February 8, 2008
Spread 'em.
So lots of stuff hasn’t been going right. Cue violins, cue Bailey Salinger-like angst, whatever floats your boat. And so it continued last night when I realized, upon arriving home late and enduring the incessant yowls of the hairy ones of whose biological care I am clearly negligent, that I missed jury duty last week. In the whirlwind of lawyer’s calls and Google searches on Social Security forms and multiple obit drafts I forgot to report to the Superior Courthouse of the District of Columbia, a duty I considered not only civic but personally engaging and ridiculously more fulfilling than my current sex life.

I, Kris Likey, forgot about jury duty. This from a woman who daydreams about where she’d plant a body to maximize shock value and who wept openly when she gave up Court TV with the rest of her highly-priced cable. It’s a dream to me to be sequestered, 12 Angry Women and all that.

Like I do about most things, I panicked and worried that the DCPD would be knocking down my door and hauling me “downtown” given my offense. It would have been kinda fun, to be honest. Especially if they were from a K9 unit. And were prone to shining an overhead light in my face during questioning and smoking Winstons just that much too close. Classic.

The DC court lady was absolutely lovely, the kind of person they should use all this cloning nonsense on and divide her multiples among the DMV and all fast food drive thrus nationwide. A clear surprise and far cry from the tough love I imagined - secretly hoped? - they’d hand down NYPD, rough stuff, no filter style.

I report for duty later this month.


19 Comments:

Blogger Kelly said...

You didn't miss a thing!

Steve Taylor knew you didn't want to...

Blogger Kelly said...

Tyler... Not Taylor.

Blogger Gunfighter said...

If you tell them that you have friends that are cops, they may very well boot you from the jury pool.

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

The last time I had jury duty, I drove into the courthouse garage the wrong way. In my defense, who the FUCK puts the entrance ramp on the left and the exit on the right? Anyway, a cop saw me do it and flailed his arms and redirected me the right way. And as I coasted down into the bowels of the garage, all I could think was man, I pray for all of the criminals above me that I'm not selected to determine their fate.

Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I have jury duty on the 12th! Have it changed so we can serve together :)

Blogger HKW said...

I was assigned Jury Duty on my birthday last year and a really nice lady re-scheduled for me.

Definitely, clone nice-jury-duty--courthouse-employees

Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

I HATE JURY DUTY - and I get called every two years like - TO THE DAY.

Blogger Sizzle said...

you're mind has been elsewhere, understandably. but to miss jury duty? you?! ;)

Blogger Mia said...

OMG..I thought I was the only one that really WANTED to get jury duty! I got as far as the "being questined" box once.. but they didn't pick me... hehe, and I can't say as I was really surprised knowing me ::sigh::

But I feel your pain on the jury thing ::hug::

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Oh, Please,Please let me be called! It will be excellent when in the voire diere the lawyer for the defense asks if I can be fair in judging the defendent, I'd reply that: "Sure, I can be fair but I'm not sure he'd want me to be!"

Blogger Zandria said...

"Rough style, no filter style?" Love it!

Police officers are hot. Rawr.

Blogger Genevieve said...

I've never had jury duty...

I hope your sex life gets better. There's few things worse than having a not- so- enjoyable sex life. :(

Blogger KB said...

Hahaha :) I SO :heart: you.

Blogger gorillabuns said...

Hopefully, you'll get chosen for a good, juicy, down-home, adult murder - not a brutal beating of a child like I did. That one sucked!

Blogger Gwen said...

Ooh, I dream of jury duty, too. The one time I was called--and made it on the jury, because everyone else was like, oh, no, I can't do it, my big toe hurts and I need extra time to fix my enormous hair--the defendant (attempted murder, yip!) pleaded out the day of the trial. I was so very disappointed. Does that make me wrong?

Blogger JordanBaker said...

The Spring Break I spent serving on a jury was my best Spring Break ever. Srsly.

Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

I've never gotten jury duty. Only in college for honor council-lame-o

Blogger Neil said...

My god, your post just made me realize that I forgot about jury duty from six months ago. I may need to call on you as a character witness.

Blogger Gunfighter said...

In Prince William County, Va... every time I get the jury duty card in the mail, I check the box that says "I am a serving sworn law enforcement officer and am thereby exempt" (or words to that effect).

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