through with the goods.

Tomorrow, I may have some real answers.

Thanks for the AMAZINGLY entertaining thread, Kris!

Blogger Mel said...

VN, that was great! Ha! I thought my cats were the only crazy ones! I talk to my cats only in baby talk, too! Why do we do that?

Oregano, you really did come through. I order pizza online as well! But, we know that you really do sing... admit it!

LizzyJ, teen drama rules! It's not neurotic at all, right? I watch Saved by the Bell on weekends/days off.

Kris, you seriously rock. I think you have reached blogstar status. At least in my book :)

Blogger kitkat said...

I forgot some of my quirks:

I incessantly have conversations with imaginary people when I'm in my car or home alone. It's "practice" for real life conversations.

If I'm talking on my cell phone (rare), I make sure to laugh or be saying something particularly funny if I think someone might be watching me and judging my "cool" status.

Blogger Kris said...

Yes, I am not alone!

And apparently, neither is my cat. Is it wrong that I don't mind if he licks his entire body, then puts his paw in my water or wine to take some for himself?

That's right. I'll drink it.

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

I love to listen to Britney and sing along, even though I will trashtalk her in public.

I hate the phone. If I have to call someone I get all tense. My first AND last name are easily misheard over the phone, so I get anxious over giving my name for restaurant take-out and will sometimes just give a fake name instead.

I have not tried the trick myself, but I have seen many women pretending to talk on their cell phones when they walk past groups of people. (It's kinda obvious there's no one on the other end...)

I share an office with co-workers, so if someone calls me at work and I don't want to talk to them I'll pick up the receiver and pretend I am talking to whoever called even though I never hit my line button that picks up the call. (The caller will receive my voicemail after 5 rings...) Also, if I hear someone I don't care for walking down the hall I'll pick up my phone and call voicemail and start chatting with the automated voicemail lady so that the person I don't want to talk to will see I'm on the phone and go away.

I am a potty mouth, to the extreme, when I am at home. Everyone in my professional life thinks I am a sweet, innocent person, but if they catch me off guard they find out I come up with new swear words on a weekly basis.

I won't sit on public toilet seats unless there is a disposable seat guard or unless I wipe the seat thoroughly then line the seat with doubled-over toilet paper. If I'm in a hurry I hover then make sure to wipe down the seat after. (I'm sorry, everybody.)

Blogger Kiki said...

It's funny because most of mine are listed above with others; not calling in delivery, fake talking on the phone, not answering phone etc. Who knew it was so normal?
Many more--too many to list:)

Blogger Dave said...

If there is beer in my fridge, I will drink it. Not to get drunk necessarily, but just because it's there.

I'm sullen and mean when I'm hungry. And when my wife informs me that I'm being grumpy, I insist, "IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU!"

When I'm in a dull situation, I imagine I'm the lead singer in a band, and I go through a very long song list in my head. This has occupied me for upwards of an hour at a time.

I'm neither a morning nor a night person.

I like Avril Lavigne, vintage Kiss, and the song Bang, Bang, Boom by the Moffatts.

Blogger Ariel1980 said...

Egad! Funny quirks. Here are a few of mine:

I totally will fake talk into the cellphone while driving so I too can sing. Especially if it's "Phantom of the Opera" or "Les Mis" and I'm trying to hold an incredibly long note. I will also hold fake conversations in german while walking past crowds to appear more cosmopolitan.

I loathe public restrooms, and am morbidly pee shy. I would rather did of a ruptured colon than make a #2 in a public toilet.

After my grandmere died, I took all the good prescription drugs from her medicine cabinet and kept them. (Not really a quirk so much as a confession.....HEY! maybe an idea for your next list?)

Blogger Carol Danvers said...

Hmmm, I don't know if mine are really "funny" ideosyncracies... but they are pretty gross sometimes :)

I like to pick at blemishes on my face until they bleed. I can't seem to stop.

I like to scratch my ass... a lot.

I like to sit with one hand tucked in the front of my waistband, ala Ted Bundy from "Married With Children".

I like to tickle my cat's butt-area until he just can't stand it anymore and starts doing this weird thing with his mouth.

