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Cat 1: "Bug" 7-year-old Presbyterian tabby searching for his hello kitty. Lost wrestling scholarship to Florida State University after devastating bout of lyme disease. Known to friends as a lover not a fighter, but will lick between nails while making fist to appear tough. Body type: Endomorph. Currently a finalist on Animal Planet's Biggest Loser; on rigorous agility workout plan to drop 1/4 his body weight before next season's Amazing Race. Excessive Bud drinker. Known to peep on unsuspecting females from bedroom window. Despises public displays of affection. Staunch Democrat. Best feature: Eyes. Enjoys excessive pun use. Most recent quote: Look what the cat dragged in. Closest human counterpart: Kevin James.

Cat 2: "Cricket" Did bicuriosity kill the cat? Non-conformist female with bulemic tendencies. 2 years old. Employment: Paw model. Likes clubbing all night, Red Bull, and chewing on owner's hair while she is resting peacefully. Removed hairbrush from said owner's handbag last week and yanked all hair out to allow for more uninhibited chewing. Left clump on floor. Risk taker - will scour drain for food remnants whether garbage disposal is running or not. Licks lower belly when unsuspecting, easily-offended dog people are visiting. Social drinker, but known to make sexual advances when intoxicated. Never married. On next season's Oprah, intends to track down her three kittens given up for adoption when she was only 1. Pet peeve: Vets who assume she's an insect. Most recent quote: That's hot. Best Feature: Freckled pink lips. Closest human counterpart: Lindsay Lohan.

Serious inquiries only. No hairless or purebreds.