i’m so good at judging people it hurts

I understand people buying vanity plates, but I’ve never really understood the ones that praise famous people other than Jesus. Today I was behind a Virginia driver whose car bore a license plate that declared its owner a really big Reba McIntyre fan. Seriously? So big that you’d pay money to put it on your car? We’ve all seen the dancing bear bumper stickers and that really creepy Dave Matthews logo that our aging generation continues to slap on the bumpers of their successively bigger motor vehicles. But a vanity plate really takes fandom to a whole new level, no?

I often think (or at least I did today for the two minutes that I followed this person – praise Jesus I hope it was a woman for the sake of just how cruel co-workers would be to a man) just what the home of someone would look like who pays to praise Reba on her SUV. She quite possibly has cherry red hair that she dyes with the help of boxes of Ms. Clairol that she buys in bulk on sale at Rite Aid. She reads TV Guide and liked Mama’s Family much more than any healthy person should. She might have a signed 8 x 10 Reba photo on her pine bookshelf, both of which were purchased off of Ebay. She wears cut offs in the summertime. She makes more money than her husband and wears a fat, gold diamond engagement ring. She uses her Mom’s original green Tupperware. She wears floral sundresses to church and may volunteer as a candy striper. She looooooves Chardonnay.

No?

Don’t ask me to justify my Sentra’s LVDAHOFF plates.

crickets