sleep study

If you caught 60 Minutes Sunday night, you spent one half hour of your life learning much of what you already knew about sleep deprivation: it can impair your memory, your driving prowess, and your ability to be asked inane questions without choking Leslie Stahl. But guess what else? When a male fruit fly is denied sleep, he spends his time cleaning himself and drinking boxed wine rather than mating.

Doctors have long suspected I have a sleep disorder. I have had thyroid and blood tests and MRIs to no avail. I have yet to head in for my night of electrodes and rude awakenings, but I think I'm on to something. It's sleep deprivation--not my thinning hair, my loud tone, my high expectations, my love for cats and Celine, my awkward attempts at sports, nor my distaste for children--that accounts for my single status.

I'm telling you, people. The flies have it.