November 15, 2005
Scratch.com
Cat 1: "Bug" 7-year-old Presbyterian tabby searching for his hello kitty. Lost wrestling scholarship to Florida State University after devastating bout of lyme disease. Known to friends as a lover not a fighter, but will lick between nails while making fist to appear tough. Body type: Endomorph. Currently a finalist on Animal Planet's Biggest Loser; on rigorous agility workout plan to drop 1/4 his body weight before next season's Amazing Race. Excessive Bud drinker. Known to peep on unsuspecting females from bedroom window. Despises public displays of affection. Staunch Democrat. Best feature: Eyes. Enjoys excessive pun use. Most recent quote: Look what the cat dragged in. Closest human counterpart: Kevin James.

Cat 2: "Cricket" Did bicuriosity kill the cat? Non-conformist female with bulemic tendencies. 2 years old. Employment: Paw model. Likes clubbing all night, Red Bull, and chewing on owner's hair while she is resting peacefully. Removed hairbrush from said owner's handbag last week and yanked all hair out to allow for more uninhibited chewing. Left clump on floor. Risk taker - will scour drain for food remnants whether garbage disposal is running or not. Licks lower belly when unsuspecting, easily-offended dog people are visiting. Social drinker, but known to make sexual advances when intoxicated. Never married. On next season's Oprah, intends to track down her three kittens given up for adoption when she was only 1. Pet peeve: Vets who assume she's an insect. Most recent quote: That's hot. Best Feature: Freckled pink lips. Closest human counterpart: Lindsay Lohan.

Serious inquiries only. No hairless or purebreds.

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49 Comments:

Blogger -RM said...
Blogger Meg said...

Aw, what beautiful kitties!

Anonymous robin said...

How cute...remind me of my Aurora.

Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Holy crap. That's the best/worst/best turned turn of phrase ever: "Did bicuriousity kill the cat." Jesus. Oche.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Our cats are interested in swapping for a week.

My people will call your people.

Blogger Wicked H said...

Next on Scratch.com, cat scratch fever. Myth or reality?

Blogger Washington Cube said...

Bug seems to be thinking, "Go ahead and mock you lowly human."

Blogger kimmay said...

give my love to them both - even bug who hid from me for almost 24 straight hours!

Blogger Joe said...

Man I started sneezing just looking at those cats - guess I should be more careful.

And yes Cat Scratch Fever is totally real! My friend's dad almost died from it. Ye be warned, cat owners, you're playing with FIRE!!!!

Blogger kitkat said...

Awww...pwetty witto kitties! I think my cats would eat yours, though. No offense, they just always think they're starving.

Blogger TJ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger TJ said...

Guys, beware. I have met both of these cats on dates and they look nothing like their photos...

Blogger Kiki said...

Maybe I should start a personal ad for Romeo!!

Blogger Sizzle said...

my kittens would like are looking for "cat mentors" and i think yours would be perfect. ;)

Blogger Slade said...

Now I want to write about my babies! Your pussies are adorable!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

No wonder you know so much about cat humping.

Blogger Danielle said...

If I drank milk before reading this post, it would have shot out my nose.

Can I post a scratch.com for my dog, or is it only for cats?

Blogger babyjewels said...

My females want to know if bug is luekemia and feline aids free. They're phobs like me.

Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Huh... she does look like Lindsay Lohan...

Blogger erin said...

did your kitties know that you were setting them up for blind dates and mug shots cause they are seriously posing for the camera...
they should have personal ads for pets: best friends beyond humans...descrete and classy connections made.

Blogger MKD said...

My cat is cuter than your cat. Thin is the new fat.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Kris, in a blog full of brilliant and hilarious posts, this one is the cat's pajamas.

Sorry.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Sorry for the pun I mean. The cat's pajamas is a good thing. In other words, I loved this post.

Blogger JordanBaker said...

soooo cute. They should check out Rickie Green's profile on Friendster--I firmly believe she swings both ways.

