June 15, 2007
i’m so good at judging people it hurts
I understand people buying vanity plates, but I’ve never really understood the ones that praise famous people other than Jesus. Today I was behind a Virginia driver whose car bore a license plate that declared its owner a really big Reba McIntyre fan. Seriously? So big that you’d pay money to put it on your car? We’ve all seen the dancing bear bumper stickers and that really creepy Dave Matthews logo that our aging generation continues to slap on the bumpers of their successively bigger motor vehicles. But a vanity plate really takes fandom to a whole new level, no?

I often think (or at least I did today for the two minutes that I followed this person – praise Jesus I hope it was a woman for the sake of just how cruel co-workers would be to a man) just what the home of someone would look like who pays to praise Reba on her SUV. She quite possibly has cherry red hair that she dyes with the help of boxes of Ms. Clairol that she buys in bulk on sale at Rite Aid. She reads TV Guide and liked Mama’s Family much more than any healthy person should. She might have a signed 8 x 10 Reba photo on her pine bookshelf, both of which were purchased off of Ebay. She wears cut offs in the summertime. She makes more money than her husband and wears a fat, gold diamond engagement ring. She uses her Mom’s original green Tupperware. She wears floral sundresses to church and may volunteer as a candy striper. She looooooves Chardonnay.

No?

Don’t ask me to justify my Sentra’s LVDAHOFF plates.

crickets


20 Comments:

Blogger Itinerant Agonist said...

Who doesn't lurve da Hoff? Baywatch saves lives for goodness sake! Praise be da slow motion running!

...pretty sure Chardonnay would be a step up. I have her pegged as the White Zin type -- not because she loves wine, but because her favorite color is pink and it matches her scrunchee perfectly.

Happy weekend!

Blogger Melissavina said...

A woman on my street has a vanity plate that says "DNC4GOD" and for a while I thought it was dunce for God... which I thought was really stupid, like on par with the ugly Baldwin brother's Christian rap song on his website. But today I met her and she was wearing a leotard.

"Ooooooh, DANCE for God! I get it."

still stupid.

Blogger Jo said...

I agree with Undercover Celebrity. Definitely white zin... or maybe even a blush. Livingston Cellar perhaps? No, Box blush.

Blogger ByJane said...

nonononono--she got it last summer when she went with her church group to Branson. she doesn't know from ebay--doesn't have time for such silliness as computers.

Blogger kris said...

OMG jane SO just busted out Branson! I think I tinkled a little in my office chair.

Melissavina, could it have been DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE FOR GOD? All Dems I know wear leotards . . .

I heart all you guys. Good call on the white zin.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I used to always seen this guy whose vanity plate was "XENA FAN". Running across him never ceases to amaze me.

Blogger Mappy B said...

Want to have fun? WELL.....my old IL vanity plate was....are you ready.....STNGME - Sting Me. As in Sting, the Singer (NOT wrestler - but that's not any better). I had been a huge Sting fan and 'his music really got me through some tough times'. GAG. For real though, I used to get honked at all the time - as I should have been - what girl has STNGME written on her license plate! What, was 'When We Dance' really that meaningful. I guess so....I might as well had Color Me Badd on there or some other lame artist....

AHHHHHh.....so I am laughing at the Reba....oh boy.....

Blogger Jürgen Nation said...

Christ, I think it's a government mandate in California to have a vanity plate. Yesterday we were driving behind a Saturn minivan looking thing with the plate, "LVMYSTRN" or something. Really? You're that proud of your Saturn that you want to SHOUT! IT TO THE WORLD! Saturns are great cars, but...really?

My stepfather has the absolute douchiest plate, though. So d-baggy that I will not even tell you. Lifelong secret.

Blogger whiskeymarie said...

Vanity plates make me want to punch people.
Though, I did like the one I saw the other day on this late 80's-early 90's rusted out piece of shit Buick that said "HOOPDEE".

Blogger Cece said...

Luckily in CA it costs an arm & a leg to order vanity plates so we don't see very many 'round here! lol

Blogger Oy Vey said...

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but my guess is that the driver of that SUV is actually a 20-something private university snarkster with a penchant for kitsch. 'Cause luvin' Reba is quirky like that.

I'm sure he drinks MGD for that very same reason.

Blogger Marymurtz said...

A local urologist here has plates that say "CME2P"

Blogger JordanBaker said...

The only acceptable vanity plate is 1BRUCE1 as a tribute to Sweet Valley High.

But I have heard--and this could (should?) be an urban legend--that there's a retired local gyno who's name was Harry C. Beaver. And that his cars' plates were DRBVR and BVRDR.

(I also dated someone with a tres lame vanity plate, but I'm not going to go into that here).

JN: I thought it was "Love My Stern" as in Howard Stern....which would be far creepier.

Blogger tallglassofvino said...

well duh! who doesn't LVDAHOFF?
(well, in germany, anyway...)

Vanity plates run RAMPID here in NY. We actually get a good laugh at some of them. They're mostly boastful of the people who drive the car, as in ACUTIE or IROCK (I kid you not). People here seem to love the self-affirmations on the plates. Or they like to show how up on current lingo they are as in WAZZZUP.

I did see one once that said BTVS4EVA. I happened to be going to the same Taco Bell as the driver and while waiting for our food I had to ask. He sheepishly told me, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Forever" He was a (seemingly) straight guy who looked as normal as could be. Guess that show attracted every kind of demographic.

Blogger Sizzle said...

mama's family!

oh lord.

Blogger Matt said...

LOL on the judging people. Here's the scene. I am a 100% heterosexual white man, dressed for a professional job interview, when an African American man gets into the elevator.

I couldn't help but noticing that I had the nicer briefcase. I didn't get a look at his shoes, however.

Blogger Jorge said...

Was that DRNKDAHOFF or SBRDAHOFF?

:)

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