March 31, 2008
Opening Day (now with 66% more losing Presidents!)
Opening Day at the new Nationals ball park was - how you say? - COLD. It was fabulous, actually, the thrill of a lifetime, a cold, throbbing thrill of which only a few thousand of us non-season ticket holding bourgeoisie got to be a part. An experience that will forever remain imprinted on my brain and leave me at Kim's disposal, forced to ask people embarrassing questions at bars while she points and laughs, given that she granted me the golden ticket.

It'll be worth every emotional penny.

The day started with a hangover for Kim (see exhibit A) and an overzealous and completely not hungover Kris, who of course had planned for days that she would take tissues in her purse and that her camera battery would be fully charged and which Metro lines at what times put her in strategic on-time placement for the BEST. DAY. EVER.


Hungover Kim (again refer to Exhibit A) was not pleased by Kris' excessive use of exclamations and decibels, leaving Kris in a position to drink too much prior to game time and take multiple "before" photos in the bar bathroom before being caught by a sober female
patron. The "Does this darn thing work?" doesn't hold water after a few drinks, especially when you're caught posing in the mirror with said camera.

DC, we finally have a real ball park. She's beautiful, and I was like a real woman at a baby shower. Look at the little Ws on the gate!


And the Nats colors in the women's bathroom!


The President of these United States threw out the first ball, which was met with a ridiculous number of boos. Not normal boos, like Michael Richards just made racist remarks boos, but mega throwdown boos, like Bush had just kicked a puppy being held by the Pope sitting on the lap of a disabled veteran. Hometown grad made good Denyce Graves sang the national anthem, and I would have been crying if it hadn't eaten my weight in what I will claim was low-sodium ketchup.


Seriously? Nationals Park is full of delicious goodness, like bottom of the ninth game-winning home runs I read about and all that, but the excessive use of puns? Behold the awesomeness:

and the raw gorgeousness of . . .

. . . and the - dare I say - titillating?

Moving on.

There were amazing highlights to the night, with the exception of the fact that the park is kid friendly and smoking unfriendly,


not to mention that ONE OF THE COWARDLY BRAVES CLEARLY SENT TEDDY THROUGH CENTER FIELD RATHER THAN DOWN THE BASELINE, DADGUMIT:


Highlights like the fact that our team actually looks cute in this year's mug shots! And that hypothermia doesn't reach the breasts for at least one hour and twelve minutes!

And that the only open seats in the entire park were right next to us!



And oh, the luscious scoreboard, on which my personal history of scores will be broadcast to the crowd and all my ex-boyfriends in attendance on my 80th birthday . . .


And that gorgeous field, complete with gorgeous men at least 10 years my junior wearing gorgeous lycra-infused pants . . .









And a backyard view that says, "World? We're Washington, DC. No, we can't make a decent bagel any better than we can make our votes count, but we're the center of the international universe! AND AT LEAST WE'RE NOT NEW JERSEY!"


Well, we'll always have the senator's sausage.




20 Comments:

Blogger Ashley said...

i'm sorry, SENATOR'S sausage? like the senate needs more innuendos re: the genitalia of its members?

no larry craig funnel cakes? oh well. the new stadium looks goregeous.

Blogger wallofdenial said...

Hey you didn't drink too much!!!! You remember everything!!!

Blogger MereCat said...

That looks like it was a really fun time! And the new venue is eleganza. Now we just need some baseball weather!

Blogger janet said...

Senators Sausages? It's too much. Seriously?!?!?

Thanks for the recap; I'm waiting to go to my first game when husband scores the free company tickets. So I can spend my money on the Senators Sausages once I get there.

Blogger Kim said...

Despite the hangover and not feeling my toes for 6 hours afterward, it was an amazing time and I'm glad I got to share it with you.

Don't get too excited about me being nice. It'll be the only time this year.

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

The bathroom shot was Great! Opening day for the Last season of Yankee Stadium was rained out and oly part of the new stadium is up. I'll send some pics. Glad you two had an Awesome time!

Blogger Heather B. said...

So I got here yesterday and since then like 18 people have told me about how great opening day was and how great the new stadium is and how great it is that you can watch the entire game from the concourse and I really had to resist the urge to kick each of these people.

I WANT TO GO!

Um, will you and Kim go with me? PLEASE?!

Blogger Ryane said...

awesome.

=-)

Blogger JordanBaker said...

Come on, people--the Senators of Sausage fame is a reference to the old baseball team, not the members of the senate.

My favorite is still "slice down the line pizza." Ba-dum. . .

Blogger HKW said...

Photos! Of the game! How cool. Congratulations on the new ballpark.

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Anytime I read one of your posts about baseball, I desperately want to love this tedious sport. It's the same way I felt about Perrier when I lived in France. Which I chugged for two weeks straight convinced I just needed to get over the hump to see the light. Alas, it failed.

Blogger Alyssa said...

That post should have a warning on it--I choked on my apple when I got to "Senator's sausages." Seriously. Almost died right in my office. In front of your blog. With an apple in my mouth.

How would they explain that to my family?

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

OH MY GAWD! I miss living in a place with real ball parks! So exciting! Especially the part where you perfectly described how I would holler if I was among a large crowd of people and the president of douchebaggery appeared.

Sounds like so much fun...I wanted to go to the Braves Home Opener so badly last night! But I didn't get to go! Maybe next year! :)

Blogger kris said...

I just realized that it looks like my face might attack you in that last photo. My apologies if your small children were near the screen.

I take that back.

Blogger t2ed said...

Senators Sausages is the new name of my rock and roll band.

The t-shirts are going to sell like hot, well, sausages.

Blogger Caroline said...

since I LOVE LOVE baseball and have been counting down the days to Opening Day, I loved this post!

Blogger Caroline said...

since I LOVE LOVE baseball and have been counting down the days to Opening Day, I loved this post!

Blogger Jen said...

Between the senators sausages and the self portrait in the bathroom, I *may* have wet my pants. Just a little bit.

HILARIOUS!

Blogger Valerie said...

I watched that game! I'm a Braves fan :) The Senators Sausages? Priceless.

It really is a lovely field.

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