December 18, 2007
ISO head
Lost in the vicinity of 8th Street, SE, when owner discovered 7-11 fountain soda machine to be out of order. Last seen wearing cheap foundation of questionable winter tone and thinning blonde hair owner should probably condition with something other than mayo. Mouth likely to be spouting self-deprecating complaints about being a bad friend and blogger, a sloth that can’t lose her summer weight, and dateless for New Year’s Eve. If found, do not approach; lure to police/firemen with promise of red Coach bag and a “winter coat that effing fits my fat ass.” Serious replies only, please. 750 ml. reward.


20 Comments:

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

I LOVE EDP's! Come right over here & I will find a coat that fits your "effing" ass. . . and a Big Gulp too!

Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

(a) Your ass is adorable. Mine, however, has started making a beeping noise every time I walk backwards. Note to self, stop walking backwards.

(2) Are you eating kibble again?

(iii) I don't mean to brag but TWO men are taking me out for NYE. Fine, they're a couple and I'm the hag. Suck it, bitches. Anywho, this is me inviting you to Philly for NYE. Come! Come! Come!

Blogger Keith said...

Not where I thought the blog was going with a title like that. Still enjoyed it. Can the lost person be tricked with a faux Coach bag ala Target?

Blogger shannon said...

That used to be my playground.

One New Years Eve or so ago, I was dateless and a girlfriend and I decided to hold a kissing contest. It was really fun until she passed out at my feet (be careful of strange men with free drinks- you never know what's really in them).

Blogger t2ed said...

Damn, I just gave away all my fat-ass coats to the Salvation Army.

How about a Detroit Lions Championship coat? Yes, it's from 1957. Why do you ask?

Blogger Mme.Meow said...

Suddenly craving a Slurpee. Damn you.

Blogger Jorge said...

We have an extra seat for New Year's Eve.

:)

Plus Little O is dateless too! You guys would look cute chilling together!

I mean, really, you drool about the same amount. She just has fewer teeth.

Blogger wallofdenial said...

Dam Kris; I have not been round in a while thought I would check in on you....Your post's have gotten a lot shorter!

Blogger gorillabuns said...

let me know when you find a coat to fit your "phat" ass. NOT FAT!

i'll be your date for new years though, there are a couple hairy munchkins that might want to tag along. they don't drink much which leaves more for us.

Blogger Ulysses said...

I found it, I'm not giving it back for a bit though, it came in handy just yesterday: I let it talk to the woman next to me who was getting huffy because her coffee wasn't ready soon enough. I'll keep it for a week, it should have a better outlook on it's normal situation then.

Blogger Mia said...

750 ml reward ya say??????

Blogger Heather B. said...

Dude, I will totally come down just to be your NYE date. We can sit and be surly together.

Blogger KoreeGrace said...

you're not the only one who's totally dateless for nye! i actually volunteered to babysit for a family so i would have something to do other than remember i will be alone on nye....

Blogger WildbillthePirate said...

Those of us who have to work that night will be just as bored! In the middle of the (now Very Dry) Times Square, The biggest problems are where to park near wi-fi access,where to find free food and hope nothing untorward happens!

Blogger Red said...

Did you find me yet?!

Blogger KB said...

Merry Christmas, lady! I :heart: you mucho.

Blogger Gunfighter said...

Ah, 8th street... you should have seen what it was like when I first came to DC in '86!

Blogger Detail Medic said...

Firewoman took red Coach bag and ran.... I have THREE dates for New Year's - I have to work.

Blogger Blue said...

That settles it. We are twins.

Blogger Ulysses said...

Hey K --

Okay, so some people I would've sent a card to only have electronic addresses. It's not as personal as handwritten, but, I'm posting it 12/25, stop by and pick it up.
Best to you in 2008

U
P.S. Not trolling for random readers, feel free to delete this after it's got your attention

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