I go out of my way to drive through the hip partsof town sometimes, just to be "seen" (by whom, I'm not sure - the guy picking his nose in the car next to mine? The woman puttng on her makeup in the rearview mirror? It's a mystery...)

I B.S. myself out of pretty much every bad situation at work so that it makes it look like I'm doing a GREAT job, even though deep down I know I suck and that I messed up big time. I'm really good at avoiding blame.

I spend too much money on stupid crap and then make excuses to myself and to others as to why it was necessary that I buy it, even though I know I just shouldn't have bought it to begin with.

I carry on conversations with myself in the mirror. When I was little I used to do this for hours on end. I think it stunted my social growth. But I have a really healthy relationship with myself because of it!

I must get back to work now so that I don't have to make up some excuse to keep my bosses from getting mad at me. Thanks for the great post!


Anonymous erika said...

If I don't have my entire weekend planned to the minute by Wednesday, I will have a panic attack.

I actually like peeing in Porta Potties. It reminds me of camping.

I don't like killing bugs, so I vacuum them up instead.

I am allergic to pistacios (sp?), but eat them anyway. It's worth it.

I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was 13.

I love Chicago (the band) more than life itself and have gotten umteen amounts of my friends addicted to the greatist hits (the second cd).

I told my friend who is going to Iraq to freeze his sperm. That way if he died, I could have his love child and get on Oprah. Is that wrong?

I sometimes wish I was Oprah.

I have tried so hard to not be like my mother that I've turned into my father. sigh.

Blogger bandick said...

I always order the hottest hot sauce when I get Mexican food so they won't think I'm a puss.

Blogger Kris said...

Okay. Here is the worst one.

I have, out of both necessity and panic, unclogged the toilet with my hands.

I think I've said it all now.

Blogger Dave said...

We have a winner.

Blogger Aimée said...

My dear friend, you've really hit on something here! It feels so good to confess ...

a. Everytime I'm shopping for a greeting card I get an overwhelming urge to have a BM. Maybe it's the potpouri in the Hallmark stores triggering my Pavlovian reaction...

b. I like that my cat doesn't have a tail b/c I'm intrigued by his pooh-hole and I like looking at the litter crystals that get stuck to it. It's like he has little jewels on his bedazzled behind.

c. I refuse to share milk products with ANYONE but will make out with strangers.

d. I carry antibacterial wet ones in my car and in my purse and keep a pack in my desk at work but will lick the butter off my fingers after touching money and movie seats.

e. No matter what I order at Wendy's, I get a 5 piece nugget as an appetizer for the ride home.

f. I've tried to dry-hump my seat while driving on long car trips but always get too afraid I'll wreck before I finish.


Blogger kimmay said...

you are leaving out something very important, kris.

what about your never-acted upon urge to take down a grandmother or grandfather as they walk innocently past you at the mall? it takes a lot of strength to resist kicking them in the shin.

i have a similar desire, but it's directed at bratty (and not so bratty) children. what i wouldn't do to be able to just trip one.

Anonymous Vermont Neighbor said...

It's so tempting, you just want to respond to every poster on here... great stuff! Mel, Erika, Ariel, Kiki, Dave, Carol, Dave, Poppycede.

Vacuuming up bugs?? Laughed till i left a rib on the floor. Talking German past a group of people like that? suaah-VAY!!

The Al Bundy pose. Omigod.

Two-timing Britney. (She probably gets that from alot of her fans).

Dave cannot go without food, the world will notice. Either that or his wife will suffer.

And Mel, I know Kris will give us an all-kitty post soon. She lets her kitties sip from the glass with their little paws! Hell, I just lost mother of the year honors. (AND, wine!!!)

Yes, the baby talk is more for us than them.

I agree with Kiki, a few are so familiar... well, I could just copy & paste.

I run in to buy something quick, but I have to manhandle every snack on the shalf. If it's donuts, they have to have the freshest date-stamp. Milk, everything, bread. Freshest date-stamp. The donuts can't be too smudgy in the wrapper. All this for junk food. Yes, chemicals and preservatives get an FDA-style inspection in my little world.

Blogger Kris said...

My all-kitty post is on the way!

Anonymous oregano said...

Is it considered neurotic that you post fake email addresses when you leave comments?


Blogger A Unique Alias said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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