Blogger lizzyjane said...

Aw!'
That ALMOST makes me want to like cats!

Blogger Poppy Cede said...

Do prospectives need to be kitties? I know a few humans who could really use a date.

Blogger LBseahag said...

ahh....jinx wants Cricket, and Meangirl wants Bug...
we could have a wedding....on blog...how tender!

Anonymous Jacynth said...

I'm diggin it, meeeeoooowww!

Blogger Jessica said...

Hmmmm, I have a new kitten that adopted us, who goes by the name of Sidewinder. In just a few more months he could come knocking!

Blogger Shawn said...

While I can't get them hooked up, I can empower them to get themselves hooked up... Send them to Stripey Francoise's blog where they can meet many nice cats.

Blogger K said...

meowrrrrr.... well, heeeeeeello kitty'!! How you dooin'?

Blogger Sub Girl said...

hot cat! may i suggest an arrangement with my cat. she's not snobby. she'll take anyone ;)

Blogger Kim said...

I think Cricket and I are twins!

If my Piper hadn't run away I would have set him up with her.

Blogger Bill said...

Interesting ... Bug looks like a well-fed version of my cat, Gonzo:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/piddleville/59943193/

But Cricket, with the bulemic thing, sounds more like her. I don't even want to think what would happen if they hooked up (bulemic lesbian cats?).

Maybe there's a program for bulemic cats.

Blogger Aimée said...

enought about your dirty pussys (or is it puss-ies?). I'm drunk. My cat doesn't have a tail. Suck it. No? Too much? By the way, I believe blogspot has a policy against whoring out one's puss...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a t shirtholden t-shirt site called Holden Tees. We're a small company and we sell shirts and stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time

-Holden Tees

Blogger Mel said...

I have been waiting forever for another kitty post!

I showed Bear and Val pictures of Cricket and Bug, and they are very interested in meeting. I think I heard Val use the word "swingers" somewhere in her meowed pleadings.

Blogger JJ said...

Whenever a cat looks at you, you can tell that they're trying to decide if they could eat you in one sitting.

Anonymous Mrs. Jorge said...

Oh mama,

You're killing me! I am crying from laughing so much. Good luck on that weight-loss program!!! :)

Blogger Kristen said...

Presbyterian, huh? I would have pegged him for a Methodist based on that description.

Best comment on this post--

"Your pussies are adorable!"

Truly, truly hilarious.

Blogger deanne said...

Jesus - aren't hairless cats and dogs just wrong in every way? It's 8 degrees here in London today, and I see this woman in my neighbourhood, walking her Mexican Hairless, and she's got a Baby Gap jumper on it. Yeah, 'cause it can't GET any uglier.

(I love Cricket's little face by the way, she's 'smiling' for the camera!)

Blogger NARDAC said...

My old cat used to chew on my head too. At first I thought it had something to do with the fact taht I fiddle with my hair while reading books, but maybe there's just some serious deviant cats out there that like the smell of head.

Anonymous Jorge said...

Dude, my wife is in love with you. She doesn't even comment on Dave's site.
:)

Blogger MKD said...

My cat is a “Twink.” Your cat seems to be a “Bear.” Maybe we could set something up. He is open to video, but isn’t into Golden Litter Boxing. FYI.

Blogger Cheryl said...

You always can make me laugh!

Blogger Jeremy said...

Dogs rule and cats drool. No I'm serious. There is a cat that sits in my lap while I do pottery. It will not leave. It just sits there and drools, all over my leg. I cannot remove it because my hands are full of clay. When I nudge it off, it climbs back on and deposits another puddle of drool. It is disgusting.

LOL! What a great, original entry! I am disturbed that I have more than a little in common with Cat #2.

I'm a dog person, too. But I peacefully co-exist with cat people.

Blogger clothosfate said...

OMG! Tell me are you into acting? This is great stuff... I love to laugh.

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