It occurred to me tonight that a year ago today I posted this. One year.
In true Kris fashion I felt my shoulders and chest involuntarily rise, and the tinge of burning in my face that serves as my two-minute warning to locate tissues and a door that locks.
And then I reconsidered.
Because although you think that it – your hand clasped over your open mouth as your Closest calls to say he’s not sure he’s ever coming back to you and his choice to close years of knowing and loving you with a robotic correspondence about splitting up the Sprint bill – although you think that all of it will cause you to wither on the spot, that the weeping roadside with your hazards on will never stop, that all of it will kill you and on some days you wouldn’t really mind if it did, it doesn’t.
Sadly, it does make you listen to Christina’s Fighter 95 times in a single summer. But no, it doesn’t kill you.
In true Kris fashion I felt my shoulders and chest involuntarily rise, and the tinge of burning in my face that serves as my two-minute warning to locate tissues and a door that locks.
And then I reconsidered.
Because although you think that it – your hand clasped over your open mouth as your Closest calls to say he’s not sure he’s ever coming back to you and his choice to close years of knowing and loving you with a robotic correspondence about splitting up the Sprint bill – although you think that all of it will cause you to wither on the spot, that the weeping roadside with your hazards on will never stop, that all of it will kill you and on some days you wouldn’t really mind if it did, it doesn’t.
Sadly, it does make you listen to Christina’s Fighter 95 times in a single summer. But no, it doesn’t kill you.
32 Comments:
No, it doesn't kill you. But it does make you want to scream, "Why does EVERYthing have to be a fucking learning experience?"
And at that point, I find myself some chocolate.
yes, i does kill a part of you but, then a part of you does become stronger, if not warrior like. and yes, i've been there, on the side of the road with my hazards blinking, crying without the jeans i threw in his face.
i meant it... shit maybe i should proof read before hitting, send.
and being de-pants, don't even ask.
how can i follow gorillabuns with the de-pants-ing comment? :)
i'm hoping, in hindsight, you feel that you are better off.
Oh man. I so get it. I am a year out of my 4 year relationship and just started a spin off blog to chronicle the crazy story that we were. (putting that in this post instead of my usual main blog).
It's been almost two years since The One left. And while it still hurts, you're right. It doesn't kill you. Mostly.
What IS IT about that song?
I may be married now but I remember a day, as clear as if it were yesterday, when my now husband showed up on my doorstep and said that I was not what he wanted. And I remember that I did not get out of bed for six days. And I was full of doubt and confusion wondering HOW I could be so incredibly wrong about something I believed with my whole heart. And I thought a piece of me DID die.
But while it did all work itself out, I was amazed every day that I woke up without him still alive. And in the time we were apart, I DID become a stronger, more self-assured person.
However I never threw my pants at him. I'm not that brilliant. The de-pantsing is the greatest thing I've ever heard!
As long as you don't let the pain control you for too long, everything will be okay.
When you graced Canada with your presence back in November, I would say that you're chances of finding what you're looking for are high, considering everyone is enamoured with you and also the fact you gave several guys we walked by whiplash from gawking at you.
:)
Nothing escapes my attention.
2007 will be a great year for all of us.
Such a great song.
And you're right. No matter how bad it seems, somehow it gets better... the trouble is trusting that...
Knock on wood and be psyched That day is not Today
You are so brave...It is true that the pain lessens with time, that's the only thing that makes it bearable.
Do not want to fall into the 'glass is half full camp' because that's so not me, but you have to admit, it's somewhat satisfying to read a post like that and know that, for better or worse, life goes on and brings good stuff with it. Give yourself a punch in the arm a la Anthony Michael Hall in Breakfast Club when he finishes the essay.
Nope. Still alive.
And still chugging along well.
And still fabulous.
*Insert something about you being The One for so many bloggers here*
A year is a wonderful distance, isn't it? It's even better than 3500 miles, electric and barbed-wire fences, and a hammer held by your biggest and best male friend.
One year!
It never kills you.
He was the trial run. The One, or someome equally special, who will fill your heart with love, joy and comfort is just around the corner.
Careful, though! He may be running quickly, so you'll have to meet him a few times before you/he realizes.
Sometimes that pain is the only reminder that we are alive. Which sucks.
Closest = R from two posts ago?
That's a good question. R is actually the man before the last one. I didn't feel ready to write about where I thought K number 3 and I would be; I'm not sure I can do that objectively yet. Will surely do so in the future . . .
k.
Oh, Fighter was my anthem, complete with the "white person lip bite." As though he could feel that intensity.
I'm glad you're okay. You've come a long way, baby.
OMG! Did I just write that?! LAME. Lameindectomy needed, STAT.
Stay in the now!!! You will survive this.
It's eerie how pop songs can hit things RIGHT ON THE HEAD, no?
Also, You Oughta Know that although Sad Songs Say So Much, I'm sure you're Stronger (than yesterday) -- Since (he's) Been Gone, you're clearly getting over These Foolish Games and learning to Go Your Own Way.
(This comment posted because really, my "you go girl" isn't worth all that much, but down deep, I'm totally rootin' for you, Kris.)
it is shocking that these things are survivable, isn't it? I'm still flabbergasted. But look back and see what adventures and revelations you've had along the way this year--ain't bad! He's a fool to have missed out.
He was concerned about splitting up the Sprint bill?
The guy was so not worthy.
Wow, I have a similar "one-year anniversary" post in my archives. Funny how I can look back a year on my blog and see some of the same problems....
Man those Sprint Bills are death to relationships.
That's why Donna Fillmore and I had to bust up in the 3rd grade before cell phones were even invented. She was all like, "It's not me, it's you." And I was like "You're tearing me apart, you heartless troll."
I'm glad that's over and the restraining order has been expunged from the record.
That is so true. When I got divorced people said it would get better and I wanted to claw their eyes out. But I lived through it, listening to Cher Strong Enough…over and over.
I, too, have listened to and relied upon "Fighter" more times than I can count. So glad you are healing. : ) I myself am so thankful hardly anything truly, completely breaks us like we think it will at the time. I just a can't afford that much therapy. ; )
A year eh? I'm not sure what to say Kris, so "have a good weekend" it will be!
You are strong! A year! Good for you. That's a great song, and one I listened to far too many times last year. No, it doesn't kill you, but it certainly sucks more ass than you would ever imagine.
yeah sometimes i really wished it would kill and it's a pity that it doesn't. but then on a more optimistic note at least you knew sooner rather than later and you will survive. *cue to another song entirely*
You should just get married at your age.
oh, doll. i tried 3.5 years with the supposed "one." he moved to japan and didn't ask me to go with him. so sweet. best thing he ever did for our relationship. ;)
Just found your blog today via No Pasa Nada.
Totally feeling you on this one.
So it's been a year. Next year it will be 2 but believe me, you will have forgotten. Had the same thing happen to me back in '04, I broke up a 2-year engagement. And yeah we had to talk a few weeks later about his share of the electric bill. It could have been worse, I could have married the bastard :) Thankfully, we are civil to each other, though I suspect he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of my kindness.
Splurge on a good bottle of vino and share it with a close friend. Things will get better eventually, I promise :)
good to know... love your blog by the way.
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