Ok, Maggie Gylenhaaaaaaaaahl. Apparently you aren't the troll I thought you were. But don't think I don't want him back under the bed by midnight. Per our joint custody agreement.
Jennifer Hudson: Solid Gold called . . . Nah, too easy. I'll think of something else in the next five hours.
Kelly Preston: We ALL love Target. But it's not really cool to buy your Oscar dress there.
I've never liked Penelope Cruz. I'm not sure what it is. But now that I see she has a huge pimple next to her eye, I adore her. Eye adore her.
Why doesn't anyone show up to these things tanked anymore? So disappointing.
OMG. Ryan Seacrest actually just said there was "lotsa Wang" on the red carpet. Tell me you got that on TiVo.
OMG! Ryan Seacrest just said "I can barely make it over the bush" while leaning in to kiss Forrest Whitaker's wife. PLEASE tell me you got that one on TiVo.
Best dressed thus far: Kate Winslet and Beyonce. Cate. Helen Mirren. Classy ladies. Classy. REESE! Your pieces are indeed good.
Ok, because children cannot make decisions for themselves, parents and stylists and priests need to make decisions for them. Who dressed the little girl from Miss Sunshine like the basket on the front of a kid's pink Huffy? Seriously.
Lisa Ling may have gotten her dress at Au Coton. (Does ANYONE understand that old skool reference?)
Seriously. Marky? Mr. Mark? Mama feels the vibration.
Ok, let's get on with this.IT'S ON! IT'S REALLY ON!
Leo. You make the loins hurt.
Ellen. Liberace called . . . even he wouldn't wear the velvet suit.
Nicole Kidman is wearing Hallmark. And even that looks great on her. But when did they start doing Best Art Direction first? WHERE ARE MY BEST SUPPORTING AWARDS? Probably in a locker with Hudson's lame jacket.
I don't know how to feel about the Jack Black et al. thing. But I do know that Will Ferrell completes the Jackson 6.
I have no idea what that adorable Norweigan winner just said. But I'm pretty sure it had something to do with Ikea.
SERIOUSLY, THIS IS SO FREAKING BORING. WHERE ARE THE GOOD AWARDS?
First shocker! Eddie Murphy eats it. Wow. This is Karma for the Scary Spice/baby's mama thing. Honestly.
Sweet Jebus. Music belongs on the Grammy's people. DO YOU NOT GET YOUR OWN DAMN AWARDS?!?
Excuse me while I
lick the tv glass enjoy Leo in spectacular Tivo'd slow motion. And Cameron, while I'm at it.
Meryl Streep's ridiculous talent makes up for that awful Princess Diaries dress.
Oh my God. Has Maria Shriver/Skeletor won the Lifetime Achievement Award?
I'm pretty sure Robert Downey, Jr. just left Britney in rehab. Promises, promises.
Jennifer Hudson winning = yawn. This was more of a sure thing than Heidi Fleiss. Quelle surprise. And pullease, if you know you're going to win, PREPARE US A PRETTY SPEECH FOR WATCHING FOR THE PAST FIVE HOURS, WOULDYA?
SERIOUSLY. SO BORING I LONG FOR THE DEATH MONTAGE.
"For the English-speaking awards, press 1."
Welcome to the American Stage, Frau Dunst.
Thank you, Dreamgirls cast, for finally putting some zest into this show. Now THAT is what performing is all about. Makes the last six hours worth it.
Please someone save me. Like Rose tried to save Jack. From our collective demise.
4/5 viewers agree. We have no effing idea what that 11:41 pm montage was. No idea.
During the 11:48 death montage, when Scotty from Star Trek came on screen, my neighbor asked, "Well now who's going to beam me up?" Kick ass.
I'm saddened to say there was no Anna Nicole in the death montage. (WE NEED A MONTAGE!)
PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN LOOKS LIKE NICK NOLTE'S MUG SHOT.
Helen Mirren, I wish I could be as beautiful as you at your age. And I bet you have amazing sex.
Reese + Leo + Gosling within two minute span = soft core, party people.
OMG! Yay! Scorcese is the Susan Lucci of the Oscars!
OMG Number 2! Diane Keaton is indeed a woman!
Seriously. The MOST BORING OSCARS EVER. Even I couldn't find enough crap to fill one night of live blogging. And what was with the cirque de soleil stuff? Very borg-ish, and we all know how I feel about the borgs. Anyhoo, at least I TiVod much Leo, the still shots of which shall get me through many a night until the next awards show . . .
and I bid thee adieu.
Labels: Tipsy Blogging an Awards Show