February 14, 2008
On love and lust . . .and lust.
Another Valentine’s post. Just how many of these things have I written to date, anyway? I wonder sometimes when it was that I actually got caught up in the holiday to begin with, the one that Hallmark and M&M Mars use to pimp out all things screaming gluttony. It’s an excess of pink, of naked babies inappropriately armed with archery supplies, of pajama grams sold on late-night television. I care not. Whatever it is, I’m buying.

To be entirely honest, I’m not particularly saddened that I’m not gazing into the eyes of my life mate this February 14th, and I’m 66.6 percent sure that isn’t the Cab talking. Sure, I love the fantasy of a black halter dress zipped up my back, of reservations I didn’t have to prompt him to make, the smell of my perfume hanging in the hallway as we leave for the night. Of his hand on the small of my back, of coy looks that we haven’t given each other in a few weeks. Of a savory filet. Of a slow dance to jazz and conversation that doesn’t stop even when the next seating has arrived. Of my closest knowing money for roses would be much better spent on an amazing bottle of red poured into glasses with a stately stem. I won’t lie. All of that would be delicious.

I should say it will be delicious. Because I know it will happen just as surely as I know Pamela Anderson will marry again and Matthew McConaughey will turn up greasy in the tabloids. It’s in the cards. I have little doubt.

It’s that this year I have no one to be close to. To hold tight. To caress. Need I be more blunt?

Ahem.

I’m entering what my 11th grade health teacher deemed a woman’s sexual prime, and my arrival here couldn’t be more textbook. I want to be so close to someone that I lose track of our skin, to feel his kiss on the back of my neck when I’m hatching, to have him slowly and deliberately move his lips up to my ears where the feel of his warmth alone might make my head tilt gently when it in reality wants to explode. I think about tracing his mouth with my eyes as he talks at a crowded restaurant table, glancing over to me with every turn to his right. Of both suggestive and loving notes left in wool coat pockets. Of dinner left to simmer on the stove and healthy weekends spent in bed. Of the joy of choosing to engage in this way with one and only one, of adoring that his being and this moment is yours and likewise. Of leading one by the hand to a familiar spot and finding yourself still holding that hand in the morning.

It’s gorgeous decadence and I can seem to think of little else. I wouldn’t have said it two years ago, but I want the cocktail of love and desire, of ripping one another’s shirts off despite the irritation of lost buttons, of moments of this-isn’t-your-father’s experimentation and time spent together in the shower that leaves no hot water for guests. It’s about knowing you’re safe and he’s there for the long haul. You’re a force taking on the world and making mince meat of each other in your off time.

Sweet Lord, I can’t stop. I think about things I shouldn’t write about lest my mother and childhood pastor ever learn the ways of the Google. It’s like I’m 17 again, and beyond the ability to consume 4-lb. solid chocolate hearts, it’s what I’m missing most this year. Closeness. Familiarity. Confidence in yourselves and your hips and each and every last touch and whisper.

It will happen. I know this. It’s all simply in the cards.


24 Comments:

Blogger Jorge said...

Rest assured that Mrs. J and I could and will make out with you at a moment's notice.

You are THAT awesome.

Happy Valentine's Day, sweet thing.

I hope you find your guy, because, of course, I want to be able to give him the Canadian stamp of approval.

Which is a stamp of a Maple Leaf on a Beaver's tail sitting on a Moose's back (who is balanced on the CN Tower).

Blogger Heather said...

He is looking for you too...

I have NO doubt.

To one of the coolest, quirkiest chicks I've never known,
Happy VD!

Blogger MereCat said...

Oh man, and when he finds you, ooohwee! He's going to have hit the jackpot!

Blogger brookem said...

You are one sassy, classy, HOT woman that deserves all of that. And you're right, it WILL happen.

Happy VD, xo.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Sign me up, too, while you're at it.

Blogger Mia said...

:::slap::: wake up.

Sorry... someone had to do it. It's a nice dream but for those of us who find ourselves single for the first time in 20 years.. today's a day to bring wine to work in your thermos.

Blogger Nic said...

This is such an awesome post. It's going to happen, so sit back and drink some wine.

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Utterly delightful and flawlessly stated. Now excuse me (munch munch) while I get back to eating (munch munch) my very 4lb box of chocolates.

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Sign me up too!

Blogger Heather B. said...

Wow. Just wow. That was perfection.

Blogger Debbie said...

amen, sister!

Blogger Gwen said...

I hope you find everything your heart desires before next V-Day, sweets!

xoxo

Blogger Spirophita said...

Oh dear god...for some reason, even after this post, I still thought VD meant something else completely...

Happy Valentine's! I suggest no-strings escapades for the time being. :) I swear to the heavens that Valentine's is the best time to go out and make out. Definitely better than sitting at home watching a sappy movie, drinking a bottle of wine, and crying into a box of Kleenex.

No, I haven't done that.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

My god! It kind of makes me sad I'm not into girls because I totally heart your brain.

Blogger Sizzle said...

it IS in the cards. :)

Blogger gorillabuns said...

it is in the cards, stars and the palms of your future. i know it!

and yes, i'm in the "over-drive" of my soon to be kaput youth and feel like ripping shirts off of everyone.

Blogger Alexandra said...

I am 10 minutes away from leaving this place that oppresses me by offering paychecks and at the same time making me aware that it can any day stop doing so...That is, I'm 11 minutes away from the commencement of wine consumption.
It will be a good VD for me.

Blogger Della said...

I'm not a big V Day fan. Not only did I marry my 1st husband on this day 15 years ago, I also spent that V Day in the ER with a broken appendage. Then it was my wedding ring finger, today is is my ankle. Fell down while toting the grandbaby out to the car to go workout. Next V Day I will stay at home and eat chocolate like I have been doing all day today...really would like some bubbly...but can't cuz of the painkillers. Happy V Day you awesome lady!

Blogger KB said...

Gosh, I really hope that it's in the cards for me too. :) Especially the shower scene!

Blogger KB said...

P.S. No, I'm not in Cancun. No, I don't want to talk about it. :(

Blogger Gene said...

You lost me at M&M Mars. I haven't had a Mars bar in ages.

Blogger Bridget Jones said...

What Heather sadi, double!!

Blogger Gunfighter said...

Patience, grasshopper!

Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Beautifuly said. You are gorgeous in words and soul and wonderful things come to those who wait. Wonderful things.

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